Reason to Breathe (49 page)

~~~~~

“Hi,” Evan greeted me the next morning when I
slid into his car.

“Hi,” I said quietly, my cheeks effortlessly
turning a shade of red. I looked out the window when he drove away,
hoping he hadn’t noticed.

“Bad morning again?” he asked in response to
my silence.

“Mm mm,” I declined, trying to clear my head
of the pressing question.

“Okay,” Evan replied, baffled. “Did I miss
something then?”

“No,” I said quickly, trying to bite my lip
to keep from smiling.

I forced myself to look at him so he could
see that I wasn’t upset. My cheeks felt like they were about to
burst from grinning. I redirected my gaze back out the side window
as the heat crept up my neck.

“I
am
missing something,” Evan
concluded, examining my comical expression with narrowed eyes.

I let out an uneasy laugh, begging my brain
to think of something else,
anything
else.

“But you’re not going to tell me what,” he
added. “Does Sara have something to do with this?”

I laughed again. “Sort of. Don’t worry, I’ll
get over it.”

But I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to be
relaxed and not think about what fate had in store, I found myself
staring at him in class, wondering. I was convinced that it wasn’t
happening soon - but would it… could it… with him? I couldn’t deny
how I responded to him when we were near each other. I felt his
presence in the room even when he wasn’t next to me.

Evan didn’t kiss me openly in school or hold
me in a way that obviously indicated that we were a couple. Our
affection was subtle. It didn’t mean my heart wouldn’t flutter when
he brushed against me or that I didn’t shiver from the warm
tingling along my spine when he whispered in my ear so close that
his breath tickled my neck. He didn’t need to touch me. His
attention alone, recognizing my existence, sent a flurry of sparks
through my body.

By the time we could steal a moment alone, my
body was pulsing with an electric charge, built up from being
exposed to him all day. I tried to contain my enthusiasm when I
touched his lips or ran my hands along his back. But it was hard to
fight the excitement and desire to be closer to him.

So when Sara sunk the impending question in
my head, I suddenly found it difficult to breathe when he stood too
close to me. I hesitated before touching him, fearing my eagerness
would reveal the thoughts that were consuming me. The distraction
lingered the entire week, regardless of how much I tried to push it
away. But then I found it was easily forgotten when Carol walked
into the room.

“Shut the refrigerator, you fucking moron”
she snapped.

“Huh?” I glanced around the kitchen,
realizing I had the refrigerator door open in my hand. I quickly
grabbed the milk and closed the door.

Carol scrutinized my absentminded action
while she leaned against the counter, drinking her coffee.

“Why is the screen open in your room?”

I swallowed hard, trying not to spill the
milk as I poured it over my cereal, suddenly remembering that I
never closed the screen after I snuck out.

“Um,” I said, clearing my throat. “I had a
spider in my room, and opened the window to dump it outside. I must
have forgotten to close the screen. Sorry.”

I scooped a spoonful of cereal into my mouth,
avoiding her eyes. Besides saying, “You really are an idiot,” she
didn’t inquire about it further.

“I have some boxes in the back of my car that
you need to bring in the house before you leave this morning. You
can put them in the dining room.”

“Okay,” I mumbled with my mouth full. I
shoveled in more spoonfuls of cereal, needing to escape her
presence before she could ask any more questions or read through my
lies.

I rinsed my bowl and placed it in the
dishwasher before heading out the back door to unload the boxes.
When I opened the back of the Jeep, I found three large cardboard
boxes. I had to use both arms to pick one up. The huge box blocked
my view when I lifted it, but it wasn’t as heavy as I feared.

“Be careful with them,” Carol demanded
supervising from the deck.

I tried to ignore her as I passed by her into
the house. She just stood on the deck, watching me struggle with
the awkwardly oversized box. By the third one, I thought she’d
finally disappeared into the house. I should have been paying
better attention.

I stepped up onto the second step with my
right foot, but when I lifted my left to follow - it met the
slightest resistance. With the giant package in my arms, it was
enough to set me off balance. My right knee buckled beneath me and
slammed into the corner of the next step with all of my weight
behind it. I collapsed to my knees. The box landed firmly on the
board above me, still clutched in my hands.

I clenched my teeth to keep from yelling out
as the jagged fire shot through my leg.

“You fucking klutz,” Carol scolded from
behind me. “I hope you didn’t break it or else you’ll be paying for
it.”

She slipped past me and entered the house
without looking back. I followed her with a seething glare,
tightening my jaw to hold back my contemptuous thoughts.

I pushed the box onto the deck and tensed
when I pulled myself up by the railing. My knee streaked with pain
the moment I straightened it. I yelled out through my clenched
teeth, instinctively shifting my weight onto my other leg. I
hobbled up the steps, picking up the box to bring it into the
house.

I tried to shake off the throbbing pain. I
knew Evan was going to be here any minute, and I didn’t want him to
see me limping. I grabbed my bags and hobbled out, leaving Carol
upstairs getting the kids ready for the day. I was hoping the
tenderness would ease up by the time we got to school.

I reached the end of the driveway to find
Evan waiting. I made every effort to walk as normally as I could,
but my knee wanted to crumble under my weight, and I wanted to
scream out in frustration.

“What happened?” Evan questioned in alarm,
stepping out of the car.

I shook my head with my lips pressed
together, unable to hide my anger. “I’m fine,” I replied
dismissively, sliding onto the passenger seat. He ducked back into
the car and closed the door, staring at me with his brows drawn
together.

“Em, really. What happened?” Evan demanded. I
knew he was worried, but there was an agitation in his voice that
made me uncomfortable.

“I fell on the stairs,” I explained. “I was
carrying a box into the house and couldn’t see where I was going. I
tripped and hit my knee on the step. I’ll be fine. I must’ve landed
right on my knee cap, so it kills right now.”

“You tripped?” he confirmed suspiciously,
finally driving away from the house.

“Yes. I tripped.”

I wasn’t lying. I didn’t say what or
who
caused me to trip. I wasn’t certain he bought my
explanation, but I wasn’t about to volunteer that Carol probably
tripped me. I pulled up my pant leg while sucking the air through
my teeth to examine my knee. Evan peered over, trying to see for
himself.

There was a red mark at the point of contact,
but nothing else – not yet.

“See,” I presented my knee, “I just hit it
funny. It’ll go away.”

But it didn’t. I had to grit my teeth to
fight through the debilitating pain as the morning progressed. By
the time I saw Evan again, I was unable to support my weight on my
right side.

“You’re not okay,” he insisted, examining the
pain in my eyes.

“Fine, I’m not okay,” I agreed reluctantly.
“I’ll go to the nurse to get some ice. I think it’s starting to
swell.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Evan, you don’t have to. It’s not that big
of a deal, honestly.”

“We’ll see,” he replied sternly, taking my
books from my arms. I knew he would’ve carried me if I’d let
him.

When I gingerly pulled up my pant leg for the
nurse to examine it, Evan groaned behind me.

“Ooh, honey, that looks like it hurts,” the
woman with the short white hair and kind eyes stated at the sight
of the large purple circle on my knee. It was so swollen that my
knee cap could no longer be identified. “I’m going to have you ice
it for a while and keep it elevated.”

I raised my eyes to get a glimpse of Evan
with his lips pressed together as he stared at the purple nightmare
growing on my leg. When the nurse left to retrieve an elastic wrap
from the trainer’s office, he inquired ardently, “You swear you
tripped?”

I looked up to connect with his troubled blue
eyes and affirmed, “I tripped.”

The nurse instructed me to ice it on and off
for the rest of the day. To my horrified dismay, she insisted I
keep my weight off of it and use a pair of crutches that she
removed from the closet. Evan and I made our way back to catch the
end of Trigonometry. Our entrance was, of course, a blush inducing
spectacle with everyone gawking at my condition. I prepared myself
for the whispering.

“You tripped?” Sara confirmed with the same
doubt that I’d received from Evan. My leg rested on a chair next to
me at the lunch table with a bag of ice on my knee. Evan sat down
across from me with a tray of food for us to share.

“Why won’t you two believe me?” I questioned
in an agitated tone.

“Because, I know you’re lying,” Sara shot
back, just as aggravated. Evan’s head shot up, looking between
Sara’s face and mine.

“You’re lying?” he uttered in
disappointment.

“Of course she is,” Sara answered for me.
“She’s not
that
clumsy. She usually has help.”

“Sara, stop,” I insisted, observing Evan’s
flickering eyes. “I
did
trip. I don’t know what I tripped
on, because I couldn’t see over the box. She was around, but I have
no idea what made me fall. I can’t say she wasn’t thrilled to see
me on my knees on the stairs, but I
did
trip.”

Evan’s jaw tightened. Sara shook her head in
frustration.

“You don’t have to cover up for her with us,”
she retorted. “So that means she’s paying attention again, doesn’t
it?”

I shrugged, suddenly unable to eat my
lunch.

“Let’s see if you can stay at my house
tonight since we have to get up so early for the SAT’s,” Sara
suggested. “I’ll call my mom during study and have her ask
Carol.”

The thought of seeing Carol gloat as I
hobbled in on crutches made my chest tighten.

“You
tripped
?” Coach Straw repeated as
she and the trainer examined my purple, almost black, knee.

Why did everyone keep asking me this?

“Yes.”

“It doesn’t appear to be broken,” the trainer
concluded after maneuvering it slightly. “The ice should help with
the swelling. Stay off of it for the weekend, and if it’s still
swollen or you can’t put weight on it by Monday, go to your doctor
to have him order scans.”

I
needed
it to be better by Monday.
Just the thought of visiting the hospital made me queasy; forget
about asking Carol or George to drive me there.

“It looks like you won’t be part of practice
today,” Coach Straw declared. “Are you going home with Sara?” Her
knowledge of my life outside of track was a little disturbing.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Well,” she thought for a moment, “you can
sit on the bleachers and ice your knee while you watch the baseball
game if you want.”

“Really?” I tried to suppress my grin. I
hadn’t had the opportunity to see Evan play yet. Our schedules
never worked out so that either of us was free on a day the other
had a meet or game.

“Doesn’t your boyfriend play on the varsity
team?” Coach Straw confirmed. How did she possibly know so much
about me?

“Yes,” I answered quickly. “Thank you.”

“So?” Sara demanded when I exited the
office.

“I am watching baseball today,” I announced
with a wide grin.

“Great. But are you okay?” she reiterated
impatiently.

“I need to stay off of it, ice it, and see
what happens on Monday,” I reported.

“You’re all set to stay over tonight, but I
have some bad news,” she stated, pressing her lips together. “My
grandfather’s back in the hospital, so we’re going to New Hampshire
to see him after the SAT’s. That means you won’t be able to stay
over tomorrow night.”

“Oh,” I replied softly. “I hope he’s
okay.”

“He’s fine,” she assured dismissively. “He
probably ate the wrong thing that backed him up or something. It’s
never anything serious. I’m really sorry.”

“That’s fine,” I returned, trying not to
appear disappointed. “At least I don’t have to deal with her
tonight.”

Sara and I continued outside and then went
our separate ways. She agreed to find me after practice if the game
wasn’t over. I hobbled over to the bleachers next to the baseball
field. The teams were still warming up when I sat on the first row
of the bleachers. I settled onto the hard seat with my leg resting
on the metal plank, excited to watch the game.

33.
Discovery

“You
could stay at my house on Saturday,” Evan offered when I told him
that Sara’s wasn’t an option. The three of us sat on the bleachers
after I watched Weslyn win their game.

“That could work,” Sara agreed with a smirk.
I gawked back at her, unable to believe she was agreeing with him.
“My parents won’t say that you weren’t with me. Your aunt and uncle
will never know. Em, you won’t have to go home until Sunday
morning.”

“My parents won’t be home, so they won’t say
anything,” Evan added. This revelation didn’t make my decision
easier, it actually made it harder.

I considered my options and reluctantly
agreed to spend Saturday night at Evan’s.