Road to Absolution (3 page)

“My body?”

“Yes.”

“Um, I have a
large butt, my thighs are a little thick and my breasts were bordering on porn
sized.”

“That little
fucker.”

“Mom!” I nearly
choked, I was so surprised by my mother’s swearing. It’s not like she’d never
sworn before, but I don’t know that I’d ever heard her use the F-word.

“Well, he is.
You’re beautiful, Cassidy. Inside and out, and if that little shit couldn’t see
it, then good riddance.”

“You’re supposed
to say that, you’re my mom.”

“I don’t have to
say anything of the sort.”

“Mom,” I
groaned.

“You didn’t
sleep with him again did you?”

“No, but not
because of what he said. I didn’t know we weren’t being exclusive. Apparently,
I was one in a line of many. I am just such an idiot.”

“Honey, we all
make mistakes, and it’s your time to make choices that push the limits. You
can’t be so hard on yourself.”

I burst into
tears. “No, you don’t understand.”

She gave me a
gentle smile. “Tell me.”

“I think I might
be pregnant.”

Mom gasped and
wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close. “Oh, baby girl. Do you know for
sure?”

I shook my head.
“No, but I haven’t gotten my period, and I’m sick all the time.”

She stroked my
hair. “When did you sleep with Pierre?”

“Right after the
showcase.”

“Which is when
you were finishing those antibiotics for your strep.”

I nodded. “Is
that important?”

“They can make
the pill useless.”

I groaned. “But
we used a condom.”

“Which aren’t a
hundred percent,” she said. “Look, let’s not panic just yet. I’m going to run
to the store and grab a test and we can know for sure.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

She smiled and
left me, returning thirty minutes later. “Go pee and we’ll see what it says.”

I nodded and
took the box from her, grateful we were alone at least for the moment. I did my
thing, washed my hands and then met my mom back in my room. For a few minutes,
I felt like this could all be a cruel joke, but then there were two lines and
my world crashed down again. I flopped onto my bed. “How am I going to tell
Carter? He’s going to hate me.”

“I don’t think
he’ll hate you, honey. I don’t think he’s going to be happy, but he won’t hate
you.” She wiped away tears and shook her head. “Your dad on the other hand…”

“Ohmigod, Mom,
we can’t tell Dad.”

“Well, how long
were you expecting to keep it from him?” she challenged.

“I can’t have
Carter
and
Daddy hating me.”

“Baby girl,
neither of them will hate you. Daddy’s going to freak out, I won’t candy coat
that, but he won’t hate you.”

“I’m a total
whore.”

“Honey, you are
not a whore.”

“Why are you so
calm?” My mom was taking this news way too well.

My mom sighed.
“Sometimes you do everything you’re supposed to do and shit just happens. Would
I have wanted this for you? No. But it’s happening and now we need to decide
where to go from here. This could have happened to me before I married your
father, so I’m the last person to judge you, honey. You just got stuck with
some consequences I didn’t.”

“What does that
mean?”

“Well, I wasn’t
always “safe” so to speak. I had a scare when I’d missed two pill days and had
sex with my boyfriend at the time without condoms, so we’ve all been there,
honey.” She patted my knee. “We’ll figure this out, Cass. It’s not going to be
pretty, but we’ll figure it out.”

“I can’t tell
Carter, Mom. He’s only home for a week.”

“Well, that’s up
to you, honey. But we need to tell your dad… and then your sisters.”

I knew she was
right, but that didn’t mean I wanted to do it. In the end, we told my dad later
that night and he said nothing. Not a word. Just stood and walked into his
bedroom, closing the door behind him. Mom followed and I was left to my
thoughts, which turned me into a sobbing mess and kept me awake all night.

If I lost the
love of my father, I’d be destroyed.

* * *

“Cass?” Carter called, jogging up to me.
He was shirtless and delicious, his matching nut and bolt chain hanging against
his pecs. He had a new tattoo on his upper arm of the Air Force logo and it was
hot. He was leaving again in two days and I was silently congratulating myself
for keeping my secret. He would go back to base and I could deal with my
predicament in seven months, give or take.

“Hey,” I said.
We were out at the pond, cooling off on a particularly hot June day. I was
sitting under the shade of the canopy his parents’ had set up years ago, avoiding
the sun.

He flopped down
beside me and grinned. “So, you gonna fill me in?”

“On?” I asked.

“Why you’ve been
so quiet these past few days.”

I faced him,
grateful my sunglasses hid my panic. “Have I been?”

“Cass, I know we
haven’t seen each other in a year, but I still know you.”

“Just missed
you.”

“I’ve missed you
too,” he said, standing and holding his hand out to me. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“Mysterious.” I
took his hand and let him pull me up. “Where are we going?”

We started
toward the tree-line of our properties. “It’s a surprise.”

I giggled. “I
love surprises.”

“I know.” He
squeezed my hand. “I actually want to ask you something.”

“Ask away.”

“You know I love
you—”

“I love you
too,” I said.

“No, wait. Let
me get this out.” He sighed. “Sorry. I’m fuckin’ this up.”

“You’re doing
fine.”

“I love you,
Cassidy. I have forever, and I want to know if you’ll marry me when I’m done
with this next tour.”

I felt the color
drain from my face. “What?”

He grinned as we
arrived at the dead tree. “I have it on good authority Torbig the Troll will be
available to do the honors when I get home… he told me himself… but I think
maybe we should do the church thing.”

“Wait. Carter.”
I knew tears were escaping the safety of my sunglasses, but I couldn’t stop
them.

“Hey, babe, why
are you crying?” he asked, cupping my cheeks.

“I can’t…
ohmigod, Carter… I can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“Ohmigod.” I
made an awkward attempt to walk away.

Carter grabbed
my arm and pulled me to face him. “Hey, what’s wrong? You can tell me.”

I shook my head.
“I can’t tell you this, Carter.”

He gave me a
gentle smile. “I love you, Cass. You
can
tell me.”

“You’ll hate
me.”

“I could never
hate you.”

I flailed my
hands at my sides in frustration. “Why didn’t you tell me before I left how you
felt?”

Carter frowned.
“Because I wanted to wait until you were eighteen.”

“No jailbait,
got it.”

“Whoa, that’s
not what I mean.”

“I know, Carter.
Just ignore me.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I need to go.”

“Fuck me,
Cassidy. What the hell is going on?” he snapped.

“I slept with
someone. In France.”

“O… kay,” he
said slowly. “Are you still together?”

I shook my head.

“Well, then,
what’s the problem?”

I laid my hands
over my belly. “I’m pregnant.”

“What?” he
whispered, chuckling as though he didn’t really hear what he heard.

“I’m pregnant. I
made a stupid mistake and now I will be paying for that mistake for the rest of
my life.”

Carter’s hands
dropped to his sides and his face changed. I don’t think I will ever forget the
expression, mostly because I’d never seen it before… not from him, anyway. It
was one of pure unadulterated devastation… one of disappointment and sadness…
and, yes, a little hatred.

“I’m so sorry,
Carter.” I turned and made a run for my house. That was the last day I saw him.
The last day I talked to him. The last day I spoke his name. After giving birth
to Maverick and realizing that if I didn’t get out of my tiny little farm town
in Oregon, and away from the people who loved Carter Quinn, I would never
escape him, so I moved. Not so far that I couldn’t drive to my parents’, but
far enough that his name would never come up.

I had a
beautiful little boy to think about and he would never know that his mother’s
heart had shattered irrevocably. He was my heart now and he was enough.

Four years later…

A
CE PULLED HIS bike up to the Quinn beach
house and slid the kickstand down. He hadn’t seen his family since he left and
as much as he missed them, he wasn’t particularly sure he was ready for the
barage of questions he would inevitably have to endure.

But he’d
promised. It was the fourth of July after all, and the beach was a tradition.

“Uncle Carter!”

Ace looked up,
unused to being called anything other than “Ace.” He forced a smile as Jeremy,
his nephew, rushed toward him. Ace’s eldest brother, Josh, had been married for
over eight years now and had three kids. The rest of the Quinn brothers were
still single and happy to be.

“Hey, bud. God,
are you like twenty now?”

Jeremy laughed,
hugging him and releasing him quickly. “Seven… but I’m totally a stud.”

Ace ruffled his
hair. “Said like a true Quinn.”

“Are you and
Uncle Aidan really in a motorcycle club now?”

“Yeah, bud, we
are.”

Ace had just
become a full patched member of his club, which meant (for him, anyway) he had
more freedom and money to do what he liked. He’d been a prospect for three
years, having needed an outlet between tours, then as the tours became shorter,
but the missions became more intense, it was his saving grace. A few of his
“brothers” had been in similar situations and knew when to push and when to
back off.

Aidan was still
a prospect, and he’d probably become a full patched member eventually, but Ace
didn’t know when. Aidan always did what Ace did, even when they were kids, he
was his constant shadow, so it was no surprise he followed him into the club,
but he was young and still trying to find his place.

Ace could fix,
drive, and fly pretty much anything, which meant he was guaranteed employment
in any one of the club’s businesses, and now that he was a patched member, he
was let in on every part of the businesses… legal or not so legal.

“Gram’s been
totally freaking out. I heard her tell Dad that if you crashed your bike, she’d
hurt you.”

“Well, we better
get inside then.” Ace grabbed his stuff and followed his nephew into the house.

“CarCar,” his
mother cried, and pulled him in for a hug. “You made it!”

She pulled away
and patted him down as though to check for injuries.

“Hi, Mom,” he
said, and smiled, kissing her cheek awkwardly. “I made it and I’m fine.”

“It’s bad enough
Jaxon and Matt chose dangerous jobs, but now you and Aidan are riding
motorcycles? I just don’t know where I went wrong.”

Still all about
you, Mom
,
he thought in frustration.

“You didn’t go
wrong,” he said. Ace disengaged from her as soon as he could, unable to stand even
the briefest of embraces.

Her face fell,
but she quickly recovered, plastering on a gentle smile and stepping back a
little. “Your dad and brothers are on the deck.”

Ace nodded and
sidled around her, moving toward the back door.

“Thank you,
honey.”

He turned and
smiled. “You’re welcome, Mom.”

She took a deep
breath and made her way to the kitchen. Ace escaped her look of sadness and
stepped onto the deck.

“Carter!”

His father’s
booming voice startled him for a second, but he recovered and smiled. “Hey,
Dad.”

Unlike his
mother, Ace’s father gave him space. Perhaps a bit much, but no less
appreciated. Ace’s uncle Ken had served in the Gulf war back in the nineties
and returned changed which had affected Ace’s father deeply. They’d once been
close, but he’d returned with PTSD, then ultimately died from the cancer that
had stemmed from his time in the Middle East.

Ace never knew
the details surrounding Ken’s issues… he’d been too young, but his father had
been apprehensive about Ace joining the military. Although, he’d been a little
more open to him joining the Air Force. What they didn’t know was that he’d
been recruited into the AFST, and trained as a para-rescue jumper, and had just
completed his second mission… and it shook him.

Melanie, Josh’s
wife, walked toward him, smiling in greeting. “Hey, bud.”

“Hey, Mel.”

She gave him a
quick hug and then headed into the house. His brothers walked toward him,
almost in order of birth. Josh first, Matt second, Jaxon third (although he was
fourth in the birth order), Luke next (third in birth order. All but Aidan and
Jaxon hugged him and just when Ace thought he’d lose his mind, they separated.
He hated the close contact, but only Jax and Aidan knew the general extent of
why.

The rest of the
afternoon was spent in normal Quinn family conversation, food, and joking
around, but it all seemed hollow to Ace. He felt disconnected. Even when they
gathered on the sand for football, he moved through the exercise physically,
but couldn’t bring himself to enjoy it like he used it.

Just before
midnight, after his parents, Josh and Melanie, and their kids headed to bed,
Ace and Jaxon sat on the deck, beers in hand, watching the ocean under the
light of the moon. Luke and Aidan were in the garage playing a game of pool
(their parents had converted the space five years ago when they realized the
house wasn’t going to accommodate the growing family) and they would sleep out
there as well. Matt got a call, and being FBI, his off days weren’t always
guaranteed.

“You wanna talk
about it?” Jaxon asked.

“No.”

“You don’t deal
with shit, it festers.”

“Thanks, Dr.
Phil.”

Jaxon smiled.
“First kill?”

“No.”

“Somethin’ else
first, though.”

“Just leave it,
Jax,” he ground out.

“Gonna eat you
up, Carter,” Jaxon said.

Ace rose to his
feet. “I’m goin’ to bed.”

“You’re on the
bottom.”

“Fuck you, I’m
not.”

“Fuck you, you
are,” Jaxon corrected.

“We’ll see.”

Ace made his way
into the house, ignoring Jaxon’s laugh as he brushed his teeth and walked into
the room that had been designated as theirs for the trip. Not much had changed.
It still had two sets of bunks, Jeremy and his brother, Carl, in one, which
left the other for Jax and Ace. Their niece was in with Josh and Melanie, but
Ace figured they would need to either get a bigger house, or expand this one or
they’d run out of creative sleeping options.

Too tired to
deal with Jax and his play for the top bunk, Ace fell into the bottom one,
hoping the sleeping meds would work tonight… he’d doubled the dose.

* * *

The setting sun
cast shadows over Ace’s unit as their team lead, Ducky, signaled them into
position. Gravel crunched under Ace’s feet as he eased forward, rifle raised.
The shadows before him morphed into the form of a person. The barrel of an
assault rifle pointed his direction. Ace’s heart raced. Now or never. He ducked
low, aimed, and fired. The scream of a woman pierced the silence. Bile rose in
his throat. He rushed forward to see who he’d hit, expecting to see a stranger.
A familiar face stared back at him, the accusation in her eyes turning his legs
to jelly.

“Carter?”
Cassidy let out a tortured groan as she grasped her bloodied chest and fell to
the ground. “Carter!”

He bellowed in
agony as pain sliced through his leg, and his eyes flew open to find his mother
looking over him, tears running down her face.

“Fuck,” he
rasped, and tried to sit up.

“Honey? Are you
okay?”

“Mom, back up a
bit,” Jaxon ordered, and gently pulled her away.

“Boys, come
here,” Josh called, and Ace grimaced to see his nephews rush past him,
obviously frightened by his display.

Ace folded his
body out from under the bunk and dropped his face into his hands. “I’m gonna
go.”

“No, honey,
please don’t,” his mother begged.

“Mom, I can’t be
scarin’ the kids with this shit.”

“We can sleep in
the garage for the next few days,” Jaxon countered. “Aidan and Luke can bunk in
here.”

“Please,
Carter.” She rang her hands and Carter knew she wanted to hug him. “Let us
help.”

“No one can
fuckin’ help, Mom.”

“Watch your
tone, son,” his father warned.

“It’s okay,
Scott.”

“It’s never okay
to talk to you that way, Sheila.”

“Sorry, Mom,” Ace
said. “I think it would be best if I go.”

“No,” she rushed
to say. “Look, I get that this is hard, but you can’t get on your motorcycle at
three o’clock in the morning when you’ve had next to no sleep. Can you give it
until tomorrow and if you still feel like you need to go, then we’ll respect
your wishes.”

Ace dragged his
hands down his face. “I’m gonna go for a run.”

“At this hour?”

“I’ll go with,”
Jaxon said.

“Does that mean
you’ll stay?” she asked hopefully.

“For now,” Ace
said, and she relaxed.

He’d stayed
until the following afternoon. Then he’d left and hadn’t been back.