Risk Taker (13 page)

She smiled a little, carried on the caress of his low voice.
Sarah recognized the smoky-gray color of his eyes and knew what it meant. Ethan
wanted to love her. And how her body was blazingly pleading with him to do just
that. “I love butterflies,” she admitted softly, picking at her salad with her
fork. “And rainbows.... I like to go for a walk in a soft rain and feel the
drops on my face. I feel like the sky is washing anything dirty or sad around me
away.”

When she looked up, Sarah saw the serious expression on Ethan’s
face, as if he were memorizing her words and placing them in his heart. “What
about you?”

Ethan raised his brows. “Riding a horse at full gallop over the
hills, the wind cutting against my face, feeling the horse flying under me.” He
dabbled with his corn, staring down at it, feeling her warmth and attention.
Those beautiful blue eyes, so filled with awe. And there was undeniable life in
their depths now. He understood loving Sarah had, in some small way, released
her from the dark chain from the past that had held her prisoner for God knew
how long. But it also raised the whole issue. Understanding he could continue to
love her, open Sarah up to the wonders of a man fully loving his woman as equal
and partner, would allow her to come from beneath the shadows she’d hidden
beneath all her life. And Ethan wanted to be the man to trigger those changes in
her, to give her the freedom that she so richly deserved. But would she let
him?

“That sounds wonderful...the freedom,” Sarah admitted, carried
away by his words and descriptions. “Tell me more. What else makes you happy,
Ethan?”

Just the way his name rolled off her lips sent an incredible
fire from his heart straight down to his tightening body. Damn good thing he had
on bulky cammies. Looking up at Sarah, he realized she didn’t understand her
impact on him.

“I like walking out in the middle of a hellacious
thunderstorm,” Ethan admitted. “It would drive my parents crazy because they’d
always think I’d get struck by lightning, but I never did. I just reveled in the
awesome, natural power of the clouds, wind and rain swirling around me. I could
feel the wind gut punch me, the rain tear through my hair as I ran, the sweet
smell of dried earth being drenched with life-giving water.”

“You like chaos.”

Ethan chuckled a little. “I suppose I do.” And then he grinned.
“SEALs own chaos. SEALs are chaos in action. It’s what we’re trained for—the
unexpected and dealing with it.”

Sarah finished off her main course and moved to her buttered
peas and small, dainty onions. “I’m chaos, too.” A dark, ugly storm that lived
within her. It scared her that someday Ethan would see that part of her. And he
would walk away.

“You are,” Ethan agreed, his voice turning low with feeling.
“You’re an amazing thunderstorm in your own right, with incredible downdrafts of
pleasure and then violent updrafts of flying loose and free. The sky isn’t even
your limit.”

Her heart wobbled with fear, saturated with emotions she’d
never experienced before. Sarah set her flatware down, feeling tears leak out of
her eyes. “You even speak in poetry, Ethan. My God. I can’t hardly stand it
because your words, the pictures you see in me...”

It took every bit of his control not to reach over and touch
Sarah’s flushed cheek at that moment. Her lower lip quivered, and Ethan saw his
words touch her as surely as he’d drawn her in his arms and kissed her. “I want
you to know just how incredible you are as a woman.” His eyes became hooded as
he held her gaze. “Every second I can find in my day is devoted to you,
discovering who you really are. I see you. But you don’t see yourself.” His
voice dropped to an intimate growl. “I’m going to watch you open up, grow, gain
confidence in yourself as a woman. It’s a tough task,” he teased her gently.
“And I want to do it.”
Because I’m falling in love with
you.
Ethan ached to whisper those words to Sarah, but it was far too
soon. He felt an urgency to tell her because he knew a SEAL’s last breath could
be one bullet away. One RPG away. One helicopter crash away. They were not
afforded the luxury of time, but his intuition told him to wait and continue to
be patient.

Sarah sat there, wrapped in his warmth. She saw it in the
tender expression of his face, felt it in the huskiness of his voice. She shook
her head. “You’re a dream, Ethan. I swear, you’re a dream I’ve concocted because
I couldn’t stand the pressure of being looked at by hundreds of men every
day.”

“I’m real, and you know it.” Ethan gave her a heated look.
“We’re good for each other. And I’m no mirage. It doesn’t get any more real than
the night we spent at the villa, does it?”

Straightening, Sarah whispered, “That was the most wonderful
real I’ve ever experienced, Ethan. You know that.”

“Then hold that night close to your heart, Sarah.” Ethan
grimaced and looked around the small, quiet room. “I find myself wishing we’d
met so many other places or at another time.” He shared a frustrated look with
her. “Why now? Worst place on earth to try and start a relationship. Don’t you
think?”

“We live in chaos, Ethan. That’s what we’ve chosen for our
careers. I worry about that.”

“You have to have faith.”

“I had to have that,” Sarah answered, her voice turning bitter.
The memories started to return and she pushed them away, focused on the present.
Focus on Ethan, who was a ruggedly handsome warrior. And he liked her.

Did he feel what she felt? Sarah wanted to share her feelings
with him, but she hesitated. What they’d found in one another was life giving.
But fate could cruelly take it away from them in a heartbeat, too. Sarah pressed
her lips together to hold the secret in her heart.

“You got the investigation summons?” Ethan asked her. Sarah’s
eyes went dark.

“Yes. You, too?”

“Yes.” He saw fear in her eyes and knew she was thinking about
what might have happened to her. “How can I support you?”

The question startled her. No one had ever asked her something
like that. But the seriousness in Ethan’s eyes, the set of his mouth, told Sarah
he had her back.

“You’ve done so much already,” she said, finishing her food and
setting the tray aside. “I need to go, Ethan. This was a nice place to meet.
Thank you.”

She felt such a rush of anxiety, it made her stomach feel icy.
It became apparent that the more she remained with Ethan, the more she knew she
had to break it off. This was all just too much.

“The galley chief owed me a favor. Can’t do it often, but
tonight...” Ethan ached to kiss Sarah’s soft mouth, to feel her lush body
against his.

Glancing at her watch, she said apologetically, “I really have
to go.”

Ethan stood. “Just leave the trays. The guys will come by and
pick them up. Follow me?”

Sarah gave him a quizzical look. “Are we going out front?” Out
to all those male eyes following her.

“No, we’re going into SEAL stealth mode.” Ethan grinned. “Trust
me.”

“With my life.”

Ethan opened the door and stepped out, looking up and down the
empty hall. He caught Sarah’s small hand for just a moment and said, “This
way.”

Her heart beat a little harder in her breast as he moved
quickly and silently, like the shadow he was, down the empty hall. Abruptly, he
turned right. He opened a door and slipped through it. He turned, holding out
his hand to her. She took it, feeling his strong fingers wrap around hers,
sending electric tingles up her hand and arm.

As Ethan drew her into the room, Sarah noticed they were in the
maintenance room, where all the machinery, the air-conditioning, plumbing and
pipes were located. A hungry look filled Ethan’s eyes as he turned and locked
the door behind them. They were alone. She met his burning look. Though she
wanted to run, she was anchored. Ethan was going to kiss her. How badly she
wanted it. One last kiss. A goodbye kiss. Without a word, Sarah walked into his
opening arms and felt his mouth press hotly against hers.

She relaxed in Ethan’s arms, surrendering to him. Sliding her
hands up across his broad shoulders, Sarah strained, wanting to be closer,
wanting him inside her. Wanting the pleasure he had given her before. Ethan’s
breath was uneven as he opened her mouth, moving his tongue against hers,
teasing her, asking her to dance with him. His hand ranged down across her back,
coming to rest on her hip, hauling her tightly against him.

She moaned, feeling how hard he was, pressing into her belly,
her womb tightening with an ache that dived down between her thighs and made her
go weak with need.

Sarah couldn’t get enough of his mouth, how he possessed her,
rocked her lips open, tasted her, shared his breath with her. Ethan was making
her ache so much she wanted to cry for relief. As he cupped her face, drinking
of her mouth, giving everything he had to her, Sarah quivered in the face of his
incredible energy, his protection, flowing through her.

Finally, as Ethan eased from her mouth, giving her lower lip
soft nips and then moving his tongue across it, Sarah opened her eyes to stare
into his narrowed, stormy gray ones that held her a willing captive. She inhaled
his male scent, the sunlight on his flesh, the heat of his skin. She never
wanted this moment to end.

Sliding his fingers through her loose, dark hair, Ethan shook
his head. “You make me burn. I want you so damned badly I can’t think, Sarah.”
He brushed his mouth against her cheek, feeling the soft velvet of her skin,
inhaling her scent. Sarah was so damned exotic. Those blue eyes of hers would
melt a glacier in ten seconds flat, no problem. He bussed her cheek, nuzzled
into her temple, her hair tickling his face.

The unexpected kiss only tormented Sarah more. Ethan was like
sunlight to her dark world. He shed light into her, filling her with radiance,
with hope. Her throat constricted, her voice coming out strained. “We need to
talk—”

“Listen,” Ethan rasped, his hands sliding around her waist,
pinning her lower body hotly against his own. “We’ve got a long-range patrol,
several of them, coming up in a week. I’ll be gone. I don’t know how long,
Sarah, but just hold good thoughts for me. I won’t be able to contact you.” He
flexed his mouth. “Not as much as I want to, but where we’re going, comms is
going to be sporadic at best.”

The hair on the back of her neck rose. Sarah frowned, sensing
this mission was dangerous. But which one wasn’t? “Will your patrol take
precedence over this summons?”

“I don’t know yet. My LPO is trying to find out. This
particular mission is based upon perishable intelligence. It won’t wait. I think
he’s trying to get the court-martial board to give us a waiver. When the
mission’s complete, I can fly into Bagram and be interviewed.” Ethan gave her a
sad look. “So, maybe that villa will have to wait.”

Sarah was even more confused. Ethan was going into danger. She
cared so damn much for him, but at the same time, she felt pulled between that
and her own terror over their budding relationship. “We have to talk,” she said
more firmly, pulling out of his arms. Wincing when she saw the sudden puzzlement
come to his gray eyes, Sarah had to step back, against the wall. “I—I can’t do
this, Ethan.”

“What are you talking about?” Panic began to eat through him as
he saw the old wariness and distrust in Sarah’s eyes. “What’s wrong?” He forced
himself not to move toward her to try and embrace her. She stood tense,
shoulders up, as if expecting to get hit. He’d
never
hit a woman in his life.

“I’m afraid, Ethan,” Sarah whispered brokenly, forcing the
tears back. “I’ve never met someone like you before. I feel...out of water....
I’m afraid....” She curled her hands into fists for a moment at her sides. She
saw shock and then hurt in his expression. “It’s not you,” Sarah rushed on in
apology. “It’s
me.
It’s me, Ethan. You really don’t
know me. I feel so ugly inside. I—I have so many issues that are still stalking
me. I don’t want to hurt you!” she choked out, pressing her hand against her
mouth, trying not to sob as she stared up into his anguished face.

“No,” he rasped, his voice breaking. “Sarah...no...Just hear me
out? Please?” he pleaded with her. The tears glittered in her eyes. Ethan
suddenly got it. Sarah was caught in the past. She was trying to break free of
it, but she wasn’t there. Not yet. “We can slow down—”

“No,” she cried out. “No! I’m not beautiful like you think,
Ethan.”

He blinked, as if physically slapped in the face. “What?” And
then he drew in a deep breath, willing his emotions aside because all it would
do was escalate the terror he saw in her eyes. “You are beautiful to
me,
Sarah. I see your beauty. I saw it with those
little girls you put the shoes on. I saw your beauty with the women of that
Afghan village.” He halted, his mind spinning with what to say next. And not
chase her off.

“I’m not good for you!” she cried out. “Don’t you see
that?”

Ethan winced at her cry. It tore through him, shredded his
pounding heart and ripped into his soul. “Sarah—”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “It’s over, Ethan. I
can’t move forward with you. I want to, but I can’t. All I’ll bring you is
unhappiness.” She touched his face, tears streaming down her pale cheeks. “All
you see is this. Beauty is skin-deep. I’m not beautiful inside, Ethan. I’m not.
And I think too much of you to hurt you. And I know I will.” She angrily wiped
the tears off her cheeks. “This is over. I need it to be over. Don’t send me any
more poems. Don’t try to sit with me at dinner. I—I need space. Time to think.
So much has happened so fast.”

Ethan watched her turn and swiftly walk to the door, jerk it
open and disappear down the hall.
Oh, God.
He
slumped against the wall, hand pressed to his face. He’d pushed Sarah too fast.
Asked too much of her too soon. Ethan felt tears burning in the backs of his
eyes as he tried to forget the night of the most incredible love he’d ever
shared with a woman. But Sarah... Why did he push her so fast?