Reason to Breathe (41 page)

“Just talk to him, so you’re on the same
page,” she insisted. “Do you want to date him exclusively?”

It was a question I hadn’t given much thought
to. I’d allowed Drew to slip in when I wasn’t paying attention, and
now that I
was
paying attention, I didn’t know what to
think. I took seeing him every day for granted, unconcerned if he
had an interest in anyone other than me. But looking around the
room and seeing the options, I understood the temptation, and it
made me question what was happening between us.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I’ve
never really thought about it.”

“I didn’t think so.” I was prepared for her
to say more, but she didn’t.

“Hey Sara,” Jay approached us. “It’s cool to
see you here.”

“Hi Jay,” Sara acknowledged.

“Are you two up for going surfing with us
this spring?”

The invitation to be a part of Drew’s future
was suddenly too overwhelming. I really had been living in the
present. So all the talk about declaring my intent with Drew and
surfing with him and his friends months from now, was too much to
absorb all at once.

“We’ll see,” I remarked with a casual
shrug.

“Come on. You’ll love it,” he insisted.

“A lot can happen between now and then,” Sara
answered, reading into my abbreviated response.

“True,” Jay agreed. “But no matter what, I’d
love to get you on a board - or see you in a bikini.” He laughed. I
stared at him with widened eyes, while Sara rolled hers.

“I was just kidding,” he defended.

“Hey,” Drew said, coming up behind me,
slipping his arms around my waist.

“I was just talking about taking them surfing
with us this spring,” Jay told Drew.

“Really? You want me to teach you how to
surf?” Drew came alongside me so he could see my face.

“Maybe,” I shrugged, not wanting to mislead
him about our potential future.

“She doesn’t think you guys will last until
the spring,” Jay laughed.

“Jay!” Sara exclaimed, hitting his arm.

“Ow!” He flinched, holding the spot where she
made contact. “What?!”

“She never said that,” she bit back. Then she
looked to Drew, rolling her eyes. “He’s an idiot.”

Drew observed me cautiously, trying to read
my face.

“Are you ditching me already?” he questioned
in concern.

“No!” I declared. “I never said anything like
that. Thanks a lot, Jay!” Jay put his hands up in defense, which
was obviously a common pose for him.

Drew took my hand and led me down the hall,
away from the noise. My stomach turned, nervous to have this
conversation right now.

“What’s going on?” he asked

“Nothing,” I assured him, but my voice lacked
the confidence needed to set him at ease.

“I’d rather not talk right here,” I stated,
glancing toward the voice filled room, with the attentive ears and
subtle glances in our direction as we attempted to isolate
ourselves.

Drew’s eyes tightened. I must’ve said
something wrong. This wasn’t going very well, and I couldn’t figure
out what I was saying that kept upsetting him.

He led me across the room, down the stairs,
and out the front door. I shivered, wrapping the sweater around me
to brace myself against the cold wind.

“Where are we going?” I asked, continuing
alongside him across the driveway.

“Some place we can talk.”

Through a break in the trees was a small
cottage. He took out a key and unlocked the door. The small house
was one large room with an eat-in kitchen, a sitting area, two
queen sized beds on the far side, and a ladder leading up to a
lofted bed. It was decorated in a typical New England nautical
theme, with shells and pictures of sailboats, in complete contrast
with the chic, modern design of the main house.

Drew shut the door and turned toward me. I
was not prepared for the concerned look on his face. The
misunderstanding evidently had gotten to him, and I was failing at
saying the right thing to make him feel better. Now I was worried
about what to say next.

“Tell me what that was all about?” he
requested anxiously.

“I’m sorry.” Panic streaked across his face.
Wrong words again! What was I doing wrong? “The girls were trying
to give me advice, and I let it get to me. It was stupid, really.”
I hoped he would find some comfort in my dismissive tone, but he
remained tense.

“What did you want advice about?”

“I didn’t,” I said quickly. This was harder
than I thought. “They asked me if you and I were
officially
together, and I said we hadn’t really talked about it. So they told
me I should, that way I’d know in case you were seeing someone
else. It was ridiculous, and I shouldn’t have listened to
them.”

“Huh.” I waited as he processed what I said.
The tension let up in his shoulders, but his eyes remained
uneasy.

“So, are we together?” he finally asked.

Not what I was expecting.

“What does that mean exactly?”

Wrong question again. His eyes flinched in
alarm.

“Do you want to be with anyone else?” he
inquired cautiously.

My heart stammered at the question. I
couldn’t force the words out to tell him that there wasn’t anyone
else, so I shook my head. My heart continued to stutter at the
untruth.

“Do you?” I returned anxiously, having
already considered the reasons he may not want to be exclusive.

“No,” he denied quickly. “So why don’t you
think we’ll last until the spring?”

We were back to this question again? I took a
breath, stalling before answering.

“I never said that,” I promised.

“Do you think we will be?”

Now how was I going to answer that without it
coming out wrong? I looked into his nervous bright green eyes and
smirked. I decided to do the only thing I could to avoid answering.
I took a step toward him and put my arms around his neck, pulling
him toward me. He didn’t resist when I kissed him.

Drew smiled softly, revealing his dimples. He
leaned in to find me again with his soft lips, causing a warmth to
surge through me. His mouth rushed to find mine over and over again
as he pulled me closer. I could hardly breathe with the pulsing
heat capturing my lungs.

His firm body pressed against mine. Small
excited gasps escaped as he tightened his hold around my waist. We
slowly moved across the room, keeping up the frantic kissing and
breathing until my legs bumped up against something. He guided me
onto my back on one of the beds. My head was caught up in the swirl
of quick breaths, unable to process where this was leading. Then
his hand slid along the back of my thigh and he pulled my leg
around him. A sobering flash tried to register in my head.

Drew ran his lips along my neck, sending
another whirl of excitement through my body, crushing the warning
before it developed. The warmth of his tongue traveled down my neck
as he proceeded to peel my sweater back to reveal my bare skin. I
let out a small moan of pleasure as the swirl consumed me. He made
his way back to my mouth and began running his hand along my outer
thigh, then slid it in between my legs.

The sobering crash resounded in my head, at
the same time a cold draft caught me.

“Whoa,” a voice said from the door.

“Jay, get out!” Drew yelled, still pressed
against me with his head turned toward the door.

I shot up from under him, pulling my dress
down, and adjusting my sweater. Drew was forced to sit next to me
on the bed.

“Sorry, man,” Jay offered with an annoying
smile. “I didn’t know.”

“Just get out.”

“See you inside,” Jay laughed, closing the
door behind him.

“Shit,” Drew whispered, falling on his back.
“Sorry about that.”

From a distance I could hear Sara’s voice.
“Jay, have you seen Emma?”

I jumped up from the bed, and proceeded to
straighten my dress.

“She’s in there.” Jay laughed again.

“What’s wrong?” Drew questioned in alarm,
propped up on his elbows on the bed.

“Sara’s looking for me,” I explained,
smoothing my hair in the mirror.

“Do you want to go back inside?” he inquired,
the disappointment heavy in his voice. He stood up as Sara as
knocked on the door.

“Emma, you in there?” Sara beckoned from the
other side.

“Come in,” Drew yelled back.

Sara peered in cautiously. I rolled my eyes
at her suspicious entrance. She looked from me to Drew, and back to
me again, then glanced at the rippled bedding. I knew I was in for
a drilling later.

“Um, we were going to…” she faltered. “I was
just looking for you.”

“I’ll be right there,” I promised, unable to
leave just yet with the bright red running from my cheeks down to
my chest.

“Okay, I’ll see you inside,” she responded
slowly, closing the door behind her.

“Sorry,” I said to Drew. “But we should go
back in before
everyone
starts looking for us.”

“I could lock the door,” he offered, pulling
back the sweater and kissing the top of my shoulder. Before the
swirls regained their momentum, I laughed nervously and backed
away, covering my shoulder with the sweater. Drew conceded
reluctantly, “Fine, we’ll go back in.”

We were welcomed with suspicious glances and
assuming smiles that made my chest tighten when we entered the
house. Maybe my face was still flushed, so they knew what we were
up to just by looking at me. I searched the room for Sara and found
Jay with the dumbest smile that I had a strong desire to smack off
of his face.

“I’m going to get something to drink,” I told
Drew, heading toward the kitchen area.

He walked straight to Jay and had him in a
corner in conversation before I made it to the kitchen.

“I guess you’re official now,” Jill said with
a laugh.

“What?!” My worst fear was realized as she
gave me a knowing grin. The heat crept along my neck to my
cheeks.

“Come on,” she hinted. “Jay has a big mouth,
remember?”

“Great.” I huffed, shaking my head in
humiliation. “I’m sure it was so much worse coming out of his
mouth.”

“I don’t know if it could get any worse.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded, now
confused.

She didn’t respond for a second, and then she
nodded for me to walk over to an empty corner next to the cabinets.
My heart skipped a beat in panic.

“He said he walked in on you and Drew having
sex.”

“What?!” I yelled, much louder than I should
have. I grabbed the counter to support me so I wouldn’t fall over.
The people closest to us stopped to listen.

“We were kissing,” I assured her in an
agitated whisper. “That’s it. What an ass!” My stomach turned,
suddenly realizing why we’d received so many stares when we came
back.

“Sorry.” She shrugged. “Jay likes his
stories.” I shook my head in disbelief.

Sara had slipped in beside us while I was
explaining what Jay had
actually
seen.

“I knew you wouldn’t do that.” She sounded
relieved.

“Of course not!” I declared adamantly. Drew
seemed to be having a very similar conversation with some of the
guys on the other side of the room. Jay continued to shake his head
while turning his hands in the air in his infamous defensive
pose.

“Please tell me there is something more
interesting to talk about than what Drew and I
didn’t
do,” I
begged, trying to settle the nausea in my flipping stomach.

“Um, well, Katie disappeared with Tim
somewhere,” Jill offered.

“Really?” Sara asked, intrigued.

If trying to guess what two people were doing
alone together was a form of entertainment, then I didn’t want any
part of it – especially after I had been one of the people
providing the entertainment. I slipped past Sara and Jill, while
they continued to draw outrageous conclusions, and found an empty
space on the couch in front of the fireplace to stare at the
flames. I was struck with an unsettling déjà vu.

“I had him once,” Kelli said, breaking my
entranced gaze. I watched her scoot towards me, greeted by the
sweet burn of liquor. I let out a heavy breath, preparing
myself.

“You are sooo lucky,” she slurred. “Drew is
the greatest guy.”

“Mmm,” I agreed, humoring her.

“I only fucked him once,” she confessed. My
back tensed. “We never dated or anything.” She shared this
information as if it should put me at ease. “But he’s amazing,
isn’t he?” I couldn’t move.

“I’m so glad you and Sara are here,” Kelli
murmured, laying her head on my shoulder. “You are the nicest
people I’ve ever met.” I glanced over at her short brown hair that
flipped up in the right places, and her thin strapped cocktail
dress that exposed her cleavage.

Great, so he’d been with her, and probably
Katie. Who else in this room had the privilege of a Drew
experience? I knew I wasn’t the first person he’d dated, like he
was for me. But from the sounds of it, dating wasn’t necessary to
get to know him. I felt sick with the thought of the girl next to
me in a compromising position with Drew. I knew I shouldn’t allow
it to get to me. But whether it
should
or not, it did.

I had preoccupied myself in order to avoid
thinking about Drew’s past, and I eventually lost track of the
time. I talked to random people about nothing in particular. I even
watched a couple of guys arm wrestle, which was ridiculously
entertaining - especially when one guy kept cheating by standing up
out of his chair. Sara checked on me a few times, but she became
preoccupied with a local guy that Kelli had invited. By the time
Drew found me, most people were starting for the door or going to
their rooms.

“Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve seen
you,” Drew said, sliding next to me on the couch and placing his
arm around my shoulders. I was ready to go to bed, and I had hoped
to slip into my room without being noticed. I was hesitant to lean
against him so he could put his arm around me – still not recovered
from the thoughts that had plagued me most of the night. “You
okay?”