Romance: The Second Chance - Contemporary Romance (Romance, Contemporary Romance, Suspense Romance Book 1) (8 page)

              “Good!” Molly proclaimed. Then continued on, “If you want, me and Eric are planning on going to that new Greek place that just opened on Garden Street tomorrow night. You guys should join us... if you know, that isn't too 'weird' for you guys.”

              The finger quotations Molly used during the word “weird” was a little offensive. She wasn't so uptight she couldn't handle going to dinner with a guy and her friend... was she? It wasn't a date
or anything, just a simple hangout. A good opportunity for them to get to know each other.

              Abby looked at Eli, who only shrugged
.

              If Molly had asked her this exact question ten minutes ago she would have laughed, and not bothered answering. But things had changed. Now she felt compelled to do it, a new sense of life urging her on.

              “Sure,” she said.

              And so what had started out as an apology mission somehow turned into a group date, although Abby wasn't quite ready to admit to that. It was just a get together with friends, she thought.

              Really.

             
T
here were a good two feet between them, but Abby could still feel Eli’s heat. She shifted in her seat, willing herself to relax. No luck.

              She and Molly had gotten together a couple hours before they met up at the restaurant. Eli had offered to drive Abby, but she refused. Used Molly as her excuse, though technically
it wasn't a lie.

              Once Molly arrived it was like they were thirteen again. Doing each others hair, each others nails, trying on different outfits and asking the others opinion of it only to tear it off again try something else. Eventually they both found something they liked, and Abby had to admit she didn't recognize the women she saw now. The mirror again showed someone completely different. Someone she didn't recognize. She was so completely different from the women she had stared at just the previous morning. Molly had done her make-up, and her droopy eyes were gone, her wrinkled forehead covered up, and masterfully placed colors brought out the a beauty Abby had forgotten she’d possessed.

              “You look amazing Abby!” Molly had said to her once they were done. Abby repeated something similar back to her, not out of courtesy, but because she honestly thought it.

              When Eli had first seen her, he'd told her she looked “gorgeous”, which made her cheeks flush red. She almost didn't believe him, but his facial expression when she walked up was unmistakable. It was the same look she'd seen countless times at weddings, on other people’s faces.

              He had quickly shot up out of his chair and pulled out Abby's for her. Eric took noticed and matched him, much to Molly's delight. It wasn't just the chairs though, Eli had been a perfect gentleman the entire night. Always standing whenever one of the ladies had to leave for the restroom. Always pulling out Abby's chair when she returned. He never burped, or spoke too loudly. Never interrupted Abby, and always displayed the utmost attention to what she had to say. No matter how trivial or stupid. It made her feel good. Made her feel like she as worth
something.

              When the food started to arrive, he made sure everyone had gotten their plate before digging in. And even now, when Abby was at a loss for words, he simply sat there. Never pressuring her to speak or to be quiet. Not judging, not pressuring. Simply allowing her to be herself. Abby was beginning to think the man was perfect.

              He had no visible flaws. No secrets or hidden agendas. The complete opposite of her.

             
He deserves better than me... s
he’d thought.

              The night had been going great, mainly because of Eli, with the only real  downer being Molly and Eric. The two had been so loud and obnoxious with each other, that Abby could barely hear herself think, much less speak. It felt as though the entire restaurant was glaring at them, which only increased Abby's anxiety.

              Eric had just finished up yet another story of one of the ‘massive waves’ he’d ‘barreled’ in before. Abby had enjoyed the first one. Even the second one. But as time wore on, her brain shifted further and further towards the off position. She'd noticed Eli looking over at her a couple times, as though apologizing for something he'd had no part in orchestrating. It was annoying. This entire evening was
her
fault, not his. Could the man take one moment to stop thinking of her, and just for once
be as selfish as the rest of humanity? It was exhausting trying to live up to him.

              As if on cue, Eric opened his mouth.

              “That reminds me of this other time-” He started, but that was as far as he got.

              “Eric...” Eli said, cutting him off but making it seem like an accident. Abby tried to hide a smile. Eli gave her a grin, then continued, “You never told me how you and Molly met.”

             
Finally, something that
wasn’t
a surfing story!

              “Oh, yeah!” Eric said, not even breaking stride. “Weeell...” He dragged the word out. “...I think Abby already knows about that first time we met on the beach. You know,” he grinned, “when Molly totally got in my way from catching that perfect wave.”

              Molly punched him in the shoulder, and the two laughed uncontrollably. Obviously it was an inside joke.

              That was more than fine with Abby.

              “Anyways” Eric said, “after I tried teaching this girl how to surf for awhile, we decided to get some food. Actually stopped by your place Eli, though you weren't working. Aaand... I guess we sorta just clicked.” Eric turned to Molly, who was now beaming from cheek to cheek. They shared a sloppy kiss which made both Abby and Eli feel uncomfortable, while including just about everyone else in the restaurant.

              “That's great Eric.” Eli said. Abby had no idea how he could sound so genuine. Even his smile looked real. “I'm happy for you two.”

             
Maybe he
is
genuine.

              “Yeah, it is pretty great,” he said. “Not as cool as your story though, dude! I mean, you’re a real hero.” Eric pounded Eli's fist even though it lay open on the table.

              Eli's body language shifted. Suddenly it was no longer welcoming or confident, but nervous, closed-off. Scared, even.

              “Yeah Eli!” Molly added. “Tell us the story! Please? I've only heard it from random people. Never from the actual horse’s mouth.” Her voice was teasing, eager.

              Eli looked straight down into his lap, his expression completely blank.

              Abby leaned over, touching his left shoulder. “Are you… okay?” He didn't acknowledge her. He closed his eyes and clenched his hands into tight, bloodless fists. He was shaking. His breathing was irregular, and his head twitched violently to the side.

              Then, in an instant, he stood so suddenly that the whole table shuddered. His chair legs screeched as he pushed it back, and conversation at the tables around them cut off as people looked around. Their attention focusing solely on him.

              “Sorry,” he said. He sounded robotic, as though he weren't there at all. “I just need some fresh air.” With that he reached into his pocket, pulled from it his wallet, and threw three twenty dollar bills on the table. Enough to cover all their meals and leave the waitress a very good tip. His smile barely showed through.  And then he left.

              “What was that all about” Eric finally said, after several long seconds of silence.

              “Beats me,” Molly murmured.

              They both looked at Abby for her opinion, but she was already standing. Already turning, already moving after him. She didn't really know why, or what she would say. It wasn’t as though she handled herself with any ease. She was probably the person least
qualified to give advice, but she had
to go after him. He needed
someone
.

              “And where are
you
going?” Molly called after her.

              Abby pushed the door open hard. She scanned the parking lot, searching for him. Hoping he hadn't already left.

             
Where could he—
there.

             
He was slowly creeping into his old pickup truck. The engine roared to life, and Abby ran toward it.

              She ran to the passenger side window, and pounded an open hand against the glass. He looked up, startled, and quickly leaned over and unlocked the door. Abby climbed in. Inside the old Ford smelled of mold and stains, and there was trash piled up in the back. Eli looked at her blankly as the seconds ticked by. Then his gaze turned back toward his hands on the wheel, where they stayed.

              Abby’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. She had started this habit of doing things without thinking them through, and was beginning to hate it. No plan. No strategy. Just reckless abandon for whatever whim tugged on her heart.

But she could follow through for this, at least.

              She lay her hand on Eli's shoulder. His body was cold, and she felt the tight muscle underneath. Tense and uneasy.

              “You don't have to say anything,” she said gently, “but just know that whatever it is, we're here for you. Um. I mean,
I
’m here for you.”

              They sat there for what seemed like an eternity, Abby never wavering, Eli never making a sound. Eventually, she felt needed to go. Not because she wanted to leave him, but because she was worried Molly and Eric would leave without her, and she would be stranded here. She slowly started to shift her hand from his shoulder, now warm with heat from her hand, but Eli caught it. Holding it firmly in place.

              When he finally turned, she could see his eyes were puffy and red, glassy with tears. Abby had never seen a man cry like this before. But seemed only to confirm he was the sort of man she’d built up in her head. It was so much better to show emotions, rather than bottle them the way she did.

              “I'd like to show you something,” Eli said. The sudden noise after so much silence surprised her, more than the words he’d actually said.

              “I'm sorry.” He shook it head. “
Can
I show you something?”

              A few seconds ticked by. “I will drive you home right after, promise.” He sounded genuine, but also completely vulnerable. It both terrified and flattered Abby that he'd be so open with her after knowing her for such a short time. The conviction in his eyes grew, and she nodded.

He nodded back, and let her hand go to grasp the wheel. She had no idea where they were going, and that, for some reason, was just fine.

             
T
he unkempt winding road crunched beneath the Ford's rubber tires, but inside the cab it was silent. Darkness lay ahead of them, and behind them the town had long since receded into evening gloom.

              Abby never thought she would be able to trust someone again, and although she trusted Eli, the feeling was new and had it limits, and a twinge of uncertainty still gnawed away in her stomach.

              He hadn’t spoken since they left the restaurant. Never so much as twitched in her direction. His eyes stayed glued to the road. So she spent the majority of her time looking out the window. Watching the road pass, too quickly to focus on any of it. Allowing her brain to wander and wonder about her life and where she was headed. If taken literally, she was headed into the Sherlock Mountains, where even in the last dying light of day the view was still spectacular. She glanced over at Eli, but he was still unfazed. He seemed focused. Determined. The security Abby felt around Eli was both comforting and chilling to her. It felt good to be close to someone, but terrifying too. Her nightmares were alive and well in her heart and she knew all too well what had happened the last time she let herself feel safe around someone.

              They neared the pass at the very peak of the mountain, which had a sheer drop off to Abby's right hand side, and a wall of rock to her left. As they approached the truck began to slow, and Eli shifted the metal vehicle gently onto the shoulder. Away from any potential traffic, though they hadn’t passed a single car on the way there.

              Eli let out a long, shaking breath. And then he spoke.

              “This… this is where it happened.” His voice broke, once, hoarse and dry. He still wasn’t looking at her. “This is where everything changed. I met Hanna, my wife, in college. She was a sophomore, and I was a freshman. I knew as soon as I saw her that she was the one for me.” His focus shifted back towards his hands on the steering wheel.

              “We first met at the debate team. We were matched against each other in the beginning of the semester, arguing whether schools should incorporate longer breaks in between classes.” He chuckled. “Stupid right?” The smile faded. “Well, she didn't think so, and completely kicked my butt. It wasn't even close, and she always made sure I remembered it…. When... when she died... it was harder on me then most people realized. Except for Ricky, I think everyone around town actually thought I was handling her death pretty well
—
but I wasn't.”

Abby lay her hand gently back on his shoulder. “You don't have to tell me this if you don't want too.”

              He shook his head, regaining his composure, “No, no I really do. I've been living with this secret for too long, and I can't handle it eating away at my insides any more.”

              Abby went pale.
What secret?

              “A few months after her death I put a gun to my head.”

              Abby placed her other hand on his knee, providing support the only way she knew how.

              “I pulled the trigger, but the—but the safety was still on.” He laughed a little. “And I didn’t have the courage to do it again...”

              Abby was crying too, now, tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

              “I really tried to enjoy life, after that but... the hurt was too deep.” This time he didn’t even try to stop the tears.

              “I tried again with a rope in my apartment, but the rope snapped, and I went tumbling to the floor.” He undid the top of his shirt, revealing his lower neck and upper chest. A scar spanned the width of it, as though the noose were still there.

              Eli was a sobbing mess at this point, and so was Abby. His pain was so raw she could feel it inside her own body, as though she had experienced it right alongside him. Or maybe it was just a manifestation of her own pain. She tightened her grip on him.

“I felt so useless!” he screamed, not even attempting to control his voice. “I couldn't control her fate, and then I couldn't control my own, either! I got completely wasted at a bar, and decided to drive home. Except, I didn’t drive home. I came up here, to think and pray, to try and make sense of it all. And that's when it happened. There was a huge storm coming up the coast, and visibility was terrible. I should have pulled over. I shouldn’t have been driving at all, drunk as I was.” Eli rubbed at his chest. “I veered into oncoming traffic. A family, a young couple and their son, were just trying to get home and I—I ran them off the road. Their car broke right through the barrier up there,” he pointed to a spot about 20 feet in front of them, “and they went hurdling over the edge. The adrenaline sobered me up enough to make me realize what I'd just done, and it gave me the strength to save the very lives I’d almost taken.” Eli's tears had slowed to a whimper, and his head fell down towards his lap. “Next thing I know, everyone is calling me a hero. Saying I 'saved' lives... but I didn't. I'm the one who almost killed them. I'm the reason poor Maggie almost lost her leg, and has to use a cane. I'm the reason little Billy wakes up haunted by nightmares. He and his parents plummeting hopelessly to their death! It's me, it's
my
fault!”

              Eli collapsed onto the steering wheel and began once again to sob. The sound of it was like nothing Abby had heard before. A cry so deep, so full of hurt and self-loathing that it nearly pulled her back into the pit she’d so laboriously pulled herself free of.

              Slowly, she gathered her strength, not just for herself but for him, too. “Eli… it's not your fault.”

              “What are you taking about, of course it is. I almost killed those poor innocent people.” His tone was angry, but when he looked up there was only shame on his face. He was angry with himself—and it was destroying him.

             
As if any of us are ‘innocent’, Abby
thought.

             
Because even if he’d almost killed that family, he’d also saved them. He hadn’t meant to harm them, and he wasn’t a drunk, just a broken man trying desperately to cope with an unbearable pain. And Abby couldn’t judge him for that, not with her own mistakes so fresh in her mind. If anything, it only made her more sympathetic, since she knew firsthand what he was feeling and, more importantly, what he needed.

              She placed her hand on his back, and began soothingly rubbing it back and forth.

              “I forgive you Eli,” she said quietly. She had no idea where the words were coming from, but said them nonetheless. “I know what it's like to lose something, to feel broken and betrayed. Alone and misunderstood. To be surrounded by a sea of people and feel you can't trust any of them. People make mistakes, and you can't predict what they’ll do, but we have to—now more than ever we
need
to trust other people, and you’ve just trusted me. You can
always
trust me, Eli. And I will
always
be here for you.”

~*~

              And she meant it, Eli could tell. Just looking at her filled him with hope. Hope that one day he would wake up without this pain, without this guilt, without this constant feeling of needing to make up for the mistakes of his past.

              Thoughtlessly, he lurched into her arms. This woman was safe, in a world consumed with hurt; she was safe. And for a moment, just a moment, he could forget his terrible past. Pressed against her, he could almost reach out and grab the possibility of the future and never wanted to let it go. They sat there at the top of the mountain, surrounded by darkness, heartbeats thudding against one another’s ribs. He could feel them become one. He never wanted to let her go. He would hold onto this moment for as long he could.

~*~

              That morning, getting ready with Molly, Abby never would have expected to find herself here. It wasn’t even a terrible turn of events. This experience was worth more to her than a thousand perfect dates, because it showed her Eli’s true nature and how acted in his weakest state, and proved he felt comfortable enough to trust her with that side of himself. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to run, or get as close to him as she physically could.

              He pulled back slightly, his face now directly in front of hers. Inches apart. She could feel his warm breath on her face and her heart quickened.

              She looked into his eyes and found them already looking back into hers. Focused, as if nothing else in the world mattered.

              His eyes dropped to her lips, and still she didn't move.

              He slowly eased closer, as though drawn by some magnetic pull. Abby tilted her head, eyes closed. Heart open.

              She could sense his lips were mere millimeters away from hers. Confident. Steady.

             
This is it.
She thought.
I want this... don't I?

             
No, her head answered. Not yet.

              She pulled away at the last possible moment, unable to continue, instantly extinguishing the moment. She opened her eyes, but Eli wasn’t hurt, just confused. And then a faint smile slipped over his face.

              “I'm sorry, I—I'm just not ready,” she said. “Not yet.”

              Eli lay his hands on either side of her head, directing her attention toward him. “You have
nothing
to be sorry for. Please, don't
ever
let me do anything that you aren't ready for, or don't want to do.” There were no expectations in his voice, or ulterior motives. No lies or manipulation. Simply trust, and respect for her boundaries. Nothing more, nothing less. It made Abby feel safe. “Promise?” he asked.

              She nodded. “Promise.”

              She smiled.

              He lay his hands back on the steering wheel. But as he disengaged the emergency brake, Abby opened her mouth to say one last thing.

              “Eli?”

He stopped completely, and turned to her.

She smiled. “Thanks.”

~*~

              The ride back was the same as the ride out: silence. But now, instead of nervous anticipation, the truck was filled with exhilaration. Eli dropped her off at Melody’s, even walking her to the door, but he didn’t try for anything more than a simple goodbye and a lifted hand.

              Abby silently made her way upstairs and slipped into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. Once she was done she headed straight for her bed, and held nothing back as she crashed into its warm and security. Even completely drained, she couldn't fall asleep. The events of the past few hours replayed over and over again in her head. But eventually her exhaustion proved too much, and she slipped into a deep sleep. And for the first time in a long time, she was excited for tomorrow.