Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) (54 page)

I stared at the door knowing that once I knocked, I might get her final decision. I swallowed, unsure if I wanted to know it just yet. The debate started in my mind when Clark walked up.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I cringed knowing he thought I was a pussy for standing outside her door.

“I was just going to find out if Vanessa had told her parents yet,” I answered, knowing full well I was an idiot for telling him that.

“That’s just stupid. What does it matter now? She should be crawling back to you for what she did. She fucking pulled the same shit as Stephanie did and you’re standing outside
her
door? What the fuck happened to you, man?”

I couldn’t really argue with him. I stood there staring at him, knowing he was right. I was crawling back to Vanessa, just like I was going to crawl back to Stephanie at the wedding. Although Clark didn’t really know the debate I had with myself while I stood out there like a fool at the wedding, begging Stephanie in my head to take me back. I started grinding my teeth thinking about what he just said to me. I knew he was right, I just felt like I wanted to give Vanessa another chance.

“Just leave Matt. Head down to Atlanta like you were planning to do. Stay the week and go through your old routine. When you realize what you had and how much fun you had down there, you’ll forget all about Vanessa and all this bullshit she put you through.”

I swallowed as my heart sank thinking of life without Vanessa. Clark’s voice snapped me out of my depressing thoughts. “Matt. She basically cheated on you. How do you know what she was doing when she was out with Dr. Perfect all those times?” That felt like a punch to my gut as I started thinking about that. Anger and jealousy rolled into one and gushed through me. I nodded knowing what I needed to do.

“I’m heading down to Atlanta. You’re right. I’m acting like a fucking pussy standing outside her door and who knows what else happened that I don’t know about.” I pressed my lips together and shook his hand. “Thanks man. I’ll see you in about a week or so after I finalize all this stuff.”

Clark patted me on the back, smiling. “Atta boy, Matt. Don’t ever let a girl take over. They’re fucking nuts.” I nodded in agreement and started down the hallway to the elevator. Clark was completely right. I should just stick to listening to my dick to do the thinking about women. At least then, I don’t get hurt like this.

Two for two Williams. You put your heart on the line twice in your life and still came up empty. I shook my head while grinding the hell out of my teeth. Izzy was wrong and even worse, I didn’t feel like telling her she was wrong. She’d probably tell me to keep trying. Like hell if I’m going through this a third time. I’m pretty sure there are some people out there that are just not meant to find love; today, I discovered I am one of those people.

I got into the only girl who really loved me, my Porsche, put my sunglasses on and started my drive back to Atlanta. Back to my old life before Vanessa.

I put on the jewelry Matt gave me while smiling to myself in my reflection. After putting my earrings in, I stared at my reflection thrilled with my appearance. My heart was pounding so loud it felt like my ribcage was vibrating. I put my hand to my chest as if to try to calm myself down. I took a deep breath and smiled that this was it. My smile faded as I started to doubt if Matt would take me back. I fidgeted with my grandmother
’s ring as I bit my lip, holding back the tears that started welling.

No. I wasn’t going to cry or doubt myself — or Matt’s decision for that matter. I inhaled deeply and forced a smile to make myself calm down and feel better. I made sure to wear the perfect outfit for telling him. My heart was pounding the entire time I put on my makeup and curled my hair just perfectly as I ran through scenarios of how to finally tell him I loved him. This was it. I stared at my reflection, knowing I looked my best, as if that might help sway Matt’s decision. Not that my looks should matter in his decision, especially after what I had done.

Stop. I knew I was going down that horrible thought process of berating myself and I decided earlier I wasn’t going to do that. I am me. I screwed up and needed to take responsibility for it. Matt’s final decision on whether or not he would forgive me would not change the person I had become. I love Matt. I wanted him in my life forever, but if he decides that he no longer wanted any relationship…I trailed off knowing that I didn’t want to think about that road.

I turned towards my door and gave myself one last look in my closet mirror before heading towards the apartment door. I went to reach for it, but heard noises right outside my door. I quickly put my eye to the peephole and saw Matt and Clark standing there. I turned my head and pressed my ear to the door to listen to what they were saying.

Clark was yelling at Matt. My breath caught when I heard him saying “you’ll forget all about Vanessa and all this bullshit she put you through,” and “she basically cheated on you.”  I tried to gasp for a breath, knowing that Clark was right. I swallowed, feeling remorse as I held my stomach feeling like I was just hit. I rested my ear against the door again just in time to hear Matt say that he was going back to Atlanta.

Tears streaked down my cheek before I even realized I was crying. I was so caught up in myself and trying to get my shit together that all this time I never considered what Matt might think. He thought I cheated on him? I stood there completely stunned and unable to believe what I just heard.

My heart leapt out of my chest as the door opened up. Aubrey walked in and seemed surprised that I was standing in front of the door staring at it. 

“Vanessa? Are you okay?” Aubrey asked as she entered the apartment and closed the door behind her.

“I…I don’t know. I think Matt and I are really over. I think he moved back to Atlanta.” I burst into tears, feeling the door shut in my heart. Aubrey dropped the bags she was holding in her hands and wrapped her arms around me quickly.

“Oh God, Vanessa. I’m so sorry. Sometimes guys just aren’t capable of a relationship. Matt’s just one of those guys.” I nodded my head into her shoulder as my tears continued to flow. I lifted my arms to hug her back and continued to sob.

Aubrey led me over to the couch and we sat down as she handed me a box of tissues. “Shall I break out the ice cream?” I burst into tears again, nodding my head. I actually didn’t really care for the ice cream, I just wanted to curl into a ball and die. Matt doesn’t love me and he’s left. The thought kept flashing through my mind like a neon sign.

She ran into the kitchen, returning immediately with a pint of ice cream and two spoons. Opening the container, her expression was pure pity as she gestured for me to dig in first.

I scooped a huge amount and took a bite of the chunk on my spoon, barely tasting anything as I tried to hold back my sobs. She took a small bite as she watched me carefully.

“So, what did he say? How’d he let you down?” She asked with a soft voice as her hand reached out to touch mine.

I took a deep breath as I bit into a chunk of chocolate. “He didn’t. I didn’t have the chance to tell him anything. I overheard him talking to Clark about me, how I probably cheated on him and how I put him through all kinds of stuff,” I sniffled and took another bite.

I glanced up at Aubrey, hoping she would have some insight with her knowledge of men. She pulled her eyebrows together. “You mean you didn’t even speak with him? You just overheard what Clark was saying to him?”

I nodded as I recalled how angry Clark sounded and Matt kept agreeing with him. “I was just about to go over there when I saw them through the peephole.” I recalled their conversation and despite feeling sick, I still took another scoop while I continued to sob.

Aubrey put her spoon into the container and huffed. “You didn’t tell him that you love him and want him to stay so you could live happily ever after?”

I glanced up at her as if she were crazy. “I didn’t get the chance! He thinks I cheated on him!” I burst into tears again as I thought about how angry they both sounded just talking about me.

Her mouth dropped open and she stared at me with huge eyes. “Vanessa, I guarantee if you had told him you loved him he would have stayed,” she huffed again as she seemed to become enraged. “That asshole Clark doesn’t know jack shit about love and you’re going to let him tell Matt
your
side of the story? He doesn’t know any of it.”

I swallowed the ice cream I had in my throat, which was tough to get past the lump that was already there. “But I did screw up like that. I did go behind Matt’s back and sneak around with Charles,” I reminded her while I cringed at thinking about how horrible I am for doing those things to Matt.

Aubrey took my spoon from my hand and shoved it into the container. She stood up, grabbed my hands as she pulled me up to standing. “If you don’t walk over to his apartment and tell him that you love him I’m going to have to kick your ass. He needs to know before he makes his final decision to move back down there.”

I stood there staring at her. She’s right, but I was terrified that I had waited too long to say it back to him and he wouldn’t want my love now. Aubrey continued to walk me to the door, opened it and shoved me out. She knocked quickly on their apartment door and then left me there. By myself. Waiting for the door to open.

******

After Aubrey knocked on their door, it took some time convincing Clark to give me the address to Matt
’s condo in Atlanta. Clark wasn’t so willing to tell me as he grumbled about me messing up his wingman. I didn’t tell him that I overheard his conversation outside our door.

It felt like the longest three hours of my life and I tried so hard not to speed. The entire drive down I practiced what I would say to him and how I would tell him I love him. I ran through all types of scenarios in my head — in one scenario he was angry and yelling at me. That one made me extremely nervous, but then I countered it with telling him how much I love him. That scenario ended with him twirling me around telling me how much he loves me too.

I finally arrived at the address Clark gave me. Trying to find a parking spot downtown seemed near impossible. My heart was racing, knowing how close I was to Matt. I finally found a parking spot and looked around noting all the professionals in this area. All the shops and bars made me realize this is really where Matt belongs. This is definitely a party town; definitely the scene he would prefer. I kept questioning if I was really doing the right thing by telling him about my parents, that I loved him and wanted him to move back.

I parked and got out of my car, but immediately got cold feet. My heart was beating so fast that I panicked. It would just be easier to leave and not put my heart on the line. He would never know I was here. I got back in my car and just sat there. I jumped when my phone vibrated. It was a text from Aubrey, “
Are you at his place yet
?”

I knew if I typed anything she would talk me into going up there. I didn’t know if I really wanted that so I just sat there staring at my phone. Finally, I replied, “
I’m here, but don’t want to go up there.
” I put my head on the headrest, staring up at the ceiling of my car, feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I knew I was acting like a child, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to see Matt so badly, but I didn’t want this to be the end. I didn’t want him to finally tell me it was over.

Aubrey:
If you don’t do this now and take a chance, you’ll regret it the rest of your life. Get out of the fucking car and go up to his apartment NOW
.”

I stared at the text before finally replying, “
You don’t have to yell
.”

She’s right. I can do this. I’ll just go up there and tell him I want him to move back. Move back to me. Move back with me. My hands started shaking. I can’t do this, I said to myself even though I got out of my car and closed the door. I made my way to the apartment building entrance on shaky legs.

I took the elevator up, staring at the floor numbers as they lit up. Each floor number that lit up brought me closer to Matt or possibly my heart finally being crushed. I stood in front of his apartment door, my heart beating out of my chest. I raised my hand and knocked quickly before I changed my mind.

I couldn’t help but smile in anticipation of seeing Matt’s beautiful blue eyes. I couldn’t wait to burst and finally tell him that I love him. I had practiced the way I would say it the whole drive down. My heart beat fast in anticipation as the door swung open and I happily exclaimed, “I…”

Oh shit
. I stared at the familiar gorgeous woman in front of me and glanced down at her amazing figure in very tight clothes. Oh God. He got back with Cassie. Already? I felt like I was going to be sick right then as tears started to well up in my eyes.

“Nessa?” She asked with a sweet pretty smile as she pulled me into a hug. I wasn’t sure what to think about hugging the woman who probably just fucked the guy that I’m in love with and want so badly back in my life. She pulled back smiling as she opened the door wider, inviting me in.

I glanced in the apartment, feeling like an outsider in his apartment as I took a step through the door. My heart caught in my throat as I looked up and saw Matt walking out of a room barefoot, wearing only jeans and no shirt. My eyes were drawn to his amazing muscular chest, the chest that my lips had kissed so many times. My hands had softly caressed every muscle on his body. I felt sick thinking that Cassie had probably just done the same.

My breath hitched even though I wanted to run from the apartment, but my feet were stuck there like cement, mesmerized by the cute couple before me. He was still looking down at some pill bottle he had in his hand as he asked, “Hey Cas, where’d you put the…” He looked up at that moment and froze as soon as our eyes locked, but his facial expression didn’t change. My heart was pounding as I watched him walk toward the door still staring at me, still expressionless.

He walked past her and I noticed she smiled at him and then glanced at me. Anger rolled through me that they had just been together and she had the nerve to hug me? That he just left and came immediately down here to fuck her? Is that how much he really loves me?

My heart skipped a beat as his arm touched mine as he walked out of the door, leaving me no choice, but to follow him as he waved his hand signaling me through the door. As if I were the intruder in his apartment, but Cassie wasn’t. I felt a wave of nausea sweep over me as he closed the door behind me. I began to twirl my grandmother’s ring, terrified of what he would tell me and what I might say back. My heart began to throb with the pain of realizing I really was nothing more to him than another lay.

I watched him as he gingerly put his hand on the wall and his other hand he placed on his hip, so nonchalant and uncaring. “What’s going on?” His deep voice was gruff and sounded angry. His facial expression matched his voice as he stared down at me. He wasn’t as surprised to see me as I had hoped; rather, it seemed like I was an inconvenience or an annoyance.

He had the guts to stand there looking at me like that? As if I shouldn’t be here? My lips started trembling and I was so angry that I was going to cry. I took a deep breath and decided to let jealousy take over instead. I swallowed and tried to keep calm. “Did you fuck her?” Just saying those words caused tears to spill down my cheek and I angrily swiped them away. His features didn’t change at all. He kept the same expression as if it didn’t matter whether he screwed her or not.

My heart stopped when he answered me. “Maybe. Why do you care?”

A sob escaped my throat as the wall of reality hit hard. If I’m going to finally say it to him, I felt like I deserved to know before I tell him. My stomach churned, my heart caught in my throat just picturing the two of them together. Anger rolled through me as I yelled, “Did you or didn’t you?” I was frustrated that I finally did everything I was supposed to do in order to be with this man and he just left me back at my apartment to come fuck Cassie. Just thinking about that made me crazy with jealousy. I slammed my hands into his chest, pushing him against the wall with everything I had. “Dammit, I need to know if you just fucked her!”

His body crashed against the wall and he held his hands up in the air. That damned half smile appeared as he looked down at me, mocking me. “Are you jealous?” His deep voice did nothing more than throw me into a fit of rage.