Random Acts of Senseless Violence (23 page)

Boob's about the same. Something

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MAY
7

Last night I dropped pen when I did because Boob snuck up behind me and said ‘What are you writing about me?' scaring me green. ‘Just that you're unhappy and we don't know what's wrong with you Boob' I said. Actually I wouldn't have written that because it's known already Anne but that is what bothers us. ‘Boob remember how you told me not to hold things in or I'd explode?' I asked her and she nodded. ‘You can tell when I do that can't you?' ‘Yes' Boob said. ‘Well that makes two of us that have eyes' I said. ‘I'm not holding things in' she said. ‘Boob you're exploding inside I can tell and so can Mama and Daddy. So level Boob level and don't fake me.'

Boob cried and then she finally said what it is. It turns out her school friends are bad as mine except she still wants to hang with them. After we moved here they started calling her Ghetto Girl even though we're not ghetto people we just live in a poor neighborhood. They wrote welfare mother on her desk in Geography class in black magic marker and her teacher made her wash it off. They laugh at her clothes even though they're the same clothes she was wearing before we moved.

‘Do they call you names all the time?' I asked and Boob nodded. ‘What do you say?' ‘I used to say quit but that just made them say it more' she said still crying. I rocked her while she boo hooed for ten minutes. I felt sorry for Boob but couldn't say anything she didn't already know. If that's all it had been though I'd have been glad because we thought she was going schizo.

‘Do your teachers know that they do that?' ‘They do but they don't do anything' she said. ‘That's awful if they know' I said and she nodded. ‘Are you sure they know have you told them?' ‘I'm no tattletale' Boob said. ‘When are we going to go back home?' ‘Boob like I say they're broke we'll be staying here' I said not keen to upset her but I wasn't going to lie. ‘I hate it here' she said. ‘You never even go out up here Boob how can you hate it?' ‘Because it's not home'
she said. ‘It is Boob anywhere we are is home' I said. That's kind of true though I hear what she means. It's not so bad up here I don't think but then I've made new friends and she hasn't that's the problem. Boob is a real snob though like her friends which is why she frets about them.

‘Look the girls I knew at Brearley said the same sort of thing to me and so I freeze them when they do that. There's nothing you can do but ignore them they're idiots' I said. ‘That's not all they said to you' Boob said. She cried so much she mumbled and it was hard to hear. ‘What's meant Boob?' I asked. ‘That's not all they say to you I know' she said. ‘Who says?' I asked. ‘Trish' she said. Trish is Tanya's sister and exactly like her but younger. ‘Trish and Debbie and Gloria. They say you're queer and say you're going to rape me' Boob said.

Oh Anne I should have guessed it but I didn't know they'd tell the world what they thought I was. What worried me was what Boob thought and if it made her act the way she'd been acting. ‘That's stupid Boob don't tell me you believed that' I said. ‘Queers rape little kids that's what they told me' Boob said. ‘They do not' I said. ‘How do you know?' Boob asked. ‘I do that's all. What do you think I am Boob?' I asked. ‘My sister. You don't like boys do you' she said. ‘Neither do you.' ‘It's different. And I know you don't like babies.' ‘I hate babies but so what. That doesn't mean I'm going to rape you that's stupid' I said. ‘Don't call me stupid' Boob said. ‘I said it's stupid if you think that.' ‘Don't you call me names either' she ‘aid. ‘I won't. Is this why you've been so quiet and achy the way they've been treating you?' I asked.

‘Yes' Boob said. ‘Well old friends of mine call me names like queer and say mean things to me but I don't clam like I'm cat tonguing' I said. ‘I'm not a ghetto girl' Boob said. ‘Of course not.' ‘And you're not a queer?' ‘I'm not going to rape you Boob that's disgusting' I said and she laughed. ‘That's not why you've been so quiet here at home is it?' I asked and she shook her head. ‘Why do you listen to them
when they call you names like that?' I asked. ‘Because they're my friends' Boob said. ‘They're bad to you as Chrissie is to Mama' I said. ‘Chrissie's not bad to Mama' Boob said. ‘Yes she is' I said. ‘No she's not.' We argued like that for a while but then ran out of words. Chrissie plies Boob with treats every Christmas whenever we visit them. ‘Boob ignore them when they say mean things about us ignore all of them' I said.

She said yes but Boob fudges just like Mama and Daddy. I know that whatever they say she'll believe. I'm so sick of people saying things that they don't know anything about. Boob got tired after we talked and went back to sleep. I brushed my teeth and got in bed beside her and turned over pulling as far away from her as I could so she wouldn't think I was going to rape her.

Tonight I'm writing this in the living room. I'm facing the hall so Boob or no one can sneak up on me and see what I'm writing because it's NONE of their business. I'm going to start hiding you Anne because I bet Boob will try to pick your lock if she hasn't already.

Friday tomorrow. I can't wait to see Iz. Night night Anne.

MAY
9

Writing you early Saturday morning Anne because I was out last night with Iz and Jude and Esther. Not that late really because I was home by eleven long before Daddy was back. The curfew is over for now because they say the Army has everybody quieted down enough to suit them. They're still all over the place uptown though.

We helped Esther to move from Iz's building to 129th and Lenox in with her aunt. ‘Esther relocatin cause her cousin came back in with them. While everthing decon-structin up here Brooklyn looked safer but it worse over there ever day' Jude said. ‘If Esther lives with her mother why does she have to move and her cousin stay?' I asked.
‘Small apartment and besides her cousin the one get her pregnant' Iz said. ‘Juicin for more too. He straightface lie bout it but we pegged him' Jude said.

Esther's apartment was much smaller than Iz's, only three rooms. The furniture was fancier than Iz's though and looked like it was never used. Esther was sitting in the living room waiting for us. She had two bags as well as her backpack. Esther's mother didn't look much older than Esther. She stared at me when we came in but didn't say anything.

Her cousin was in the kitchen talking on a cellular phone. His name is Rodell and he's one of those little short guys that pump up so they're wider than they are high. Rodell wore a red shirt and shorts and had an X shaved in the back of his head. He watched us help Esther take her bags into the hall but kept talking to whoever he was talking to. Esther and Iz went into her mother's bedroom to say goodbye. Jude and I stayed in the living room by the door. Rodell was looking at us and whispering in the phone and laughing. Her mother was lying in bed watching TV with Esther's two younger sisters. ‘Mind your aunt' her mother said not looking up. Esther said ‘Yes ma'am' and that was it so we left.

Jude carried one bag and Iz carried the other. I offered to take Esther's backpack but she said she was okay. We walked east into deep Harlem. ‘Esther how long he be hoggin space?' Jude asked. ‘Don't know' Esther said. ‘What's your auntie say bout your condition?' Iz asked. ‘Not much' Esther said. Army greenasses were all over but not doing anything in particular. At every street intersection there were a few standing around with their guns eyeing everybody suspicious. Big Army trucks with barred windows zipped up the avenues. They were blindsided and we couldn't see who rode them.

‘Where's Weezie?' I asked. Jude motioned uptown. ‘Runnin streetwild with Mico and Bad Conrad and mucho bad boys' she said. ‘Jude tell her what we doing tonight say
hey go along but she's no nursemaid she says' Iz said. ‘Weezie's a bitch' Esther said and we laughed. ‘Is she all right?' I asked Jude. Jude didn't act like she was mad at me and remembering what Iz said I didn't ask. ‘She fed up with girls she say. Wants to torn it a while' Jude said. ‘Why hang with boys?' I asked. ‘Male attention make her strut limpin or not' Jude said. ‘They all dogs too. Let her run with em but she have to do what they say in return.' ‘She wanta lowlife let her she lowest low' Esther said. ‘That's cruelty Esther' said Iz. ‘Be handin herself over like that oughta pick better hands' Jude said. ‘I wouldn't do anything a boy told me to do' I said. ‘Depend on the boy' said Jude. ‘Weez think she game like a boy that way. Shit she be whatever they want her to be.' ‘Why?' ‘Why else they want her round?' ‘Why don't boys like girls as they are?' ‘They bore easy cause they so deadhead. Sometimes they want you mami, sometimes sis, sometimes lovergirl. You game with boys you got to know who you are and not let them tell you' Jude said.

Esther's Aunt Naomi lived in an old brownstone building whose front was crumbling off. The hall smelled like everybody on the block peed there. Her apartment was rundown but clean though there was cat hair everywhere because she owned four cats. She looked ten years older than Esther's mother. We put Esther's bags in the living room because that was where Esther would sleep on the couch. ‘Thank you girls' Naomi told us. ‘You come see Esther anytime you want so long as it's daylight.' ‘Can I go back out with my friends auntie?' Esther asked but her aunt shook her head. ‘No running round in your condition you staying right here till that baby born and we take it to the adoption people' Aunt Naomi said. ‘Nobody adoptin my baby' Esther said. ‘Child you're too foolish for mothering we're not discussing it anymore' Aunt Naomi said. ‘Auntie it my baby' Esther said and her aunt slapped her face.

We didn't say anything but started backing out toward the door. ‘You having it but it's not yours and don't sass
me' Aunt Naomi said. Esther didn't cry or anything just eyed her aunt like she wanted blood. ‘We rollin' Jude said and we said goodbye.

‘Her aunt shouldn't have slapped Esther she didn't say anything bad' I said. ‘Bad enough for Esther's aunt' Jude said. ‘Nada we can do let's go.' ‘Lola's right though Jude that's evilness slapping a girl with a baby in her' Iz said. ‘Detach Iz detach. Both of you detach. We do what doable but can't undo what's done. Come on' Jude said. ‘Esther really wants to keep her baby' I said. ‘That obvious' Jude said. ‘Why?' ‘Well it is hers' Jude said.

We walked down Lenox to 125th and then over toward Broadway. 125th is the main street of Harlem. People were all over walking but most kept looking over their shoulders. Most of the stores were closed shutter tight and the Apollo Theater was dark. The marquee had a number where you could send money to reopen it. Down the middle of the street Army greenasses had set up barricades of oil cans and barbed wire to make it harder to cross from one side to the other. They weren't checking anybody, it looked like they were doing it just to be bothersome. Halfway between Amsterdam and Broadway near where a bunch of homeless men were wrapped up in their blankets and boxes we saw a gang of boys. Jude and Iz recognized some of them and shouted.

‘Yo what is?' Jude asked walking toward them. Some slapped her hand when she stuck it out but others kept theirs pocketed rocking on their heels like coolies on the move. They were black except one little kid who was white because he was albino. His skin was pasty light with freckles and he had orange hair and super black features. They were our age or younger I guessed, Jude and me were taller than most of them. Just out the tallest said. He wore a basketball top and was skinny but all muscles. ‘Out for blood or out for trash?' Jude said. No bloodin round these boys he said nodding at the Army. The soldiers didn't have their guns up but they eyed close. We behavin said another boy. ‘This
is Lola. Lola that's Robert, Charles, Kwame' Iz said. Billy B said the tall boy. The albino didn't say anything. This ugly bastard he Choker Billy B said. Choker smiled showing a whole mouth of gold teeth. He had a big scar running up his cheek from his mouth to his ear. He wasn't just ugly Anne he was double ugly.

‘Why you called Choker?' I asked. He kept grinning and then suddenly leapt on the back of Billy B putting his arms around his neck. They fell down, and everybody laughed. He master yoker Billy B said as they stood up. ‘Total deadhead' Iz said to me. Choker dusted off his jacket and wandered to where the homeless men were. ‘You been uptown?' Jude asked. The boys said yes in that muttery way boys do. We been that way said Billy B. ‘Whatchu see?' Saw Weez and Blood T. ‘Doin what?' Loadin for action up in Washington Heights. She outgrow that blade didn't she Billy B said. ‘What's meant?' She carryin now. ‘Carryin what?'
Heavy
artillery ‘What she pack?' Jude asked. Rifle said Billy B she's gunnin now. ‘
RIFLE
?' Jude eyebugged and her mouth dropped open. ‘What you think Jude?' Iz asked. ‘Think hell know' said Jude. ‘Weez wouldn't do that would she?' ‘She more mindlost than I thought. Shit I gotta check this out she don't even know how to shoot that thing' Jude said. ‘Heard. You better fly' said Iz. Jude looked cross street at the soldierline. ‘Where's it passable?' she asked. Bway said Billy B. ‘Later' Jude said running west and disappearing. She ran like a beautiful antelope going windfast.

There was a flash of light to our left and a commotion. Choker set a homeless man's pants on fire. The man rolled on the sidewalk trying to put them out while his friends looked at him. All the boys laughed except Billy B who slapped Choker on the head. Don't be doin that them greenasses ready for us Billy B said but none of the Army boys did anything but watch. ‘Lola we better go. Later' Iz said to the boys and saying bye we walked toward Broadway. They went the other way down 125th laughing and yelling.