Random Acts of Senseless Violence (22 page)

Then Iz and Jude pulled me off. ‘Enough enough enough' Iz said holding my arms tight with hers. Jude helped Weez up. I was shocked Anne. Her nose and mouth were all bloody and she wobbled like she could hardly stand. I was panting tired out of breath. I kept trying to get loose but Iz is very strong even though I'm taller. Jude wiped the blood off Weez's face with kleenexes. Eventually I felt like myself again.

‘Damn girl you a mayhem specialist' Iz said. ‘Thought we gonna have a nine oh one here' Jude said sitting Weez down on the mattress. ‘I'm letting loose now. Safe?' Iz asked me. I nodded catching my breath. When she let me go I held my head where it was sore and leaned against the desk. Weez was breathing as hard as I was. ‘Anything
broke?' Jude asked Weez who shook her head. Then she pressed a kleenex over Weez's eye where she was still bleeding and wadded up some more and shoved it above her upper lip to stop her nosebleed. ‘Evil craziness' she said.

Anne I felt really sad. I hadn't wanted to hurt Weezie I just wanted her to like me. I'd hurt her really bad without even thinking about it. Since she and Jude were old friends I was scared that now neither of them would like me and I didn't know what to do. It didn't seem like I could do anything right and now when I'm writing about it I'm feeling sad again. At the time though I was too tired and upset and my head hurt too much to feel sad for long. Iz got some kleenexes and found where I was bleeding and dabbed up the blood there. It hurt when she touched it and she was very gentle. ‘Recoverin Weez?' Jude asked. ‘You want to home it?' Weez nodded. ‘It be brutal outside Jude ear up' Iz said. We listened. There were more gunshots and noises though maybe not as many as before. ‘You better hang.' ‘This no recovery room she need wrappin' Jude said helping Weez to stand by putting her arm around her waist. ‘I say we got a casualty anybody ask' Jude said. As they walked by me she touched my shoulder. ‘You settlin?' she asked and I nodded. ‘Get her home nurse her up. Don't fret' Jude said. They left the room and went downstairs.

‘Will they really be all right?' I asked. ‘It rough out there but Jude no fool she'll play safe' Iz said. ‘Does Weezie live far away?' ‘Fifteen block. They make it easy less there's random senselessness.' ‘I'm sorry Iz.' ‘Don't apologize it happen' she said looking at my head while holding up a candle. ‘Comb it out otherwise blood mat there and pull loose later' she said. I found my brush in my bag and combed my hair even though it hurt a lot when I did.

‘Am I still bleeding?' I asked. Iz looked. ‘No you dry.' ‘Will I need stitches?' She shook her head. ‘Me and Jude we figure you could come out even didn't know you'd decontrol like that' Iz said. ‘Me neither.' I'd been in plenty of
fights with Boob and Lori but never hurt them like that. But then I love Boob and loved Lori and would never want to hurt them. I didn't think I'd ever want to hurt anybody. ‘Is Jude mad at me?' I asked. ‘No. How you feelin?' ‘Tired' I said. ‘Understood. Here' she said and handed me Jude's bottle of beer. ‘Cheers.'

It was the first time I ever drank beer and it tasted awful. It was warm and I felt sick at my stomach after a few drinks. Iz drank what was left and we ate the rest of the potato chips. There was less and less gunfire outside and we heard some sirens but it was mostly quieter except for the helicopters flying over. It was incredibly hot inside and Iz took off her clothes. I was boiling but I felt shy so I stayed dressed. ‘Let's air the place' she said blowing the candles out. We took the covers off the windows. The breeze was warm but felt so good. ‘Let's bedaway' she said and lay on the mattress. ‘You going somewhere?' ‘No' I said. ‘Why you still dressed then?' Since it was dark I took off my shirt and pants but left my underwear on unlike Iz.

The mattress was lumpy but it was nice to lie down. I heard scratchings in the wall though and I started worrying about rats. ‘Do rats ever crawl in the bed?' I asked. ‘Not that I notice' Iz said. It was hard to get to sleep because of the noise and heat and I lay there looking at the shadows on the ceiling listening to sirens and helicopters. Their searchlights reflected in the room sometimes but they weren't pointing them straight in. I was tired but not sleepy and we just lay there quiet. I could tell Iz wasn't asleep. I didn't know what time it was and Iz didn't have a watch but it was late.

‘How's you head?' she asked me. ‘Sore but settling' I said. ‘How you feeling otherwise?' ‘Worried. Guilty' I said. ‘Why?' she asked. ‘For beating up Weez like I did.' ‘It happen sooner or later. Better sooner' she said. ‘I'm not like that' I said. ‘Like what?' ‘Going post office' I said. ‘What's meant?' ‘Like when people who work at the post office go crazy and kill everybody they work with' I said.
‘Understood' Iz said. ‘I'm really not like that' I told her. ‘Must be part a you like that otherwise it wouldn't show. It all right Lola just be careful that's all' Iz said. ‘It's an awful part then' I said. ‘People do awful things even nice people. That's life you know. I go post office sometime. Jude too. Weez, she a full time letter carrier.'

Iz laughed so hard that I started laughing too even though I felt bad about it. ‘Post office. Shit girl you talk funny' Iz said. It was cooler than it had been earlier so we snuggled against each other. Iz felt so smooth and warm. ‘Weez done ragging you I think' Iz said. ‘I hope so but I wish she'd have just ignored me' I said. ‘Gangstagirls better eye you close.' ‘Why?' ‘Cause you blood deadly girl way you move. You could be a DCon no prob' she said. ‘Tell me about the DCons' I said. She put her mouth up to my ear. ‘Listen now' she said. ‘You listenin?' ‘Yes' I said. Iz licked my ear with her tongue and got it all wet. ‘Icky' I said jumping and sitting up. ‘DCons suck your brains out your ears' Iz said. ‘Do not' I said. ‘Do.' We started giggling again and lay back down.

‘Am I a Death Angel now?' I asked. ‘Honey you wingin' she said and laughed some more. She put her arms around my waist and without even thinking about it we started kissing little kisses. It was so sweet Anne and I felt so good again and so peaceful. We petted each other's faces with our hand. ‘Pure process no kinkies' she said feeling my hair like she was combing it with her fingers. Her hair felt like dishwasher pads but in long thick ropes. My eyes were adjusted to the dark and I kept looking at her because she was so pretty, except when we were kissing and then we closed our eyes. ‘You like this?' she asked me. ‘Yes' I said. Then we just lay there for a while holding each other with our arms and with our legs wrapped together. ‘Do you and Jude sleep together like this when you spend the night together?' I asked. ‘Oh sure when we here' she said. ‘Not at home though when it sleepy time Jude get on the floor cause Mama suspicious and come in to check' Iz said. ‘Check
what?' ‘What we doing' Iz said. ‘Sleepytime now. Stay here.' ‘Good' I said holding her. I was so happy. There were dogs barking outside and they barked us to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning Iz had her arms and legs on top of me like Boob does sometimes and it was hard to get loose. Before I stood up I put my clothes back on in case anybody was looking in the window. The air was smoky and there were sirens going but it looked quiet. The sun was like a big red ball over Long Island because the air was so bad. I had to go to the bathroom real bad but didn't know what to do so I woke Iz up. She was sleepy and puffy eyed but she showed me where to go down the hall. When I came back she was sitting on the bed.

‘What's your plans today?' she asked. ‘I'd better go home I've got some studying to do' I said. Actually I wanted to go home because I was tired and still upset about the fight I had with Weezie. ‘I see you home safe' she said. She got dressed and put her old clothes in her bag and we left. There was a little scab on my head I could feel but Iz said she couldn't see anything and I was glad. I didn't want to tell Mama and Daddy I'd been in a fight. We walked back down Broadway not saying much since Iz was still half zoned. Twice as many Army boys as there'd been were at the barricade at 138th and the bodega where the angry men had been was burned out but otherwise everything looked normal. The broken glass on the street sparkled like diamonds. When we got to 125th I said goodbye to Iz wishing she could come with me. ‘Tell me if Weezie and Jude are all right' I asked her. ‘I call you tomorrow. Careful now' she said and we hugged.

On the way upstairs to our apartment Anne I got scared that Mama and Daddy were going to notice that there was something different about me. At first I thought it had to be because I'd been acting street getting in that fight with Weez but the more I thought about it today once I got inside the more I realized it was because Iz and I slept together kissing and stuff. Because now that I think about it
you could say that we were being queer even though it didn't seem that we were doing anything bad at all. Maybe we were being queer but I don't know because I haven't been before whatever the Brearley girls say.

Of course as it turns out I was just paranoid because Mama and Daddy didn't act like they saw anything different about me at all. They were sitting at the kitchen table with Boob having breakfast together for a change when I got in. ‘Oh sweetie did you have a wonderful time last night?' Mama asked. ‘Yes I did' I said which was true even with the fight. How far up does your friend live? Daddy asked. ‘Only a few blocks' I said not saying how many. That's good Daddy said it gets very dangerous the farther up you go and I wouldn't want you to get hurt. I sat next to Boob and ate several pieces of buttered toast. Boob as usual now didn't say anything but just sat there fiddling with her bowl of cereal picking up her spoon and dropping it back into the milk.

Then I took a shower because I felt filthy dirty. The soap stung my cut. After that I went to our room and sat down and started writing you which is why this is so amazingly long today, just so much happened and I had to tell you all about it. I hope Weez doesn't bother me anymore and I hope Jude isn't mad at me for beating up Weez. I'd love to ask Iz to stay over here one night but it would be awful crowded with Boob sleeping with us so we'll have to see. I can't wait to see her again.

Death Angels rule!

MAY
3

Not much happened today Anne except the President's funeral. We watched a little of it but it wasn't as big this time plus it was all formality since they said there wasn't actually much of a body to speak of. This morning I woke up and discovered granny came for her visit. For a while this morning I sat at my desk finishing reading
Tess
and
Boob came over and hugged me. ‘What's that for?' I asked her but she didn't say anything and wouldn't let go. ‘Answer me Boob' I said. ‘When are we going home?' she asked. ‘We are home Boob.' ‘When are we really going home?' ‘What did I just say Boob?' She let go and curled up on the bed grabbing her My L'il Fetus which now has no arms and only half of one leg. ‘What's wrong Boob please tell me' I said. ‘Nothing' she said.

Iz called me late this afternoon. Her grandmother came over yesterday and so she had to spend the day in church today and couldn't go out tonight because they have to go back for more. ‘Everybody get special holy when Meemaw come calling' Iz said. I asked if she'd talked to Jude or Weez. ‘Jude call last night from downtown saying they got to Weezie's safe. Said she recovering but feeling low.' ‘That's my fault' I said. ‘Quit self abusing there no point' Iz said. ‘I'm sorry' I said not wanting to upset her. ‘Don't be sorry just don't fret' Iz said. She said she'd tab me on goings on during the week. ‘What was Jude doing downtown?' ‘She know people down there we go sometime.' ‘You think Weez's still after me?' I asked and Iz laughed. ‘No.' ‘Jude's not mad at me?' ‘No not about Weez like I say don't fret.' We talked and laughed for half an hour but then she had to get off the phone to eat before going back to church. It makes me feel so good and so happy to talk to Iz Anne I really love her. I mean I really love to be around her that's all.

This evening Mama and I watched the news. Boob refuses to come out of her room if the news is on I guess it scares her too much. The new President said he'd never expected to have the high office thrust on him and he'd do as good as the two dead Presidents. The TV people said the Army was controlling minor disturbances in troubled zones and everything was fine. That's what they said last night and I was surprised after what I'd seen on Friday night when Iz and I were going over to Jude's. I asked Mama if she'd heard about anything serious on the news Friday
night and she shook her head. They're more than fudging Anne they're lying. You can hear the explosions uptown even where we live.

MAY
6

Not much homework tonight Anne so I wanted to write you while I had the chance. That'll change in a couple of weeks when it's finals time but for now everything's handleable.

School is the same as always. Miss Wisegarver said she was looking into going to live with her sister in England so she may not be back next year. Lori has stopped going to class. Since nobody who'd know talks to me anymore I don't know if she relapsed or if her parents took her out to send her to an institution or what but she's gone and the teachers don't call her name out in class anymore when doing attendance. Nobody's missing anything Anne because she never said anything in class since she came back, she'd just sit there like she was floating. I think they started her doing drugs at Kure-A-Kid because she always looked like Mama does when Mama takes too much.

Mister Mossbacher fired one of the night managers because the coins in the cash register drawers weren't arranged in even rows. So Daddy had to work again last night and has to again Friday night. He doesn't get overtime of course since now he's on salary. Daddy doesn't have to work this Sunday because otherwise he'd be working two weeks straight almost without a break and Mister Mossbacher is the only person who's in the store every day working ten hours. Mama says we'll do something to take advantage of Daddy's free weekend time if he feels like it. It's nice to be with Daddy but I hope he doesn't feel like it Anne. I want to do something with Iz. We'll see what happens. Iz called tonight and says Weez hasn't been in school either all week. Maybe she's with Lori.