Read My Lips (21 page)

WHAT’S THE (I)DEAL?

Have you ever stopped to wonder where breast augmentation procedures came from? At what point was it decided that having a D cup was preferable to a B? What about waist and hip sizes? There are evolutionary and social explanations offered for all of these ideals. Evolutionary theorists suggest that these ideals may be markers of youth and fertility, while feminist social constructionists point to the ways in which these ideals have helped to maintain a patriarchal society. Female genital ideals are the new kid on the block. Sure, we don’t know a lot about her, but that has not stopped everyone from wondering, where did she come from?

Before we go any further, let’s take a step back and think about what the genital-appearance ideal is (if there is one). If our analysis of mainstream men’s magazines is correct, it means the ideal vulva will have no pubic hair, a petite clitoris, and practically invisible inner labia. Sound familiar? If you have ever changed a baby girl’s diaper, her vulva may look a lot like this. As women, we are told that there will be a lot of changes that will happen to our bodies as we hit puberty. We will develop breasts, experience a widening of our hips, start menstruating, and even sprout some hair down there. Yet no one really talks about the fact that our inner labia and clitoris also may grow during puberty.
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This is why vulvas may look more similar prior to puberty but show such enormous diversity following puberty. What does this have to do with the “vulva ideal,” you ask? Perhaps nothing, but both evolutionary theorists and social constructionists believe that women’s youth is valued either as a marker of fertility or of innocence/dependence. Society’s value on women’s innocence/dependence is just one of several possible explanations for this ideal. What do you think the reason is?

ALL OVER THE MAP

Beach season can be an anxiety-provoking time for many women. For some women in the United States, it signifies a time of intense work-outs and heavy spray-tanning. However, these beauty ideals are not one-size-fits-all. In Southeast Asia, many beauty creams come with skin lightener because fairer skin is perceived to be a sign of beauty.
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In certain parts of western Africa, you can forget the Western stick-figure body ideal. For them, heavier women are perceived as most beautiful.
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Thus, it makes sense that vulva-appearance ideals would also vary cross-culturally. In Japan, women with large labia are called “winged butterflies” and are considered a “sexual delicacy.”
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In certain parts of central Africa, it is a custom for women to stretch their inner labia because it is perceived as more beautiful and likely to increase sexual satisfaction. Some classify this practice as female genital mutilation, though this is highly contestable.

TWAT TO DO IF . . .

You are a healthcare provider giving a genital exam.

This is a question we get time and time again: How do we help our patients feel better about their genitals? If your first reaction is to compliment your patient’s genitals, better think again. You wouldn’t tell your patient she has a nice rack, and it is probably best to extend that policy downstairs. According to one research study, women were not very fond of being complimented on the appearance of their genitals.
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Instead, consider saying something like, “your genitals look perfectly normal” or “healthy.” Better yet, Nick and Sayaka Karras, the authors of
Petals
, are working on an amazing new project. They created beautiful posters with a variety of diverse vulva images (sepia-toned or color images are available) with the saying, “Each Beautiful, and as Unique as a Snowflake,” underneath the images (
www.ilovemypetals.com
). Nick and Sayaka Karras made these posters in the hope that doctors (and educators and others) would hang them in their offices or other relevant places so that women could see how normal their genitals actually are. As the famous saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.

You love someone who has genital concerns.

Scientists don’t know much about what men think about women’s genitals. Rhonda Reinholtz and Charlene Muehlen-hard conducted one study at the University of Kansas.
²⁸
They asked a few hundred college students to complete a questionnaire on their thoughts and feelings about one another’s genitals. The male participants reported feeling more positively about both their own genitals and their female partners’ genitals than the female participants reported feeling about male or female genitals. In another study that Debby conducted, she also found that men generally felt more positively about women’s genitals than women themselves did. In particular, the majority of men indicated that they enjoyed performing oral sex (something the women who completed the survey indicated they worry about).

We are also vulva advocates, which means that we talk to people about genitals fairly often. To be fair, this means that the men in our lives may be lying out of fear that we will shake our heads in disappointment if they slander women’s genitals. Nevertheless, from our research experience, many men love that women’s genitals come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

You are a genital advocate.

Sometimes this means just being a positive reinforcement to a friend who has concerns. Maybe it means organizing a genital advocacy event for a group of (girl)friends (see this chapter’s craft idea for one possible suggestion). Perhaps it is as simple as reading this book in a public place, such as a subway, park bench, or coffee shop, so that others can get a glimpse of the place vulvas should have in the world. We feel very fortunate to have so many opportunities to spread genital pride. Being educators at a university puts us in a particularly good place to open up discussions about thoughts and feelings about genitals. Debby has taught over fifteen semesters’ worth of human sexuality courses to thousands of students. We both like to start our genital lectures in similar ways: having the students write or shout out every word that they can think of for male and female genitals. It can be difficult to talk about something that you feel funny saying, so we get it all out in the open in the beginning. We remind our students that anything goes and listen as they laugh and giggle when they realize that they are able to say “cunt” and “pussy” in a classroom without getting in trouble. Once we have talked about the language around women’s genitals, we are ready to begin our discussion.

Last fall, Vanessa was involved in a genital advocacy conference where she was asked by the planner, Dr. Leonore Tiefer, to show a series of vulva diversity videos and tape the students’ reactions. It was supposed to be an “intervention” that any college professor could do regardless of his or her background. Vanessa went to about five different college classrooms and showed the students two videos. The first video was a documentary about the making of the book
Petals
.
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It focused primarily on the psychological impact of modeling for and viewing the photos. The video also concentrates on some of the serious concerns and issues that women may struggle with when relating to their vulvas, and it is a very powerful film. The next film is a more light-hearted look at the vulva. Betty Dodson’s
Viva la Vulva
takes viewers through a masturbation circle, starting with a genital show-and-tell with many different women’s vulvas on display. All vulvas are applauded as Betty uses words like “baroque” and “sunset” to describe their vulva shapes and colors. Did it make a difference? Sure, there were one or two students who were not fans, but we are hopeful that the experience was positive for most; certainly, many of the students expressed their reactions in thoughtful and insightful ways. Although we are very thankful to have “official” educator titles that allow us to show these types of films, “educators” can take many forms, as a mother, daughter, sister, brother, friend, or lover. So don’t be afraid to share the vulva love!

TEST YOUR VQ

1. How has the portrayal of pubic hair patterns changed over the past twenty years?

a. Pubic hair patterns are relatively similar.

b. Pubic hair is now presented as slightly more abundant than it was twenty years ago.

c. It is slightly less common to present pubic hair now than it was twenty years ago.

d. Twenty years ago, representations of women in magazines were approximately 90 percent more likely to have pubic hair.

2. If you have ever wondered whether your genital appearance is normal,

a. you might find it helpful to talk to a sex-positive, vulva-positive healthcare provider (chances are, you’re “normal”)

b. there is probably something wrong with your genitals

c. you should Google it

d. you should talk to a plastic surgeon

3. If you want to be a genital advocate, you should consider

a. promoting positive messages in response to negative genital comments on the Internet

b. throwing a genital craft party

c. joining us on Facebook or following us on Twitter

d. all of the above

Answers

1. d

2. a

3. d

• 5 •

Spraying, Dyeing, and
Douching . . . Oh My!

When did women’s genitals get their own aisle?” we wondered aloud recently during a trip to our local drugstore. Don’t get us wrong; we are all about genital awareness. We just couldn’t remember when the market had expanded from pads and tampons to include everything from dyes to douches. Are these products really necessary? More importantly, are they really safe? In this chapter, we’ll give you the low-down on all those products marketed for your downtown.

PERIOD PRODUCT PARTICULARS

Love her or hate her, your dear Aunt Flo decides to stop in for another visit. Sometimes she phones ahead to let you know she’ll be coming to (down)town; other times, she may just surprise you. Prepared or not, there she is, on your doorstep. Time to make some decisions about where she is going to stay. Fortunately, you have a lot of options—and they’ve gotten better over time, so even if you’ve been in the period game for decades, listen up.

The most popular period products are tampons and pads. Some women choose to use only one, others use both at the same time, while some women believe that there is a time and place for both. Dr. Czerwinski conducted a survey of over seven hundred women in California about their use of various feminine products and found that similar percentages of women reported using pads and tampons with approximately half of the women reporting that they use both.
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PAD DOWN

The pad is a product with many names including (but not limited to) maxi pad, menstrual pad, sanitary pad, sanitary towel, and sanitary napkin; for simplicity’s sake, we are going to refer to it simply as a pad. Thinner versions of pads are often called pantyliners and may be worn on days with a lighter menstrual flow.

As a child I was told my genitals were nasty and disgusting. As a young girl going through puberty I had to come to grips with my identity and my genitals. I have a wonderful well functioning body part. My monthly cycles made it hard at first to overcome the dirty and disgusting message. Over time and education about the function and purpose of my body I came to love and enjoy being a woman.

—
C
AROLINE,
35, Utah

If you are like many women, the first thing that probably comes to mind when thinking of pads is pink cardboard boxes with individually wrapped plastic packages containing “cotton” pads (that often have a plastic covering) that come complete with an adhesive strip. This is a description of the contemporary pad on today’s market, but they have taken many forms throughout history, dating back to the fourth century.

Pads were originally made from an assortment of absorbent materials. Disposable pads are a somewhat more recent phenomenon with the first pads requiring a belt/band typically worn around the waist to stay in place. We’ve never tried one, but we have heard that there was a lot of twisting, shifting, and sliding. The invention of pads with adhesive backs made the pad somewhat more comfortable and convenient. However, even those earliest disposable/stickable pads (which we have used) had their flaws. It was difficult to get through a few hours of menstruation without dyeing the sides of your panties a shade of menstrual red/brown (which is surprisingly still not a Crayola color or paint shade in the Martha Stewart Living paint palette).

The Wind Beneath Our Wings

The development of “wings” not only gave the pads a snazzy paper-airplane look, they also helped them stay in place and kept the blood from crossing over to the other side. We were fans. Then there was the somewhat recent invention of pads for thongs. We know that thongs are not for everyone (perhaps especially true for women with genital pain), but it is nice to have a pad option for all panty choices. Some women like these pads because they stay “close to your body,” while others think they are too thin or that wearing a padded thong defeats the purpose of a thong all together. We say, to each their own!