Reclaimed Love: Banished Saga, Book Two (43 page)

“I am,” I whispered as I blinked away tears. “I just wish I had more time.”

“Well, time is the one thing there is never enough of. And no matter how much or little money you have, you can never make more of it,” Amelia said. “And with that, we must be off to church, or Gabriel will think you aren’t coming at all.”

***

BRIGHT LIGHT SHONE in through the clear windows and onto the stone floor. Incense scented the air, and the walls and ceilings were painted in a soothing pale rose. Scattered murals depicting scenes from the Bible had been completed with others still in progress. Pillars—painted with white paint to resemble marble—rose to support high arches, the barrel-vaulted ceiling soaring above, awaiting its mural. The altar at the front of the church stood below a half dome, the priest already there awaiting my arrival.

Rows of wooden pews were mostly vacant, although I recognized the flamboyant plumes of the hats worn by Mrs. Vaughan and Mrs. Bouchard. Mr. Pickens sat next to Aidan, his rough patched coat a contrast to Aidan’s refined tailored suit.

I watched Gabriel pacing the nave of the church and could not suppress a smile. “He seems a bit nervous,” I whispered to Colin. He wore his best suit with a pink wildflower in his breast pocket.

“No matter how much a man says he wants to marry, it’s still hard for him to give up his independence, Rissa,” Colin murmured back. “If you look closely, I think most of his nerves come from Ronan’s ribbing.”

I giggled. At this Gabriel looked up, saw me and grinned.

“Ready, Rissa?” Colin asked. At my nod, we walked slowly down the aisle, the only music a gentle humming from Amelia.

I moved toward Gabriel, unable to break eye contact with him. As I watched him, I thought fleetingly of Savannah’s polished society wedding where no true emotion, other than horror at my clumsiness, had been expressed. In comparison Gabriel’s eyes shone with love and devotion; Colin beamed as he placed my hand in Gabriel’s; and Amelia cried next to Sebastian and Ronan as the priest said the wedding mass.

Afterward I was not able to recall the ceremony. Or what I had vowed to do. I only remembered Gabriel, his gentle clasp of my hand, the feel of the simple gold band sliding over my finger. The firm, swift kiss at the end of the ceremony. His soft murmur, “Finally, we are wed.” The trace of his finger down my cheek a few moments before we turned to face the small group of friends and family gathered to witness our wedding. The tremendous sense of joy blooming inside me as we walked down the aisle after the priest called out, “I present Mr. and Mrs. McLeod!”

***

I PACED THE APARTMENT over Gabriel’s workshop. I had imagined a loft area, open to the downstairs workspace. Instead, it was a separate living quarter, closed to the downstairs except for the staircase against one wall.

I moved from the top of the stairs, turning to face the large rectangular room. The kitchen was at my right against the solid brick wall, opposite one of the windows. It consisted of a small stove, sink and cupboards. I moved into the room, tapping my fingers on the rectangular dining room table, tracing small grooves and nicks on its scarred surface. Toward the middle of the room, a rocking chair and a tattered oversize gentleman’s chair made up the living area, with a lamp on an overturned crate between the two chairs. Three windows lined the outside wall, covered in thin white cotton curtains. No pictures or paintings adorned the walls.

I continued to pace, resolutely avoiding the sleeping area on the opposite side of the long room. I wandered toward a small bookcase nestled between two of the windows and near the rocking chair. Knickknacks and a small box rested on the second shelf, and I reached out to open the box.

“I can’t believe the day is finally over,” Gabriel said with a long sigh as he walked up the stairs.

I jerked away from the bookcase and turned to face him.

“So, you’ve already found the box?” He smiled at me with tenderness. “It’s where I’ve kept all of your letters.”

I blushed as I moved toward him. “It was a lovely reception,” I murmured.

“Uncle wanted to celebrate,” Gabriel agreed as he moved toward the small kitchen area. “Would you like a cup of tea?” he asked. At my nod, he put the kettle on. He busied himself with preparing the pot and cups, and I settled into the rocking chair.

“This is like Boston,” I said. “This chair is just like the one you made me. And here I sit again, watching you make me tea.”

He glanced toward me and smiled. “No, this is better. Now we are wed, and I don’t have to worry about whether or not you’ll visit me again.”

I rocked, hoping the motion of the chair would soothe me. However, my stomach was tied in such knots; I feared any motion would cause illness. I stilled my rocking, my hands clenched in the skirts of my gown. I watched as Gabriel poured the boiling water into the teapot.

“Clarissa,” Gabriel said. “Nothing need happen tonight. I can sleep on a cot.”

I nodded in an attempt to express that I understood what he said. I feared Gabriel interpreted it to mean I agreed with him as he closed his eyes and gripped the edge of the table for a moment. “Gabriel.” At my tortured whisper he walked toward me, pulling a chair out so he could sit facing me. “I know you said you would be patient. That you could wait forever.”

“Yes.”

“I don’t want you to.” I grasped his hand. “If I insist on postponing … my fear will only continue to grow. I am so tired of being afraid.”

“Clarissa—”

I interrupted him with a finger to his lips. “I trust you, Gabriel. I trust in my choice of you. Of us. Unless you can’t imagine…”

“Darling Clarissa, look at me.” He tipped my chin up with two of his fingers so that I would meet his eyes. “I have imagined for over a year now what we will have. I will stop at any time.”

I nodded, my breath coming out in a near pant.

He leaned in slowly, tracing my hairline. “I love you so.” He lifted my left hand, kissing my wedding ring. His first kiss was tentative, soft and soon had me leaning so far forward in the rocking chair I was almost on the floor.

He lifted me carefully from the chair and cradled me on his lap. As I settled, he traced a palm down my back, and I arched into his caress. “Show me what you like,” he whispered. He finger-combed my hair, tangling it, but freeing most of it from its pins. “Ah,” he said as he leaned away for a moment to stroke the long, chestnut-colored strands. “I’ve dreamt for so long of seeing your hair down.”

I moaned, leaning forward into his embrace. I was desperate for more of his deep drugging kisses that erased all fear. Soon I was past thought as I tangled my hands in his soft ebony hair and kissed him back.

A loud crash sounded outside the window, and I jolted. “Ignore it,” Gabriel said, kissing the skin below my ear. The crash was joined by a cacophony of pans clanging together, a honking noise and whistles.

“What the hell?” Gabriel asked as he placed his forehead against mine for a moment before he pushed me to a standing position and moved toward the window.

“What are you doing down there?” Gabriel called out in exasperation.

I peeked out beside him, peeved at the momentary reprieve.

“Yer bein’ chivareed, young man,” Mr. Pickens hollered with glee as loud as he could as he gave a good wallop to a pan with a metal spoon. He stood with about twenty men, and they were making as much noise as possible. “’Bout time too after you stopped yer dillydallyin’ an’ all that lunarcenary ’bout courtin’ an’ finally married Missy.”

“Missy? Lunarcenary?” Gabriel asked me with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“Hello, Mr. A.J.! And you mean
lunacy
. What will it take for you to go away?” I yelled as I covered my ears from the discordant din.

“Yer young man can buy me and the lads a drink. We’ll try not to send him home to you too enerviated!”

“Enerviated?” Gabriel asked. “Is he senile?”

“I think you mean
inebriated
, Mr. A.J.,” I called out with an elbow to Gabriel’s ribs.

“There you go, missy! Never was one for those big words.” He banged on his pan a few times. “Son, you buyin’ me an’ the lads a drink or not?”

“Clarissa, I think this is the only way to silence them,” Gabriel said with a cringe as nearby dogs howled.

I giggled and then laughed so hard I had tears pouring down my cheeks.

“Oh, Gabriel, of course this would happen to us,” I gasped through my laughter. I leaned over and kissed him. “Go, buy them all a drink, and come home to me.”

He watched me, arrested for a moment. “There it is,” he whispered. “That joy that glimmers from within that has eluded you for so long. If I had known it would take your fool friend banging on a pot outside our window, I would have had him do it weeks ago.”

I laughed again as I pushed him toward the stairs. “One drink, mind,” I whispered.

“One. And don’t change from this dress,” he whispered back. “Wait up for me.” He kissed my knuckles and then ran down the stairs. I raced toward the window to watch him emerge. When he did, he received a few comradely slaps on the back, but the noise stopped.

“Night, missy!” Mr. Pickens called.

“Night, Mr. A.J. Enjoy that drink.”

I watched the small mob of men depart, noting that Colin, Aidan and Sebastian had joined in at the end. I glanced up toward the full moon, remembering my letters to Gabriel where I had written to him that, although we were apart, we had the moon in common. I sighed in momentary contentment that, finally, we were together under the same moon.

CHAPTER 47

I WOKE IN STAGES to the feeling of something tickling my shoulder. I twitched my arm away, but it continued. I didn’t have the energy to swat at it, thinking it a fly. However, I jerked awake, rigid with fear, when I felt a muscled arm wrapped around my waist and a strong leg hitched over mine.

“No, no, no!” I cried, trying to break free.

“Clarissa, shh … it’s me, Gabriel.”

My legs and arms were instantly freed, and the tickling sensation, which I now realized was Gabriel stroking my shoulder, stopped.

I sat up, taking in the fact I remained fully clothed and was covered by a light blanket. I looked around, and, rather than a formal sitting room, I was in a dilapidated apartment over a workshop in the pale moonlight.
In Missoula, Montana
, my mind whispered. I turned toward Gabriel, trying to quell my gasping breaths.

“I’m sorry to have frightened you,” Gabriel whispered, sitting up on his knees. He continued to caress me, hands gently stroking down my arms, fingers playing in my hair. “I would never mean to…” His voice broke.

“Gabriel,” I groaned and leaned into him. “Forgive me,” I whispered. I opened my eyes to meet his worried gaze. “It terrifies me to feel overpowered.”

“I will remember. I just wanted to hold you. You were so peaceful when I came in from the saloon, asleep in that lovely dress underneath the coverlet. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Gabriel,” I murmured again, pressing into him, wishing I were different.

“Do you want me to go?”

“Never.” I gripped his shoulders and kissed him. “Never, my darling.”

“Good because I don’t know how I’d ever leave you after holding you,” Gabriel whispered, letting out a sigh of relief, leaning into my kiss.

Soon Gabriel had pulled me tighter, his hands digging through my hair. He deepened the kiss, bringing me flush against him, and, before I knew what had happened, I had my legs wrapped around him. I had only ever imagined a kiss so intense that I lost all ability to think, not caring if I had enough air. I gripped Gabriel tightly, lost to the passion of the moment.

I flinched when his hand covered my breast. “Shh … darling, we won’t do anything you don’t want to.” Gabriel raised both hands and caressed my head softly, leaning in for another kiss. “I want you to trust in this. In us.”

I took a shaky breath in an attempt to relax. “I do. Help banish my fears, Gabriel.” I reached for one of his hands and held it to my heart. “I want a full marriage with you.”

Gabriel kissed me with a soft growl, moving and rolling until I was under him. “If you want me to stop at any moment, I will. All you have to do is ask.” He traced my cheek. “I will not be angry with you, darling. Frustrated, yes, but never angry.”

I gifted him with a tremulous smile. “I know I don’t know much about what we’re going to do.” My smile faded as I fought memories. “But I believe I am overdressed for the occasion.”

Gabriel’s blue eyes shone with tenderness as he bent to kiss my neck. He kissed the area around my collar where his necklace hung. A trail of kisses followed the movement of his hands as he undid the buttons along the front of my dress. I gasped as he kissed my upper chest.

“I agree, darling. We both are. I must unfortunately admit I am unfamiliar with how to remove all of your attire.” He blushed as he stroked his hands up and down my arms.

“Here, I’ll show you,” I said, as I wriggled from under him and stood by the side of our bed. I lifted my hair, pointing at hidden clasps on the back of my dress. A moment later it lay pooled around my ankles.

“That was simple enough, but now there are the other thirty layers to remove,” Gabriel teased.

Soon my corset cover, then corset, joined the dress on the floor. I flushed as I stood in my undergarments.

“I’m feeling decidedly overdressed,” Gabriel murmured. He unbuttoned and dropped his waistcoat to the floor. He pulled the straps of his suspenders so they dangled at his waist. “Help me?” He reached for his shirt, and I brushed his hands away.

My fingers shook as I released each button. I took a deep breath and stepped closer to him as I pushed his shirt off over his shoulders. It snagged on his wrists, and I kissed his right shoulder. I traced my hands down his arms to his wrists where I unlatched the cuff links and freed his hands. His shirt joined his waistcoat at our feet.

I traced his wrists for a moment before gripping the edge of his cotton undershirt. It had no sleeves but covered his chest. I tugged it free of the waistband of his pants and pulled it upward. “Lift,” I whispered. He raised his arms and his upper body was bared to me. I traced my hands down his chest causing gooseflesh to rise.