Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists) (13 page)

Brian
     Take it from me when I tell you to take it.

Lulu
takes the bag
.

Brian
     Good. Good. You see? Do you understand? I am returning the money. You see?

Lulu
     I . . . yes.

Brian
     And now – you have a question. Ask me the question. Please. Ask the question?

Lulu
     Why?

Brian
     If you formulate the question . . .

Lulu
     Why didn’t you take the money? Why did you give us back the money?

Brian
     And now I can answer you. I answer. Because you have learnt. The lesson has been learnt you see. You understand this (
Indicates the money
.) and you are civilised. And so – I return it. I give it to you.

Lulu
     Thank you.

Brian
gets up, moves to video player. He ejects the video of his son. Takes another video from his pocket. Places it in the machine. Pushes play
.

Lulu
(
TV
)     One day we’ll know what all this was for, all this suffering, there’ll be no more mysteries, but until then we have to carry on living . . . we must work, / that’s all we can do. I’m leaving by myself tomorrow, I’ll teach in a school, and devote my whole life to people who need it. It’s autumn now, it’ll soon be winter, and there’ll be snow everywhere but I’ll be working . . . yes, working.

Brian
     We must work.

What we’ve got to do is make the money. For them. My boy. Generations to come. We won’t see if of course – that purity. But they will. Just as long as we keep on making the money.

Not in chemicals. Not pure. Supplies aren’t the best. So a kid dies. And then it’s headlines and press conferences. And you watch the dad, you watch a grown man cry and you think: time to move out of chemicals.

He pauses the tape
.

That’s the future, isn’t it? Shopping, Television.

And now you’ve proved yourselves, I’d like you to join us.

All of you. Think about it.

He moves to the exit
.

Our second favourite bit was the end. Because by then he’s got married. And he’s got a kid of his own. Right at the end he stands alone. He’s on a rock and he looks up at the night, he looks up at the stars and he says: ‘Father. Everything is alright, Father. I remembered. The Cycle of Being.’ Or words to that effect.

You ought to see it. You’d like it.

Exit
Brian
.
Mark
comes forward
.

Mark
     It’s three thousand AD. Or something. It’s the future. The Earth has died. Died or we killed it. The ozone, the bombs, a meteorite. It doesn’t matter. But humanity has survived. A few of us . . . jumped ship. And on we go.

So it’s three thousand and blahdeblah and I’m standing in the market, some sort of bazaar. A little satellite circling Uranus. Market day. And I’m looking at this mutant. Some of them, the radiation it’s made them so ugly, twisted. But this one. Wow. It’s made him . . . he’s tanned and blond and there’s pecs and his dick . . . I mean, his dick is three-foot long.

This fat sort of ape-thing comes up to me and says . . . See the mute with the three-foot dick?

Yeah. I see him.

Well, he’s mine and I own him. I own him but I hate him.

If he don’t sell him today I’m gonna kill him.

So . . . a deal is struck, a transaction, I take my mutant home and I get him home and I say:

I’m freeing you. I’m setting you free. You can go now. And he starts to cry. I think it’s gratitude. I mean, he should be grateful but it’s . . .

He says – well, he telepathises into my mind – he doesn’t speak our language – he tells me:

Please. I’ll die. I don’t know how to . . . I can’t feed myself.

I’ve been a slave all my life. I’ve never had a thought of my own. I’ll be dead in a week.

And I say: That’s a risk I’m prepared to take.

Robbie
     Thirty-six inches and no shag?

Mark
     That’s right.

Lulu
     I like that ending.

Robbie
     It’s not bad.

Mark
     It’s the best I can do.

Robbie
     Hungry now? I want you to try some. (
Of the ready meal
.)

He feeds
Mark
with a fork
.

Nice?

Mark
     Mmmmm.

Robbie
     Now give him some of yours.

Lulu
     Do you want some?

She feeds
Mark
.

Is that good?

Mark
     Delicious.

Robbie
     You’ve got a bit of blood.

Lulu
     Bit more?

Mark
     Why not?

Lulu
feeds him
.

Robbie
     My turn.

Robbie
feeds
Mark
.

Mark
,
Robbie
and
Lulu
take it in turns to feed each other as the lights fade to black
.

Faust is Dead
was the outcome of a week’s workshop in October 1996 with the Actors’ Touring Company and continued to develop during a further workshop, the rehearsal period and through preview performances. The original production made use of video sequences, the physical skills of the performers, music and light.

I would like to dedicate the play to the director Nick Phillipou, the producer Hetty Shand and the actors Alain Pelletier and Pete Bailey. Although all the words in the finished play are mine, their imaginations and opinions all shaped the writing of the play.

In April 1988, I revised the play for a production with the Tuesday Laboratory, Los Angeles. This is the revised text.

A slash in the dialogue (/) indicates that the next actor should start their line, creating overlapping speech.

Faust is Dead
was commissioned and first produced by Actors’ Touring Company for a national tour in 1997. The cast was as follows:

Directed by
Nick Philippou

Produced by
Hetty Shand

Designed by
Pippa Nissen

Lighting by
Zerlina Hughes

Music by
Neil Starr

Video by
Alain Pelletier

This revised version of the play was produced by Tuesday Laboratory at the Zephyr Theatre, Los Angeles, from 23 May to 28 June 1998. The cast was as follows:

Directed by
Allan Hendrick

Produced by
Kourosh Gohar

Characters

Alain
,
French

Pete
,
American

Donny

Chorus

Setting
: The West Coast of America. Present Day.

Chorus
     See, a few years ago I couldn’t sleep. I’d go to bed and then I got thinking about all this stuff in the world – about the riots and the fighting and all the angry people and all – and I just couldn’t sleep. And sometimes I’d cry – partly because I really wanted to sleep and I was mad that I couldn’t sleep but partly because of all those bad things going on. And my mom would come into my room and be just like so totally freaked that I was crying night after night. ‘What’s wrong, poops? You have to tell me what’s wrong. Is it the teachers at the school? Is one of the teachers at the school doing bad things to you?’

Until eventually I’m like:

‘No, Mom, it’s not the teachers at the school. I’m crying for the world, because the world is such a bad place.’

And Momma is like:

‘I know, poops. It’s bad now but it’s getting better. It’s gonna get a whole lot better. We’re going to live in a better world.’

‘I know, Momma.’

And so I pretended to sleep and my mom went off to bed. And after that I taught myself to cry in a special way that meant she wouldn’t hear me ever again.

TV show
.

David Letterman
     So . . . you’re here, you’re in America. And you’ve written a book. And you’ve called it
The Death of Man
. . .

Alain
     Yes. That is correct. Yes.

David Letterman
     Neat title. What exactly does it mean?

Alain
     Well, it’s a complex thing to explain in a few minutes.

David Letterman
     Because I have to tell you right now I feel pretty much alive.

Laughter
.

Alain
     Oh yes, of course.

David Letterman
     And it seems to me that you seem pretty much alive as well.

Alain
     Yes, but I’m talking about man as an idea.

David Letterman
     Uh uh / uh huh, yeah yeah.

Alain
     As an idea, as a construct.

David Letterman
     Madonna, have you read the book?

Madonna
     Not yet, David.

David Letterman
     But you’re going to right?

Madonna
     I’ve been pretty busy, David / you know that.

David Letterman
     But you’ve read the other / stuff right?

Madonna
     Sure, sure. The book about sexuality I thought was great.

David Letterman
     Now, that is a surprise.

Laughter
.

Alain
I was invited to join the Director of Studies for a meal. Sushi, miso soup, sake. We were entertaining a potential sponsor for the department. He was a Japanese. And our potential sponsor asks me:

‘What are you thinking about today? Please, I understand you do a lot of thinking and I’d like to know – what are you thinking about today?’

What am I thinking about today?

Well, today, I am considering an example:

In 1981 a Dutch woman was on business in Tokyo, when she met a Japanese businessman. He invited her to join him for a meal. She read him some of her poetry. While she was reading, he shot her. Several times. He then chopped her up, put her in his bowl and ate her.

That is what I am thinking about today.

The potential sponsor did not like the example. He was very angry.

And Ms Brannigan – the Director of Studies is called Ms Brannigan – Ms Brannigan was angry also.

I had never read the guidelines. It seems no discourse within the university should be in any way offensive to women or to any member of a religious or racial grouping.

Ms Brannigan said that of course the incident would only result in a warning not a disciplinary action.

But it was the last of the straws. The camel’s back was broken.

And I told Ms Brannigan to go fuck herself.

And I decided that maybe I should live a little.

Tatty apartment. Very late
.

Alain
is sitting. Very drunk.
Pete
is standing
.

Pete
     You wanna take your jacket off?

Take your jacket off. Relax.

See, you relax then I guess I might relax too. Okay?

Please. Allow me.

He tries to remove the jacket
.

Come on. That’s it. Come on.

I kind of know one of the guys, sorta know him a little, you know? And he said that you’re a producer, that you’re seeking to sign Stevie and the band. To a major label.

You do have an . . . an . . . aura . . . of . . . authority.

Sings, grunge fashion.

Got a killer in my VCR

Killer in my ROM

Killer on the cable news

Killer in the floss I use

Killer in the floss

Killer in the floss

Killer in the floss.

See? Neat words. No. Great words. Words, yeah, but also something about the way Steve . . . like he really totally means it, you know? Which is like totally marketable. And I am telling you that Stevie and the band are like totally the thing.

Just beer. That’s all? Is that what you’re saying to me – you get like this with beer?

If it’s beer I can taste it, okay?

He kisses
Alain
/
tastes his mouth
.

You wanna stay over? Stay over if you want.

Yeah. This a box. Or a hole. Both a box and a hole.

This is good. To talk with you like this is good. It’s interesting. For me. Because you’re different . . .

He kisses
Alain
.