redeeming cupid 01 - struck by eros (15 page)

“Do you really think that’s going to work?” He stood, picked his jacket up off the couch, and slipped it on, his gaze drifting up the stairs. “Are you going to go climb into bed with him?” Something close to jealousy coated his words.

“No,” I blurted out, not sure why I felt compelled to defend myself. “I won’t give him any hope until I know Cupid has released me.”

“And if Cupid doesn’t release you, are you willing to let him go?” He removed his glasses and tucked them back away into his jacket pocket, not meeting my eyes.

“I’m not sure.” The same words I had said to Len.

“Why do you think he is better for you than me?”

“He’ll never hurt me.” I tried to hide the sliver of doubt that invaded my words and my heart.

“What makes you so sure I would?”

Grayson didn’t understand the hurt and the pain that came from being left at the altar. The thousands I spent on therapy bills to get over the humiliation. The fact that I had to harden my heart, change my personality, all to keep from getting hurt again. He didn’t understand how much he reminded me of my ex-asshole. And that memory was still too fresh. Too raw. “Because that’s all guys like you know how to do. Hurt. Crush. Destroy. Leave.”

“I’ve never done anything to hurt you.” He raised his eyebrows as if challenging me to disagree.

The arm of the couch held me and my courage to continue at this point. “You showed up in my life when I was finally happy. Finally content.” I hoped Grayson heard my next words loud and clear. “I can’t fall into your arms. I can’t let myself love you. I can’t accept you for anything more than an inconvenience. I’ll fight Cupid until the day I die to be free. I want to choose the man I spend eternity with, not be forced into it by some supernatural know-it-all.” On the surface my words were strong, but something in my heart bent, cracked, broke, made me regret speaking them.

Grayson pushed past me on the way to the door. “And what if I said I would spend the rest of my days proving you wrong?” He swept his hand between the two of us. “Showing you I’m nothing like the man who hurt you so bad you ran to the complete opposite of what you’re attracted to. Because I don’t believe for one second that your heart beats for the man upstairs like it does for me.” He placed his hand on the doorknob and turned. “What if
I
don’t stop chasing?”

“Didn’t you learn anything from the story of Apollo and Daphne? He chased, she ran. You chase, I’ll run.”

He stepped closer, invading my space. “Let me tell you how the story ends. Apollo cared for that laurel tree. Protected it. Tended it. Kept it green. Safe.” He opened the door. “I plan on being your Apollo. I won’t stop protecting you, keeping you safe. Even from yourself.” He stepped outside and closed the door behind him, his threat hanging in front of me, circling me, challenging me.

Grayson and Apollo had a lot in common. But then so did Daphne and I. Both tethered to men we didn’t want. Forced to do something desperate to save our hearts.

Twelve

Chubby Cherub Chew on This

For the first time since Cupid’s arrow poked me in the rear, I looked forward to his daily text. Watching the clock with stalker-like tendencies, I imagined all the wonderful words he would use to fix his fuck up.

The numbers flipped. 10:12 a.m. One more minute. Sixty-hope filled seconds, and then I’d have my answer.

The beat of my heart counted off every second that ticked by, harder and harder with each passing moment until I thought it would combust.

They flipped again. 10:13 a.m.

My phone played “Stupid Cupid” and words appeared on the screen. I took a deep breath before reading Cupid’s answer.

SDSU—Student Union. 11:30p.m. Orange arrow.—Q

My combusting heart shriveled to the size of a piece of grain.

Maybe my message hadn’t gone through. I scrolled up until I found my text from the night before. The green bubble proved my plea had been delivered. He’d heard but ignored me. Ignored my plea and wants and needs and hopes.

Being ignored was unacceptable.

“You picked the wrong girl to screw with, you arrow-happy, chubby cherub.”

My fingers flew over the keypad, typing in the same words I used last night. “Help me, Cupid. Let me free. Free to be with the man who is meant for me.” I hit send. The green line crawled across the top of the screen and disappeared. The word “delivered” appeared underneath the bubble.

I wanted to burrow under my blankets and hide from the cheerful San Diego sun, from my disappointment, and Grayson and his unspoken promises from last night. I wanted to forget that Grayson had any interest in me, beyond the annoying Robin to his Batman. But seeking refuge in my antique canopy bed was the coward’s way out. Maybe if I strived for employee of the month instead of deadbeat of the day, Cupid would grant me time off for good behavior.

Our soul mate connection was in an hour. I was running a bit late, but nothing that a motor-home shower and some fast-and-dirty primping wouldn’t take care of. When I looked presentable, I headed out of the room and walked across the hall to say good morning to Len.

The bed was empty, the sage-green comforter made with military precision, and all of his belongings gone. I headed downstairs, the absence of the smell of Len’s coffee only adding to my loneliness. Disappointment seemed to be the theme of the day.

I passed by the breakfast bar, past the books and papers from last night’s research, and stopped dead. Sitting on the counter, among all the clutter that had accumulated since Len left, tucked into the smooth white silk of its turquoise box, was my engagement ring. An envelope with my name written across the front in Len’s neat handwriting leaned against a candle holder.

The thick off-white stationary had come from my office, one of my mom’s leftover sheets. Picking up the envelope, I opened the letter and read.

Noel,

This ring, like my heart, is yours. Always will be. I want you to wear it. You don’t have to promise me anything, not today, but if you put it on, then that means you’re willing to give us a second chance. Willing to come back to me.

Len

His words pushed the fast-forward button on my heart, causing it to race and reignite my hope. Maybe this was Cupid’s answer, his way of saying he’s got my back. I took the ring out of the box, placed it on my hand, wiggled my fingers, and let my smile shine.

“50 Ways to Say Goodbye” by Train played from my phone, Grayson’s ring tone. I swear he had some kind of sixth sense when it came to Len’s ring gracing my finger. I picked up the phone and tried to control my annoyance. “What?” I didn’t do a very good job.

“Just checking if you slept alone.” His voice as sharp as a Ginsu knife.

“I did, but after today we’ll see.” I added a little extra excitement to my words.

“Did Cupid answer your plea?”

I looked at the sparkler on my finger. “I think he did.”

“Then I hope you’ll be happy living a life full of safety and security, instead of one filled with loverpassion.” He hung up, his point louder than the dial tone trilling in my ear.

Grayson’s words didn’t just strike a nerve. They set ablaze a bonfire of emotions I wished would stay hidden. But even worse, they coated my world with a thin layer of doubt. I tamped down that doubt and hid it away in a secret place, buried under all my gooey insides—where I hid my budding feelings for Grayson.

To erase the unease that had settled after Grayson’s call, I drove Doris with her top down, wind blowing through my hair, and the smell of the ocean soothing my busted nerves. By the time I arrived at our regularly scheduled meeting, I still wasn’t sure which man I wanted to warm my bed for the rest of my life, but I felt much more optimistic that the choice would be mine.

The SDSU student commons hadn’t changed much since I attended. The same blue tables, black chairs, and parade of college kids. I found Grayson sitting at a table in front of the food court, armed with a book, his glasses, and his usual pair of headphones. The dark-haired beauty from the coffee shop sat across from him. Her hand on top of his, mouth going a trillion miles beyond fast.

The girl who I thought was just another daily dalliance turned out to be more, judging by their cozy and intimate and way-too-familiar-with-each-other position at the table.

She leaned across the table and planted a kiss on his cheek, gathered her Louis Vuitton, and walked toward the door, not even noticing that every man she passed got a huge boner.

Just like I tried not to notice my intestines twisting in my stomach, tying into a crazy knot. I didn’t want to feel jealous over gorgeous Grayson and his equally gorgeous girlfriend. I didn’t want to admit that my partner was more than just a pretty face. And I certainly didn’t want to admit that I might have been wrong to judge a man by the notches on his bedpost.

I approached the table and something skittered in my belly, not one butterfly, but a whole garden. I tucked my hand under the table, folding it into the fabric of my black and gray ombre skirt. Hoping to conceal the ring before Grayson got a gander and gave me a look full of disapproval. But it wasn’t his disapproval that made me hide the ring. Deep inside I battled whether it was wrong to have put it on in the first place. If I really wanted to wear it anymore. If the sight of Grayson and another woman, a woman who could mean more than me, twisted my insides into knots, then maybe my heart leaned more toward loving Grayson than wanting to fight for Len.

Cupid was a mean son-of-a-bitch.

“Good book?” I pointed to the paper back on the table between us.

“Do you really care?” He removed his reading glasses and tucked them into the pocket of his jacket.

Looked like the easiness that had formed between us last night had poofed away in a puff of disdain. I couldn’t decide if I would mourn. “Not really.” I avoided his eyes and looked around the two-story building. “This place is huge. How about I go upstairs and see if I can find our mark?”

“Whatever works for you.” He leaned back in his chair, turned the music up on his phone, and crossed his arms over his chest.

Dismissed, I stood up from the table and grabbed my purse, but before I walked away, Grayson spoke up. “Nice ring, Noel.”

Guess that explained the cold shoulder, arm, and elbow.

Rows of textbooks lined the walls of the upper floor. The center was filled with T-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, and other college-related items to help max out Daddy’s credit card. Two rows in, Grayson’s ring tone filled the silence.

“Found her,” he said, and then hung up.

I headed back downstairs, searching for Grayson and our target. I scanned through the hordes of students filling the tables, but didn’t spot him. Damn it. Why didn’t he tell me where he was headed? I weaved between the tables, past the exits, the food lines, but didn’t see him or an orange bobbing arrow.

 I was about to give up until I turned around and found Grayson standing near the water fountains, arms at his side. He waved me over.

“What’s going on?”

Grayson pointed down a short hallway. “She’s crying. I can’t handle teary-eyed females.”

“I’m sure you’ve been the cause of many tears, so you should have plenty of practice.” I leaned over and looked down the hall. Tucked between the women’s bathroom and a corner was a young girl with our orange arrow over her head. “I’ll take care of her. You find her mate.”

He left on his mission and I walked over to our sad soul mate. “You okay?”

She looked up and I immediately recognized the chestnut hair and deep brown eyes from the hotel hall. The girl who reminded me of myself at that age. Young, hopeful, and foolishly in love with the wrong man. I’m guessing her wrong man had something to do with the water works streaming down her cheeks.

“You’re the same girl that helped me at the hotel.” She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. “Every time I see you, I am crying. I must seem pretty pathetic.” She managed a small smile that raised the beauty mark on her cheek.

“We’ve all been there.” I sat on the floor next to her and settled my skirt around my ankles. She needed a good dose of girl talk. I just hoped Cupid’s perfect match wasn’t the jerk that kept hurting her. “Let me guess, the guy from the hotel broke your heart again?”

Her eyebrows rose so high they disappeared into her bangs. “How did you know?”

“That’s what those kind of guys do.” I let a small huff of a laugh escape.

“I’m not sure why I keep letting him do this to me.” She lowered her head into her hands. “Why can’t I stay away, when I know that I am going to get hurt time and time again?”

Her words echoed what I had said every time I went back to Brad after one of our fights over his cheating.

In my current situation, I was the wrong person to impart bits of wisdom on love and dating, but she needed someone to say something, or she was going to keep making the same mistakes, her heart would continue to get broken, and her ego would continue to get bruised. I held out my hand. “I’m Noel, by the way.”

She tugged up the sleeve of her oversized Roxy sweatshirt and shook my hand. “Liza.”

“Well, Liza. You have two options. Keep letting the asshole treat you like dirt.” Someday I should learn how to sugar coat things. “Or walk away for good and look for the person who will treat you like you want to be treated.” I pulled a tissue from my purse and handed it to her.

I wish someone would have sat me down and said the same thing to me at her age. I would have been spared a lot of heartache and embarrassment. Would I have listened? Probably not. I just hoped that Liza was smarter than me.

“I don’t seem to be attracted to anyone but jerks.” She blew her nose and a small smile graced her pretty lips.

I leaned against the wall and met her smile with one of my own. “I’ll tell you a story about a girl. She was so in love. Truly, madly, deeply in love. Blind to everything going on around her. So afraid to lose the man she loved, she allowed him to cheat on her, break her heart, leave her sitting in restaurants, theaters, and countless other places after one of their many fights.”