Restoration of Love (8 page)

     When dinner was over, Nikki cleaned up the kitchen while her mother sat at the table, drinking coffee. The men had gone into the living room to watch what was left of the football game. Nikki smiled to herself as she heard them both yelling for their team.

     Alma got up and brought her cup to Nikki so she could put it in the dishwasher. Standing next to her, she said, “He makes you happy, doesn’t he.”

     “Yes, Mom, he makes me happier than you can imagine.”

     “Oh, I think I can imagine. You look at him the same way I used to look at your father. Nikki, stop a minute.” Nikki set down the dish she was holding and looked at her mother, readying herself for another lecture of disapproval. She started, “Nikki, I know that you sometimes think that I treat you and your sister differently, and perhaps I do. But, baby, just because children come from the same womb, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are the same. Gina needs me more than you do. She always has and I suspect she always will. It’s a nice feeling to be needed by someone, especially when you have nothing else. But, you girl, I swear you were independent from the day you were born. I know that I push you too hard sometimes, but Nikki, that’s just my way of trying to push myself into your life.”

     “Mom, I do need you. I’ve never stopped needing you. I’m sorry if I close myself off so much that you feel there’s no room for you. Believe me, that has not been my intention. I promise to let you be a bigger part of my life from now on.” It felt so good to hug her mother. It had been a long time.

     “And Mom, you know that it’s not too late for you, either. You don’t have to be alone.”

     “Who would want an old bird like me?” her mother laughed.

     “Oh, I can think of a rooster or two. In fact, I might just know the perfect person. His name is Luther Miller.

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

     It was noon on Thanksgiving Day and Nikki had already changed her clothes several times. She wanted to wear something that would somehow make her appear younger without looking too hip-hop to Carlos’s mother. Brandon left to go over to his grandmother’s for dinner.  Nikki had been pleasantly surprised that her mother had actually invited Carlos for dinner. They decided that they would go there together later in the evening for dessert.

     When Nikki heard the doorbell ring, she knew it was Carlos. “Well, here goes nothing she said to her reflection in the mirror. She wore a plain black dress that fell a few inches above the knee. When she opened the door and Carlos gave her a long wolf whistle, she knew that she had made the right choice.

     “Baby! Why are you dressed so sexy? I’m gonna have to watch you all day just to keep the men in my family off you, girl!”

     “You think it’s too sexy? Wait right here. I’ll go change,” Nikki said already heading back to her bedroom.

     “Baby, I’m kidding,” Carlos said grabbing her hand. “Besides we’re late. You look beautiful. Let’s go.”

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

   Nikki was quiet as she and Carlos drove to his parents’ house. She was so nervous about meeting his family. According to Carlos, there were only supposed to be about ten for dinner. The only one she was worried about meeting was his mother. She couldn’t help but worry what she would think about Nikki dating her son. After a few minutes, they pulled up in front of the house.

     Carlos’s family lived in a neighborhood on the north side of town that was made up primarily of middle class families. Although the houses were old, they were very well kept. The Ruiz’s home was a two story brick colonial with a nice lawn leading to the front door. Several children that had been playing tag stopped and ran to the car when they saw Carlos. “We’re here,” Carlos said, patting her hand. “You ready?”

     “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Nikki said with a nervous smile.

      As Carlos opened the car door, a little girl with beautiful, long curly black hair and big dark eyes ran up to the car. Carlos stepped out and scooped her up in his arms. “Uncle Carlos, come play with us,” she pleaded.

     “Later, sweetie. Uncle Carlos wants you to meet somebody right now.” As Nikki got out, Carlos said, “ Jessica, this is Nikki. Nikki, Jessica, my sister’s little girl.”

     “Hello, Jessica. It’s nice to meet you,” Nikki said extending her hand.

     Instead of taking Nikki’s hand, the child buried her face in Carlos’s shirt. “Oh, now you wanna be shy,” Carlos said, putting her back on the ground.

     Carlos reached for Nikki’s hand and led her to the front door.

     When Carlos and Nikki entered she could smell turkey cooking. Nikki was not surprised to see that the inside of the house was as immaculate as the outside. It was modestly furnished, but looked warm and inviting. Carlos’s mother came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on her apron. Nikki was not expecting her to look so young. She could have passed for one of Carlos’s sisters. In fact, she didn’t look much older than Nikki. She was a very attractive woman looking very stylish in her denim jumpsuit and high heels. So, this is where Carlos gets his good looks, she thought.

     “Mom, this is Nikki. Nikki, this is my mother, Sylvia.” Although she smiled and hugged Nikki when Carlos introduced them, Nikki was almost certain that she saw her roll her eyes when she thought Nikki wasn’t looking.

     Carlos’s father entered the room and extended his hand to Nikki warmly. “Welcome to our house. Carlos speaks of you often.” His thick accent and friendly smile put Nikki at ease.

     For the most part, dinner went well. Carlos’s brothers and sister were there with their children and she thought how they were just a typical family, not so different from her own. They laughed and teased one another and you could see that there was true affection between all of them. Nikki was glad that she came, but she was unprepared for what was to come later.

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

     Nikki helped Carlos’s mother clear the table after dinner. His sister was herding the children outside to play and the men had gone into the living room. Carlos’s mother took the plates from Nikki and thanked her, but said that she didn’t need help. She suggested that Nikki go sit on the patio and she would be out shortly so they could talk and get to know each other better. Nikki thought she detected a coldness in Sylvia Ruiz’s voice, but she dismissed it and headed outside. She sat on the swing and watched the children play kick ball.

     About ten minutes passed and Carlos’s mother came outside to join Nikki.

     “That was a lovely dinner, Mrs. Ruiz.”

     “Please call me Sylvia,” the woman said, “ Since we are obviously so close in age.”

     Nikki bristled, preparing herself for what was coming.

     “Nikki, I am not one to beat around the bush, as my son has probably told you. I think you Americans say ‘I call it as I see it’. Carlos tells me you have a son in college.”

     “Yes.”

     “Then you know how protective we women can be of our male children. I am sure that you are the same way about your son.”

     “Yes, I am.” Nikki decided that she better speak up for herself before this little talk went any further. If this woman was going to size her up as some older woman trying to steal her baby, she needed to set her straight before she took the conversation there. “Mrs. Ruiz, when my son went off to college you have no idea how frightened I was for him and for myself. I don’t think I have ever had to pray for guidance as hard as I did then. I prayed for help to get me through it and my prayers were answered. I raised my son right with very little help from his father. I was a responsible single parent. I provided him with the necessary tools spiritually and morally with the hope that he would make good decisions in his life. I respect those decisions. When he decided to go to school so far away, I was devastated, but as it says in the bible, God does turn situations around and He did. As it turned out, it was time to let him go, and in letting him go I found myself.”

     “Did you, Nikki, or did you just replace him with my son?” Sylvia said, challenging her with a steadfast gaze, waiting for her reply.

     Nikki thought carefully about the next words that came out of her mouth. “Mrs. Ruiz, you are way out of line saying that. If you knew your son half as well as you think you do then you would know that Carlos Ruiz is nobody’s child, not yours and certainly not mine. He is a grown man.

     “I know that, Nikki, and when he first told me that he was seeing someone who was older and who was not Puerto Rican, my husband and I discussed it and decided that we would not worry. Carlos has always marched to a different beat. We thought he was just trying something new. But, when I saw the look in his eyes when he spoke of you, I decided that it was time to worry,” she said with concern in her voice. “How much older are you? I believe that Carlos said fifteen years?”

     “Yes,” Nikki said, solemnly.

     “What possible future could you give him? You know that Carlos loves children. When he’s not in school and I’m assuming not with you, he spends most of his time down there at that youth center of his. He talks to me about having a house full of children. Your son is grown. You can’t possibly want to start raising a family all over again. Your life is pretty much set. My son’s is just beginning. Give him his life, Nikki, if you really have feelings for him, and I believe that you do, just by watching the two of you together. By all that is holy, give him his life. Give him the same opportunity that you have had to have a future, a family.”

     By the time Carlos’s mother stopped talking, Nikki had tears streaming down her face. She silently scolded herself for being such a crybaby. Sylvia Ruiz got up and walked back into the house.

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

     “You sure have been quiet,” Carlos said, taking Nikki into his arms as soon as they walked into her house. “You okay? A little too much family for you? I know my family can be a little loud and hard to take in sometimes, but trust me, when you get to know them you will love them.”

     “I’m okay.”

     “Hey, how long is Brandon going to be gone?”

     When Nikki looked up she saw a gleam in Carlos’s eyes that she recognized all too well. Since Brandon had been home, their lovemaking had come to a complete halt. But, as much as Nikki wanted Carlos physically, she was not about to risk her son walking in on them. Besides, Mrs. Ruiz’s words were still very much on Nikki’s mind.

     “Baby, we need to talk,” she said, sitting on the couch and taking off her shoes.

     “See, I knew something was wrong with you,” Carlos said, sitting down beside her.

     “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted a house full of children?”

     “You’ve been talking to my mother. Yeah, I love kids. That’s one of the reasons I went back to school to become a counselor.”

     “But, Carlos, don’t you see? My baby making days are pretty much over. I know we have never talked about this, but I’m not sure I want any more children.”

     “Nik, don’t you think you are putting the cart before the horse. We may not be at a point to have this conversation yet.”

     “Well, Carlos, when are we gonna have it?” Nikki said, raising her voice,” On our wedding night?”

     “You’re tripping.”

     “No, Carlos, I am not tripping. I am being realistic. Let’s face it. We have been so caught up in the romance of all of this that we stopped thinking rationally. Just loving each other doesn’t make everything all right between us. There are still some issues that you and I need to work out. We can’t just keep saying let’s take it day by day and see what happens.

     “Why not? Why can’t we, Nikki, huh? Why does everything have to be so damned perfect and orderly in your world? Why do you always have to know that two comes after one? Can’t you just be surprised and skip to three for once in your life?”

     “No, Carlos, I can’t. These aren’t numbers we’re talking about. We are talking about lives, mine and yours, and what lies ahead for us.”

     “Nikki, I love you and I know you love me,” Carlos said, trying to control the impatient tone in his voice, “Right here, right now. Can’t this be enough for you?”

     “No, baby, it can’t. Our lives are so different, so vastly different. I don’t want you giving up something for me as important as having children.”

     “You know what?” Carlos said throwing up his hands. “I’m tired, Nikki. I am so damned tired of you telling me one minute you’ve got my back and the next minute you can’t even hold yourself up. I can’t do this with you anymore. You’re killing me. From the moment we began this relationship, you have been trying to sabotage it. I…I just can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what has happened in your life that you feel you have to punish yourself and deny yourself the love that you know we both deserve. But, baby, I love myself too much to allow you to punish me. I gotta go, Nikki.”

     Before Nikki could say anymore, Carlos had walked out the door and out of her life.

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

     From the kitchen window Sylvia Ruiz could see Carlos sitting outside, watching the children playing. He just sat there, day after day when he was at home. She knew that what had happened had something to do with the conversation she had with Nikki, and she wondered if she should tell him about it. It broke her heart to see him so unhappy, but she knew that if she told him, he would be furious at her meddling. But, she had to make him understand how much he would give up if they hadn’t separated. She knew that, as his mother, it was up to her to make him see that. As she opened the screen door and stepped outside to sit beside Carlos on the step, he looked up and she could see the pain in his eyes.