Rock My Heart (17 page)

“Yes, I did.” I sighed and sipped from my wine again. “Listen, I’ve already bought the house in Vegas and I was going to follow him anyway because my son needs his father in his life. I’m not looking for anyone else and now that Cillian is in a stable relationship, what other options do I have? I’m not marrying him out of pity or because I’m desperate. I am still in love with him and I want to be with him. What exactly is the big deal?”

Talia stood and refreshed her wine before she joined me on the sofa opposite of mine and stared at me long and hard with pale green eyes. “Be careful with your heart, Syd. People claim to change but they never really do. Take Jaden and I for instance. I love the man with all my heart but I don’t think he’s ever going to make a decision as long as I continue to let him have his cake and eat it too. Don’t be a fool in love like me because at the end of the day, it isn’t worth it.”

“Speaking of Jaden, what do you plan to do in terms of his move to Vegas?”

She shrugged her shoulders in response. “I’ll fly down to see him with Kaelan when I can but the hours I’m working between promoting the album and doing my own thing with Winter’s Regret, there is only so much I can do. To be honest, I’m sick of the back and forth and Dizzy is at the end of his rope. He’s basically thinking about putting a hit out on Faith just to get rid of her since Jaden can’t make up his mind.”

My heart almost stopped in my chest from this new revelation and I gagged as wine went into my lungs instead of down my throat. After my coughing fit had subsided and I felt relatively okay, I glared at my best friend.

“Please don’t tell me you’re okay with this. I mean, I can’t stand the bitch because she’s been boning Kaz all this time we’ve been apart but…she is still one of my best friends even if we don’t talk anymore. I grew up with her for Christ’s sake!”

Talia rolled her eyes. “Do I look like the village idiot to you? No way in hell would I sanction another person’s death. It’s hard enough with what’s happened to Trey and with Trista and Linx being so deeply involved in club activities as far as the Demon’s Bastards are concerned, I fear my cousin might really be dead. They haven’t found him yet or if they have, they aren’t talking and I…I wouldn’t put anyone’s family through what I am feeling right now. I begged Dizzy not to do anything and told him I would speak to Jaden and let him know his actions would have consequences if he doesn’t do the smart thing…soon.”

I breathed a sigh and could still feel the traces of wine in my lungs every time I took a breath. “Thank you. I knew the clubs were hardcore but…to order the death of another person—”

“—is just another day in paradise to the MC, Syd. You don’t know what you were dealing with sneaking around with Cillian for as long as you did and I’m glad whatever you two had together is over. I want you to be happy and I think it’s a good idea for you to marry Kaz. You had your fun and discovered sex with another man and he’s played around while he waited patiently for you to change your mind. The two of you belong together and although you were apart for seven months, it was a break you needed to take…to find yourself.”

I tentatively sipped from my wine. “I can’t argue with that. I mean, I didn’t tell Kaz about how long Cillian and I kept on seeing one another because I didn’t think it was important but now that it’s over, I feel like I sowed my wild oats and I am ready to settle down with the man I love.”

“Come here and give me a hug.” I stood and walked over before she stood and we embraced one another. “I’m proud of you because it takes a strong woman to admit she’s wrong and it takes an even stronger man to come crawling back and begging to be with you. I seriously am going to start making Jaden do some major groveling. It looks like that’s the only way to go in order to make a man commit.”

We separated and she gripped my shoulders with strong hands. “You agree to go to Vegas and start over but don’t you ever lose yourself in anyone again, you got me? No more mistakes and stop blaming yourself for everything. This time, you do it right. Don’t rush into bed with him. Make him treat you like the spoiled princess you are and when you give yourself to him sexually, make sure you really and truly mean it. No more half measures, okay?”

I nodded and tried not to let the tears that stung my eyes affect me. “Yes, I know.”

“Good, now go home to your son. I’m jealous and not in a very good mood since I received a call from Jaden and he will be over soon to see Kaelan. He’s a pain in my ass and a thorn in my heart. God knows if I could let that man go, I would in a heartbeat, just to feel like I could finally breathe on my own. Being in love is fucking exhausting!”

“Ha! You’re telling me.”

Shortly after we said our goodbyes, I climbed into my SUV and drove home to see my son.

I knew I was making the right decision where Kaz was concerned and at the end of the day, that was all that mattered.

Chapter Sixteen

Party Vegas Style

KAZ COULDN’T BELIEVE how fast three weeks could go by.

Before he knew it, he was seated on a private jet with all the members of Scarlet Fever and their significant others. They’d just been given clearance to take off and Syd was beside him giddy as hell.

He had a feeling Talia being there with Jaden had a little bit to do with it but she truly was ready to give their relationship another chance and that was all he truly cared about. He loved her so much and now they had allowed themselves to let go all of the shit that kept them from being together, he truly did feel like he could start again with her.

Kaz held her hand and squeezed it as the plane raced down the runway before they made their ascent into the sky and he stared at her in a long, leisurely fashion. She was so beautiful and he couldn’t imagine letting her go ever again. It was time to put a time stamp on the wedding because he was determined for them not to have a long, drawn out engagement.

“So, when should we set the date?” he asked her as she looked over at him with a huge smile on her face.

“The sooner the better.” Syd brushed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. “How about December 30
^th
? I think it would be fun to have a wedding on the day before New Year’s Eve and it gives us a reason to go crazy both days.”

He couldn’t believe she wanted to do it so soon but he wouldn’t dare look a gift horse in the mouth.

“That sounds perfect. I will get all our paperwork in order and December 30
^th
it shall be.”

“Good and none of that Little White Chapel wedding crap. I don’t want to be married by Elvis and I sure as hell don’t want a drive-thru wedding. I want it to be tasteful and simplistic. Most of all, I only want our closest family and friends to be there,” she explained in a no-nonsense voice.

Kaz grabbed her hand closest to him and kissed the palm. “Baby, you can have any kind of wedding you want and I would agree. Just as long as I get to see you walk down that isle and we can finally be together as a family. I’ve wanted you to be my wife since I first saw you out on tour. You were taking photos of Winter’s Regret and you were so focused. That coffee table book you and Laurel put together is a work of art.”

“Thank you. It cost Laurel and I many hours and lots of missed sleeping time but it was worth it to see our names on the cover. It is my proudest achievement yet and I think I would like to do another one now that you guys will be in Vegas full time.”

“I don’t see why Dom wouldn’t agree. He absolutely adores you and would do anything for you. Ask him.”

She smiled again before she grabbed her Kindle Fire HD and powered it on. “I think I will. In the meantime, I have a very spicy book that is just waiting for me to finish. I have to admit I have been waiting on this one for a while so let me see how it ends before we get to Vegas.”

“You and your damned novels.” He kissed her forehead before she leaned her head against his shoulder and began to read.

Kaz had been so excited about finally settling in Vegas, he hadn’t gotten much sleep. Ten minutes into the plane ride, his eyes were closed and he allowed himself a quick nap. Instinctively, he knew it would be a long night.

PAUL AND JERRICA hosted a “Welcome to Vegas!” party for Scarlet Fever and their significant others. While the children were off with their nannies, the adults were allowed to eat, drink and be merry.

Kaz had a great time as he surreptitiously stole glances of Sydney across the crowded room. She looked beautiful in a vintage gold Versace dress that clung to her lithe body and killer black Christian Louboutin shoe-boots.

He’d opted to stay casual in a pair of black jeans, a black vintage Led Zeppelin t-shirt and a black pair of Doc Martens. He didn’t mind the contrast of his slightly trashy to her classy; as far as he was concerned, they complimented one another.

It was mid-way through the party when a slightly toasted Jaden pulled him to the side and begged to talk to him in private. They walked outside to the backyard and took seats next to one another on comfortable cream loungers.

Although Jaden didn’t take any drugs other than those prescribed by his doctor for his ADHD, he did drink alcohol. He nursed a Guinness in a bottle as black as the stout and swigged from it occasionally. Kaz enjoyed his usual, Macallan 50 in a crystal tumbler and was feeling no pain.

“What’s up, little brother?” he asked and waited for Jaden to start the conversation on his own.

Instead, he lit a cigarette and managed a few drags before he said, “Did you know what Dad threatened if I didn’t make a decision?”

Kaz finished up his scotch knowing he would need every bit of it for the conversation he was about to have with his half-brother. “Yeah, I did and I don’t agree…neither did Talia…but you gotta make up your mind and the time for playtime is over, Jaden. You’re a few years from being thirty years old. How much time do you need to make up your mind? Either you want to be with Tal—who is the mother of your child by the way—or you want to end up with Faith. If she is your choice then stop dragging Talia’s heart around and let her be free to live her own goddamn life.”

He knew he sounded harsh but Jaden only understood tough love and since Talia wouldn’t give it to him then he would.

“It’s not that easy and you know it. Faith and I have been together for a long time and there is a lot of history there. Plus she isn’t stable and I worry she might do something rash if I left her—”

“Like what? Kill herself? Over you? You’re a pompous asshole, you know that? I hate to break it to you, brother, but any woman who would commit suicide over your sorry ass wasn’t stable to begin with because there is nothing remotely special about you worth dying for. To be honest, I don’t see how Talia puts up with you. I would have dropped you like a bad habit but you trapped her with Kaelan. I bet you she’s gotten herself fixed to prevent herself from getting preggers with any more of your poison progeny. You’re a fucking toxic leech who feeds off the energy of others, Jaden, and to be honest, I’m sick and tired of being there to pick up the pieces. Act like a fucking man and make a choice. It’s not that hard and you’d feel a whole lot better too.”

Kaz stood and began to walk in the house as Jaden said, “I have made my choice but it’s killing me because I never wanted any of this to happen, bro. I never wanted anyone to be hurt but that’s all I fucking do is hurt people. Can’t you understand that’s why I got on drugs in the first place? It was easier walking through life, not admitting I was a fuck up rather than facing my reflection and all the demons in the mirror.”

“Yeah, I know all about demons and life sucks, man. We were active in the club for two years and it damn near killed you. I get that but we’re not active anymore and you gotta shed all that shit like a snake does dead skin. You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened and man up. Stop using that as an excuse to spend most of your life walking wounded and hurting everyone around you because that’s what you’re good at. You take all that ugly, vile shit and you spew it around, infecting everyone in your path.”

He walked over and knelt in front of his brother. There were tears in Jaden’s amber eyes but they’d yet to fall down his cheeks.

“Listen to me. You’re not a bad person, regardless what decision you made but I hope you plan to play a role in your son’s life because Kaelan needs you. Promise me you’ll be a better father to him than Dizzy was to us because if you leave him like that then he will grow up and one day, he will hate you. The same way I can’t stand that motherfucker’s blood runs through my veins is the way Kaelan will feel about you and it’ll be just desserts for the way you treated his mother who was nothing but good to you.”

Kaz breathed deeply before he continued. “She showed you real love, warmth, kindness and support. She was nothing but a guardian angel to you on that tour when you could have ended up in the same state as Seth and then where would you be? You and Faith have history but does that mean she gets to dictate how you live your life? She’s thrown away three kids…count them, Jaden. Okay, maybe kids is too strong of a word but they would have been children if they were
allowed
to be born. Do you really think you can trust a woman like that and if you can then…you’re a stronger person than me because there would be no way in hell I would stay with someone like that.”

“I know that but Talia doesn’t
need
me, Kaz. She’s got her freedom and independence; hell, she’s got her own group and she’s this beautiful and talented woman of the world. I think that’s my problem. I have to
feel
needed…and I’m like a ball and chain—I’m holding her back and keeping her from being better than she already is and…if you love someone that much, don’t you let them go?”

Kaz stood and shook his head sadly. “You know what? You’re my brother and I love you but I think I want Paul to be my best man when I marry Syd. Obviously you’re not mature enough to handle a job of that sort and I need a man, not a boy. I’m finished…don’t talk to me about Faith, don’t even go so far as to mention the bitch’s name or I will call Dad and order the hit on her myself.”

Jaden looked up at his brother in shock. “You wouldn’t.”

“Just watch me…and for you to even question me just goes to show you don’t know me at all. Enjoy the rest of the party and stay the fuck away from Talia. She doesn’t need cancer like you in her life…Kaelan.”

He walked back into the house and found Syd rather quickly. She stood with Talia and they spoke animatedly about the music industry. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“So, you and Jaden are through?” Kaz questioned Talia in a sympathetic voice.

She stared from Sydney to him and back again. “Yes. Unfortunately, he made his decision—albeit one I don’t agree with—and now he has to deal with the consequences. I hoped he would think about his son but that’s not the case. I’m tired of trying to change his mind and I refuse to grovel to him any longer. Since his name is on the birth certificate, I have petitioned the court for full custody. He would be eligible for weekend visits but they would have to be supervised due to his past drug use and the dubious company he keeps.”