Romance: Sports Romance: ON SIDE (Secret Baby Pregnancy Football Romance) (Contemporary New Adult Fiction) (22 page)

Chapter Nine

I’d planned to begin training for the next season in three days and I couldn’t be more ready to get back into the swing of things and return things to as normal as possible.  When I was training, I could let my mind concentrate only on my body and what it had to do instead of everything else that seemed to plague me.  My mother had invited me over for a barbecue that she and my father were having and I told her that I would attend, so I stopped off and grabbed another case of beer so that I wouldn’t show up empty handed.  I wasn’t really the potato salad type and I knew that my mother would have more than enough food but there was never enough beer if you ask me.  Being around other people would help bring me out of the funk that I was in ever since I'd returned from my trip and for the first time in a while, I looked forward to the company of others.  I was excited to have a conversation with someone other than myself or the man who showed me both the joys and pains of love, for since I'd been back in the states all I'd really done is watch television and workout.  Calling my parents hadn't even been on my list of things to do so I was more than pleased to receive my father's invitation.

Walking into my parent's backyard through the side gate, I immediately felt at home and comforted by the sight of all the people that I'd grown to love in my life.  Neighbors that I'd known all my life, childhood friends that were now parents and the parents that loved and raised me were all in one place and the overwhelming feeling of unity almost made my heart swell with pride.  I knew that every, single one of these people loved me but I wasn't sure how many of them would still feel the same way if I walked in and announced that I was a homosexual.  This wasn't the place for that kind of proclamation so I would keep it to myself and enjoy the day with my loved ones. 

"Well, look what the cat dragged in!"  My father announced from his position behind the grill and most everyone looked up and greeted me with a verbal hello or a wave and I went to the kitchen to place the beer in the refrigerator.  My mother was cutting fresh fruit for a snack tray so I kissed her on her soft cheek as I walked past. 

"There's my son, you look so handsome today.  I think Italy did you some good."  I smiled as I recalled the fun that I'd had while I was away but turned from her so that she wouldn't see the pain in my eyes as I thought about Mateo.

"I think so too, mom, I really got to clear my head a bit and get some time to myself.  You have no idea how valuable that is to me."  She smiled and I forced one in return before asking if she needed any help.

"No, sweetheart, I've got it all under control.  Just go on outside with the boys and do whatever it is you do.  I've got Mary Alice and Janine to keep me company but they ran to the store for chip and dips.  Go on, now."  My mother smiled at me as she basically shoved me out the door so I did as she asked and joined the men outside by the pool.  Most of the faces I recognized but there were a few that were new to me so I made sure to go around and introduce myself.  As I was talking to one of the neighbors, Elton Bailey, he waved to someone who I'd missed while making my introductory rounds.

"Chad, I want you to meet my nephew, Jason.  He's been staying with Clara and me for a few weeks while looking for a new place."  I extended my hand to the tall, handsome nephew of my neighbor and when his hand touched mine, I felt a jolt of energy in my soul that I hadn't felt since the first time I touched Mateo.  The chances that this masculine, ruggedly handsome man with electric blue eyes was gay but that didn't stop me from being attracted to him.  I tried not to let it show on my face but I was sure that the blush on my cheeks was going to give me away at some point if I didn't do something.  

"It's nice to meet you, Jason and I see that you're empty handed.  Want a beer?"  I nodded to the cooler that was sitting beside my father and the grill that I knew would be fully stocked.  The case that I’d brought over would come in handy in a couple hours after everyone had become too tipsy to drive to the store for more.  I’d attended my father’s outdoor functions all my life and as I reached into the faded red cooler that he’d had for years, I was flooded with years of memories that seemed to all be associated with the smell of burning charcoal briquettes.

“Thanks, man.”  Jason smiled as I handed him a beer before grabbing one for myself, opening it and taking a sip.  I nodded to the lawn furniture located at the far end of the pool and asked if he wanted to join me.  Walking past my Aunt Linda, Uncle Frank and neighbors, the Winslows, Jason and I smiled and greeted them on our way to the table with the large, red umbrella. 

“So, where are you from?”  I asked, hoping to strike up a pleasant conversation with him without giving away the fact that I wanted to run my hands all over his body.  My urges had become more intense since returning home and I think that had a lot to do with the fact that I finally knew what I was missing and wanted more, so much more. 

“Ohio.”  I raised my eyebrows and gave him a look that he read immediately and he began to laugh.  “Yeah, I know.  Ohio sucks so that’s why I decided to come to Texas and give it a shot, see what’s out here for me and try and start a new life while I’m still young enough.”  He took a sip of his cold beverage and I watched as the muscles in his arm rippled as he raised it to lift the beer to his plump lips. 

“It’s never too late to start over.”  I replied to him as I mimicked his actions, allowing the cold, amber liquid to run down my throat before placing my beer on the lawn table.  Unaware if he realized who I was or not, I decided not to bring it up and just let myself be Chad, son of his aunt’s neighbor and general random guy.  Jason crossed his legs, placing his left knee over his right and as he did, he made eye contact with me that seemed a bit flirtatious.

He carried himself well, as if any straight man would and he didn’t speak in a way that suggested he may be homosexual but then again, neither did I.  Hoping that he was making sexy eyes at me was the last thing I needed in my life but there was something about the way he held my attention with a simple glance that had me completely mesmerized. 

Chapter Ten

Jason and I sat for at least an hour talking due to the fact that my mother was keeping a steady eye on us and brought over beer whenever our bottles were empty so that she could take them with her.  She was a real stickler for making sure that no messes were left behind after a party so she was notorious for walking around with a trash bag and collecting what she could.  While my mother tidied and father flipped meats, I sat with Jason and talked while our back yard buzzed with the conversation of our closest friends and family.  The more we spoke, the closer I felt to him and realized how lonely I’d been since I returned home.  I was grateful for his conversation and when he looked into my eyes when he asked,

“So, are you dating anyone?” I had a pretty good idea that he was asking because he was interested.

“No, not really.  I was seeing someone while I was in Italy but it didn’t work out with the distance and all.”  It sounded as legitimate an answer as any without giving away too much of myself.  Maintaining eye contact with him, letting him know without saying a word that there was a possibility that the two of us could get to know each other better if that’s what he wanted, I returned the question and he said,

“My boyfriend and I broke up last month and I haven’t found anything serious since.”  He pulled his beer slowly to his lips as he raised an eyebrow, inviting me in with his body language but I had to maintain the proper façade due to our surrounding company.

“Maybe you just haven’t been looking in the right places.”  He smiled as he placed his beer on the table and said,

“Perhaps all I’ve had to do is look right next door,” he said with a hint of a smile but I had to make sure my folks didn’t see the sexual tension or flirtation between us so I whispered,

“If only what you were looking for were public with the information in his heart.”  Giving me a knowing glance, he slowly nodded his head and said,

“You have no idea how freeing it is to finally let go of that.  I worried for so long that my world would explode but it never did.  If my parents were still alive, they would have fully supported me and I’m glad that my family is so understanding.  It’s probably not as bad as you think it is, Chad.”  I sighed, for I wished I could reach out and touch his hand or place my hand on his knee but this was not the time nor place for me to bombard my parents with my gayness. 

“I wish you were right but my parents are very vocal about their,” lowering my voice to a whisper, I continued, “hatred for the gays.”  He let out a boisterous laugh, causing a few of the guests to turn their heads towards us to see what we were talking about then lowered his voice back to normal and said,

“I think we need some tequila.  Feel like driving me to the store?”  His eyes said that the store and liquor were the farthest things on his mind and the way he was staring into my soul was causing me to melt.

“Tequila is just what the doctor ordered, I do believe.”  Finishing off my beer, I rose to my feet and the two of us walked towards my mother to drop our empties into her trash bag.

“We’re going to the liquor store, be back in a few minutes.”  My mother’s eyes widened as she protested,

“But you’ve been drinking, it’s not responsible, Chad.  What if you get caught?”  I waved her off with a flip of my wrist as I headed to the gate and replied,

“I’m fine, mother, be right back,” and walked to my pickup.  My heart leaped into my chest as I thought of stealing a kiss from Jason but I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries in case that’s not where his mind was headed.  Acting as if we’d been friends forever, we went to my vehicle without the slightest hint of sexual tension or at least I was trying my best.  I was pretty sure that he was flirting with me but wondered if I should indulge his advances if he made any.  So far, it was only some eye contact and an inviting vibe and the idea for us to be alone was his and I couldn’t deny that I was a bit nervous. 

“Tequila isn’t really what I had in mind.”  His words seemed to freeze me right in my tracks as my hand rested on the key, unable to turn until I took in a deep breath and replied,

“Oh, yeah?  What was it you wanted to talk about then?”  I looked to him as my wrist twisted and the engine roared to life.

“Look, I get it, man.  I really do and I understand why you think you have to stay in the closet but it’s really not as tragic as your mind is telling you.  We live in a society where nobody gives a shit if you’re gay or not and if your parents love you, I mean really love you and not just their own agenda for you, then they’ll support you no matter what.”  The small side street on which my parents lived was quiet and all I could hear was the purr of the motor as we slowly made our way to the intersection.

“It’s not that easy, Jason.”  He smiled at me as he turned in his seat to face me.

“Yes, it is.  I used to be just like you: afraid to take a chance, scared to be myself and always wondering who was going to get hurt.  When I came out to my mother right before their accident, she looked me in the eyes and said,

“I was wondering if I was going to have to go into that closet and drag you out myself” because she was my mother and in her heart she’d always known.”  I scoffed and said,

“My parents would call me an abomination and disown me forever.  They’ve made it clear all my life how they feel about such things and with my brother being a screw-up and my sister never living up to her full potential, they put all their hopes for a happy child into me.”  He laughed and placed his hand on my shoulder and said,

“You are the picture of fucking happiness, my friend.”  Cutting my eyes to him, I knew that he was right and that there was probably not a lonelier person on the planet than myself.

“How am I supposed to look at my parents and break their hearts?”  He gave my shoulder a little squeeze and asked,

“How are you supposed to go on hating the person you see in the mirror every day?  What do you tell your reflection when it just yearns for someone to love but you are too scared of what others think to allow such a thing?”  His words rang in my ears as true as the fact that the sun rose each day and as I drove along the residential street that led to the corner liquor store a few blocks away from my parent’s house, I thought about how wonderful it would feel if I were allowed to love of my own accord.  “Look, I like you a lot and I won’t lie about that,” he smiled and I replied,

“I like you too, Jason.”  His face turned somber as he continued,

“But I can’t let myself begin anything with you if we can’t even have dinner or hold hands in public.  I fought long and hard to live the life I wanted and I can’t be with someone who can’t do the same thing, just in case you may be interested.  I just thought that you should know that.”  Nodding, I let him know that I understood what he was telling me and as I looked into his eyes from the driver seat, all I wanted to do was go back and tell my parents that I was a flaming homosexual just so I could kiss his inviting lips.

Chapter Eleven

About a week after my parent’s barbecue, I drove home from training, tired and ready for a long, hot soak in my hot tub when the phone rang and I answered it, pleased to hear Jason’s voice.

“Hey, secret lover.”  This made me smile, for even though there had been no sort of romance between us, we both wished that it was possible for one to bloom and since the only thing stopping us was my secret, he toyed with me about it. 

“That’s not funny, you know.”  I rubbed my aching shoulder, wincing as I applied pressure to the tender flesh.  “What if someone had been in the truck with me?”  Glancing around to assure that no one in traffic next to me had heard his remark, paranoid that the entire world was out to discover what I’d been hiding.

“I’d hope that you wouldn’t answer with it on speaker knowing that it’s me and that I’ll say it every time I call.”  He was right and there is no way that I would have accepted the call if I’d have had someone with me and though our relationship had not reached a physical point, our friendship had blossomed into a strong foundation for what could possibly become something more in the future.  “I just wanted to let you know that a bunch of us are going to Enchanted Zippy’s tonight and was wondering if you wanted to go.”  He knew better than to ask me if I wanted to go to the largest gay bar west of the Mississippi and I chuckled as I said,

“No thanks, Jase.  You better make this one without me.”  I heard him groan as he said,

“Fine, bitch but I’ll tell you one thing.  As much time as your ass has spent in that closet, I figured you’d dress better than you do.”  I laughed as we exchanged goodbyes and I tapped the screen of my phone as it rested in its holder on my dash.  Being with Jason was something that had pulled on my heart and mind since the first time I saw him and the more I thought about how it would be to say yes to an invitation out with the guys, the more I felt myself being pushed towards coming out publicly.  Jason told me that his parents had been exactly like mine when he was growing up and even spent a bit of time ignoring him after he told them that his prom date was named Scott and they’d been dating for a year.  Eventually, they came around and he assured me that my folks would, too but I wasn’t so sure that he knew them well enough to make that assessment. 

“Just when you think your parents can’t love you anymore, they prove you wrong, Chad.”  His words repeated themselves in my ears as I pulled into my driveway and I smiled as I let myself believe that he was right about them.   How I hoped that his words were true, for as much as I wanted to be happy there was no way I wanted to hurt my parents.

From the outside looking in, it would appear as if I had the world at my fingertips and there was nothing to keep me from being perfectly happy but underneath the perfect hair, rugged jawline, fat bank account and everything I’d ever wanted, I was miserable.  Having everything that you want means nothing if you don’t have someone to share it with and I realized this hard truth by spending many nights alone in my hot tub, staring out into an empty future featuring me and all my stuff.  I’d never imagined having a future filled with love or someone to spend my time with but since meeting Mateo, my eyes had been opened up to a whole new possible future and Jason could possibly be the one to share it with me.  It wasn’t fair to either of us for me to keep my desires hidden and the choice to come out was looming in my near future now that I could see the chance for a normal life with someone.  After a couple beers and a long, relaxing soak in the hot tub and I’d be more relaxed and able to think straight but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to convince myself that hurting my mother and father would ever be a good idea.

While doing exactly that a few hours after returning home, my phone rang and I dried my hands with a towel before reaching to answer it.  The music in the background was loud and I could barely hear him but Jason screamed into the phone that he would be dropping by later with something to tell me.  Yelling above the elevated volume and pumping bass lines, he laughed and said,

“Don’t get out of that tub!  I’m coming over!  Chad, did you hear me?”  I looked at the phone to see that he’d lost connection and wondered what it was that he had to tell me that he couldn’t say over the phone.  Deciding to do exactly as he said, I didn’t get out of my place in the tub, instead, I reached into the bucket of iced beer that I had sitting on the floor and thought of the many things that could possibly happen later in the night.  I know that we’d agreed not to become romantic until I’d come forward to my parents but part of me hoped that he’d had enough drinks to put aside that little detail and spend the night in my bed.  Curious as to what he would want at this time of night, I reached over and flipped the switch that controlled the air jets in the tub and stood up to grab the towel that was hanging on the rack.  I would love to seduce the sexy stud into my bathtub but didn’t feel like it was the right time for all that, so I threw on some basketball shorts and made myself a drink while I waited.  It wasn’t long after I sat on the sofa that I saw his lights in the driveway, so I walked to the door and greeted him, noticing a particularly troubled look on his face.

“What’s wrong?”  I asked as he walked to the door with his phone in his hand.

“Girl, oh my god, you won’t believe what I found.”  Ushering him through the door, I saw the panicked look on his face as I felt my stomach drop, fearing the worst.  Confirming my suspicions, Jason turned his crystalline eyes to me with a furrowed brow as he turned his phone to reveal the photograph of Mateo and myself in each other’s arms in the Italian nightclub.

There was an article with a large headline that identified me by name, team and location of the photograph in bold letters and there was no way that I could deny it any longer.  Feeling my ears fill with the beating of my own heart, I stared at the phone then looked up into Jason’s face, seeing that he worried for me and was waiting for my reaction.

“I’ve known about this picture for some time now, I just wanted to tell myself that it would remain a European post.”  Taking a sip of my drink, I walked to the bar and asked Jason,

“What are you having?”  He answered that he’d like a tequila sunrise, so I grabbed the bottle that I’d brought back from my last trip to Mexico and the juice from the mini fridge but I could feel his wary eyes watching my every move.  “I’m fine, Jason.  I knew this day was coming and now I’ve just got to figure out what I’m going to do about it.  I mean, I could always just say that I’d taken X and lost myself in the moment or I could man up and tell my folks and the coach that I’m gay, have always been gay and will remain gay and they can accept it or kiss my ass.”  Jason tilted his head and gave me a quirky grin.

“You will not tell your mother to kiss your ass, stop lying.  This is a good thing, though.”  He looked to me with a flirtatious glance and I thought of taking him into my arms but stopped myself before I started something that I wasn’t sure I was able to finish.  Sure, I could take him to my room and have a wonderful and unforgettable night but until I was shed of the stresses of coming out to the world, I wouldn’t be able to continue on the path of the relationship that I wanted with him so we talked about how I would make my big reveal.