Rapture 2: a BWWM, Alpha Male Romance (8 page)

“You’re killing me here, Janae. Please tell me the rest.”

“From the moment your father approached that table and didn’t greet me, I knew trouble was looming. Instead of a greeting, the first thing he said to me was: “
So, you’re Jacob’s sister, right? Looking for a handout or a freebie like your brother? Looking to pick up where your brother left off with ruining my son’s career? Because that shit ain’t gonna happen?
”

No surprise there. My father hated Jacob with a passion. He hated him while we were growing up, and he hated him into adulthood. He never saw Jacob as anything other than a fortunate thug. He never respected him.

“Yeah, he hates Jacob. I can see why he would give you a hard time for being his sister. Not that I’m excusing the way he treated you. I’m not. You and Jacob are two different people. But Lance has some real ill feelings there.”

“Ya think?” she remarked. “But let me tell you something, Rush. That man’s feelings aren’t just about Jacob doing what he did—which by the way, I’m very sorry for.”

“It’s not for you to apologize about.”

“I know, but shit, I just feel compelled to do so. It’s my brother. I still don’t understand how he could’ve let you do that, but I realized a long time ago that he’s just on some other shit that I may never understand. Nevertheless, as far as your father goes, it’s more than his extreme dislike of Jacob…” she paused in between words, the reluctantly proceeded. “Your dad…he’s a racist. Like, straight up bigot. Like if he could own a plantation he would. Trust me when I tell you that he was less concerned about Jacob’s and my connection, and more concerned about me insinuating a black baby into his perfect little thoroughbred world.”

“Janae. That’s him. This is me,” I said, pointing my finger into my chest to strengthen my point. “I’m not him. I’ve never been him. You still should’ve done everything you could—”

“Let me finish,” she insisted, holding her palm to the air. “He wanted a paternity test. He told me that after I took the test and we had the results, then he would make the quote, unquote
right arrangements
,” she said, demonstrating with air quotes. “So the test was taken, and a week passed, and results were revealed to be what I already knew they were—you
are
the father.”

“Test taken
without
me there? How?”

“Hairs from brushes—courtesy of your sister; a swab from your father for a grandparent match. I covered my bases because rich folks do bullshit all the time to discredit people. And whether you were gonna be in my baby’s life or not, they weren’t gonna paint the picture of me as a lying whore who didn’t know who her child’s father was.”

This shit had my mind in a clusterfuck! I couldn’t help but feel that I was on the inside of a soap opera. The layers of the onion slowly peeling and at the very end the climax would come with the cliffhanger. I listened patiently, but I was hoping like hell that I was ready for the final reveal.

“After everything was back and I’d passed all the tests, then your father told me that in the time that we were waiting for the results that he’d gotten in touch with you. Right after that he proceeded to tell me that
you
wanted him to relay to me, that being a parent wasn’t something you were interested in. Those weren’t his exact words, but close enough.”

“And even after knowing me for as long as you did, you believed that shit?”

“What else was I supposed to believe, Rush?
It was your father
. I had no reason
not
to believe him.”

“But you had every reason to believe that what you were being told…
third party, I might add
…wasn’t a part of my character.”

“Did I? I really didn’t. Once we all grew up, everybody went their separate ways. You went off to play baseball, J went off to do football, and I went to do my own thing. I didn’t know shit. I didn’t know the adult you and how the adult you would react. So I could only go off of what was being told to me.”

“I’m gonna tell you right now that my father never told me anything about a child.
Never
. The first I heard about having a daughter was when—”

“
Now
, I know. It was when you saw my brother. That’s how I knew where to find you. He called and told me about your visit. He also told me that it didn’t seem like you knew. He had been feeling some type of way towards you thinking that you knew about Michaela.”

“And so when did you actually tell him? Because you said that the family didn’t know.”

“I told him when she was maybe three or four and some of her features were looking a little familiar,” she smiled. “My mama noticed first. Just came at me hard one day like, ‘
You named that baby after Rush not because you always liked the name, but because somewhere, somehow y’all laid down together
…’ You know I couldn’t lie to her.”

“Man,” I stated exasperated. “So, not just you and Jacob, but Miss Glenda also had those fucked up thoughts about me. That’s some shit I can’t wrap my fucking head around, Janae. Seriously. All of you knew me better than some of my own family, and this is the way you sit up and think about me?”

“Trust me, Rush…I didn’t want to. But like I said, I had no way of getting in touch with you to confirm anything.”

“Wow.”

Suddenly I was up from my seat a pacing the floor. All the information coming at me was mind-blowing, and I had no idea who to place the blame with or who deserved to be lashed out at the worst. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t have shit to say to my father or my sister, but the woman before me held the key to everything, and I needed to keep my emotions in check if I wanted any chance at all with my daughter—which I did.

“Listen, Rush. I was only going off of what I thought to be the truth. The moment that your father’s words sank in, my only option and my only interest was to be that little girl’s mother. Nothing else mattered. And you wanna know something else? The more your father talked that day, the happier I was.”

“
Happy
? About what?” I asked, angrily, reclaiming my seat.

“I knew that once he finished stating his case that he would never be a person I would even consider introducing my baby to. Hell fuckin’ no,” she spat. “I was glad he revealed his true colors to me. There’s no way I could ever expose Michaela to a person like that. Unfortunately, she’ll deal with enough of it as she grows. It sure as fuck doesn’t need to be within her own so-called family.”

Before I knew it I spat, “But you could take his money though? How the fuck is what you did, any better than what he did? Tell me that!”

“For your information, I’ve only ever,
in nine years
bought a single item with that money—my house. There’s still plenty of it left!” she huffed. “But I figured it was the least y’all could pay for robbing
my daughter
of knowing her father…her family! Her tainted ass family! My baby doesn’t fit with shit like that, and she deserved to be loved by a good family of muthafuckas. Not ones hiding behind who the fuck they really are!”

“Yeah, that shit is unacceptable. I already took steps to distance myself from the bullshit and the deceit. I could dwell on his ass for years to come, but at this moment, in this time, I just want the opportunity to know my daughter. I’m not interested in hearing about what Lance said anymore. I’m really not. The fact of the matter is I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to—black, white, brown or whatever. You heard me call
your mother
, Mom, because I saw her like the mother I didn’t have. I don’t need to keep throwing out examples for you! You get the point, right? I’m not one of these motherfuckers around here saying dumb shit like, ‘One of my best friends is black’. That’s not the life I live.”

She nodded slowly, in agreement, while trying to reclaim her previous calm composure.

“Right! So
clearly
, I’m not a fucking bigot! Never been a bigot.
I am not my father
! So, I should’ve never had to suffer for his ignorance. Period.”

We sat in eerie silence for the next few minutes, neither knowing what to say. Finally, Janae spoke.

“I’m sorry, Rush. I’m genuinely sorry. I can’t begin to know how you feel. All I can do is apologize for my part in all of this, and do what I can on my end to make it better. I know I can’t ask for your forgiveness just yet, but I’m hoping for redemption, at the very least.”

Hearing her apologize helped to release some of the anger I was holding on to. And the fact that she was entertaining the idea of allowing me in my daughter’s life filled me with a joy I couldn’t explain. That was really all I wanted out of this situation. I could listen to what Lance and Jamie had done until the end of time, but it wasn’t my focus. That situation had been easy enough to deal with, so it was pretty irrelevant at this point. I knew that there was work that needed to be done, and the sooner I could begin the better.

Janae rose from her seat and went to grab her purse. On the way back to the sofa, she retrieved her cell phone, and sat back down. After swiping her finger across the screen a few times, she patted the spot next to her and told me to, “Come sit here real quick. I brought something for you.”

I did as she said and made my way to where she sat. She smiled wide, and extended her arm. Once I had the device in my hand, I softened as much as I ever had in my entire life. My heart rate sped up, and my hand began to tremble. Before long, sweat had formed in my palm as I held the phone. I was nervous! I inhaled a deep breath and then blew it out before finally looking down at the screen. I actually gasped when I was met with the most stunning little golden-faced child I had ever seen.
It’s her
, I said, dying inside of both sadness and joy.
Oh my God
. Without smiling at all, and merely looking toward the lens, she was breathtaking. And not just because she was mine.
Wow
,
mine
.
Can I even say that
? She was…just...wow. I felt an immediate connection to her. I couldn’t break my stare. I wasn’t even sure that I blinked in the moments I held my gaze. I know that there were at least two times where the screen attempted to darken and I had to tap the edge to keep from losing sight.

“
Wow
…
Janae
.” were the only words I could manage aloud.

She had the smoothest skin I had ever seen. Its hue almost reminded me of the color of honey. She had my nose, her mother’s green, round eyes, and pouty lips.
This is amazing
.
I created a whole life
. I kept looking at her. I couldn’t help it. The hair held a deeper wave than mine, but a few shades lighter. “She’s beautiful, Janae.”

Janae released an uncomfortable chuckle. “Thank you. I think we made a stunning little girl.”

“We did,” I cosigned, slowly raising my gaze to Janae. “Exactly how old is she?”

“She was born November 1, 2005. She just turned nine.”

My first mind was to share with Janae that Alika shared the exact same birthday, but I kept that part to myself. I did, however, find it ironic though that the two girls in my life were born on the same day.

I got up and walked around the room sliding the screen to see the other images of her that were on her mother’s Instagram page. I got up because I didn’t want Janae to see that I had moisture inside my eyes. I was having a proud father moment. I was having a moment of regret for not seeing her being birthed into the world. She came into the world and didn’t see me. She’s had moments of fear and didn’t see me. She’s probably had questions and I wasn’t there to answer them. No more. I needed to be present from this day forward.

“So what’s next?” I asked slowly, in an effort to mask the tremble in my voice.

TEN

Alika

When I felt the wet kiss to the back of my neck, then smelled the Jack & Coke on his breath, I knew my baby was home.

“Hey baby,” he whispered in my ear, while planting a series of kisses along my neck and shoulders.

I had called myself trying to stay awake until he got home, but the night had gotten in the way of that. After talking to Jamie, I really had to regroup before calling Tracie back. And then once I got on the phone with her, her energy level was already through the roof after finding out that Rush was who he was. She was excited—a little bit too excited, in my opinion. But it didn’t stop me from inviting her out for a visit soon. I actually missed her and thought it would be nice for her to come to the Bay Area and hang out with me and Gigi at the club and maybe even do some spa days.

“Hey you,” I said, turning to face him and smiling. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he responded, lying down in front of me. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m so good. Better now that you’re here,” I responded, caressing the side of his face, and down along his beard. “How was the club?”

“It was good. A good crowd. I wish you could’ve been there with me.”

“Me too. But not to worry, I’ll be brand new in another day or two. I’m at about eighty percent right now.
But
, you could get me to a hundred real quick though, and I know I don’t have to tell you how,” I said, reaching for the prize tucked snuggly behind his zipper.

I brought my lips to his and softly suckled on his bottom lip before prying his mouth open with my tongue. I could taste faint traces of the last drink he’d had, but that was the least of my concern, as I continued to caress him to an erection. When his member was where I wanted it, I broke from our kiss. “See ya in a bit,” I informed him, as I prepared to slide down for some meat time. However, just as I was about to make my journey, Rush stopped everything.

“
Oooh
, baby. Damn…” he managed through quickened breaths. “I can’t even believe I’m interrupting this!” he groaned. “As
baaad
as I want to be in your mouth right now, can we
please
talk for just a minute?”

“Uh-oh,” I grimaced, laying back onto my pillow and looking up at the ceiling. “What’s happened?”

I had no idea what was to come, but wanting to talk at three in the morning, told me that it was something big. I knew when Rush grabbed the remote for the light dimmer that he really needed to talk. After he had adjusted the lighting, he removed all his restrictions and crawled beneath the sheets with me.

“Hey,” he said, using his forefinger to turn my cheek toward him. However, I was insistent on keeping my face positioned exactly as it was. “Come on, babe. Look at me.”

“I don’t know, Rush. What are you about to say? I’m kinda nervous.”

For as long as I had been with this man, interrupting sex, particularly a blow job, was not something that ever happened. It seemed like lately our life was being populated with large, disruptive moments. I couldn’t think of a single thing that could have stopped what I had planned, but I was about to find out.

“You don’t need to be nervous. I just want to tell you something. Rather I
need
to tell you something.”

“Rush, you haven’t slept with somebody else, have you?” I reluctantly asked. “Just tell me.”

“Is that what you think?
Hell no
, baby,” he reassured. “You’re all I need—in every way. I just want to make sure that there’s never anything that we keep from each other. That’s all. I promise. You gonna turn and look at me now?”

I obliged, turning toward him and comfortably situating myself on my left side. “Okay, go. I’m ready.”

“Janae showed up at Temptation tonight.”

Boom
!

Boom
!

That’s what it sounded like when the words left his mouth. Like there were bombs dropping. I knew the day would come, but why did it have to be during a time I wasn’t there?

“We talked for a few hours.”

Boom
!

Boom
!

Now I was shaking on the inside. Shaking in fear of what it all meant for
us
.

Shit
!

“I got to see pictures of Hunter…I mean, Michaela,” he corrected, with a smile. “Janae said that’s what she likes to go by. Man, Alika,” he sighed. “She’s beautiful. I mean,
really beautiful
,” he repeated. “I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to look into her eyes and study her mannerisms and all that.”

“That’s great, Rush. I’m very happy for you, baby. I know it’s been weighing heavily on your heart. When do you get to meet her?”

“Janae’s gonna bring her by on Monday. Depending on how well that goes, she’ll be around for the rest of the week as well.”

Oh, how badly I wanted to ask if that meant that her mother would be sticking around too, but I already knew the answer to that question. Any good mother would accompany her child to a first-time meeting with anybody. So, I just needed to brace myself. Because if it worked out like Rush said, she would more than likely be here for the week as well.

Oh boy
…

“So, they live locally?”

“No, they actually moved to Southern California about five years ago. She flew out after she talked to Jacob. Apparently, she came by Temptation while we were out of town and then came back last night. She said she wanted to talk and get a feel for things before she brought Michaela out.”

“I think that was best,” was really all I could say. I was trying to allow the shock to wear off. I knew it would hit full on when the time came to actually see the baby…and her mother, I just didn’t know how I would feel when it did.

“Yeah, me too. I’m anxious to see just how curvy the road ahead is. I mean, it’s a lot of years, you know?” he pondered.

“Yeah, baby. But you shouldn’t worry too much. That little girl has a wonderful daddy. I think she’ll take to you in no time at all.”

Rush was glowing. I could see it even in the dimness of the light. He was ecstatic, and he had every right to be. I just needed to catch up to how he was feeling, and I definitely knew that I would. I just had to see where I would fit into the grand scheme of things.

I moved as close to Rush as I could and lay my head across his chest, where I could feel his heartbeat. I placed my leg across his, and snuggled against the warmth emitting from his body. My eyes held just a tad bit of water in them, but no tears dropped. It seemed as though Rush sensed something, because he wrapped his arms around me. As soon as he did, everything inside me calmed down, and I knew that no matter what kind of tango my nerves were doing, that everything would be alright.