Restless (Relentless Series Book 2) (10 page)

"You certainly keep things around here interesting," Jax said. I jumped at the sound of his voice. He was leaning against the counter eating an apple watching the drama unfold through the back window.

"You could have helped me out."

"It was more fun this way. Stephen needs to realize if he doesn't treat you right there will always be someone else who is perfectly willing and capable."

"You're either a genius or an asshole. I haven't decided which one yet."

"Neither has your sister," he said winking.

Stephen pissed me off with his stunt he pulled yesterday. I hadn’t ever seen his jealous side, and I have to say I wasn’t really a fan. Everyone always says that having guys fight over a girl is a turn on and we love it, but I hated it. Why would these two men fight over me? I’m blunt and crass, I drink too much, and I have a tendency to run when things get too emotional. Yeah, I’m a real winner.

I hadn’t been able to get any sleep because I was so worked up, so I went running. Having sand under my feet and between my toes might calm me enough to allow me to finish up a project that was due in a few days. None of my friends realized that I didn't just work on a blog. I wrote self-help articles aimed towards teenagers. Kids posted questions on the site and my editor chose subjects for me to focus on. It gave me something to do with the psychology degree they also didn't know I had.

The sun beat down on me, and I regretted the fact that I’d forgotten to put on sunscreen. At least I would have a tan I guess. Without realizing which direction I had taken off in, I found myself staring at the house I bought with Stephen. My subconscious was telling me something apparently, and I needed to listen. Maybe it was time to take some of the advice I gave my readers.

My hand shook as I knocked on the sliding glass door. I shifted from foot to foot as I waited for him to answer. If he wasn't here, and I could pretend I hadn’t stopped by. Just as I was turning to leave, Stephen came out looking rumpled and sexy as hell.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” he asked in a husky, sleep filled voice.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up." I cocked my head. "Why are you sleeping this late anyway?”

“I made friends with a bottle of Jack. I’m just now waking up after a night of hugging the toilet.”

“Stephen,” I started. He never drank like that. I hated that he felt the need to because of me.

“It was my fault. Jax tried to talk me out of it, but I didn’t listen. I’ve been a jackass since you’ve been back and I’m sorry.”

“Come sit with me.”

He walked over to the patio chairs and stretched before he sat down next to me. It was damn near impossible to not stare at his gorgeous body. His boxers had crept lower on his hips and I practically had to wipe the drool from my chin. My eyes trailed over the black ink on his left bicep. The grin on his face told me I hadn’t done a good enough job hiding my ogling.

I blushed and tried to ignore his cocky attitude. “We’re stuck in this loop and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Tell me this; is there anything between you and Rhys?”

I didn’t want to lie, but there really wasn’t anything going on. My teeth sank into my bottom lip as I contemplated how to answer.

“I met him one night when I was driving through Vegas. We kissed but nothing else happened. He recognized that I was running, and he helped me keep from doing something I would have regretted. I stopped everything before it even got to that point. Rhys is a friend and nothing more.” His eyes flashed with hurt. “I’m sorry Stephen; I just want to be honest with you.”

“I get it, but if you hadn’t left in the first place we would never be having this conversation.”

Back to that again. My heart ached in my chest. I couldn’t keep letting the guilt eat at me, and if he wasn’t willing to move past it then we wouldn’t have a future.

“I’m leaving," I said getting up.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back down. “I’m sorry. See, I told you since you’ve been back I’ve been an asshole.”

“I believe you said jackass, but asshole works too.” He intertwined our fingers. “Look, I understand that I fucked up, but if you aren’t willing to move past it then it’s not worth putting each other through this.”

“The whole Rhys thing threw me. I want to, believe me, but it might take me a second to get over it. Okay?”

“That’s fair enough, but no punching Rhys. He’s an innocent bystander.”

Stephen scoffed. “He’s far from innocent, but I’ll try not to lose my temper at him again.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m going to make some breakfast, err, lunch. Do you want to come inside?”

I hesitated. On one hand I wanted to spend time with him, but on the other, this was the first civil conversation we’d had in a while and it would be nice to end it on a good note.

“I would like to, but I'm going to finish my run.” His shoulders slumped, but he nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck, and I wanted to comfort him. “I’ll see you soon though.”

I stood up and this time he let go. “Can we try to catch up? Will you let me apologize for being such a jerk?”

“I would like that.”

And I really would. If we could get back to our normal, things would be a lot easier between us. Hopefully we were on the same page now. I glanced over my shoulder as I started towards the sand and he stood at the door watching me. He waved, and I smiled at him. For the first time in a while, something like hope filled me.

It was early one morning the following week. Violet and I were sitting around drinking coffee while Harper played in her high chair. I was barely awake and had a headache from staying up late to finish up an assignment. My laptop sat open on the table next to me as I proofread what I had written. We had been discussing Vi's classes at school, but she was nervously running her finger along the edge of her mug and I knew she would say something weird.

“I’ve decided I like him.”

“Who?” I asked looking up from my work.

“Rhys. He’s nice.”

Looking back down, I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice. “I’m glad you approve of my friendship with him.”

She sighed. “It’s not that I didn’t approve, I just didn’t know what to think of him. You have to admit, it was kinda shady how he showed up out of nowhere.”

I looked up from my laptop again. “You saw how shocked he was to see me there right?”

“I guess.”

“He also didn’t give into Stephen’s little fit last week. I was kind of impressed by that.”

Violet took a sip of her coffee. She pissed me off when she did that.

“Just spit it out, Vi.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“No, but you’re over there silently judging. Just say what it is you want to say and let’s do this.” I grabbed my coffee and took a sip.

“Why do you always assume I have something to say?”

I stared at her, one eyebrow raised and my hands gripping my cup tightly.

“Okay, fine. I was worried that he would try to get between you and Stephen, but he’s not. I appreciate that he’s just standing back to see what’s going to happen between you two before making his move.”

“You’re ridiculous. I like Rhys as a friend. There’s some sexual tension between us, but obviously I won't act on it. I don’t want a love triangle. In fact I’ll do anything to not have a triangle. And what makes you think he will make a move?”

“Who’s a triangle?” Jaxon asked as he came in the door.

“Good lord,” I mumbled. "No one."

“Okay,” he drawled.

Violet took another sip. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me. Oh god, she had talked about this with Jax.

“Mother fucker. Really, Vi?”

“Language,” Jaxon said smirking. "And he's going to make a move."

“I needed someone to talk to about it. And at least Jax had already met him," she defended.

I gathered up my laptop. “You. Suck," I said pointing at each of them with each word.

“But you still love me,” she called out to my back as I stormed out of the room.

"That's debatable!" I yelled. The sound of hers and Jaxon's soft laughter filtered down the hall. It was time for me to go running.

It was a perfect, blue sky day. Violet and I lay out on a huge beach blanket watching Jax, Gage and Stephen surfing. Things were still tense between Stephen and me, but we weren't fighting today. I had been surprised when he showed up that morning, but I was willing to try to be around him. We had said we wanted to catch up soon.

It was always amazing to see three incredibly attractive, talented actors blend in with every other surfer out on the beach. Last year when they were all working on the set, they would constantly sneak off to surf each morning. I looked out into the ocean and watched as they took turns catching waves.

Violet grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I’m glad you came out. Getting out of the house is good for you.”

I smiled. “Me too. It’s exactly what I needed.”

We watched them for a few more minutes in silence and memories swirled around in my head. “Do you remember the time Stephen was attempting to teach me to surf, and the board came up and cut my eyebrow? I had a shiner for three weeks and it hurt like hell.”

“I remember that. Stephen carried you up to the sand. When he got the blood stopped he took you to the ER. He stayed calm until the doctor told you that you had to have stitches. He blamed himself you know.”

“It wasn’t his fault. I’m just not made for surfing.”

She laughed. “That’s an understatement Taylor. He’s been trying to teach you to surf for the better part of a decade and you still can’t figure it out.”

I stuck my tongue out at her.

“I think that was the day I fell in love with him.”

Vi cocked her head. “Why then?”

I stared out at the ocean while I thought back to Stephen holding my hand while the doctor put in those eight stitches. He kissed my forehead so softly afterwards. The board had given me a concussion when it flew up and hit me. He stayed with me for over twenty-four hours making sure he woke me up and took care of me. That was the first time he had ever kissed me.

“I don’t know. Being eighteen was simple.”

“Running away was easy," Vi countered.

“Maybe it was, but at least I never got hurt.”

She sighed and looked over at me. “You never let him get close enough to hurt you.”

I stubbornly stared at the guys in front of us, not looking at my big sister. “Like I am now?”

“Taylor—”

“Its fine, Vi. The only thing I want is to be with him, but all we do is hurt one another. So you tell me, what kind of relationship is that? Did you ever think that might be the reason I push him away?”

She was quiet for a few minutes. “If it’s any consolation, all he wants is to be with you too. If you would quit being so damn stubborn maybe, just maybe, it would actually work between the two of you.”

I leaned back onto the sand and closed my eyes. Tears leaked from the corners of my closed eyes and I threw my arm over them to hide the wetness. Just my luck, the guys chose that second to walk to where we were sitting. All I could do was pretend to be asleep, but the longer I laid there, the more upset I got. My body rocked as I choked back the sobs that fought to escape. The guys all sat around the edge of our blanket and there was no way I could leave without everyone knowing I was losing it.

Everyone else was having fun, joking and laughing and enjoying the company. I was lost in my head. The memories from falling in love with Stephen were fresh in my mind. I felt raw and cut to the bone. It was now or never.

I sat up quickly and grabbed my bag. Only one tear fell before I shoved on my sunglasses.

“I’ve got to go. I forgot I have an article that’s due by the end of the day and I haven’t even started it.”

Violet frowned, but didn’t argue. The look on her face told me she felt guilty for pushing.

“Are you sure you can’t stay for lunch?” Gage asked. “This is the first time I’ve seen you in almost two weeks and I have to leave again tomorrow.”

I grimaced. “I’m sorry. If I get it done I’ll come back out.”

It was getting harder to talk. There was a lump in my throat I couldn’t swallow around. I stood up and wiped the sand from my butt. Surprisingly, Stephen stood up next to me. “Do you need help taking your things to the house?”

I shook my head and walked off toward the house. My breaths came faster with each step. Tears threatened to fall, but I couldn’t let any of my friends see me this way. Stephen’s hand grabbed my arm before I took the first step to the deck and I gasped.

“Taylor, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Baby,” he said softly.

“No, Stephen, please,” I whispered. “I can’t do this right now.”

I cleared my throat. “Just go have fun with everyone. I need to work.”

“I can leave,” he offered.

“Don’t be silly. I’ll be back later if I get done in time.”

“Okay,” he said doubtfully. I climbed the stairs and thankfully he didn’t follow me. As soon as the door shut behind me, I bit down on my cheek to keep myself from crying out. Hot scalding tears streamed down my face and I silently sobbed for everything I wanted, but couldn't have.

Stephen looked at me from across our kitchen table. The same cute little pub style table we had picked up at the flea market when we first moved in and I painstakingly refinished so it would be perfect. His eyes were unreadable. He wasn’t completely shut off from me, but he was guarded. I didn’t blame him. The tremor in his hand was the only thing that gave away the fact he was as nervous about this as I was. God, I missed our mornings together. Some days we had spent hours sitting and talking over coffee, sharing a bagel or croissant.

The text he sent me late last night asking me to come over this morning was unexpected, but if he wanted to talk I would try. I didn't want this to turn into another screaming match where we got nothing accomplished except to make each other feel worse.

“I’m trying to understand, Taylor. I really am.” He rubbed his brow, and I winced. I wish I could explain it to him.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

He took my hand in his and studied the lines on the surface. “Tell me why you can’t stay in one place. What are you so scared of?”

I stared down at our interlocked fingers. “I’m terrified of not being enough,” I whispered. “What happens when I fall in love and you don’t want me anymore? What if you find me lacking?”

He cupped my face, and I leaned into his touch. “Baby, have I ever made you feel like you weren’t exactly what I wanted? I just want to be with you. Not only that, but I’ve known you your entire life. If something that was a deal breaker was going to come up, don’t you think that would have happened before now?”

“Mason and Emmy were together ten years, Stephen. Ten years. They got divorced in ten days.”

“Because they weren’t communicating. There is also more to that story than what Mason is letting on. I can’t believe that he could let Em go after all that time. There was no way I would ever let that happen.”

“But what if something like that happens to us?”

Stephen seemed frustrated. “Do you really think that I would keep something so big from you? Especially after I’ve worked so hard to get you to trust me? To trust in our relationship? I’m not Mason. And you can’t keep comparing us to everyone else. We're stronger than them.”

For the first time in too long, I looked at Stephen. Really studied him. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and he looked beaten down. I’m sure I looked the same, but I wasn’t concerned about myself.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust myself to believe in us. And I don’t know how to change that.” I bit the inside of my cheek and tilted my head to the side. Stephen leaned in and pushed the hair out of my face.

“Let me help you.” His voice sounded so hopeful. I wanted to say yes, it was on the tip of my tongue, but something held me back.

“I have to do this on my own. If I let you do the work for me, I’ll never get it. I need to do this, not just for us to be together, but for me to be happy. I don't want to keep hurting you, and the need to escape from my emotions is overwhelming sometimes.” I squeezed his hand. “But you will have to be there for me while I figure it out. No more jealousy over Rhys. If I’m going to be in a relationship with anyone, it will be you.”

Stephen met my gaze, and I stared into his beautiful amber eyes. “I’ll try.”

“Me too,” I whispered, putting my forehead to his. We sat there for a few minutes. Stephen stood up from the table and the muscles in his back looked strained. I wanted to go to him, but I didn’t know if he would welcome me or not.

Fuck it. I’m the one that hurt him, so I’ll be the one to fix it.

I walked behind him and put my arms around his stomach, resting my head on his back.

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you again.”

I breathed in his spicy scent and felt like I was home. He turned in my arms and cupped my face with his hands, his lips inches from mine.

“I get it, Taylor. I just don’t like it. More than anything, I want us to figure this out so we can get on with our lives together.”

My heart soared in my chest. He still wants to be with me, even after all the stuff I’ve put him through. When his lips touched down on mine, I wanted everything he had to offer. Stephen was home to me. He had proven it time and again. Now I had to work out how to open myself up and trust in us.