Risk Taker (11 page)

Ethan felt Sarah begin to go limp and watched with satisfaction as her skin flushed from the last orgasm. She was so incredibly beautiful, so mind-blowingly responsive to every touch and twist of his body as he remained within her. Finally, he felt his control dissolving beneath her body’s honeyed demands. Gritting his teeth, he thrust as deep as he could go and felt his world shatter, spinning out of control, trapped by her strength and heat. Ethan was hurled into the explosive lights he saw behind his tightly shut eyes. Burning heat tunneled down his spine, slamming through him, spilling hotly into her. A growl of utter relief and satisfaction ripped out of him as he finally sank against her warm, soft body, tasting the dampness of her cheek, finding her mouth, plunging his tongue deep into her. A guttural sound of animal satisfaction rippled through his chest.

Sarah floated. Ethan was a warm, heavy blanket across her. Their hearts pounded as one; his arms were around her, holding her tightly. Sometime later, Ethan eased his weight off her, removing himself from her, then drawing her back into the circle of his arms. So weak she couldn’t speak, Sarah was surrounded by his hard, protective male body. She rested her cheek against his chest. His long leg crossed over hers, keeping her possessively against him in every way possible.

Is this what love felt like? The question was like magical fog moving slowly through her mind.

All Sarah wanted to do was inhale Ethan’s scent, drag it deep into her body like the rarest of perfumes, feel the dampness of his hard flesh against her cheek, his beard rasping against her cheek, his fingers trailing lightly across her shoulder and tracing fire down her arm where it curved across his abs.

Sarah felt cherished. She’d never felt like this before. How could a man be so powerful and yet so gentle with her? And every particle of her being opened up to Ethan, like a flower finally blooming in the sunlight of his hands, his body and that heated smile of his. He had brought her such exquisite pleasure.

She sighed, utterly spent, utterly satisfied, her body continuing to ripple and glow. She luxuriated against Ethan, feeling his erection pressing against her belly once more. How could this not be love? Every other sexual experience she’d had paled in comparison. Not that she’d had that many relationships. But Ethan... Sarah quivered like a cat still purring after being so lovingly stroked and fulfilled.

Finally, their collective breathing returned to normal. She nuzzled against Ethan’s chest, the hair tickling her nose and cheek. His long fingers ran slowly through the strands of her hair as he continued to hold her gently against him. Sarah closed her eyes, the feeling of safety and protection within his arms overwhelming her. She’d never felt safe with a man before this. Ethan had given to her, not taken from her. Ethan had known. Somehow, he’d known how hurt she had been by a man at such an early age. And he had given her the gift of himself.

He had educated her about her own body, the beautiful, remarkable gifts she held within herself.

Sarah leaned over just enough to press a kiss to his chest. She could hear the strong beat of Ethan’s heart beneath her ear. She tasted the salt of his flesh, the dampness created by their lovemaking, and it made her again sense the power of her femininity. She’d shaken his foundation just as he had dismantled hers. Streaks of heat, light and pleasure flowed through her as she felt Ethan adjust enough so that he could look down into her eyes. Sarah melted beneath his male smile and saw the satiation in his clear gray eyes that burned with tenderness for her alone.

This is what it felt like to be worshipped, Sarah thought, still caught in the arms of the lust that had exploded between them.

“I knew from the moment I saw you,” Ethan rasped, his fingers moving the silky strands away from Sarah’s half-closed eyes, “that you were an extraordinary woman.” He melted beneath the coals of arousal banked in her softened blue eyes. Ethan felt himself responding, wanting to fill her once more, the pleasure thrumming through him. “Sarah, you are an incredible woman. You’re beautiful inside and out, angel. And you have no idea how you can make a man want to cry just to be near you....”

His words were like tender strokes across her wounded womanhood. Ethan was so sincere, so heartbreakingly honest that it tore the last vestiges away from her tightly guarded heart for this exquisite moment. All Sarah could do was be held captive by sweetness. She felt a new, powerful heart-centered sensation tunnel through her. She saw it reflected in Ethan’s eyes, too.

How could what they had, whatever it was, stand a chance in combat? They led lives where they were always in harm’s way. Throat tightening, Sarah wanted so badly to tell him, but a new, unsettling fear reached out to imprison her. She’d already seen Ethan in a firefight. He ran toward trouble, not away from it. SEALs lived to fight. He fiercely protected those who couldn’t protect themselves. Just as he had protected her as he loved her. And now that sense of protection was even more intense surrounding her. She felt branded by his essence as a male, felt his stamp on every trembling, satiated cell of her being.

Swallowing, Sarah whispered brokenly, “You touched my soul, Ethan.”

Closing his eyes, Ethan rested his jaw against her brow, an emotion filling him, surrounding his heart, deluging his soul with equal relief and gratefulness. “Angel, we’re good together. There’s no denying that.” He smiled a little, comforted that he’d been able to maneuver through that minefield of her past. Ethan felt lucky. There was so much that could have gone wrong.

“Good?” Sarah stirred, smiling. Their bodies were still damp against one another, simmering, waiting. “I’ve never been loved so thoroughly, Ethan. I never knew it could be like this....”

Her halting, husky words tore at his heart. It confirmed what he already knew without her saying anything else. No wonder Sarah held sadness in her blue eyes. Caldwell had fractured her soul, ripped her spirit apart as a child. He stilled the rage building in him over the injustice done to Sarah. Ethan knew he could not repair her past. But if she would let him, he could help her build a healthy, solid, happy foundation for the future. With him. But he wasn’t sure she trusted him enough to go the distance.

Kissing her brow, Ethan whispered, “What we have is special, Sarah. It doesn’t happen often.” Only when two people love one another did it get this good. But he couldn’t say that to her yet. And God knew Ethan wanted to. He was drowning in her turquoise eyes, which shimmered with unspoken joy. Sarah made him feel so damn strong and good about being a man. There were no games or manipulation with her. She simply was her natural self without the walls she’d hidden behind all her life. And he was privileged—blessed, really—to see her in all her beauty. She made his heart dream with possibility.

“Mmm,” Sarah whispered, content to be held. It felt so good to find an embrace that made her feel safe. That made her feel good about herself. “You’re pretty amazing, Ethan.”

He chuckled, smiling against her hair. “Just remember that if I ever make you mad.” He felt and heard her laugh. God, Sarah had such a sensual, smoky laugh. Absorbing the sound of her against his chest, Ethan just kept smiling because he felt like the luckiest man on the planet.

Sarah slowly slid her fingers through the damp, tangled hair across his chest. “Ethan...what are we going to do?”

He understood the brevity of her question. Her hand stilled against his chest, as if waiting. Not wanting to hear reality. And in a war zone, the only way to survive was to remain realistic. Ethan shifted away from her, still cradling Sarah within his embrace, holding her concerned gaze. “I want a serious relationship with you, Sarah. Our jobs are going to tear us apart more than give us time together.” He saw her lips part, that pouty lower lip calling him once more. Sarah hadn’t done it on purpose to tease him, he realized. Her eyes looked worried as she held his somber gaze. Ethan prayed she felt the same as he did. “We’ll find the time. Just like today. We took advantage of it.”

“Reality’s a bitch,” Sarah finally muttered. She closed her eyes for a moment because what they’d just shared was so wonderful, a gem in the desert of her life. “I’m still afraid, Ethan. Ever since you saved me from that guy...” The words jammed up in her throat. She felt tears burn her eyes. Forcing herself past all of that, Sarah whispered unsteadily, “There’s something about you.... You’re different. A part of me wants to know you. All of you. Whenever we can get some time off together. The other part of me—” she lowered her gaze as shame flowed through her “—is so scared.”

Ethan’s heart twisted in his chest at the tears glimmering in her blue eyes. From his vantage point, she was an emotional minefield, with so many scars and bad memories. “It’s all right,” he managed. “We’ll make it work. We’ll figure something out. I don’t want to lose what we have, Sarah.” And then Ethan leaned closer. He wanted to say so much more but he saw the fear in her expression. One step at a time....

Chapter 11

S
arah didn’t want the night to end. Ethan must have seen the disappointment in her eyes.

“Why so sad?” he whispered, nuzzling her hair, inhaling her scent.

“Time,” Sarah uttered, feeling his lips caress her hair. The luxury of being so incredibly cherished was new and beautiful to her. “We have to get back to Bravo, and I don’t want to move. I wish...” Sarah sighed, feeling Ethan draw her closer to him, his hard, warm flesh strong and steady against her softer curves that gave way against him.

“That we had more time together,” he breathed, finishing the sentence for her. Ethan tucked her head beneath his chin, wanting her to fully feel his protection. “We don’t have to be back to Bravo until 0800.” He raised his head, reading the digital clock opposite the bed, high on the dresser. “It’s 0100. We have seven hours.”

Stirring, Sarah admitted, “I feel like I’ve just been given a gift of you.” She smiled softly, eyes closed as she slid her hand across his chest. His muscles flexed, responding beneath his skin to her fingertips.

“You’re the treasure,” he growled, kissing Sarah’s parted lips gently. “I’m the luckiest one right now.” He felt her full lips draw into a smile beneath his. “And you’re such a fierce warrior,” he added, meaning it.

Rousing herself, Sarah tipped her head back on his broad shoulder. “No more than you, Ethan. Remember? I saw you in action, too.”

“Mutual admiration society, then,” he murmured, sliding his mouth across her lips, feeling her respond. How could Sarah be this sensitive and still do the job she did? They were like separate puzzle pieces within her: the woman warrior and the lush lover who came apart in his arms. “How did you get so fierce?” he wondered against her cheek, the velvet warmth against his mouth.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, her voice sounding far-off. Sarah simply absorbed Ethan, his holding her, never wanting the night to end. “Maybe...maybe because of my past.” And then she gave a short, bitter laugh. “When you get left in a Dumpster after being born and then found by two winos searching for some food... Maybe that beginning branded me. I feel a baby picks up on everything, whether they are loved, hated, stalked.”

“You,” he whispered, his voice filled with emotion, “had a rough start in life, Sarah. But when you felt thrown away, you were really the gem hidden within that trash. I can’t imagine how you felt when you were told that. I can’t...” God help him, his sense of protection became even more intense within him. Ethan felt driven to somehow heal her, to allow Sarah to see who she was today, help her discover the inner beauty of her soul whether it was fractured or not.

“All my life,” Sarah said against his chest, “I wanted to prove I was worth keeping, Ethan. Maybe that’s where my drive to show everyone I’m worth having around originated.”

Her words tore Ethan apart. Shutting his eyes tightly, he struggled to get his own emotions under control. Sarah didn’t need his pity. What she needed was something very different. “Listen,” he told her, his voice dark and impassioned. “You just saved two Marines from dying out there the other day. I saw it. I saw
you.
Nothing rattled you as the bullets were flying, Sarah. You were like a rock, holding that helo steady, holding the tenuous threads of your medics running to help us get those Marines on board. You are so damned powerful in a crisis—it just blew my mind. You didn’t care what was being thrown your way. It was your quiet, steadfast courage that made it all work and have a happy ending.” He moved his hand down her long spine, feeling her strength beneath his fingers. “You are incredible in my eyes, my heart....” And Sarah was.

Ethan’s vibrating words filled her heart, touched her soul that was so hungry. “All I felt at the time I was sitting in that right seat was a very different emotion, Ethan. I was damned if those Marines weren’t going to be protected, to be given every chance to live.” Her eyes flashed with anger, and she felt it deep in her body, in her passionate soul. It was that pit bull power that had always been with her since she could remember. It had gotten her through every hell she’d been forced to experience in her life. It had gotten her to tonight, into Ethan’s caring arms, being given access to his incredible heart.

“That’s because no one protected you as a little girl,” Ethan told her huskily, sliding his hand against her hair, holding her a little more surely against his body. “Because you never received the protection you deserved, Sarah, there was something good and clean in your soul that recognized you could turn around and become someone else’s protector.” He wanted to cry for Sarah but simply squeezed her to let her know she had his protection. And SEALs damn well knew how to protect their loved ones.

They lay in one another’s arms for a long time, and Sarah absorbed every cherishing movement of his hands whispering across her body. How was it possible to have met Ethan? She could literally feel him giving to her, and it brought tears beneath her closed eyes. “How do you exist?” she whispered unsteadily against his chest, his slow heartbeat soothing her.

Ethan laughed softly. “What do you mean?” He could feel her thinking, not by mental telepathy, but something else, a vibrant connection between their souls.

She frowned. “How did you get to be the way you are?”

Ethan’s mouth quirked. “I don’t know, Sarah. I’m just me.”

“But you
see
me.”

He sighed. “My heart saw you first.”

“Your heart has eyes then,” she said, absorbing his embrace. Sarah had never felt so profoundly safe in her life. It was him. Ethan. Who he was.

“I believe the heart should always lead us, be our eyes in our life,” he murmured. Ethan watched the strands of her hair fall like gleaming black ribbons against the others. “I guess my parents taught me that. Especially my mother.” His voice grew amused. “I can remember her always telling us kids that our heart was our compass. Our head was secondary, but to always listen to our feelings, our instincts. She was a mother bear about that.” He chuckled quietly. Their time with one another was never going to be guaranteed. Right now, Ethan was like a greedy beggar, absorbing every precious second with Sarah. He would not know when they’d ever have this kind of time again. Ethan felt as if he were in some radiant dream, transported to another realm with her.

“You are different,” Sarah said in a hushed tone. “When you came into that canteen, I felt you before I saw you. I looked up, and there you were. For the first time in my life, Ethan, I didn’t feel so threatened by a man. I felt you look at me, but I can’t explain it.” Sarah moistened her lips, searching to articulate her feelings. “You sat down opposite of me. You never looked at me directly. But I felt you watching me, and I didn’t feel as defensive about it, as if you weren’t stripping me with your eyes, wanting to take something from me that wasn’t yours to take.”

Ethan struggled to contain the pain he felt for her. “I wanted you, Sarah. Every man in that canteen wanted you.” He caressed her shoulder. “Maybe the difference was I was attracted to you for a lot of reasons, not just the physical.” Ethan’s voice became derisive. “I’d be a liar if I told you I didn’t want you, too, Sarah. I did, but what threw me was that I saw the sadness in your eyes, felt it go right through me like someone had shot an arrow straight into my heart. The sadness I felt in you was soul-deep, nothing light, nothing unimportant.”

Ethan eased her away from him to drown in Sarah’s moist blue eyes. “Maybe I was feeling your beginnings in your life? Being thrown away, thinking you weren’t good enough to be loved or not be taken care of? I don’t know—I honestly can’t give it words.” And then his mouth drew into a wry smile. “And I’m pretty good with words. Or I like to think I am.” Ethan gave her a sheepish look. He knew she loved the words in the poems he gave her.

Sarah stared up at him. His expression glinted with an intelligence she’d never found in another man. His mouth was so strong, one corner pulled inward, as if he was experiencing her pain, perhaps. “Your words always lift me, Ethan.”

His cheeks glowed a dull red even in the shadowy light of the room, and a sudden shyness fleeted across his gaze. It was his mouth, however, that touched her. His lips twisted into a wry position, as if he was unsure in that moment.
Of what?
For a split second, the confident man wasn’t there. She saw a shy young boy, his heart on his sleeve.

“From the first day when I saw you at the canteen, Sarah, I thought of you as an angel with wings. Only your wings were the blades on your helicopter. I wanted my poem—how I saw you—to make you feel good about yourself,” Ethan admitted, seeing the realization make her eyes shimmer with an incredible rainbow of emotions.

Sarah lifted her hand, sliding it against his clean jaw. “I love them. You can’t know how your words touched me....” She held his gaze, seeing hope flare. “You can’t know how, after a while, I didn’t believe they were a trick, but coming from someone who really saw me. Not my body. But me. And every day, your words just melted into my heart a little more, and for the first time in a long time, I felt hope. I felt—” Sarah’s voice broke “—I felt you saw something in me that was so beautiful. And I wanted to believe in what you saw.” Tears ran down her face.

Drawing in an uneven breath, Ethan lifted his hand and, with his thumb, removed the warm tears from her flushed cheeks. “Sarah, I wanted to touch your heart and your beautiful soul. To share with you what I saw within you. I lived in hell wondering if you didn’t understand my words. I was afraid you’d think I was like every other poor bastard at that camp, wanting you and tricking you into being trapped in my snare I’d laid out for you.”

His touch was so incredibly light against her cheek. Sarah sensed he fought his own emotions. “Your words were so insightful, and somehow I knew you were sincere. I—I just haven’t ever met anyone like you, Ethan.” And it scared her even now because she was on new ground and had no experience. Sarah didn’t ever consider herself beautiful. She’d always felt ugly.

“Words are powerful,” Ethan agreed, leaning down, barely brushing his mouth against hers. He felt Sarah tremble, felt her body awakening once more beneath his hands. The soft lushness of her lips glided against his own, enjoying him in so many ways. Her courage to open up to him, to trust him, was a special gift that he always wanted to cherish and build on with her.

“Your words are healing to me, Ethan,” Sarah whispered unsteadily, feeling his mouth becoming more possessive, reigniting her body, making her womb ache with renewed hunger, wanting to love him once again.

As he eased Sarah down upon the bed, her hips flexed against his and her eyes changed to undisguised raw hunger for him. He gave her an intense look; his erection was trapped against her soft belly. She lay beneath him, her blue eyes glistening with some unnamed emotion. Helpless to fight the possibility of love, Ethan allowed his heart to interpret her expression, her soft, parted lips, her hands calling him to him, wanting him to take her once more.

As he leaned over, whispering his breath across her taut breasts, watching the peaks harden beneath the rasping of his beard, his heart burst open with such an avalanche of possessiveness toward Sarah. The powerful sense of wanting to claim her as his woman, wanting to always protect her, overwhelmed Ethan. Sarah had given him her heart and soul tonight. But Ethan also recognized, just as starkly, how the specter of Sarah’s past ran her life to this day. Could he compete with that? Could he win her trust? Everything was so tentative. So damn fragile between them.