Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded (31 page)

Chapter Forty-Three

LEVI

M
erry Christmas,” my mum says quietly as she opens my bedroom door. I smile and
sleepily rub my eyes to shield them from the bright morning light.

“Merry Christmas,” Caleb responds groggily, putting his face in his pillow. “What
time is it?”

“It's nine,” my mum responds.

Caleb groans. “I barely slept all night. How am I supposed to get used to the time
zones?”

I laugh. “You'll get used to it.” I slowly get out of bed and quickly tug down my
T-shirt, which went up slightly while I slept.

“Breakfast is ready when you are,” Mum says, leaving my room.

I quickly try to make my hair a little more presentable, even though it's going to
be a mess no matter what. Caleb refuses to get out of bed, and I'm pretty sure he
fell back asleep, so I throw one of my pillows at him.

“A few more minutes,” Caleb mumbles, barely moving.

“C'mon, Caleb. I can smell pancakes and bacon. If you don't get up, I'm going to
eat it all.”

Caleb slowly sits up. “Okay, fine.” He runs his hands through his hair and yawns.
He follows me to the kitchen, and I can hear him yawning every few seconds.

My mum tells us to sit at the table, so we do. She brings us our breakfast, which
consists of eggs, pancakes, toast, and bacon. I don't remember the last time I actually
had anything other than cereal for breakfast.

We both quickly eat, and my parents wait patiently for us to finish since they must
have already eaten. My parents have always remained friendly, I think for my well-being,
but it's always nice to see them having a normal conversation and not fighting.

It sort of feels like a dream, or maybe even a Christmas miracle, that both of my
parents and Caleb are here. I thought it would just be my dad and me, and that Christmas
would be really boring.

“Is Delilah coming over later?” Caleb asks with his mouth full.

I nod.

Caleb smirks. “What'd you get her?”

I shrug. “It's not that great.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I got her a necklace. It has, like, heartbeat lines on it connected to a heart.
You know, like, the lines on a heart monitor,” I tell him, feeling my cheeks heat
up.

“Girls love stuff like that. Good choice.”

“Are you boys ready yet?” my mum asks.

I nod and quickly finish the last of my breakfast. I sit down in front of the tree,
and Caleb sits beside me. My parents sit on the couch.

“My presents for you guys were already shipped out,” I tell my mum and Caleb.

My dad shakes his head. “Check under the tree. I didn't mail them.”

“But what about Caleb's? How'd you—”

"Don't worry, I have it all under control,” my dad tells me, laughing.

My dad helped me buy everything, since obviously I couldn't afford much. I had some
money saved up, but not a lot. At some point, I guess I'm going to need a job.

I smile and search for presents marked with their names. I find Caleb's first, which
isn't even under the tree, and give it to him.

He quickly unwraps the large box and opens it up.

“No way. You did not!” he yells.

I laugh. “I did.”

I got Caleb a new guitar, because when I was still in Australia, his guitar was falling
apart. He got his guitar when he was seven, and it was passed down to him, so it's
pretty beat up now. He was always trying to get a new one, but his parents never
would buy it, and he couldn't afford it himself.

He runs his hand over the neck and gently takes it out of the box. He quickly tunes
it and plays some chords.

“This is perfect. I can't believe you got this for me!” He can't stop smiling or
take his eyes off the guitar.

“Good luck getting it on the plane home,” I tell him.

He shrugs and laughs, continuing to play.

He puts the guitar aside after a little, and we continue to open presents. Caleb
brought me a bunch of stuff from Australia, which I really like. I've been getting
really homesick lately, and he knows that. There's food, pictures, seashells, and
it even kind of smells like Australia, which is weird. I never realized Australia
had a distinct smell. He even got some of our old friends to write messages in a
book. I honestly didn't think people would notice I was gone, but according to their
messages, they do. I always just thought no one cared about me anymore. The majority
of people that wrote messages haven't spoken to me in months.

I try not to cry because I'm overcome with emotions after opening Caleb's gift.

“Dude, you better not start bawling,” Caleb says, laughing.

I quickly wipe my eyes. “I'm not,” I tell him, laughing at myself.

I give my mum a homemade movie I made for her, which has videos and pictures I found
from when I was younger. There are current ones in it too. My dad had secretly been
taking videos and
pictures of me, and so had Delilah. Little does she know that I
did the same with her.

We finish opening presents an hour later. I gave my dad a book that my mum had sent
here by accident when I moved, which had a lot of things from my childhood, like
school projects and photos. My dad always says he wishes he paid more attention to
the stuff I did when I was younger, so I thought he'd like it.

My parents got me two tickets so I can go home to Australia during the summer. I'm
not sure if it's to go back for good, or just for a trip. I'm honestly torn between
here and Australia, because they're both my home now. I don't want to think about
that right now though.

After presents, we all just sit around and talk, which is really nice. It's been
months since I've spoken to my mum and Caleb, so I think they want to talk about
anything and everything.

Delilah texts me and tells me she'll come over sometime around noon to exchange presents.
I am still nervous she might not like the necklace I got her.

Caleb and I go back to my room, because he wants to play the guitar. He sits down
on the air mattress that's in my room and plays random chords on the guitar. He hums
lightly as he plays.

He stops abruptly when my phone vibrates with a text from Delilah.

“Are you guys dating?” he asks, smirking mischievously.

I nearly choke, and my cheeks blush. “No.”

“Sure seems like it.”

“We're just friends.”

“Friends don't kick each other under the table or give each other heart necklaces,”
Caleb says, using finger quotes around the word
friends
.

“Yes, they do.”

“Not really. Are you blind, Levi? You obviously both like each other.”

I shake my head and shrug. “Maybe we do. We're just not doing anything about it.”

“Well, you should. I don't know what she's done, but I'm pretty sure she's the reason
you've completely changed since I last saw you. Whatever's going on, it's working.”

I roll my eyes and hear a knock at the door. Delilah walks in and smiles.

“Hey, guys,” she says, standing in the doorway.

Caleb waves and smiles. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas! Nice hair, Levi,” she says, laughing.

“Okay, I know it's a mess, no need to tell me.” I run my fingers through my hair
to try to fix it.

“I'll be going now,” Caleb says, picking up his guitar and leaving my room.

Delilah sits beside me on my bed and places a gift bag in my lap. “Merry Christmas,”
she whispers, smiling widely.

“You already brought Caleb and my mum here, you didn't have to get me something else,”
I tell her.

“It's nothing huge,” she says, joining her fingers with mine.

“I can't open the gift if I'm holding your hand,” I say awkwardly.

She laughs. “Right.”

I take out the tissue paper and pull out a beanie. More specifically, the beanie
Delilah took and never gave back. There's also a sweatshirt she never returned to
me.

“Figured you'd be wanting those at some point,” she says.

I laugh. “I wondered where these went.”

I take Delilah's hand in mine and place the small box in the palm of her hand.

She unwraps it slowly and gently opens the box to reveal the necklace.

“Levi, it's beautiful,” she gasps.

“It's a heartbeat. I thought you'd like it. I thought of you when I saw it because
you're the reason my heart continues to beat. Without you, I'm not sure where I'd
be,” I tell her nervously.

Delilah hugs me tightly. “This is the best gift ever, thank you. I love—I love all
the thought you put into it.”

I blush. “It's no big deal, really.”

I help her put the necklace on, and she runs her finger across the zigzagged line.

“I don't ever want to take it off,” she says.

“I was so worried you wouldn't like it.”

“I love it. I couldn't ask for a better Christmas present from you.”

I shrug. “Having you in my life is the best present I could have ever received.”

Chapter Forty-Four

LEVI

C
aleb?” I whisper. It's way past midnight, and I haven't been able to sleep for
the past two hours.

“Yeah?” he mumbles.

“Are you awake?” I prop myself up on my elbow to try and see him, even though it's
pitch black.

“Obviously, if I'm talking,” he groans.

“Well, you sleep talk sometimes,” I say, laughing.

“No, I don't.”

“Yes, you do.”

I hear him move on his air mattress, and the light from his phone illuminates his
face.

“It's almost one in the morning. What's wrong?” he says.

“I can't sleep.”

“And why's that?”

I shrug, even though he can't see me. “I can't stop thinking.”

“About what?”

Caleb's always been like this. He's always concerned about me and asks questions
to make sure I'm okay. Most of my “friends” back in Australia never bothered to see
if I was really okay. Caleb never gets annoyed, though, no matter how awful I am.

“Delia. This happens a lot. And especially now that it's the first Christmas without
her. I was trying to avoid being sad the
past few days, but I can't help it, and
it gets really bad at night, and I never know what to do because once I start thinking,
it doesn't stop, and I just get wallowed up in my sadness, and I'm really trying
not to let it happen, but sometimes I can't control it, and—”

"Levi, it's way too early in the morning to be speaking that fast. Breathe. Relax.”

“I can't, though, because she's every single thought in my head right now, no matter
how hard I try to stop it,” I say, rubbing my eyes.

Caleb sighs. “I know this is hard, and it will probably always be a little difficult.
There will be a lot of ‘firsts' without Delia. It's okay though. You just need to
cope with it, and it'll get easier as time goes on.” Caleb yawns quietly. “Try to
go to sleep, and we can talk more later.”

“All right. Thanks, Caleb.”

He yawns again. “Goodnight, Levi.”

“Goodnight.”

I stay awake for another hour. I try to fall asleep, but I can't. No matter how hard
I try to calm my mind, my thoughts are going wild.

So many things have changed since last Christmas. Almost nothing is the same. Last
Christmas, I was at my
home-home
in Australia. I had spent the morning with Delia,
and we stayed up late that night talking on the phone. She gave me a bunch of really
bad movies and candy for Christmas, promising that we would watch one movie every
Friday and make fun of them. We only got through half of them. I haven't touched
them since. They're sitting somewhere in the closet in my room back in Australia.
I wonder what Delia would have wanted for Christmas. I wonder what we would have
given each other. I can't help but think about what Christmas would have been like
with her.

At some point, I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up in the morning to the
bright sun shining through my window. I squint and look down at the floor to where
Caleb is, and he's still asleep.

I quietly get out of bed and walk out of my room. Thankfully, I don't wake Caleb
up. My mum is sitting on the couch, watching something on TV. I sit down beside her,
and she smiles.

“Good morning,” she says quietly. She's always quiet in the morning. Even when it's
just her and me in our house, it's like she doesn't want to wake anyone up.

“Hi,” I say, equally as quiet.

“You look tired,” she tells me.

I rub my eyes. “Because I am.”

She sighs. “Is everything okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, I was just thinking too much, I guess.”

She puts her hand on top of mine. “Are you sure everything is okay? Did something
happen?”

“No, no, everything's fine. I was just thinking a lot about Delia, but I'm good now.
It happens every once in a while, I'm used to it.”

“Have you been taking your pills?” she asks, concerned.

I nod. “Every day. I promise.”

She smiles a little. “Good. You're getting much better.”

“I know.”

My mum gets up from the couch and leaves the room. She comes back with a large envelope
with my name on it. “I wasn't sure when to give you this, but now seems like a good
time. It's from Delia's parents.”

I slowly take the envelope and debate whether or not I should open it. I'm afraid
of what might be inside.

“They thought you would like it,” my mum tells me.

I slowly rip open the envelope, and two pictures fall out. A piece of paper comes
out too.