Roar (30 page)

I know he loves me more than anything; he wants my children, my flaws, and my ridiculous notion of normality. So why doesn’t he want me to ask him to marry him?

“Charlie,” he leans his forehead against mine, “
I
wanted to ask
you.
I planned it under our tree as we gazed at our new home where we would face our years of forever together.”

“Well I didn’t want to wait. We are about to rip down the final walls that have stood between us and our dreams. It seems poetic to rip down one life and start the foundations of another in one go.”

He is silent for a moment before his lips clash with mine. In those moments with him, I’m taken into the wild rapids of love he always demonstrated through his kisses. His kisses were never simple; they were always so… well, opposite to simple. He wants to be a simple man, but he never will be to me. I’m proud of the man he has become, the person he always has been, and I will be proud to be his wife.

The only reason we leave the beauty of our passion, is the wolf whistles that come from the front lawn.

Gripping his shirt in my fists, I try to hold back my racing heart and erratic breathing. “So… will you marry me?”

“I will fucking marry you right now under this dangerous wrecking ball if that’s what you want, but I would love if we could get married under our tree.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“It’s a fucking, Hell Yeah! I will marry you.” I jump up and down and squeal against the whoops and cheers. “But so we get this clear, just because you proposed doesn’t mean you’re the man.”

I jump into his arms and kiss him longingly, ignoring the catcalls swamping around us. “You will always be the man.”

After hugs, pats on the back, loads of well wishes and advice, the ball falls with speed and menace, and in one swoop, my childhood hell splinters into three pieces.

Nate says we are violating so many codes, but all of us turn a blind eye. My rubble and Nona’s house are the only ones in the street with land surrounding us. If a report is made upon us; it would have had to come from the cows.

Nate has me under his arm, holding me tight as Connor makes signals with his hand for whoever is operating the wrecking ball. It’s raised up high again and pulled a little to one side, with another hand signal, it falls and smashes through another portion of the house like it was made of pavlova. Not much is left; our old life is just a few beams and rubble. There is a certain amount of sadness that I didn’t expect, and certainly don’t understand, but when Nate spins me around and my face buries into his neck, I feel the shudder in his chest and realize he feels it, too.

A lot of evil happened within these walls, yet a lot of precious moments were shared here, too. This was our life, and we are saying a final goodbye to it, good and bad. Together we are facing the end of one chapter we never thought we could, and about to face a new one, fresh and full of promise.

I don’t see the ball rise, and I don’t see the last of the house fall. You’d think I’d need to right? No, I couldn’t face the final motion of our goodbye. I fight against the pull of Nate’s hands, pushing me to watch the last fall. He doesn’t get it; I don’t need to see it. For, in my mind, my home was never there. It was always within his arms, and that’s where I want to be right now.

The crash seems softer this time, less significant than the first, for many reasons. Yet, the last one is where I bawl like a pained baby into Nate’s shirt. I’m no longer sad, not lost or regretful. I’m just glad that everything painful in my life has just been buried in its own dust.

Nate pats my hair as he kisses my temple. “It’s over,” he whispers into my hair. He means it as I do; the hell we have been driven by is over, the demolition has finally broken us free.

Now we start anew. We rebuild our lives with the family we have been born to, and the ones we share dreams with.

THE TREE BRANCHES ARE
especially bright and full today as they whisper in the soft breeze. I eye the old carving in the trunk with a warm belly. We share so much love under this tree, it’s fitting to share it with our loved ones on this momentous day.

“Nate, I am free from my chains now, roaring wildly like you always wanted.
You
set me free so I could choose my future; I came back to Neverland to be with you. Nathan Shaw, I choose you.”

His hands are so warm, almost moist in mine, and as he reaches for the ring that glistens in the sunlight from Davey’s fingertips, I take a steadying breath; it’s not enough, and I doubt it ever will be with the man I love around. The cool metal makes me shiver for a completely different reason as Nate slides it onto my third finger, where it will forever stay. I should be gazing at the twinkle of the gold, though it’s his eyes that have my attention. They’re brightly green, lit up and dancing with promise of love just for me. He never really has to say the words. I feel them when he looks at me like that; I always have.

“Charlie, you have always been my brilliance and warmth. You’re my every miracle, even when you weren’t with me, I felt your love guide me back to you. You are the beat of my heart and the faith in my soul, my hero, Charlie. I will
always
choose you
.”

“With the power”—Father Peterson’s words were lost on us as Nate’s mouth clashes with mine zealously before Father could finish his sermon. We’re married now; this is our first kiss as husband and wife. It feels… the same, and that’s perfectly okay, because I doubt I could have loved him any more, married or not. Nate always had my heart; he rescued it, healed it, filled it, and set it free for me to come back to him if I chose. Like a rescued animal Mrs. Fisher took care of, he set me free. I wasn’t loyal to him, owed him nothing; I loved him. We were always meant to be together, always and forever.

The day went by in a haze of bliss and rapture, all because of two people in my life. No, that’s not right. My life was now filled with many whom I cherished. I took on the growing company of men who happened to be ex-cons as family; they were more of a family to me than the one I was born to. We were one huge family, especially when you add their families. Now they share my happiness in my back yard, by my new house we all built, my future promise, and the present I’m about to bestow my husband.

I stand and clink my glass, which I have barely touched, instead opting for the sweet tea and cool ice. This spring has been particularly warm and absolutely unforgettable. All eyes are upon me, though it’s those of my new husband’s I hold dear.

Everyone has made their speeches for our future and now it is my turn. “I want to say thank you to everyone who has made it possible for Nate and I to start our new lives in this beautiful home that you have all helped build, and I know you thought you finished, but I hope you’re ready to paint a nursery and maybe build a playhouse out here.” There are many blank faces and many grins. “I love you all!” And then I lift my glass and bring it to my lips.

“Wait!” My glass is gone, Nate snatches it from me, and I laugh. “You’re pregnant?” The cheers, screams and laughter fill the air. I will never get enough of that sound. Not ever.

“Uh-huh.” He’s frowning, but there’s that massive grin that’s unmistakable. He swigs the contents of my glass and puts it on the table before smashing my lips to his. I can taste the champagne on him and I like it.

“That’s all you get, no drinks for you.” He pecks my giggling lips before dropping to his knees and holding my hips in his hands and kissing my belly. “How far?”

“Only seven weeks.”

“Hey in there,” Nate sings.

“She doesn’t have ears yet, Nate.”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“I don’t.”

“Well, I think he’s a he.”

I chortle and stroke Nate’s head as he places his ear to my belly.

I hear Nona screaming happily, mixed with tears. Her heels and the grass are not friends, so she looks like she’s dancing toward us, holding Davey’s hand. When she reaches me, she hugs me so tight in her skinny arms. I love this woman so much; she is my mentor and my Nona.

She can’t form words past her tears, so I hug her again. “You’re going to be a Great-Nona, and I’m going to need your help through this,” I whisper in her ear. She sniffles and takes a big breath before looking at me, holding my cheeks in her hands.

“Child, you will be a wonderful mother, and I am going to be right by your side for whatever you need, and right now, what you need is some of Nona’s vita drinks. I’m going to go and make you one.” She pecks me on the side of the mouth and is off before I can stop her. She grabs Davey and dances back across the yard toward her house, making me smile so hard, my cheeks ache.

“You realize you just made your own bed, right?” Nate snickers. “She is going to love and care for you until you go insane.”

I laugh and kiss his chin. “I think I could handle a little pampering. Between taking over the sanctuary and the company, I might need a pamper or two.”

“I don’t want you exerting yourself. I know you love the sanctuary and all the animals. I get that it is rewarding and gives you peace, so I’m not asking you to give it up. Maybe you should give the company a break, though; I can get someone in. The expansion into the Chicago office is going smoothly now; you deserve a rest.”

I can see he is concerned for me and his child, but I’m not broken. While I can, I want to live a normal life. When it comes time to make changes, I will do it.

“Nate, believe me when I say ‘trust me.’ I will tell you when I need rest, okay?” I brush his smoothly shaven cheeks, while his hands lay on either side of my belly and our baby.

“I love you.” He kisses me, and I could melt right into his lips; I can’t wait for him to take me to bed.

“I will always love you,” I promise.

I see Connor approach and I smile. He has been real good to me, helping me transition from ex-con status to the free Charlie I have come to be. I’m a work in progress, he says. I just hope that I will be a good mother and wife. I want to live up to the expectations of their trust and love in me; for all of them, not just Nate. I never want to disappoint them after everything they have done for me, but I’m still afraid I will fail them. Maybe that is something that will never change.

Now, Nate and I are having a baby. It will need me to not fail. It will need me more from me than anyone, and I am completely prepared to give our child everything I have. But will it ever be enough?

Connor throws his arm over Nate’s shoulder, grinning proudly. Nate smiles, but keeps his hand on my belly like he’s protecting it from the world. Connor has become more like family than any of them, I hold him dear to my heart, and I know he will be a loving part of our baby’s life.

“Congratulations,” Connor says, pecking my cheek and patting Nate on the shoulder, like men do. “There’s already wagers on if the little boss is a boy or a girl.”

“Don’t call—actually, I like that,” Nate says. “I like Little Boss for a nickname until he is born,” Nate’s got a huge grin I believe will be plastered on forever. It’s the sexiest grin in the entire universe.

“It’s a girl,” I protest. I’m surrounded by men in a man’s business; I need a little girly time.

Connor laughs hard. “I will make sure you both get to put in the pot, too. This is going to be one hell of a birth celebration.”

“What do you think, Connor?” Nate asks with a serious tone, the one he uses when he plays boss, and I slap his shoulder.

“Yeah, Connor,” I mimic trying to keep a straight face.

Connor throws his palms up. “No, no, no. I’m Switzerland. I will await the sex of Little Boss, and whether she wears a frilly pink dress, or he dons a Shaw hardhat; that little one will be cherished by so many because its parents have freed more than each other—you guys freed the inner prisoner in us, and gave us the chance of choice. I choose to always love Little Boss, boy or girl, because I love you guys.”

Jesus, we have come from so little love, to love so astronomical it’s almost too much. I look around and see many faces that overheard what Connor declared, and they nod in agreement. This was never something I could have imagined when Nate told me what he had started, never in a million years. Yet, here we are surrounded by people of circumstance who have chosen a new beginning.