Restoration of Love (4 page)

     Nikki looked at the small portrait of her and Trent in happier times. They were both wearing white shirts and black jeans. She was lying down and Trent was standing behind her with his shirt half open, looking like a runway model. That had always been Nikki’s favorite picture of the two of them.

     “Ex-husband,” she said.

     Carlos studied the pictures briefly and then allowed Nikki to lead him to the sofa. “I’ll just be a minute longer, Carlos. Make yourself at home.”

     Nikki walked to her room and grabbed her sequined shawl off the over-stuffed chair. She didn’t know if she was just nervous because it had been so long since she had been on a real date or it was the way that Carlos looked at her that made her stomach flutter. “Let’s go,” she said, smiling as she entered the living room.

     The ride to the beachfront restaurant was even more pleasant than Nikki could have imagined. Carlos and she talked all the way with only a few minutes of the uncomfortable first date conversation that couples usually have. Carlos was quite the charmer. He told Nikki about his parents, his five brothers and sisters and his life in Puerto Rico before his family moved to the United States when he was ten. As he talked, she discovered that not only was he smart, but he was also very funny. She couldn’t remember when she had laughed so hard, listening to his childhood exploits in Puerto Rico. Nikki was almost disappointed when they arrived at the restaurant. The time had passed so quickly. Carlos gently took Nikki’s hand in his own and kissed her fingertips from time to time as he talked.

     The restaurant was almost packed. Nikki guessed that most of the patrons were tourists. It was a very well known place. Luckily, they were seated after only ten minutes. Nikki, still too nervous to eat much, ordered a small shrimp salad and white wine. Carlos, however, had an appetite. He ordered a mixed seafood platter, an appetizer, and white wine as well. During dinner, whenever Nikki spoke, Carlos seemed to hang on every word. Nikki wasn’t sure if it was the second glass of wine that she ordered or that Carlos tried to put her at ease, but she suddenly felt herself relax and promised herself she would just live in the moment and enjoy their evening together. As planned, after dinner Carlos and Nikki headed across the street to the beach.

     “Wait,” Carlos stopped her gently touching her arm, “You can’t go on to the beach in those sandals. Let’s take off our shoes. Here, let me.” Nikki stood on one leg and then the other as Carlos bent down and took off her sandals. He held her shoes in one hand and reached for Nikki’s hand with the other as they headed toward the ocean.

     “Nikki,” he said, looking into her eyes, “What is it that you want?”

     “What do you mean?”

     “I mean what is it that you want from a man? These days it’s hard to tell with women. Many women are so secure in themselves that they will come right out and tell you that they don’t need a man or they are pairing up with each other and they need a man for only one thing. Look,” he continued, “I like you Nikki. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman and you have a sweetness about you that I have not seen in a woman in a long time. I just need to know that I am not spinning my wheels here.”

     Nikki looked at him knowingly and said, “Carlos, you are young. Before you settle down with one woman, I’m sure there will be many more sweet women in your life.”

     “You know what, baby?” Carlos said looking at her with a seriousness she had not seen before, “I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I know that you are older than I am. I can’t change when I was born any more than you can, but we can change how we will allow that age difference to affect us from now on. Are you really going to let something as insignificant as age change what could be?”

     Nikki looked into Carlos’s eyes trying to see if there was any hint that he was joking with her. Never had she known anyone his age to be so serious. At that moment, staring into his beautiful eyes, the woman in Nikki wanted to take Carlos into her arms and hold him tight. But, the mother in her was warning her not to get too close.

     “Carlos,” Nikki said, barely above a whisper, “If I told my friend what you just said to me, she would laugh and say, “Girl, what are you waiting on? You better do that fine, sexy young thing and worry about the rest later. Who cares about the long run?” She turned away slightly and said, “But, Carlos, I do worry about the long run. I can’t just ‘do’ you and get it over with.”

     Carlos thought for a moment and then he spoke.“Nikki, you are asking me to promise you tomorrow and I can’t do that. Baby, tomorrow belongs to God. But, I can tell you that I will never do or say anything to intentionally hurt you and as long as you have me in your life, in whatever capacity you want me to be, I will be there for you.”

     “But Carlos, there is more to consider than our ages. What about the racial difference? What will people think?”

     “Damn, baby,” Carlos said, now growing angry, “That’s what I’m talking about. Who cares what people think? The only people that matter here are you and me. Look, I may be young, but I’ve been through a lot. There were a few times that I almost lost my life. Yeah, Nikki, I have been out there. I have been out there bad. I’ve had my share of women and if I wanted to be that kind of man again, I could call up any chicken head right now and, more than likely, be with her tonight.” Nikki looked at the ground. He lifted her chin gently with his finger and said, “I’m not here to play with you, girl. Nikki, I know that you would be good for me, and I hope that I could be good for you, too if you will let me.”

     “You learn from me and I’ll learn from you, is that it,” Nikki said for lack of knowing what else to say.

     “You think this is a joke, don’t you? You…me…all this.” Carlos left Nikki standing on the sand with her mouth open as he turned and headed for the pier.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

   The ride back to Nikki’s house was quiet. She didn’t want to open her mouth for fear of saying something wrong again and Carlos, still hurt, didn’t bother to initiate any further conversation. Nikki tried to steal a glance at him from time to time. This beautiful man was a force to be reckoned with. She longed to reach over and wipe the tiny beads of sweat that had formed on his forehead. She fumbled for the handkerchief in her purse, but then changed her mind.

     If she had been closer to his age, she might have entertained the idea of something more developing between them, but here was a man just starting to get his life together. He had no idea how difficult relationships could be. At the first sign of trouble, he would probably want out. Nikki did not want to face the possibility of another failed relationship. Not yet. No, she could not do this.

     In the four years since she and Trent had divorced, she had only been intimate with one other man and that was over two years ago. Although her body craved the touch of this young man, she knew that the feeling was only physical and that if she did not give into it, it would diminish in time. When Carlos pulled his car into Nikki’s driveway, he got out and walked around to open her door for her.

     “I wish I could say ‘thank you for a lovely evening’,” Carlos said sarcastically when they reached her front door.

     “Carlos, I wish that I could make you see where I’m coming from,” feeling suddenly very dated using that phrase.

   “Look, Nikki, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear. You’re not ready to be happy. You want to stay in this big ole house and wallow in self-pity because as long as you have that, you have something to hold onto.” With that, Carlos turned and walked toward his car. Once again, he left Nikki standing with her mouth open and nothing to say.

CHAPTER TWELVE

     Monday morning at the office, Nikki could hardly keep her mind on her work. Two sleepless nights thinking about what Carlos had said to her. Was she truly drowning herself in self-pity? Nikki thought that she had long ago gotten past the hurt and anger of Trent’s deserting her. Is it possible that she hadn’t? Was she still unknowingly, deep down, holding on to the possibility that Trent would realize his mistake and come back? She kept going over and over Carlos’s words in her mind. Lost in thought, she didn’t notice that Tia was standing next to her with her hands on her hips.

     “Girl, either he put it on you or he didn’t put it on you enough.” Something only Tia would say.

     “Do you always have to be so crass?” And to answer your question, Miss Thang, there was no putting it on me any time or any place.”

“Whoa, I was just joking, “ Tia said with her hands in the air in a surrender position, “ I know that Ms. High-class Goody Two Shoes is not going to give it up that fast, but you’re kinda acting like you wish you had. What’s up?” Tia wheeled her chair around closer to Nikki’s desk.

“Oh, Tia, I’m so confused,” Nikki moaned, “I meet one of the finest, most interesting men that I’ve met in a long time and what do I do? I blow him off. I completely blow him off. And what’s worse is that I don’t know why. What’s wrong with me, Tai?” Nikki now had tears in her eyes as she looked at her friend.

    “Okay, tell me from the beginning what happened and don’t just give me Nikki’s edited version. I want to hear the whole thing.”

   As she fought back tears, Nikki told Tia what had happened on Saturday night. She even admitted that Carlos told her off… twice.

   Tia looked with compassion at her friend as she gathered Nikki’s hands in her own. Tia chose her words carefully. “Nikki, you know that I love you. You and I have been friends since college. You are the one person in this big old crazy world that I can count on to tell me the truth. Sometimes I don’t want to hear it, but you tell me anyway. And right now, I’m going to do the same for you.”

   Nikki stared at her friend as she spoke. She could not remember a time when Tia had sounded so serious.

   Tia went on, “Baby, you are letting life pass you by. You walk around judging everyone by your standards and if they don’t fit the bill, you pretty much erase them from your life. Nik, Trent didn’t leave you because he stopped loving you. He left because he could no longer fit into your perfect world. That pedestal that you set him on was just too high. Do you remember when Trent didn’t make partner in that law firm and decided to go into teaching? Well, he knew how disappointed you were in him because he could see it in your eyes and most of all,” Tia continued as she placed her hand on her heart, “He could feel it here. You didn’t care about his feelings. All you worried about was what everyone else would say…your mother, the people at church, the people that you bragged to that your husband was going to be a partner in the most prestigious law firm in Houston. You cared about everyone’s feelings except his. He just could not stand the fact that he wasn’t ‘the man’ in your life anymore.”

   Nikki looked puzzled. “And just how would you know all this?”

   “Because the night he left you, he came to my house.” Tia never took her eyes off of Nikki as she braced herself for what she knew was coming. She quickly added, “Now don’t get it twisted. He needed someone to talk to. That’s all we did, Nik, we just talked. I tried to get him to go back to you and talk it through, but he was afraid that you would not understand. He had already crossed the line with ‘little miss home-wrecker’ and he knew that you would never forgive him for that. Sweetie, what I am trying to tell you is to learn from your mistakes. You are one of the nicest people in the world, but you want everyone else to dance to your music, and frankly honey, it’s you who needs to get a new step.”

   She sat quietly for a moment to let Nikki absorb what she was saying before she went on, “Now tell me that you’ve got that fine young Puerto Rican thing interested in you. So what if he’s younger than you? It doesn’t seem to bother him. And if that boy thinks you’re the greatest thing since chocolate, so be it. The last time I checked, wasn’t nobody payin’ your bills but you. You know you want that boy. I mean man,” she corrected herself, “I saw how you looked at him the other night when you thought I was too drunk to notice. Nikki, you are asking for a guarantee and, baby, he’s being honest by telling you that he can’t give you one right now. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, but don’t you owe it to yourself to find out? You told me that you thought that he has been honest with you so far. Just because he didn’t offer you a wedding ring on your first date, you want to cut him loose. You want to go from A to Z and forget all the letters in between. Nikki, you can’t do that, sweetie. You have to allow relationships to grow.

   When Tia finished, Nikki hugged her tightly and thanked her for being so honest. She realized now, that by worrying so much about what others would think of her, she had driven Carlos away.

   Tia smiled. “Now, what are you going to do with what I just told you?”

   “I am going to get my man back,” Nikki said, laughing, as they slapped five.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

     When Nikki arrived home, she decided to put the plan into action that she and Tia had cooked up. Carlos’s phone number was still on her caller I.D. and she would give him a call. She knew that she didn’t have time to cook the dinner for him that she would have liked, so she stopped at a local restaurant on the way home and picked up a take-out meal and dessert. She only hoped that he was not still so angry with her that he would refuse her invitation.

     As she was picking up the phone to dial Carlos’s number, it rang. She answered it without looking to see who it was first. “Hello?”