Resilience (7 page)

In fact, he felt like his knees had turned to jelly and he had to grab onto the table, his hands on either side of Todd’s hips. There’d been fresh bruises on Todd’s torso, two or three that Adam had seen.

“What happened?” he asked when he was able to speak. He’d had to wait until he was sure he wouldn’t be sick. Anger and fear were a nauseating combination—apparently resulting in rapid babbling. “Who did this? Are they in jail? Or did you shoot them? Because that would be an okay thing to do to anyone who hit you. Not that I’m advocating murder, well, I am but it’s not the same thing because you’re a cop and—” Adam had to actually bite his tongue to shut himself off, and it fricking hurt. But he did it, and looked at Todd expectantly.

Todd started trying to button up the shirt, and kept his gaze averted. His cheeks were flaming red, and Adam wanted to tell him it was okay, he didn’t have to answer any of those questions. Except Adam thought Todd kind of did, at least some of them. Those two kisses, and the current of attraction that was running between him and Todd? None of them was easily dismissed or ignored, and Adam couldn’t help but believe—because he wasn’t as cynical as he’d believed, was he?—each of those were unspoken promises. And he was

positive, now that he and Todd had begun to acknowledge the way they were drawn to each other, they’d never be able to ignore it again. So yes, he wanted answers, thought he had the right to them.

Adam caught Todd’s hands in his and, after a few seconds of hesitating, Todd finally allowed Adam to push the shirt back open. Then Adam slid his hands up to Todd’s

shoulders—God, how many times he’d imagined doing this, undressing his sexy deputy!—

and shoved the shirt down.

He was a pervert, he scolded himself, because he knew, he knew Todd was hurt, and yet Adam couldn’t stop himself from getting hard as he looked at Todd’s chest, milky white skin, red-gold hair covering his pecs, coral nipples hardening as Adam eyed them. There were freckles, on Todd’s shoulders and where the vee of his shirt had laid open over the years, and—

“Jesus.” Adam sucked in a sharp breath and darted a glance up at Todd before turning it back to the first bruise, the one higher up on his ribs. “Todd, tell me.” He touched it gently, relieved when Todd didn’t hiss or cuss or even flinch. It meant Todd wasn’t excruciatingly sore, for which Adam was grateful.

Todd shifted on the table, and startled Adam by cupping the back of his neck. When

Todd massaged the tense muscles there, Adam moaned softly, but he didn’t stop carefully tracing the bruises. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Todd muttered a minute or two later.

Adam looked up at him then and frowned. “Todd, can’t you trust me?” To think he couldn’t just hurt.

Todd swallowed nervously and he moved his hand around until he was cupping Adam’s cheek. “It isn’t that. It’s just… I’m s-s—” Todd’s stuttering was, Adam knew, a sign of his discomfort at the very least. But Adam couldn’t shake the belief that this was important. If it’d been just some criminal, Todd wouldn’t have been afraid to tell him, right?

Adam hated to make Todd so uncomfortable, it made his heart pinch, and he kissed

Todd again. He stroked Todd’s sides, warm skin and firm muscle feeling like perfection beneath his palms. Todd shook, or quaked, Adam wasn’t sure what to call it. Then Todd pulled him in, held him tight despite the bruises, so tight Adam could barely breathe, and took control of the kiss. He melted Adam, that was all there was to it. Adam went warm then hot inside, and he couldn’t suppress a moan as he leaned into Todd.

By the time Todd lifted his head, Adam had forgotten his questions. His body was aching for more, the craving he’d only begun to acknowledge swelling until Adam was ready to let Todd take him regardless of the fact that the clinic was open and employees were on the clock.

But Todd just held him and rocked them slightly, and rubbed Adam’s back with long sweeps of his hands.

Then he stilled, and Adam started to step back, but Todd tenderly pressed Adam’s head to his shoulder. “I can’t say it if you’re looking at me,” Todd said in a broken voice, and Adam had to seriously restrain himself from jerking back to do just what Todd didn’t want him to do. But then Todd wouldn’t be able to speak, maybe even wouldn’t trust him, so Adam kept still and waited.

“I’m ashamed, Adam, and you won’t…” Todd stopped and cleared his throat, but he

still sounded as if he’d swallowed gravel. “You won’t want someone like me. I’m so messed up. So messed up.” He laughed, a bitter cackle unlike anything Adam would have expected from Todd, and it scared Adam to his core. “What kind of man lets someone hit him?”

“Lets—” Adam was confused as hell. He rolled his head on Todd’s shoulder, trying to see him. Was Todd into being hit and—no, no he didn’t believe that.

“Lets,” Todd said. “I didn’t fight back, but I never have, not that I remember. And he’d kill me, I know he would, if he knew about me and you.”

Adam couldn’t help it, he jerked back then, feeling as if he’d been the one to receive the body blows. “You—you have a lover? A—what?” Adam hadn’t heard a peep about Todd

having anyone! How—

“No.” Todd stood up then and whipped the shirt off, and the sweet gentle man Adam

knew seemed to vanish beneath a stoic mask as Todd gestured at his bare torso. If it weren’t for the pain he saw in Todd’s eyes, Adam would have thought Todd was as unaffected by his bruises and the situation as he obviously wanted Adam to believe.

“This wasn’t from a lover,” Todd said bitterly. “I’ve never had anyone. This,” he

touched one of the bruises, “and this,” then he turned and Adam stumbled back, “are all from my parents. Mostly my father, but Mom had her hand in it a time or two.”

Adam grabbed onto the countertop behind him for support. The scars on Todd’s back

were numerous, and Adam’s eyes burned, then his vision blurred with unshed tears. He didn’t know what to say, and Todd just kept talking.

“I’ve never stood up to him, to them. I don’t think I can, most days.” Todd turned back around then, and Adam wanted to look away, not from disgust but because he was going to embarrass himself. Then he thought it didn’t matter. Why should he be ashamed if he couldn’t stop the tears from falling? Todd deserved to have someone give enough of a shit to cry for him.

“I b-better g-go.” Todd picked up his shirt and started to slide his arms in the sleeves. “I w-won’t come b-back around unless you n-need help with a rescue.”

Adam swiped at his cheeks and willed his legs to hold him up. He crossed back over to Todd and put one hand on his back, between his shoulder blades where a thick scar protruded. Todd went still as stone. “No. Stay. I don’t want you to go. I want… I want you, Todd.”

Then all he could do was wait for Todd to decide what he was going to do.

Todd turned around slowly, not wanting Adam to stop touching him. “I want…” His tongue felt thick and uncooperative, maybe because talking was one of the last things he wanted to be doing right now. He couldn’t keep his eyes off Adam’s lips, and it didn’t help that Adam was, even now, licking them as if he too wanted Todd to put his mouth to better use. What did he want? Todd couldn’t think past this very moment.

Adam’s eyelids drifted down as Todd leaned closer. He didn’t rush, taking his time and wanting to memorise every detail from the way Adam looked, his skin smooth and slightly tanned, his lips parted, glistening, to the sound of their breaths, the feel of Adam’s hand on the bare skin of his arm, the scent of the man…

By the time Todd pressed his mouth to Adam’s, he was dangerously on edge, his cock

hard and compressed uncomfortably by his jeans. Todd cupped the back of Adam’s head

with one hand and held Adam’s hip with the other, and, although he’d meant the kiss to be gentle, as soon as a soft sound bled from Adam’s mouth into his and Adam rubbed his

erection against Todd, need trumped any plans Todd had had.

Adam groaned and writhed in Todd’s arms, and Todd pulled the man in closer, almost

crushing Adam to him. He could feel the firm muscles beneath Adam’s clothes, the even harder dick prodding at his groin. His ribs ached and throbbed with a dull fiery pain, but Todd had been hurt worse before and could ignore the discomfort for the pleasure he was feeling.

Especially when he speared his tongue in and Adam sucked on it at the same time he found Todd’s dick. Todd bucked and his heart and breath stuttered when Adam rubbed his hand over Todd’s denim-encased length. Adam tipped his head down, ending the kiss as he pushed back enough to watch as he stroked Todd.

“Oh, man, I want…” Adam squeezed and Todd thrust and hissed. It sure never felt this good when he touched himself! “Just give me a second—”

“What—” Todd’s creaky voice startled him into shutting right back up. He tried to cling to Adam but Adam grabbed his hands.

“Just let me lock the door real quick.” Adam’s dark eyes burned with a desire that

matched the heat flaming inside Todd. He was both scared and thrilled at the possibilities of what locking the door meant. More thrilled than scared, though, because he’d quit trying to keep Adam from moving away.

Adam brushed his fingers over Todd’s dick and made an approving sort of murmur,

both of which left Todd jittery as a tight knot coiled in his groin. He needed so much, and he’d had years of telling himself he couldn’t, shouldn’t—even that it was wrong, until he’d found out Gabe was gay. Then he knew without a doubt it wasn’t wrong—but reconciling that belief to himself, applying it to himself, was much more difficult.

Adam turned back from the locked door and swept Todd with a gaze that ignited his

nerve endings, flooding him with even more arousal. He felt like he was ready to shatter from it, or incinerate, combust—something! Adam’s lips kicked up at the corners and he sauntered forwards in a way Todd would have envied had it not been so sexy. The slight shaking of Adam’s hands betrayed his cool act, though, and it somehow made Todd feel less afraid of whatever was coming next.

There had never, Adam felt certain, been a more important moment than when he’d

realised how hard he’d fallen for Todd. Except, maybe when Todd had kissed him with such want it’d melted every one of Adam’s defences. Or when Todd hadn’t wanted to let him go, or… No, the momentousness just kept building with each minute they spent together. Adam knew, he knew they should talk a few things out first at least, but, damn it, Todd was looking at him with such hunger, such yearning, how could he do anything but cross over to him and palm that thick length again?

“Ohhhh,” Todd gasped, spreading his legs and reaching back to clutch at the table.

“I—” He shook and gulped, and Adam dropped to his knees. He pressed his face to

Todd’s groin and looked up at him while he rubbed his cheek against Todd’s zipper.

Todd’s eyes were huge, his mouth slack, one hand behind him on the table and the other fisted and pressed to his chest, as if he were holding his heart in place. If Adam had doubted Todd’s innocence before, this moment would have obliterated those doubts. Todd was speechless, breathless—beautiful.

Adam worked the waistband open, and Todd’s abs rippled and clenched. He brushed his knuckles over the ridged muscles then reached for the placket of Todd’s jeans with both hands. Todd’s eyes were almost shut now, his breath faint, choppy measurements. Every few seconds he would shiver and unclench his fisted hand then close it again.

“Touch me,” Adam said as he watched Todd’s hand. “Please.”

The sound Todd made then, a need-drenched rasp that ended on a sob, was almost enough to undo Adam. He hurried to unfasten Todd’s jeans, sliding a hand down to scoop out Todd’s shaft almost before getting the zipper down. He needed to touch Todd, taste him, and embed himself in Todd’s mind and heart.

“Adam,” Todd squeaked as soon as Adam had him in hand. Adam took a last look—for

a little while, at least—at Todd’s expression, tight with want and awe and anticipation. Then he pushed at Todd’s jeans and freed his balls as well, and that was as long as he could make himself wait before tasting Todd.

Adam leant forward and rubbed his lips over Todd’s cockhead, brushing them back and forth to tease them both. Todd made a strangled sound and there, there was the touch Adam had asked for! Todd grabbed his shoulder, his thumb curling against Adam’s neck.

“Please, Adam—”

Adam licked at the wide slit and Todd hissed, thrusting eagerly at Adam’s mouth.

Adam rolled Todd’s balls in his hand and felt them draw up. He opened up and sucked

Todd’s cap in, and Todd gave a muffled shout and bent over him, folding his arms around Adam’s back. It didn’t give him a lot of room to work in, what with the way Todd was pushing him forwards, but that was okay. Adam just hoped he hadn’t developed a gag reflex in all the months he’d not been sucking cock.

He bobbed down and promptly gagged. Pulling back, his eyes watering and the urge to

cough almost overwhelming, Adam took a moment to get his act together. The need to

please Todd, to blow his mind, was pressing, but Adam knew he needed to relax or he’d never get Todd’s shaft in as deep as he wanted.

Adam massaged Todd’s sac and began sucking Todd’s length back in, slower this time,

while holding onto Todd’s hip with his other hand. Eager sounds fell from Todd’s lips, and they spurred Adam on, strengthened his determination to give them both what they wanted.

He inhaled deeply through his nose then took Todd in steadily, until finally the head breached Adam’s throat.

Todd went utterly still and moaned. Adam swallowed then backed off, and Todd stood upright. He ran his hands up Adam’s back, to his shoulders and neck, then cupped Adam’s jaws.

“Jesus, Adam, I—have to—” Todd thumbed Adam’s cheekbones as Adam sucked harder. “Damn!”

Adam flicked his tongue down Todd’s length and pulled on Todd’s hip, ready to let him thrust. Todd did, sucking in a noisy breath then holding Adam’s face tighter as he began pumping into Adam’s mouth.

Adam kept one hand on Todd’s balls, although he teased the soft skin behind them when he could, and he used his other hand to finally grab a firm ass cheek and squeeze.