Ricochet (36 page)

Rick threw back at him. "You saw the script! Jason

practically rapes Ben in that scene."

"But I've always been able to play him

before! I've always known Ben Harris like I know

myself, until suddenly… suddenly, Ben wasn't me

anymore. He was doing this thing - the kind of

thing I'd never do - and I didn't know him anymore.

I couldn't know him unless I experienced it for

myself."

"There are safer ways of doing it."

"Are there? Then what the hell are they?"

Matt demanded. "Because I need to do this before

we shoot that scene next week, Rick. I will never

be able to go on set on Monday morning, take off

my clothes, and let Karl tie me up. I'll freak out,

the way I did in the rehearsal, and then we'll never

be able to film it. Chang will go nuclear on me,

and the whole thing will be a complete fucking

disaster."

"Oh Matt." Rick sat down on the bed, shaking

his head ruefully. "Seriously, only you could tie

yourself up in this many knots - no pun intended."

He grinned at Matt, breaking the tension. "Matt,

Matt, Matty. You will be the death of me."

"So…" Matt sighed, glancing around the

room. "What the hell do we do now?"

Rick gazed down on Matt, who was sitting on

the floor gazing back up at him helplessly. The

Fantasia bathrobe was made of rich, dark crimson

velvet, which wasn't a look that many people could

carry off, but somehow Matt made it look sweet

rather than tacky, like a kid playing dress up.

Playing dress up…

Rick mulled the idea over in his mind. Just

playing. It didn't have to mean anything.

"Matt - come here," he said, patting the bed

beside him.

Matt padded over to the bed in his bare feet

and sat down. Rick put his arm around him and

pulled him in close. Matt, who could so often be

prickly and defensive, and spent half his life

pushing people away like a cat zealously guarding

its own space, leaned in and allowed himself to be

taken care of, just this once.

"That wasn't what I thought when I saw you

with your mom," Rick told him.

"You felt sorry for me," Matt said obstinately.

"I saw it in your eyes."

"Yes, but not for the reasons you dreamed up.

I could see you were precious to your mom - she'd

gone to the temple to make you, and she brought

you up alone. She'd told you how special and

important you are but also drummed into you all

the obligations and responsibilities that come with

that. That's a pretty big burden for a person to

carry around, and it seems to me that you took it on

your shoulders and it's been weighing you down

all your life."

Matt looked up at him, a startled expression

on his face, as if he was surprised Rick was

capable of this much insight.

"No wonder you're so anxious all the time

about whether you'll disappoint people," Rick

continued. "You're her perfect, temple born child,

and you never want to let her - or anyone - down."

Matt gave a tight little shrug. "I guess not."

"Nobody gave much of a crap about me when

I was a kid," Rick said, "And I went the other way.

You and me, we're at opposite ends of the

spectrum, aren't we?" He held his arms out wide.

"You're trapped in your box, and while I've never

known what it's like to be confined in one, I've

never had the safety of it, either. There has to be

some good middle ground, but neither of us has

ever found it, have we?"

Matt gazed at him thoughtfully and then shook

his head.

"And this place isn't it," Rick added.

"I know." Matt made a face. "I've made a

complete idiot of myself, haven't I?"

"Yeah, you have." Rick chuckled. Matt

elbowed him in the ribs for agreeing with him, but

Rick could tell it was half-hearted. "Hey - I'm used

to being an idiot, but it's all new to you."

"I've really embarrassed myself." Matt looked

down at the ground despondently.

"Nah - you cut loose a little, which is what

you wanted, and a little embarrassment comes with

the territory. It's fine. You'll survive." Rick nudged

him. "Real embarrassment is having your ass

tanned down at the Justice Hall and seeing the

whole thing on the evening news later."

"Or being disciplined in front of all your co-

workers," Matt added.

"Yup!" Rick winced. "And I survived.

Nobody cares - it's only gossip for a day or two

and then everyone moves onto something else.

You'll get through this."

"Maybe, but how do I get through the sex

scene on Monday?" Matt asked miserably.

"Well, I have an idea."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

Rick reached out and circled Matt's wrist

with his hand, holding it gently. It was testament to

how despondent Matt was right now that he either

didn't notice or didn't feel the need to react to the

way Rick was testing their dynamic. Usually Matt

would have shoved him away, but he just sat there,

chewing on his lip and probably counting the

threads in his bathrobe judging by the look in his

eyes.

Doms often used wrist circling to declare

their intentions to a sub and test their reaction. It

was a mild form of bondage and how a sub reacted

was a clue as to whether their dynamics were

compatible and if the sub was interested in the

dom in that way.

Rick stroked Matt's wrist, trying to get a feel

for him, and then he shifted his grasp and slowly

increased the pressure. Matt relaxed into him,

almost unconsciously, as if he hadn't even noticed

what Rick was doing. Satisfied, Rick decided it

was time to act.

"I'm going to make a suggestion - feel free to

shoot me down if you don't like it," he said.

Matt nodded, and Rick continued. "So, you

want to do something dangerous, like Ben is doing

on the show. You also want to explore a side of

yourself that's always scared you before, the way

he's doing."

"Yes."

"And there are particular things that worry

you about the sex scene - not being able to act

being in sub-space is one, and being tied up is

another. You're afraid you're going to freeze up

and give a bad performance."

"Yes."

"Acting's just role-play, Matt. You don't have

to have done it to act it."

"No, but I do have to feel it," Matt said

earnestly. "It's how I work. If I can't feel it then the

performance isn't honest and it comes over as

false."

"I get that, but how about we help you feel it

by playacting it? That way you can get the danger

and the thrill while staying safe."

"How?" Matt asked blankly. "And what do

you mean by playacting?"

"Just that. What you were going to do with

that dom in here - we'll do something similar, you

and me. Not here though," Rick added with a

growl, glancing around the place. "No way am I

doing anything in this place."

"You're talking about having a full play

session? Including…" Matt gave Rick an agonized

look. "You know - uh… sex?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm suggesting. At

my place - in my playroom."

"You have a playroom?" Matt looked

intrigued.

"I do." Not one he'd actually used though.

Usually he took his one-night stands to his

bedroom and fucked them there. He'd never laid on

a full-blown play session for any of them.

"I don't know," Matt said slowly. "How will

it work? I mean - are we going to use the script?

Are you going to be Jason, with me acting Ben?"

"No," Rick said firmly. "That won't work -

you'll be so busy trying to be Ben that you won't be

able to let go and feel it for yourself. You'll keep

trying to remember the lines from the script instead

of going with the flow."

"So… we do it as ourselves?" Matt's look of

anxiety intensified.

"Yes and no." Rick grinned. "We'll be

versions of ourselves, but not us. Look, I'll think up

a scenario that covers all the things you need -

giving up control, a sense of being powerless,

bondage … but it'll be me, so you know you'll be

able to relax and be safe. I'll also be playacting

someone else, so that'll provide that fantasy

element of danger that you want to experience."

"You think that'll work?"

"Are you saying I can't act?" Rick asked, with

a raised eyebrow.

"No, you can act, Rick," Matt replied

earnestly, "but will I be able to get into it?"

"Sure you will. You take every little thing I

improvise on set without blinking - and throw

plenty back at me too. Remember that spanking

scene where I pounced on you in your trailer? That

was hot! I'm thinking of something along those

lines. What do you say?"

"What about our deal? Won't this change

things between us? Also, you've got your no reruns

policy so…" Matt broke off with a shrug.

"I'm only talking about a one-shot deal," Rick

told him. "To get you through the sex scene next

week and help you explore life outside the box a

little." He grinned and gave Matt a little nudge.

"So, I won't be breaking my no reruns policy and

afterwards we can go back to our deal."

"You'd do that for me? I mean, you'd do all

this, set this whole thing up, just to help me out?"

Rick laughed. "Matt, I hate to break this to

you, buddy, but you're a real cutie. What dom

wouldn't want to help you out with this particular

problem?"

Matt rolled his eyes, but at least he was

starting to look less anxious now. "Thank you. I

mean, not just for that but also for what you did

here tonight. I knew I didn't like Grable, but I had

no idea he was running this kind of scam. I dodged

a bullet because of you."

"You're welcome. Do you forgive me for

stealing your phone now?"

"Maybe," Matt said grudgingly.

Rick pouted, and Matt rolled his eyes. "Oh,

okay, yes!"

"Good." Rick grinned at him. "So - what do

you say? Are we doing this or not?"

Matt took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and

then broke into a shy little smile. "Yes," he

replied. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes!

Let's do it."

"Cool." Rick got up. "Come over to my place

tomorrow night at 9pm. I'll paint the scenario for

you when you get there - but you have to play along

and give me something back if this is going to

work."

Matt nodded, looking both excited and

apprehensive. Rick hoped that giving him a day to

think about it would help him get ready and not just

give him the opportunity to work himself up into an

even greater state of anxiety.

"One more thing," Rick said, glancing at the

fact sheet that contained Matt's list of likes and

dislikes. "I don't care what you've ticked on this

thing - you keep your safeword in your play

session with me, and I expect you to use it if you

need to."

"Then

this

won't

work,"

Matt

said

despairingly. "You saw me in the rehearsal room.

I'll safeword out of the scene the minute I feel I'm

losing control or getting in too deep. I'll panic -

and afterwards I'll regret it."

"Okay." Rick put his hands on Matt's

shoulders and looked down on him. "Here's the

deal - if you use your safeword then I'll slow

down, move back, and assess the situation. I won't

end the scene unless I'm convinced you're in real

difficulty. How's that?"

Matt nodded slowly. "That could work."

"Good. Now go get dressed. I'm not leaving

here until I see you safely off the premises."

Rick nodded in the direction of the bathroom,

and Matt grabbed his clothes and went to get

changed. When he came back, Rick took him to the

salon's exit and pushed him in the direction of his

car.

"Go. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Wait - aren't you coming too?"

"Later. There's something I have to do first,"

Rick said firmly. "What? Did you think I'd let