Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded (32 page)

I look at the two pictures. One is of Delia and me at one of my games. We're talking
through the fence, like we always did. Our fingers are slightly intertwined through
the fence's wires, and she's smiling widely.

The second picture is Delia leaning her head on my shoulder with her eyes shut and
a small smile is on her lips. I don't remember
this picture ever being taken, or
even when it was taken. But I like it. I like to remember her smiling.

I try not to cry and take a deep breath.

“I haven't looked at pictures of her for a really, really long time,” I whisper.

“I know,” my mum says. Even without me telling her, my mum always seems to know things.

I open up the letter her parents wrote me and read it over a few times.

Levi,

Merry Christmas! We hope all is going well for you. We really do miss you. Your mum's
been keeping us updated, it's like you never left!

We found these pictures in Delia's room and thought you might want them.

We want you to remember the happier times. You always made Delia very happy, and
we know she did the same for you. She wouldn't want to see you sad or upset. All
she ever wanted was for you to be happy.

Your mum has told us that things are getting better. You've made some good friends,
which is fantastic! Please don't hold yourself back from them. We are sure they are
all great, and you're making good memories with them. From what your mum has told
us, they seem perfect for you! I'm sure Delia is looking down on you smiling. We
know how hard it is to let go of someone who meant so much, but that's what Delia,
and we, want. We want what will make you happy.

We hope you're having a great time in Maine, and we hope to see you soon. We don't
want to end this on a sad note, so here's a picture of Delia and you. Delia loved
these pictures! Look at your hair!

Be well.

Merry Christmas, Levi.

I smile, even though there are tears in my eyes. My mum hasn't stopped looking at
me this whole time.

“They're right. We all want you to be happy, Levi. It's been so hard seeing you so
sad. You have no idea how proud I am of how far you've come the past few months,”
my mum says, her voice slightly breaking.

“I love you, Mum,” I whisper.

“I love you too. We all want what's best for you,” she says, hugging me tightly.

We talk for a few minutes about Delia, but it doesn't make me sad like it usually
does. It makes me strangely happy. My eyes are slightly watery, though.

Looking at the pictures, I notice differences instead of similarities between Delia
and Delilah. I think about how Delilah bites her nails, and Delia didn't. Delilah's
eyes are a little lighter, and her smile is a little wider. The more I look, the
more I see.

I quickly wipe my eyes and stand up from the couch.

“I'm gonna go to Delilah's,” I tell my mum. “I have to talk to her.”

I grab my jacket and walk outside toward Delilah's. Hopefully she's awake.

I'm really thankful that Delia's parents wrote that letter and sent the pictures.
I really needed it right now. It was nice to read what they had to say and see the
old pictures. Although Delia and I didn't know each other when we were younger, we
always compared pictures. It surprisingly didn't make me sad to read their letter
or look at the pictures they sent. It made me happy, and I feel somewhat lighter.
They told me what I needed to hear from them, which is that it's okay to move on.
Many people have said that, but I guess what I needed was for Delia's own parents
to say it. No one knew Delia better than them.

I call Delilah, and she picks up after a few rings.

“Yes, Levi?” she says.

“I'm outside your house,” I tell her as I'm walking up her driveway. I open up the
front door that's always unlocked. “Okay, I'm inside your house now.” I wave to Lucy
while she's watching TV. “I'm coming to your room. And I'm here,” I say, hanging
up the phone and sitting down on Delilah's bed. She's standing in front of her closet,
wearing her pajamas, and her hair's in a messy bun.

“What if I had already started getting dressed? You can't just barge in here,” she
tells me while pretending to be upset.

I shrug. “Too late. Nice pajamas.” Her pants have smiling penguins on them.

“Not as bad as your pizza underwear,” she tells me.

“Okay, you walked into my house
once
when I was getting changed, and you haven't
let me live it down,” I say, putting my head in my hands.

She sits beside me and laughs. “Why are you over here so early, anyway?” I notice
that she's wearing the necklace I got her.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?” She tilts her head to the side and scrunches her nose cutely.

“Well, Delia's parents sent me a letter, and it made me realize that I really like
being with you, and you make me really happy, and you're the good thing I needed,
and I know I say stuff like this all the time, but I'm really thankful to have you
in my life, and I felt the need to come and tell you that right now because you never
know when something might happen,” I say very quickly. I feel my cheeks heat up.

“You're so cute, Levi,” she says, smiling. “I'm thankful to have you in my life too.”

“But I don't think you know how much you've done for me. You're the greatest thing
that's ever happened to me, and you're making my life so much better. And it's weird
to think that I lost someone who was that person to me, and I thought I would never
be happy again. But I am, and it's because of you. I used to think that I could never
find someone that would make me as happy as
Delia did, but you do. You make me happier
than I've ever been. It's a different kind of happy than how Delia made me feel.
It's a whole different set of emotions, and it scares me so much.” I'm still talking
really quickly. I barely take any breaths in between sentences.

She reaches out to hold my hand. “Don't be scared,” she says quietly. She smiles
lightly. “It's okay that someone other than Delia is making you happy. I'm happy
that I'm that person for you.”

“Everyone is saying that. But that's not what I'm scared about.”

“Then what is it?”

“I like you, Delilah. A lot. All you have to do is smile, and my heart starts racing,
and I hate it. I never thought I would ever feel this way about someone other than
Delia,” I blurt out.

She smiles and squeezes my hand. “Sometimes the best things aren't really what you
were searching for.”

She leans closer to me, and I can feel her light breaths. She smiles again and blinks
slowly.

“Is this okay?” she whispers. It's like what I used to say to her.

I nod and smile, even though I'm extremely nervous. Our noses are almost touching.

Suddenly, Lucy comes running into the room. “I can't reach my sippy cup in the fridge!”
she yells.

Delilah quickly scoots away from me and jumps off the bed. She rolls her eyes and
walks over to Lucy.

“I, uh, I'll be right back,” Delilah tells me as she goes into the kitchen.

I nervously rub my nose as I wait for Delilah to come back. What even happened? Is
it going to be awkward when she comes back? Like, was that an almost kiss? I don't
even know, I'm so confused, everything is so confusing. I don't know what just happened.
Maybe it wasn't an almost kiss, and I just imagined it.

Delilah comes back shortly after and sits down next to me again. “Sorry about that,”
she says, looking down at her hands.

“It's okay.”

“She ruins everything.”

I shrug and rub the back of my neck. “I should get going. Caleb wanted to go see
some new movie.”

“Oh, okay. I, uh, I'll see you later then,” she says quietly.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, and Levi?”

“Yeah?”

She quickly kisses the tip of my nose and her cheeks turn pink. “You make me happy
too.”

Chapter Forty-Five

LEVI

W
ait, what do you mean you had an ‘almost kiss' with Delilah?” Caleb asks me. He's
sitting cross-legged on the air mattress with his guitar beside him. I got home about
an hour ago, and Caleb has been helping me figure out what happened.

I pace my room slowly. “I don't know. Like, we were leaned in and everything, and
then Lucy came in and couldn't reach her sippy cup, and Delilah left, and when she
came back she kissed my nose,” I tell him, all in one breath. “Is that an almost
kiss?”

“You literally had a girlfriend for over a year, and you're horrible at relationships.
Clearly it was an almost kiss!”

I pull at the ends of my hair and take a deep breath. “So what does that mean now?
Is it going to be awkward the next time I see her? It's so going to be awkward, I
know it will be. Am I supposed to kiss her for real now? I don't know . . .”

“Stop answering your own questions,” Caleb says, laughing lightly. “You need to relax.
Everything will work out. If you make it awkward, it will be awkward.”

“I won't make it awkward, then.”

“You're one of the most awkward people I know,” Caleb says.

I groan and sit down on my bed and put my head in my hands.

“Give me your phone,” Caleb says, reaching his hand toward me.

“No, why?”

“Just give it to me.”

I reluctantly pull my phone out of my pocket and toss it to Caleb.

He unlocks my phone quickly, and it's weird he still remembers my password. He quickly
types something and puts the phone up to his ear.

“No, you're not doing what I think you're doing,” I exclaim, trying to grab the phone
from him.

He moves away from me so I can't reach my phone, and he keeps kicking me away.

“Hi, Delilah! It's Caleb!” he says cheerily.

“Hi?” I hear Delilah say. I have my head close to the phone so I can hear too.

“So, I was wondering, do you want to go ice skating with Levi and me tomorrow? Aiden
and Mitchell can come too. I just thought it'd be fun for us to all go.” Caleb smirks
at me and raises his eyebrows. I shove him, and he kicks me away from him again.

Caleb continues to talk, but I can't hear Delilah anymore. “Okay . . . Sounds good
. . . We'll ask Aiden and Mitchell too . . . See you then . . . Bye!”

Caleb gives me my phone and picks his guitar back up. He begins to play softly.

“Well, are you gonna tell me what that was about?” I ask.

“Oh, I mean, I could. If you really wanted me to.”

“Do you want me to send you back home?” I say sarcastically.

He puts his hands up. “Jeez. We're all going to go ice skating tomorrow at one o'clock.
Call Aiden and Mitchell to ask them.”

“And why are we going ice skating?”

“Like I said, you are clueless in relationships. Ice skating is romantic, I am told.
You can hold her hand and skate around and do whatever cute stuff people in relationships
do.”

“We're not in a relationship.”

“Well, you're close enough. Buy her a hot chocolate and warm up her hands or something.
Girls like that.”

“You've never even been in a serious relationship. How do you know what girls like?”

“I'm Caleb Hopkins. I know e
verything.
”

“I'm seriously going to put you on the earliest flight to Australia.”

“I'm being helpful. I'm a great friend, and you'll be thanking me tomorrow—just wait
and see.”

“I'm nervous,” I tell Caleb as we park in front of Delilah's house. Aiden is driving,
and Mitchell's meeting us there. Caleb is in the passenger seat, and he turns around
to look at me.

“It's Delilah. Don't be nervous,” he says.

“But she
makes
me nervous!” I blurt out.

Aiden laughs and turns around too. “You've both admitted to liking each other, so
stop being so panicky. Just go for it.”

“But—” I say.

“Don't even say anything about Delia,” Caleb mumbles, turning around. He always
knows when I'm about to bring her up. “Delia was then. Delilah is now. It's okay,
Levi. I promise.”

Aiden smiles sympathetically.

“Okay,” I say quietly, opening the car door. I'm not sure why I'm so anxious; I always
hang out with Delilah. But that almost kiss has changed everything.

I'm afraid I'm going to mess everything up. Everything good in my life always turns
bad, and I don't want that to happen with Delilah too. I'm trying my best to not
mess things up.

I ring Delilah's doorbell and wait patiently on her front steps. The door opens shortly
after, and Delilah stands there, smiling.

“Hey,” she says, walking outside. “Nice mittens.”

“Caleb has my gloves,” I pout. I nervously fix my hair, which just makes it worse
because I have mittens on. Delilah laughs and quickly reaches up to help me. “Thanks,”
I mumble.

She smiles and gets into the car.

“Hey, guys!” Delilah says.

“Hi!” Caleb and Aiden say in unison.

Delilah and I laugh. Delilah's hand is in the center of the seat, and I debate reaching
for it, but I don't.

Aiden starts to drive to the skating rink, and we all talk about random stuff. Caleb
and Aiden argue over which radio station to listen to, but they finally agree on
listening to one of Aiden's CDs. I like how Caleb gets along so well with Aiden and
Delilah. It's like we've all known each other our whole lives. Caleb fits in perfectly
with us. I really don't want him to go back to Australia in a week.