Rogue (12 page)

Derek’s fingertips found the hollow of my throat again, slowly tracing upward to my
chin.  The light touch made my pussy convulse as though his fingers penetrated me. 

“Come for me.”

I writhed in response to the intense pleasure of his touch.  My body bucked wildly,
and the knot found my clit again.

I exploded with a scream.  White lights popped across my vision as fiery pleasure
erupted at my core, raging outward to consume every inch of my flesh.  The blaze roared
in my ears, and the golden flames flickered across my eyes before everything went
black.

*  *  *  *  *

Something wet and cool pressed at my lips.  I parted them obediently, and water slid
over my tongue.

“You with me, Sharon?”

“Mmmhmmm.”  I hummed out my reply.  The world was dark and warm.  My body felt heavy
and sleepy, and my mind floated in a blissful haze.

Someone gave my hand a little squeeze.  “You passed out on us for a minute there. 
I was worried too much blood had rushed to your head.  We had to cut you down.”  
The familiar voice was relieved.

I opened my eyes to find a set of black ones studying me carefully.

Reed’s hand left mine to brace the back of my head, holding it up while he touched
the water bottle to my lips again.  As I sipped, my sluggish brain took inventory
of my body, and I realized that I was no longer restrained.  I was sitting in the
wooden chair.  It was jarring to feel something solid beneath me after floating for
so long.  A sense of loss rolled over me.

“Where’s Derek?”  I asked before I thought.

“I’m right here.”  The coldness in his voice robbed the words of any comfort they
might have held.  I peered around Reed to find Derek standing well away from me, his
arms crossed over his chest.  Behind him, the suspension frame was surrounded by a
mess of frayed ropes.

My sense of loss multiplied at his distance.  He had taken me so high, and now I was
crashing back down.  And he wasn’t there to catch me.

Fat, warm tears dripped from my eyes.  My hand trembled as I reached for him without
a thought.

He cursed under his breath and closed the distance between us in three long strides. 
Even when he dropped down to his knees beside me, my gaze was barely on a level with
his chin.  He watched me, his expression uncharacteristically uncertain.

Tentatively, I rested my head against his shoulder, silently giving him permission
to touch me, to hold me.  I wanted that far more fiercely than I cared about my pride. 
I let out a shaky breath when his powerful arms closed around me.  One large hand
settled across my back while the other cradled my nape, tucking my head beneath his
chin.

I breathed in his clean scent, and my tears stopped flowing.

Chapter 9

“I can’t reach Santiago.  I can’t establish contact to gather intel on Ortiz and Reyes.” 
Clayton’s deep voice emanated from my phone, filling the car.

Reed glanced over at me from the passenger seat.  Unlike the rest of us, he didn’t
know Javier Santiago personally.  The skeptical slant of his dark eyes let me know
he was doubting the allegiance of the undercover agent.  A year in deep cover with
the Latin Kings could change a man.

“This isn’t the first time he’s gone silent on us,” Clayton ended the pregnant pause. 
“If he’s refusing contact, he has a damn good reason for it.  The last time he stuck
his neck out for me, he almost ended up dead.”

“Without Santiago, we have nothing new on the Kings,” I insisted.  There had to be
more than Reyes’ known ties to the Kings and suspicion about Ortiz.

“Javier saved Rose from a rival tribe and almost got carved up for it.  I won’t put
him in danger like that again.”  Clayton’s tone turned hard, forbidding any further
discussion on the matter.

I sighed.  “Okay, Clayton, I get it.  How is Rose?”

It had only been a few weeks since she had been attacked by the Kings.

“She still wakes up screaming every night.”  The words were a furious rumble.  “I
want to take these fuckers down just as badly as you do, Sharon, but I won’t do it
at the expense of Javier’s life.  I won’t let any more people I care about get hurt
because of them.  And that includes you.”

I shifted in the passenger seat, avoiding making eye contact with Reed.  This conversation
was getting deeply personal, and Reed could hear every word.

But the thrill I would have once felt at Clayton’s protectiveness and the pang of
grief that would have shot through me at the mention of his girlfriend were absent. 
All I could think about was Derek and protecting him from the Kings.

It had been almost a week since our suspension scene, and every minute I spent with
him convinced me of his innocence.  I suspected that he knew what was going on in
Decadence, but he didn’t like it.  The ferocity with which he craved control suggested
a loss of control in other aspects of his life.  I wasn’t a psychologist, but I had
spent enough time with him to begin to read the subtle shifts in his expression, the
tension in his muscles.

And I had spent enough time with him to know that he was a good man.  Even when I
asked him to touch me in the throes of passion, he resisted.  He honored my wishes
even when I forgot to honor them myself.

“I’m not getting much on Carter,” I admitted.

Because there’s nothing to get on him.

I kept that thought to myself.  If Clayton suspected I was coming to care about Derek,
I would be pulled from the op in a matter of minutes.  “I’ll keep trying, but we should
focus on the Kings.”

“Then you and Reed will have to do it from the inside,” Clayton brooked no argument. 
“I won’t put Santiago in the line of fire.”

“No,” I agreed heavily.  “I don’t want that, either.”

“I’ll stay on the Kings,” Reed interjected.  “I’m getting fuck all talking to the
strung out customers, so maybe I should try to get friendly with Ortiz.  I’ll buy
him a few shots tonight and see if I can get him talking.  If I can get him to sell
me a hit, we’ll at least be able to arrest him for dealing.”

“And I’ll stay on Carter,” I promised.

So I can prove his innocence.

A part of me realized that I was losing objectivity when it came to Derek.  Just because
he was a good Dom, that didn’t mean he wasn’t a criminal.  Just because he set my
body on fire, that didn’t mean he wasn’t manipulating my mind.

“Good.  Check in with me soon.  I want to know what’s going on.”  Clayton ended the
call before I could inform him that he wasn’t my superior.

But the annoyance I would have felt only two weeks ago was a shadow of what it had
been.  Clayton wanted to take down the Kings so they couldn’t hurt anyone the way
they had hurt Rose.  His sights were set on revenge, not on belittling me.  Between
Reed’s calm insistence that I needed to stop taking things so personally and my sessions
with Derek, I could see past my own sensitivity over my personal failings.

“So you’re going to stay on Ortiz,” I said to Reed as he pulled into a parking space
not far from Decadence.  “Does this mean you’re going to leave me alone with Carter
again?”  I couldn’t keep the hopeful note from my tone.

Reed had watched me with Derek over the last five nights, keeping a sharp eye on Derek
as we covered form training and went through more rope work.  Our sessions were more
instructional than sensual, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was Reed’s presence
that was causing Derek to hold back.  I hadn’t hit subspace since the suspension,
but I had come damn close while kneeling at Derek’s feet in the proper pose, his words
of praise making me feel light and beautiful.

“Yes,” Reed answered with some resignation.  “I know what you’re thinking, and I agree. 
Carter is a good Dom.  He won’t betray your trust.  That doesn’t mean I trust him
as a man, but I don’t believe he’ll take advantage of you.  Besides, I really do need
to focus on the Kings.   We have to report back to Kennedy tomorrow.  If we don’t
get more soon, we have to tell him about Carter’s possible ties to the Westies.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to stave off the anger and hint of panic elicited
by that idea.  No way was I going to let Derek get arrested on a hunch.

When I met Reed’s eyes, mine were full of steely determination.  “It won’t come to
that.  We’ll get something on them.  And I’ll find out about Derek’s involvement. 
One way or another.”

Reed gave me a short nod before getting out of the car.  We left our FBI personas
behind, adopting the attitudes we needed to blend in at Decadence.

It wasn’t difficult for me to pretend to be affected as soon as I stepped into the
club.  Derek was waiting for me.  He grasped my hand immediately, as though he was
as desperate to touch me as I was to feel his touch upon me.  His thumb brushed across
the inside of my wrist, and I shivered.  His grin radiated his pleasure.  It bled
into me, and within seconds I was smiling like a fool.

There was no way this playful, sweet, sexy man was guilty.

You can’t trust your gut,
a cruel little voice told me. 
People get hurt when you trust your gut.  Do you want to get Reed killed?

This time, my shiver wasn’t one of pleasure.  Derek’s brows drew together.  He easily
recognized my shift in mood.

“You okay?”  Another swipe of his thumb helped to pull me back to him, but it didn’t
fully loosen the knot of unease in my chest.

“I’m fine, thanks.”  I forced my lips to turn up at the corners.  “How are you?” 
The question was an automatic polite response.  Derek’s frown deepened.

“I’m good.  Well, as good as can be expected.  I can’t spend much time with you tonight,
Sharon.”  His expression was regretful, and a touch strained.  “I have to call a staff
meeting.  I thought you might want to talk to Clara while I’m gone.”

My mind scrambled for a moment to identify who he was talking about.

“The Dominatrix?”  My tone was questioning.

Derek nodded in confirmation.  “I thought it would be good for you to discuss what
you’ve been learning with a Domme.”  He turned his attention to Reed.  “Would you
mind keeping an eye on the dungeon for me while Reyes is in back?”

Reed blinked, taken aback for a moment by Derek’s trust in him.

“Sure,” he answered easily.

“Thanks, man.  It won’t be long.”

“No problem.  I don’t mind.”

Reed headed toward the dungeon to begin his patrol.  Derek watched him with satisfaction. 
I got the feeling he would much rather have Reed as acting dungeon monitor than Reyes. 
I didn’t blame him for that.

He cares about the safety of his customers.  He doesn’t want the Kings here.

My thoughts were blown away when Derek tugged me toward the bar.  When we reached
it, I noticed Ortiz nod to Derek, his chin jerking toward the back.  Derek’s jaw clenched. 
He obviously didn’t like the man taking point on when they should go back to his office.

He’s not in control, and he hates it.

Derek was being coerced.  It was the only logical explanation.

“Sharon.”  My name was imbued with warmth, and Clara gently grasped my shoulders while
she kissed the air on either side of my cheeks.  The unconventional greeting might
have seemed casual enough, but the way she entered my personal space without permission
was a clear assertion of her dominance.

I just stood there and allowed her to do it, freezing in place as her rose-scented
perfume wafted around me.  Her sharp smile when she pulled back from me let me know
that this rose had thorns.

She didn’t greet Derek in the same way, but she had a smile for him as well.

“Derek, it’s so nice of you to share her for once.  You’ve practically kept her locked
up in the back with you.”  She made a small moue, and her soft hand grazed down the
length of my arm.  The gesture was more than just friendly.  Her grey eyes studied
my face carefully.  Her lips turned up again at whatever she saw there.

“Sharon wants to talk to you about being a Dominatrix.”  Derek’s stare was pointed,
and a hint of a smile played around his mouth.  It was as though he was sharing some
private joke with Clara.  I didn’t appreciate being left in the dark.

“Yes,” I asserted myself.  “Derek’s been teaching me some things, and I’d like to
talk to you about it from a woman’s perspective.”

“I’m sure he has.”  Clara took me by the hand and guided me up onto a barstool beside
her.  “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve learned.”

“Carter.”  Ortiz’s accented voice was insistent, cutting through our light conversation. 
He practically glared at Derek, and his perpetual scowl deepened.  Impatience was
etched in every taut line of his wide face and bulging muscles.

Derek’s own muscles rippled, but his touch was gentle when his fingers found my collarbone. 
I covered his fisted hand with my own, easing my thumb through it and rubbing until
he relaxed.  He had calmed me so many times.  I owed him the same treatment.  Besides,
it made me happy when he accepted my help.  I liked that I could ease his burdens.

He blew out a long breath and swiped his thumb across my pulse at my throat.  I shivered,
and he smiled.

“Stay here with Clara.  I’ll be back soon.”

I barely registered the fact that it was an order.  I just nodded my agreement, already
anticipating his return.  Concern filled me at the thought of him trapped with Reyes
and Ortiz in his office.  I didn’t like the idea of him being alone with them.

“Johnny.”  Clara crooked an imperious finger a submissive who had been eyeing her
covetously.  “Come man the bar.”

“Yes, Mistress.”  He practically glowed at her attention, and he obeyed with alacrity.

Derek gave my shoulder one last squeeze before heading toward his office, Ortiz and
Reyes flanking him.  The sight made me tense, and it took all my effort to keep myself
from following after him.  Derek might not realize it, but I could be a hell of an
asset in a fight.

“He’ll be fine,” Clara said gently, reading my distress.

My attention snapped back to her, appraising.  Did she see something menacing in Reyes
and Ortiz as well?

“I know they look scary with all those muscles and tattoos, but they’re his employees.”

I couldn’t help but wonder if her quickly-spoken words were meant to cover her moment
of incisiveness.  Her expression had suggested that she knew more about the dungeon
monitor and bartender than an average customer should.

Clara had just become very interesting.  I shifted all my focus to her.

“So,” I began with a little toss of my head to clear my curls from my eyes.  “Derek’s
been helping me understand BDSM from a submissive’s point of view, but I’m ready to
know more about the other side of it.  Why are you a Domme?  What attracts you to
it?”

My questions might seem innocent enough, but the answers might reveal more about Clara. 
Any personal information I could gather on her might bring me closer to learning more
about the Kings.  She obviously knew something about them, and I would squeeze as
much information from her as I possibly could.  As Reed had pointed out, we didn’t
have much time to get more on the Kings.  That meant I had precious few hours to shift
the blame from Derek to Reyes and Ortiz.

“The same reasons as you,” Clara’s eyes were just as keen on me as mine were on her. 
“Derek told me you have a high-stress job in a male-dominated field.  Constantly struggling
against the testosterone in the office wears on me, you know?  It’s incredibly freeing
to feel in control after struggling for control in my professional life every day.”

It was the same excuse I had given Derek, only I had found that I enjoyed just the
opposite because of the stresses of my job.  I found release in finally surrendering
control.

“Do you…”  I hesitated.  “Do you ever want the other side of it?  Does the sexual
control ever wear you down?”

Clara studied me carefully for a moment.  This question wasn’t about my mission; it
was purely about putting to rest my own concerns about my submissive tendencies. 
She seemed to read my genuine concern, and her calculating expression eased.

“I used to,” she admitted.  “I used to switch.”

“Switch?”  I still wasn’t familiar with all the BDSM terminology.

“I used to submit to my romantic partners, but I was dominant with others who participated
in scenes with us.”

“Oh,” I said simply.  I hadn’t considered what the power dynamic might be like if
more than one partner was involved.  “What changed?”  I pressed.  I was suddenly desperate
to understand how she had purged that submissive part of herself.  It was something
I wished I could achieve.

Clara’s lips thinned to a hard line, and I instantly regretted my question.

“My ex-husband,” she spat out the words.  “It started with little things, subtle emotional
manipulation to make me feel like shit about myself, to make me feel lucky that he
owned me.  Then things turned physical.  I finally left when he tried to take away
my safe words.”  Her intense stare pinned me in place.  “Never give a Dom full control. 
He’ll demand it, but you can’t trust him.”

I suddenly got the feeling that we weren’t talking about Doms in general.  She was
trying to warn me about Derek.  She knew more about what was going on at Decadence
than she let on.

“Why don’t you trust Derek?”  The blunt question popped out before I could finesse
my line of questioning.

Clara’s expression closed.  “I like Derek just fine.  But I’ve seen him go through
enough women that I know he can’t offer anything permanent.  I see how you look at
him.  It won’t last, Sharon.  You’re new to this, and I don’t want to see you get
hurt by someone who’s been through dozens of women just like you.”

I flinched as though she had slapped me.  She had pretty much accused me of being
a naïve idiot.

“I’m only subbing for Derek because I want to train to be a Domme.”  My words were
more defensive than I would like.

“Don’t lie to yourself, Sharon,” Clara said sharply.  “You aren’t a Dominant.  And
you know it.  Why are you fighting that?”

“You don’t have to be so aggressive about it, Clara.”  Derek’s disapproving voice
saved me from having to answer the complicated question.  I had no idea what I would
have said.  I was still struggling to accept my submissive tendencies, the part of
me that craved Derek’s dominant touch.

“Derek.”  His name was a grateful exhalation.  I turned on my stool to find him glaring
at Clara.

Her eyes were coolly unrepentant.  “I don’t like to play games, Derek.  You shouldn’t
let her think this is something it isn’t.  You don’t think she’s a Domme any more
than I do.  You just want to train her without her resisting.”

Anger and hurt bubbled up in me.  Deep down, I had known that Derek didn’t want me
to be a Domme.  I had gone along with his charade of teaching me.  I had allowed him
to deceive me, and worse – I had willfully deceived myself.  Submitting to Derek had
been the most natural thing in the world, and I had never considered what it would
be like to turn the tables on him for even a moment.  And yet, things had been so
much easier when I was mentally able to keep up the pretext that I was training to
be a Domme.  I didn’t have to fully, finally, process what my pleasure at Derek’s
hands meant.  Now it hit me like a slap to the face.

Natural submissive.

But my mind wasn’t ready to deal with my anger at myself.  Instead, it threw all that
ire at him.

“Is that true, Derek?  Are you just using me?”

“No,” he growled, his eyes blazing.  “I wouldn’t do that.”

“Now you’re the one who’s lying to yourself,” Clara pointed out.

Derek rounded on her, and even the Dominatrix couldn’t stop herself from shrinking
back in the wake of his palpable fury.

“Leave, Clara.  Leave now before I ban you.  There’s only so much I’ll tolerate. 
This is my club, and I won’t have people openly insulting me.”

The Domme squared her shoulders, but she swallowed hard as she eased down off her
barstool.  “The safety of your customers used to be everything to you, Derek.  Don’t
mistreat one of the few good people you have left.”

The way her eyes cut to me let me know that she wasn’t talking about herself.  With
that, she sauntered off to the locker room.  She would respect Derek’s choice to dismiss
her, but I had a feeling that she wasn’t going to give up so easily.  Clara would
be back.

Derek’s hand closed around my wrist.  “Come with me.”  He wasn’t asking.

No fucking way! 
I wanted to shriek at him.  My anger and confusion burned hot, churning within me,
waiting to lash out anywhere but at myself.

Instead of railing at him as I longed to do, I followed where he led.  Now wasn’t
the time for me to pull away from him, not when we had so little time left.  Clara’s
warning and this new revelation about Derek’s deceptiveness had brought my suspicions
squarely back to him.  Maybe he wasn’t being coerced after all.  Maybe he wasn’t a
good man.

The idea made my heart squeeze.  I hated the thought that everything I had come to
believe about Derek was a lie.  The doubt in him only escalated the gathering storm
inside me.

I can’t trust my gut.

I had known that, but I had forgotten how cruel the lessons were every time I ignored
the warning.

Derek didn’t look back at me until he had slammed the door to the private room behind
us.  Then he rounded on me.

“Sit.”

His expression was so ferocious that I almost fell back onto the bed in my haste to
comply.  Only his sudden grip on my shoulders kept me upright, and I found my balance
at the edge of the mattress.  He released me and crossed his arms over his chest. 
He made no move to sit beside me.  Instead, he towered above me, his muscles bulging
with tension.

My deference to him was so ingrained that the threat didn’t even bring forth an inkling
of physical resistance.  I should have gone into fight mode, but instead I just stared
up at him, waiting for him to give me a reason to blow up at him.

“I didn’t lie to you, Sharon,” he finally bit out.  “I have been training you as a
sub, but I’ve also offered instruction on how to do it yourself.  You had every opportunity
to express Dominant traits, but you didn’t.  I had hoped you would slowly come to
accept that you’re submissive.”

“Oh you did, did you?”  I hissed.  “You just thought you would keep taking advantage
of me until I figured it out for myself?”

“No,” he barked.  “You were so adamant that you weren’t a sub.  If I had told you
in no uncertain terms that you are a submissive, would you have trained with me?” 
He didn’t allow me the chance to answer.  “You need this, Sharon.  You need the release. 
Do you remember how tightly wound you were when you first came to me?  Look me in
the eye and tell me you’re not happier now.”