redeeming cupid 01 - struck by eros (7 page)

Not my problem. All I had to do was sneak Len out of the building like the stolen property he was.

“How about dinner?” I wrapped my arm through Len’s and guided him to the exit, leaving Grayson standing with a gaping mouth and pissed off radiating out of every over-astringented pore. I stepped into my own slice and Len entered the one behind me. I concentrated on the many greasy fingerprints on the glass and not on the irate man left behind.

Len’s mate stepped onto the sidewalk, and Grayson burst through the handicapped exit. In a desperate attempt to stop her, he knocked her briefcase out of her hand. Paper fell to the ground, pens rolled, personal effects flew. Her hands gestured wildly in the air before bending over and grabbing her belongings.

Grayson knelt down next to her and captured the pages that tried to take flight. “I’m so sorry…” He lifted up the paper, scanning it quickly before he handed it back. “Lauren?”

She took the paper from his hand. “Yes, Lauren. And it’s okay, accidents happen.”

A stray piece of paper floated over to where Len and I stood, and settled between his loafers. He picked it up, walked over, and handed it to her. My heart stopped when their fingers brushed. I watched their arrows, holding my breath tight.

The newly named Lauren’s arrow, flickered, faded, and almost disappeared, but Len’s arrow didn’t falter.

I cleared my throat. Len broke contact and her arrow popped back, bright as a halogen bulb.

Crisis averted. Fate stepped in, proving love to be stronger than Cupid’s arrow.

“Let’s go to dinner.” I wrapped my hand around his, pulling him far away from Grayson, Lauren, and Cupid’s reach. “There’s this fantastic Thai restaurant around the corner.”

Len didn’t say a word on our walk to dinner. He didn’t hold my hand, or bridge the three-foot gap between us. Something stunk in Denmark.

We entered the restaurant, found a table tucked back in the corner behind a large red pillar, and took our seats. A tiny Asian girl placed two glasses of water on the plastic tablecloth and left us menus. Len flipped his menu open and held it in front of his face, still silent.

“Are you mad about something?” I stuck my spoon in my glass and swirled the water.

He grabbed the spoon from my hand and put it on the table between us. “Stop. That drives me crazy.”

My lips turned down and I tried to control the toddler pout in my voice. “Sorry.” I tucked my hands between my thighs to stop from grabbing the spoon and swirling away my nervousness.

“Not mad, frustrated.” He placed his menu on the table and leaned back in his chair. “Two days in a row I’ve found you with Grayson. A name I might never have heard if that couple hadn’t mentioned him at dinner the other night.”

A stray piece of hair fell into my face and I tucked it back. “I should’ve told you Grayson and I had a work thing today.”

Len blew out a sigh that messed up the front of his hair. “It feels like you’re keeping secrets from me.” The waitress came and Len ordered for both of us. She left and Len continued, “I don’t like secrets or games or lies.”

What could I say to him? Right now my life was nothing but secrets, games, lies, and adultery. And the secrets were more than make-you-frustrated bad. They were soul crushing, I’m-an-evil-bitch bad.

“Is there something more going on between you and Grayson? Something other than work and random encounters?”

I couldn’t answer that question without another lie, so I talked around it and did my best to make Len happy with my explanation and half-truths. “I wish Grayson wasn’t in my life. Our boss forced us to work together. I’m trying to find a way out of our partnership, but until I do, I’m stuck with him.”

“How many more days do you plan on spending with him?”

“I have to talk to him every day, just work things, nothing more.”

Our food came and we both took a couple of we-must-eat bites. I hoped that Len would forget our conversation, move on to another subject, but when his fork clattered onto his plate, I knew that we weren’t done discussing Grayson.

“I am mad.” He tossed his napkin on the table. “I’ve caught you in more lies the past several days than I have in the past two years.” His words carried five-alarm heat. “I expect my future wife to be honest with me at all times.”

He acted like I was a disobedient puppy or a 1950’s housewife.

“I already explained this. I didn’t tell you about Grayson because he is nothing to me.”

“Bullshit.”

I jumped at the unexpected curse word that passed his lips, glanced around to see if any of the other patrons noticed the stranger who now sat next to me. Twisted into a controlling shell of the man I loved for the past two years.

He blotted the corners of his mouth with the napkin, like the foulness of the swear word could be wiped away. “Excuse my language.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “If he were really nothing to you, you would have told me about him. Not hidden him away like a dirty little secret.”

“I didn’t realize that not telling you about a co-worker would cause you to lose your trust in me.” I reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “Let me figure out a way to get out of working with Grayson, and he’ll be out of our lives for good.”

Len smiled, picked up his fork with the hand not held down by mine, and started picking at his food. “I’d be very happy if I didn’t ever have to see him again.”

At least we agreed on something.

We finished our meal with polite conversation about what he had done at work, what needed to be done around the house, and our plans for the weekend. But things were stilted between us, uncomfortable, unusual. A splinter had formed under the surface and I wasn’t sure I had tweezers small enough to pluck it out before it grew infected and festered.

We walked out of the restaurant holding hands, but the warmth was missing from his touch. He left me at Doris with the promise to meet me at the house.

I was out of options, out of time, and out of excuses. I needed freedom from Grayson, otherwise Len would leave. He hadn’t said the exact words, but they skimmed the surface, ready to break free if I didn’t find a way out of this mess.

A small pit dropped into my stomach. Tiny. Not ready to sprout.

* * * *

Pulling into my driveway, I spotted Grayson’s black Audi parked next to Len’s BMW, and that pit sprouted limbs larger than the Laurel trees that shaded the cars.

The limbs grew, twisted, tightened. Took my lungs and squeezed. Squeezed. Squeezed. Squeezed out every last bit of hope and happiness.

Grayson stood on the front porch, leaning against the railing, hands stuffed in his pockets. I glanced at his face. Neutral. Bland. Uninterested.

Asshole.

I was afraid to look at Len, but I had to. And when I did my heart took hold of those limbs and clawed. Clawed its way down. Then settled right next to that shattered pit.

Len marched like a stiff soldier on the grass, halfway between the porch and the driveway. The complete opposite of Grayson’s calm composure. He. Was. Pissed.

Doris provided a safe, comfortable environment, free from angry men, but I didn’t deserve her comfort. I found my nerve, opened the door, and shoved one foot out of the car.

My shoe hit the concrete. Len rushed over, his hands clenching and unclenching at his side, eyes pinched into tiny slits. He stopped in front of me, lifted his arm, and pointed at Grayson. “Why is he at our fucking house?” The second time I heard him swear in two years, both in the same night.

“It’s time to tell him the truth, Noel,” Grayson yelled from the comfort of his perch.

And with those eight words, Grayson handed us all a one-way ticket to this-is-going-to-get-ugly.

Six

No Talking After Orgasms

The bullet train of my shitty life tore off through the fire that engulfed my heart. All three of us on board were about to be charred by its flames. Pretending, hiding, running away wouldn’t solve my problems. Wouldn’t make the two men with menacing looks and unwelcoming disapproval disappear off the wrap-around porch, or change the outcome of this conversation to something that didn’t leave me filled with despair.

Len stepped closer. The cool breeze kicked up and filled my nostrils with a mixture of his cologne and a whole bunch of pissed off. His anger clogged my throat, choked me. I needed space, so I stepped to the side, one step closer to Doris. He moved with me and refused to back away, like he expected to me to make a Thelma and Louise getaway. He crowded me, got in my face, forced me to see the tightness around his eyes, the flare of his nostrils. The anger and hostility that embraced him like a sensual lover.

“What does he mean it’s time to tell me the truth?” His anger turned the words into darts.

I peeked over Len’s shoulder, a quick glance at Grayson. He leaned against the railing like he owned the place, like Len’s home belonged to him, like I belonged to him. He watched my every move with cold, calculating eyes that didn’t give away his thoughts. Damn. What I wouldn’t do for mental telepathy.

I wanted to focus on Len, tell him that everything would be okay, that Grayson was a temporary problem in our relationship, lie once again. But the lies needed to stop. Grayson was right. It was time to tell the truth.

But it wasn’t up to Grayson when I came clean.
If
I came clean. Or
how
I came clean.

“Give me a moment to talk to Grayson.” Talk, scream, rant, rave, whatever you want to call the conversation I was about to have with my partner.

Len grabbed my arm and spun me around so we were facing Grayson. “We’ll talk to him together.”

The walk across my front yard felt as if I was taking my final steps in front of a firing squad. Len dragged me forward even though my feet were doing their best interpretation of anchors. We made it to the steps and Len tugged me up beside him.

His fingers tightened around my arm, once again holding me in place. “Let me guess. More work related items you forgot to mention?” He aimed his words at Grayson.

“More or less.” Grayson’s relaxed stance of folded arms and sleepy eyes proved he couldn’t have been more uninterested in the pissed off man standing in front of him. “Noel, can we talk?”

Len blocked Grayson’s view of me. “Anything you have to say can be said in front of me.”

Grayson leaned to the side and looked around Len. “Does he ever let you make your own decisions?”

“Don’t talk to her.” Len put his hand on Grayson’s shoulder and gave him a little shove. Not hard enough to force him to move, but just enough to get his attention. “This conversation is between you and me.”

Grayson adjusted the collar of his shirt. “You don’t want to hear the truth from me, although at this moment, I would love to wipe that arrogant I’m-better-than-you-smile off your smug face.” He stuffed his hands back in his pockets. “Put an end to this, Noel.” The “or I will” was hidden in his flat tone.

Put an end to a two-year relationship that not only made me happy, but also rescued me from a life of bad choices and broken hearts? I didn’t want to let Len go, but I’d be happy to let Grayson go right over the edge of the Grand Canyon.

But you know what they say about a wish in one hand and shit in the other. Time to girl up, because continuing to pretend things were normal and uncomplicated wasn’t going to change the outcome.

I wanted to reach out and stroke Len’s smooth jaw. Trace his lips. Erase the pain that filled his eyes. What happened next would break his heart.

And mine.

I slipped Len’s ring off my finger and held it out. When he didn’t take it, I opened his palm and placed it in his hand. Air pummeled into my now-empty lungs and forced out the most painful words I had ever uttered. “I can’t accept this.”

He looked at the sparkling metal, then up at me, his eyes full of questions and accusations. “Why?

Pain percolated in my belly, weakened my muscles, rendering my trembling limbs useless, before flowing through my veins on a warpath to my heart, where it settled and constricted.

My words shook when I finally answered. “I haven’t been honest with you.”

Len tucked my ring safely in the front pocket of his pants, then pointed his finger in Grayson’s direction. “It’s because of him, isn’t it?”

My head barely moved in an affirmative nod. “Yes.”

He walked to the black porch swing and fell down on to the burgundy and white striped cushion. “I knew it when I saw you together today. How long has this been going on?”

“A few weeks.”

“How could you do this to me?” He jumped out of the swing and it banged against the house, punctuating his anger. He paced, hands scrubbing through his hair, messing it up like I messed up our happy relationship.

I wanted to smooth down the strands that stuck out. Smooth down the wrinkles and ripples Cupid created in our love. Smooth Grayson down with a steamroller.

“I never meant for it to happen. That’s the truth.”

He turned on me. “You never meant to fall into bed with your co-worker? I knew eventually you would break my heart. Knew you wouldn’t be anything but trouble, but I allowed myself to fall for you and your promises that you wouldn’t do to me what all the men before me had done to you.” Len eyed me for a few tense moments. “Do you love him?”

“Yes, Noel. Tell us. Do you love me?” Grayson interjected himself into our conversation.

I ignored him and stepped closer to Len. I wanted to grab his hand, drag him inside, shut the door, and pretend this night never happened. Go back to the moment he proposed and I said yes. Forget about soul mates and bobbing arrows and Cupid. But, I wasn’t a coward and all these weeks of lying needed to end.

“No, Len. I don’t love Grayson.” I leveled my gaze at Grayson so he knew I meant the words that came next. “I never have and I never will.”

Grayson met my gaze head on. With a lazy smile he said, “That’s right, it was just hot sex in a pre-registered hotel every other week.”

Nice way to stick the knife in and twist, asshole. And Cupid wondered why I never let myself fall in love with the bastard.