Rounding Third (29 page)

Rob didn’t return until sweat was running off
his chest and back in the cool fall air. He got back in the shower. All of the
thoughts from the run seemed to have been crowded together and now streamed
through his head as the water streamed down his body.

He’d never had a friend like Josh and he
might never have Josh or anyone like him again. If they didn’t talk soon, the
canyon opening between them would get wider. If they did talk, what Josh would
want to talk about might be as painful as the previous night’s conversation and
Rob wasn’t sure he was strong enough to listen to any more. 

He had always been able to talk to Josh, and
hated that now he didn’t know what to say. Even little things used to be so
easy, so fun. Even in a shared shower they now stood miles apart under the same
spray of water. Rob wondered if now, while Josh was closer than he had ever
been, he’d lost him forever.

When he came downstairs he peeked into Josh’s
room. A habit the whole family seemed to have developed. Soon they’d be placing
bets on which one of them would discover the body.

“I’m sorry,” Josh said. The voice startled
Rob. It was the first time Josh had initiated a conversation since he had been
there. “About in the shower.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Josh started walking towards him. “I guess
you’re right, I need to talk to someone. I can’t keep dumping all of this on
you. And I realized I want to be able to have you touch me again without
feeling...” 

Josh fell into Rob’s arms and Rob held him. But Rob noticed Josh
was not crying. The front door opening caused them to break their clinch.

“How’d it go?” Rob asked his mother.

“I didn’t get it.”

“I’m sorry,” Josh said. Mrs. Wardell seemed a little startled
that Josh’s voice sounded almost normal. “Next week, when I turn eighteen and
can sign the authorizations, I’ll see a counselor. I promise.”

Rob and his mother smiled.

39

Rob was climbing the steps of the school when he saw Danny
Taylor about to go inside. “Taylor!” he yelled.

Taylor turned, saw it was only Rob, and went inside. Rob sprinted
up the stairs, looked left then right, spotted him again and yelled, “Taylor!”
This time Taylor stopped and turned with a smirk on his face. Rob walked up to
him. “Stay away from my house.”

“I didn’t go near your house.”

“Then you know who did. So tell them the next time they come by
and they think the house is empty or Josh is there alone that might be what I
want you to think and that I’m really just waiting in the bushes with my
father’s twelve-gauge.”

“Yeah, right. Like you’re going to spend every night in the
bushes with a gun.”

Rob leaned into Taylor so close Taylor took a step back until he
was against the wall, jarring loose a poster about an upcoming dance. “I’d wait
ten thousand nights in the freezing rain to blow your fucking head off. And
it’d be that much sweeter to do it legally.” Rob saw something he had never
seen before on Danny Taylor’s face: fear. Rob turned and walked to homeroom.

           
*                     
*                     
*                     
*                     
*

Whether it was the talking or the anti-depressants the doctor
gave him, Josh seemed to be feeling better, doing better at his schoolwork and
helping around the house. But Rob still could not shake the feeling that there
was something different. Other than a small scar near his eye, he bore no
outward signs of his ordeal, but he looked and talked and moved almost like a
different person.

The counselor had suggested the same gay youth group in
Cleveland Rob had found on the Internet, so Rob skipped out of school early
with a pass from Coach Hudson to drive Josh there. Josh stared out the window
 nervously looking from the
directions to the street numbers.

    
Rob said, “The gay center should be around here somewhere.” As though the
timing was rehearsed, a man in shorts so tiny they looked like hot pants came
out of a doorway. “He’s gay,” Rob said, giggling. “You want to ask him?”

    
“I don’t want to talk to him,” Josh said through his laughter.

    
“If those shorts were any shorter they’d be a shirt.”

    
Josh laughed then pointed in the next block. “There. The rainbow flag.”

    
Rob flipped a quick U-turn into a parking place as a young white man with a
multi-colored Afro walked by and went in the door of the gay center. Rob opened
his door. Josh didn’t open his.

    
A beautiful person of indeterminate gender entered the building followed by
another cute young person, this one apparently male, but wearing large
earrings, eye shadow and a silk scarf. Rob got out and walked around to Josh’s
side.

    
Josh looked up at him and said through the glass, “I can’t.” Rob shook his head
indicating he hadn’t really heard. Josh rolled down the window. “I can’t. I’m
sorry, but I can’t go in there with all of those fa...people. I just wouldn’t
belong.”

    
“Do you want to at least walk in and see what it looks like? See if there are
some more normal guys, maybe see what...”

    
“No.”

    
Rob frowned and walked back around the car and got in. “Are you sure you...”

    
“Could we just go, please?”

         
*                     
*                     
*                     
*                     
*

    
Rob’s job was to get Josh out of the house, which in spite of his mood
improvement wasn’t an easy task, but finally Rob got Josh to go with him to
look at Cleveland State University. He had to lay the guilt on rather thick and
added, “And who knows, you may want to go there.”

    
“I doubt I’ll go to college,” Josh answered in a tone that said his depression
was far from over.

    
When they came back, Rob let Josh walk in first. Meg had done what she’d
promised and in a few hours had decorated the house with more balloons and
streamers than a typical Chuck E. Cheese would see in a month.

    
The shout of “Surprise!” worked and the Wardells, Meg’s friends Jesse and
Hannah, Coach Hudson and his wife, Mr. Welke, Josh’s former girlfriend Jenny,
and Brittany Burnside--head cheerleader, homecoming queen, volleyball star--all
jumped up on cue.

    
A large bunch of balloons moved aside revealing Mathias Schlagel. “Hey, bro,
happy birthday.”

    
“We had to plan this at a time when everyone could come,” Rob said.

    
“So the little family dinner for my birthday last week was just a fake?”

    
“No, we wanted to do something quiet with just us,” Rob’s mother said. “But we
wanted to throw a party, too.”

    
“This was the only day I could figure a way to sneak away,” Mat said.

    
“You don’t think those little gifts last week were all we got you for your
birthday?” Meg asked.

    
“You’ve given me too much already,” Josh answered.

    
As Josh opened more presents, Rob and Meg stood aside to watch. “I wasn’t sure
I’d ever see that grin again,” Rob said tilting his head towards Josh. “Thanks
so much. I think today helped a lot.”

    
“I know it did. And it’s worth it just to see that smile,” she said. Rob put
his arm around his sister as Mat put his arm around his own brother.

    
“I hate to rush things,” Mat said, “But if we’re going to have cake we ought to
do it. I need to get going soon.”

    
After the cake and ice cream, Rob volunteered to take Mat home; Josh and Meg
wanted to come also. The Schlagel brothers rode in the back, talking quietly.
Rob stopped the car a little ways down from the entrance to Quail Run. Mat
would walk from there. Meg got out when Mat did. She put her arms around his
neck and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you,” she said. “If they ever have a
best brother contest, it’s going to be a tie. I look forward to you slipping me
notes and smiling at me between classes.”

    
“You know when I can’t talk it’s nothing personal?”

    
“I know. It’s cool. If you ever do manage to escape again, let me know.”

    
           
*                     
*                     
*                     
*                     
*

    
They all knew the holidays
would be tough on Josh and Thanksgiving dinner wasn’t a joyous occasion. Josh’s
mood was still down as they finished dinner. Although Mrs. Wardell tried
several times to insist that he didn’t need to help with the dishes, Josh
joined in clearing the plates and getting to work on the huge kitchen mess. Mr.
Wardell was left alone in the living room in front of the TV. 

    
“It’s a good thing they made big kitchens back when this house was built,” Mrs.
Wardell joked. “The mess would be bulging out the door if this room were any
smaller.”

    
“Like I’m bulging out of my pants,” Meg said, adjusting her waistband. “I ate too
much.”

    
They all laughed, except Josh, whose attempt at a smile was so feeble that it
drew all of their attention. Mrs. Wardell grabbed him and hugged him. Her
warmth and good spirits didn’t seem to dent Josh’s depression and as Rob moved
to grab another stack of plates, she grabbed him and pulled him into the
embrace. Rob knew he and Josh were not supposed to touch in the house but now
he was shoulder-to-shoulder with Josh in his mother’s hug. 

    
His mother pulled them both closer so their heads were almost touching, and
more to steady themselves than by choice they put their arms around each
other’s backs. She pulled them even tighter, cementing the embrace. Then she
broke away, pushing them together as she left the circle. Josh was too weak to think
or resist and fell into Rob’s arms. Rob squeezed tight as though he could crush
the pain with the power of his hug. He stroked the fine soft hairs at the nape
of Josh’s neck and whispered, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Only when he felt the
tension break and Josh really returned the hug did he release his friend. 

    
Soaking in what had just happened, Rob looked around the room to make sure
everything was okay. His mother was smiling at them, her look far from
disapproving. Josh started to pick up a plate, but Mrs. Wardell took it from
him. “Now I really insist. You boys go watch the game. Meg and I can finish
up.”

    
Rob looked at Meg, expecting a blizzard of complaints, but instead she took
Josh’s arm and steered him toward the door. She rested her head on his shoulder
and said, “Do you know what I’m most thankful for?” He looked down at her.
“You.” She kissed him on the cheek and shoved him out into the living area.

Rob smiled at her and followed Josh. 

             
    
40
 

Meg reached up, but even standing on tiptoes
could not quite reach the nail above the doorframe. Her feet hit the hardwood
floor with a loud
thump
as she jumped from the chair. The maneuver
brought a disapproving look from the woman of the house. “Can you get this?”
Meg asked Josh as she handed him plastic mistletoe with a red ribbon. 

    
“Sure,” Josh said as he stepped up onto the chair. 

    
“You just have to feel for the nail that’s up there somewhere,” Mrs. Wardell
coached as she hung another glass ball on the tree. “Bobby, could you grab
another box, please?” She pointed to the stack of ornament boxes next to the
archway. 

    
Josh ran his hand along the top of the arch, found the nail, and easily looped
the ribbon over it. He stepped off the chair just as Rob reached the
boxes. 

    
“Bobby, Josh is under the mistletoe,” his mother said in a provocatively
teasing voice--the same one she used to goad Rob into kissing her or his
sister. Rob couldn’t believe that his mother meant it the same way. While he
tried to sort this out, she said, with even more encouragement in her voice,
“You’re not going to let him get away with that, are you?”

    
Rob hesitated then moved toward Josh. He paused again and looked at his mother
for approval. She was smiling and nodding, so he kissed Josh lightly on the
cheek. He was so self-conscious about it that he couldn’t even enjoy a
sensation that usually sent lightning down his spine to his toes. He looked
back at his mother who was watching and still grinning. She lightly shoved Meg
toward the boys. 

Meg grabbed Josh in a hug and kissed him on
the lips. “That’s how you are supposed to kiss under the mistletoe,” she said,
slugging her brother in the stomach. 

Rob was still trying to process all that was
happening and again looked at his mother. She was still watching, smiling and
nodding as though once again urging one of her young children to let go of the
pool edge and swim to her. Rob hugged Josh, with not quite the ferocity Meg had
used and kissed Josh lightly on the lips causing Josh’s green eyes to flash
like a traffic signal with a short circuit.