Retribution (SSU Trilogy Book 3) (The Surgical Strike Unit) (25 page)

True. “But…you still know very little about me,” she countered.

“Yeah? I know you’re smart, dedicated, and passionate. And you’re more loyal than I possibly deserve.” He reached forward and cupped her face in his hands. She didn’t have the heart to push him away. “I’m always going to be thankful for you, Gabby,” he breathed. “You never gave up on me. You saved my life.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and tears pricked her eyes. “Doesn’t that fall into the imbalance of power category you’re so afraid of?” she whispered. “How can you be sure what you feel for me is anything more than a side-effect of gratitude?”

This time he placed a light kiss on her lips and she felt him smile against her mouth. “Because I’m grateful to Kai for sticking by me as well, and I sure as hell don’t want to strip his clothes off and tumble him into bed.”

“Rafe!” she protested. But she shot him a brilliant grin, because that was something the old Rafe would have said.

“C’mon,” he said, gathering their used dishes onto his cafeteria tray and rising to his feet. “Let’s take a walk.”

Rafe dumped their plates and utensils into the dirty dishes collection tub, then led Gabby out a side door into a little-used corridor. As soon as they were alone, Rafe took her hand.

“Where are we going?”

He shot her a sly look out of the corner of his eye. “Into the back garden so we can neck.”

“Rafe!” Butterflies started dancing in her stomach. As much as she loved him, she found herself nervous about ramping up the sensuality between them. She had no idea whether the drugs had affected his libido. Even now she felt too shy to ask the question.

“Don’t turn coward on me now,
querida
,” Rafe said with a gleam of challenge in his eyes. Then he leaned down, and once again proved he could read her mind. “I guarantee, I’m feeling perfectly healthy in
every
way. I’m randy as a sixteen-year-old.”

She blushed.

Rafe laughed and opened the door to the outside. The cool evening air felt good against her hot face as they walked down the steps and onto the brick path leading into the garden. Unlike the wide, unobstructed lawn at the front of the house, this back area had been turned into a walled garden. The garden contained a mix of practical and decorative plants, everything from fruit and nut trees to flowers and herbs.

Spotlights along the path provided adequate illumination. Rafe led her past the first of several benches, heading deeper into the garden where the trees and bushes provided more privacy from the windows of the house. Finally, he stopped underneath an arched trellis at the entrance to an open area where a fountain bubbled happily.

“Are you scared of me?” Rafe asked as he turned her into his arms.

She looked up at him, wishing the shadows weren’t hiding his eyes. Afraid that she’d hurt him with the truth, but unwilling to give him anything less. “Yes.”

He sucked in a breath, and she put a finger over his lips to stop his reply. “I know you care for me, Rafe, and that you don’t want to hurt me. Your control over your temper has greatly improved. But…” She bit her lip. “Um…arousal can be a violent emotion. Particularly if it’s had time to build up to a fever pitch. I…”

Rafe put his arms around her in a gentle hug. “You’re afraid I’ll lose control,” he said against her temple.

She nodded against his chest, loving the feel of him warm and strong beneath her cheek. Soothed by the steady beat of his heart.

He stroked his hand over her hair. “I can’t make any promises,” he said after a long pause. “You know better than anyone how messed up I’ve been.” He took her face in his hands and raised it so she was looking up at him. “But in my heart I know that no matter what happens, nothing could make me hurt you.” He lowered his head.

This time, the press of his lips was a declaration. A vow. She thought the earth held its breath and the evening insects and birds stopped their song to eavesdrop.

“If I do anything, no matter how small, that frightens you, speak out and I promise I’ll stop.” He smiled and the hint of sorrow, of acceptance that he might not behave, made her throat tighten up. “You can keep a tranquilizer gun close at hand if it will make you feel better.”

“Are you crazy? I don’t need to do that.”

“Don’t you?”

The fact that he’d even suggested it let her know how deeply his confidence had been shaken by his ordeal. “No. I trust you, Rafe. Even…even if you do end up losing control, I think you’ll give me enough time to get away. You only ever hurt me that first time I entered your room, and then you started taking care of me again.” She reached up and placed her hands on his face, pulling him down so she could initiate a tender kiss. “I just want us both to be sure before we get too involved again.”

Because while her heart knew there’d be no other man except Rafe for her, she needed him to feel the same. Otherwise, if he later decided to leave her, he’d shatter her fragile heart.

“K
nock, knock.”

Gabby looked up at the sound of Rafe’s voice. “Uh-oh. It’s that late already?” She glanced at the clock over her lab workstation and found that yes, she was fifteen minutes late for her nightly dinner date with Rafe.

She made a face. “Sorry. I got—”

“—distracted. Yeah, I know,
querida
.” Rafe laughed, the sound warming her heart. They’d been dating for nearly a week, yet she kept wanting to pinch herself every time Rafe acted like his old self.

“Let me just finish these notes,” she said.

“Uh-huh.” Rafe rolled his eyes. “Five minutes, or you’re not getting tonight’s gift.”

Gabby smiled as she glanced at the rows of stuffed animals and figurines lining the shelf over her head. She had no idea how Rafe got hold of his nightly offerings. This SSU facility wasn’t set up for families, or even long-term residence, so it didn’t have a gift shop. Yet somehow Rafe always managed to show up with a whimsical present.

She wondered if he’d charmed one of the staff members into going shopping for him, knowing he wasn’t allowed off th
e property yet. Or maybe, since direct deliveries to the facility weren’t permitted, Rafe had
shopped online and had someone pick up the items from the SSU’s secure mail drop in town.

“Okay, five minutes.” She bent her head to her computer, typing the last of her notes quickly. Acutely aware of Rafe’s male presence at her doorway, she satisfied herself with a brief summary of today’s findings. Enough to get her started in the right place, but far less than the lengthy explanation she’d intended. Still, she’d committed to letting Rafe court her and she needed to show him that he mattered by honoring their time together.

“Ha!” she crowed. “Finished.”

Rafe nodded slow approval. “Not bad. Four minutes fifty-nine seconds.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Come over here,
chica
, and I’ll show you a better use for that pretty little tongue.” Instead of following his statement with his usual sexy wink, Rafe held her eyes, one eyebrow lifted in challenge.

The heat in his gaze stormed through Gabby, stirring up a desire so ferocious she swayed. Shocked by the sexual tension filling the room, she ducked her head and turned her back on him to straighten her papers and switch off the desk lamp.

“What’s the matter, Gabby?” Rafe’s hot breath on the back of her neck was the only warning she had before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his body. “You suddenly afraid of me? Afraid of bedding the monster?”

“What?” She jerked free of his grasp and spun around. “How dare you?” She smacked him on the chest. “Don’t you
ever
call yourself a monster. Do you hear me? You’re still the smart, charming, caring man I fell in love with. Kaufmann didn’t change you. You’re still…you’re still…” Her anger disintegrated into sobs. “You’re still the Rafe I love. Just now you have all these dark edges that break my heart, because I don’t know how to help you move past them.”

“Ah, Gabby. Shh.” Rafe pulled her into his arms and she settled her head against the familiar planes of his chest. “Don’t cry,
querida
. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I don’t know where those words came from. I didn’t mean to accuse you of looking down on me.” He rocked slightly side to side, one hand cradling the back of her neck, the other pressing lightly against the small of her back.

“I guess, maybe…” Rafe blew out a breath. “What Kaufmann did to me, it damaged more than my body. More than my mind. It shredded everything that I thought I knew about myself. What I stood for. What lines I wouldn’t cross. Sometimes, I remember the things I’ve done and I hate myself for breaking.”

“No!” She tried to raise her head, but Rafe moved his hand and kept her pressed against his chest. “It wasn’t your fault. Rafe,
no one
could have withstood Kaufmann’s drugs for long. No one.”

“Yeah, I keep telling myself that. But sometimes, like tonight, those feelings just bubble back up.” He stroked his hand down her back and she felt his lips touch the tip of her ear. “I want so much to be worthy of your love, Gabby. But I don’t always think I deserve you.”

“Rafe! Don’t ever think like that.” This time she managed to push back hard enough that Rafe released her. She put her hands on his cheeks, reveling in the erotic press of his stubble against her palms. “I didn’t turn my back on you just now because I was disgusted by the heat I saw in your stare. Never that. I want you. I just hadn’t expected to go from studying blood smears to do-me-now arousal in one blink of the eyes.”

His eyes laughed down at her. “Do me now? That sounds promising.”

The hope in his eyes undid her. She hadn’t realized how much he’d needed to be reassured that her opinion of him hadn’t changed. She’d never been the aggressive one with her other lovers, but maybe now, more than even that last night together, she needed to show Rafe what she wanted.

So she grabbed his ears, pulled him down and kissed him. His arms tightened around her, pressing her closer to his body as his mouth opened underneath her assault. For it wasn’t a gentle kiss. She let every fear she’d had, every lonely night she’d cried out, reaching for Rafe in the dark, turn her kiss into a ravenous exploration. She needed him. Needed to know that he’d made it all the way back from Kaufmann’s. That he was still hers in the most fundamental way.

She licked and nibbled and bit at his lips, let her tongue spar with his, and tried not to let Rafe take control too quickly. She wanted to devour him, then take a deep breath and dive back in to savor.

But Rafe had other ideas. His hands kneaded her butt through her lab coat as he rocked his pelvis against her. Her muscles clenched as she felt him hard and thick against her belly. She whimpered and tried to squirm closer.

A crisp three-tone chime startled her into jerking back. “Wha—” She blinked and looked around for the source of the noise, while Rafe placed a line of kisses up her jaw. Chime. Clock. Lab.

Right. The chime was her hourly reminder to get up out of her chair and move. “Uh, Rafe?” she gasped as his teeth closed lightly over her earlobe. “Maybe we can take this out of the lab? Away from poisonous chemicals?”

His teeth tightened just enough on her delicate flesh to let her know he didn’t appreciate the interruption, then he straightened. Took a deep breath. Nodded. “Okay.” Before she had time to guess his intent, he’d swept her up into his arms. “Your room is closer.”

Ignoring her protests, he carried her out into the hallway, locked the door shut behind them, and strode toward the stairs to the staff quarters three floors up.

With one arm hooked around his neck, Gabby pressed her mouth to the hollow at the base of his throat and tasted him with her tongue. Rafe’s sharp inhale emboldened her, and she nipped softly at his skin, then placed a kiss over the bite.

“Dangerous woman,” Rafe muttered. “Give me your key.”

Keeping her mouth on him, Gabby fumbled in her pocket until she found the key. A moment later Rafe shut her door behind them. His mouth lowered to hers in a kiss that promised sensual retribution, but when Gabby wriggled for him to set her down, he only tightened his hold and carried her into the bedroom.

Then, finally, he put her back on her feet.

“Need to see you,” he murmured, his hands tugging at the hem of her long-sleeved jersey.

“Here.” Gabby pushed Rafe’s hands away. “Let me.” Walking backward until she stood by the foot of the bed, Gabby pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it to the side. Her shoes, socks and slacks quickly followed, leaving her in the lacy, midnight blue bra and panties she’d bought with Rafe in mind.

“Amazing.” Rafe’s eyes traveled from her bare toes to her face and back down again, leaving heat behind. Her nipples tightened painfully against the soft lace and Gabby raised her hands to pinch and squeeze them, trying to find some relief.

“Lie down for me,” Rafe whispered, taking a reverent step toward her. “So I can worship you.”

Gabby shook her head. “No. I want you naked, too.”

The awed desire on Rafe’s face vanished under a flash of fear. “No.” He backed up a step.

Gabby dropped her hands. “Rafe, I love you,” she said gently, trying to squelch her sense of disappointment. “Please don’t hide from me.”

“I—” Rafe turned and walked away.

Great. She’d managed to completely ruin the mood. Fan-tastic. Gabby’s throat tightened as she followed him. To her surprise, Rafe crossed his forearms, braced them against the wall, and lowered his head into the cradle he’d made.

“Don’t want you to see the scars,” he said so quietly she barely heard him. “Not sexy. Not strong.”

“Rafe.” She approached him like she would a frightened animal. “Give me some credit, please. I don’t care if your skin is scarred or painted green with pink polkadots.” Gently, she set her hand at the back of his neck. “You’ll always be sexy to me. I’m so wet right now, just thinking about taking you inside me again.” She stroked her fingers along his bare nape and down beneath the collar of his t-shirt.

Rafe gave a full body shudder and pressed back against her touch, so she moved in closer. “Let me undress you. Please. Let me show you that your body still turns me on. Okay?” This time she ran her fingernails lightly down the dip of his spine until she reached his waistband.