Ruin (7 page)

Chapter Fifteen

Whoever invented trial drugs should be shot
—
or maybe just me. Yeah, forget him, shoot me.

Weston

“When did the nausea start?” David felt my forehead and grimaced. “A few hours ago? Days?”

I pushed his hand away and cursed. “I think the better question would be, when haven’t I felt nauseous? Seriously, I’m all better now, see?” I gave him a wide smile and stood. I had to brace myself against the desk for a few brief moments before I felt like I was solid enough to walk in a straight line.

David stood right along with me. “We have to record these things, Wes. You know that.”

I groaned and made my way to the door. “I know that. It’s been the same for the past six months, and I hate to break it to you but I’m not getting better.”

“That’s a bad attitude and you know it. The doctor said—”

“Screw the doctors!” I hit my fist against the door as my voice wavered with frustration.

I felt David’s heavy sigh. I was used to those. The last year had been filled with them. First my dad’s sigh at learning that the drugs were our last option, my coach’s sigh when I told him I might not be able to finish out the year, and finally the doctor’s sigh, when he said my chances were at fifty percent.

“Look.” My lips felt so damn dry. A side effect from the meds, I licked them and sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just been a rough day. Make the damn note. I feel nauseated, my vision is blurred a bit, and I puked this morning.”

Silence, and then I heard scribbling. “Anything else?” David asked.

“Yeah.” I grabbed my keys from the desk. “I’m going out, don’t wait up—”

“But—”

“Please,” I pleaded. “I need normal right now.”

“Fine.” David swore under his breath. “Just keep your cell on and if you feel funny at all you come straight back to the dorm, alright?”

“Yup.” I waltzed out.

I really was a joke of an RA. I’d been in my room all but thirty minutes the second day of classes. I’d wanted the job though. Scratch that, I needed it. Just like I needed a normal minute. The dean about shit himself when my dad went into his office, guns blazing. I’d never been more proud.

Most people probably assumed the worst, that I’d been demoted to an RA position to make up for the previous year.

Truth? I begged for it.

Coach had been pissed, but at least my dad understood. I told him I wanted to help the new kids, show them the ropes, but really it was about my brother. He’d died his freshman year of college, and I wasn’t about to leave this world allowing that to happen to someone else.

Which is why I stopped on Kiersten’s floor.

I wasn’t sure if she’d be back from class yet, but it was worth a shot. I knocked twice on her door and waited.

After some arguing and shuffling, the door opened.

It was Gabe, the cousin, maybe my competition. I wasn’t sure. He gawked at me for a minute and then a grin spread across his features. “Sleep well last night?”

“Better than you.” I smiled.

He nodded. “I believe it.”

“Kiersten?”

“Homework.”

“On the second day?” I pushed past him and let myself in.

Gabe raised his hands. “All I know is she said she had homework and she’s in her room. She only had two classes today, both morning ones.”

“Good to know I’m not the only one stalking her,” I grumbled.

At Gabe’s smug grin I clenched my hand into a fist and went to knock on her door. “Kiersten?”

Sniffling. I heard sniffling, and then something dropped. To hell with that. I burst in.

Wow, I really should have waited for her to open the door.

She was naked.

Well, not entirely naked, but it sure as hell looked like it. She was wearing yoga pants and a sports bra. And I was sporting a grin so wide I’m sure I looked possessed.

“Hey!” Gabe called from the hallway. I slammed the door in his face and locked it.

“Oh, I feel safe now,” Kiersten mumbled, rising from the yoga mat. “Seriously, you can’t just barge in on people.”

“I’m so glad I did.” I moved to the bed, scooted back, and leaned against the wall. “Continue.”

She burst out laughing. “No. Not with an audience. I was working out, you pervert.”

“I thought I heard you yelling my name. My mistake.” I shrugged.

“Wow, all the way from the sixth floor huh?”

“What can I say? It’s a gift.”

“Combine super hearing with stalking and you’re a regular psycho.”

My grin grew.

Kiersten jutted out her hip and put her hand on it. “I’m not working out in front of you.”

“Then let’s do it together.”

Her eyes widened in horror.

That was a self-esteem booster if I’d ever seen one. “Not like that. I mean, let’s go running.”

“You run?”

I shook my head and spoke slowly. “I’m a quarterback. Of course I run.”

She blushed and put her hands on her face. “No, I mean, you run other than at practice.”

“You never played sports, did you?”

She bared her teeth and shook her head no.

“We don’t just work out in practice. I work out two hours a day on top of practice. Keeps me in shape. You know, gotta keep that eight pack alive somehow.”

“Will I ever live that down?” She sat on the floor and sighed.

“Lamb…” I teased. “Never.”

“Fine… Let’s run.”

“Cool—”

“On one condition.”

“Boo.” I gave her a thumbs down.

“Hey!” She stood abruptly. “You haven’t even heard my condition!”

“Okay, fine. You have five seconds.”

“Patient, aren’t you?”

“One…”

“Fine!” Kiersten grabbed a piece of paper from the desk and thrust it in my face.

I was just about to say
two
when the paper landed on my lap. With a sigh I picked it up and started to read.

Ways to live
, I read.

My heart clenched in my chest. Did she know about me?

1.
Kiss a hot guy.
2.
Go skinny dipping.
3.
Finish one fruity drink with the little umbrella.
4.
Read Pride and Prejudice all the way through.
5.
Learn how to swim.
I paused. “You don’t know how to swim?”

Kiersten’s eyes flickered to the ground so I kept reading.

6.
Make two real friends.
7.
Get off my antidepressants.
So I’d been right about one thing. She was depressed, but why? What girl, as perfect as Kiersten, would be depressed?

8. Go bungee jumping.
9.
Eat cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving and try to eat a beet.
10. Fall in love.
11. Get heart broken.
12. Fall in love anyway.
I could help her! Oh, not with all of them. I mean, she couldn’t fall in love with me. I wouldn’t let her. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us, and she was eighteen. I sighed and folded the paper back in half.

“So?” She twisted that glorious red hair around her fingers. “What do you think?”

“Let’s do it.”

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Before I knew what was happening, she’d charged toward me and wrapped her arms around my neck. Um, if that was the response I was going to get for helping her with a silly list, I was going to freaking buy her her own island before I… The thought died in my head. Ironic.

“You mean it? It’s not weird? I’m not weird?”

I kissed her cheek. “Not weird, and I did tell you I wanted to help you with all things crazy, right?”

She nodded. A piece of lush red hair fell across her face meeting her flushed cheek like a caress.

“Good.” I kissed her cheek again. Mainly because I could. “I say we can get most of this done before Thanksgiving.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” I helped her stand. “You know… minus the whole falling in love part.”

Kiersten laughed. Damn, I loved that sound. “Right, well, I figured go big or go home.”

“My kinda girl.” With a wink, I put the paper back on her desk. “Now put on a shirt so guys don’t lust after you. We, my dear, are going for a run.”

Chapter Sixteen

At least running next to him meant I wasn’t running from him, that was progress…
right?

Kiersten

When Wes said we should go running, I mistakenly thought he meant jog. You know, as in go kinda slow, not like a bat out of hell.

The guy wasn’t even talking.

But he was sweating.

So I guess it was a good trade off, especially considering he’d opted to run without a shirt. I, however, had to look much less than sexy as I gasped for breath next to him.

“We’re crossing something off your list right now, you know,” he said in a perfectly normal voice.

My side sliced with pain as I wheezed out, “Oh yeah, what?”

“You want off your anti-depressants.”

“So you’re…” I coughed. “Trying…” Holy crap I was going to pass out. “…to kill me?”

“Negative.” He chuckled. Seriously. How. Was. He. Breathing? “Studies show that hard exercise, the kind that evokes physical pain, actually releases happy chemicals in your brain which heal emotional as well as physical pain. Kind of like a drug. Running is the quickest and most efficient way to get those happy chemicals in your body. You start running, and I guarantee that you’ll feel better, possibly good enough to go off your drugs.” He stopped running. Thank God.

I bent over and held up my hand. “I need a minute.”

He patted my sweaty back and chuckled. “The thing is, Kiersten, drugs aren’t bad. They’re there to help you.”

“They give me nightmares.”

“So sleep with me.”

“They make me feel weak.” I exhaled another breath.

“Only because you’re looking at it the wrong way.”

I waited for his usual wisdom. Seriously, was the guy a shrink in another life?

“Just because you need help to cope doesn’t make you any less strong. The truly weak people in this life are the ones who can’t admit they need help. They’re the ones who can’t admit that they can no longer go at it alone. Those are the people who are weak. By asking for help, by taking help, you’ve just admitted your weakness and in that, you find your strength. The weak of the world are those who think they’ve got it all figured out and flaunt it to others.”

I paused a minute and then looked up. He was grinning from ear to ear.

“When did you get so smart?”

Wes shrugged as a bead of sweat ran down his jaw. “Lots of therapy. Believe me. You can’t go to therapy your whole life and not walk away with at least a little good advice.”

I snorted. “Clearly I need to switch therapists.”

“Great, because I take appointments, and dates are my currency, so pay up.”

“Friends don’t date.”

He squinted against the sun and laughed. “Sure they do.”

I bit down on my lip and told my heart to stop doing cartwheels across my chest. “That wasn’t on my list.”

“The date is.”

“Is it?” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. He was a freaking expert at peeling back all of my carefully erected walls.

“This weekend. Friday. You and me. Date.”

I looked away, trying to at least make it appear like I wasn’t ready to jump all over him and scream yes in his face. Of course, the guy had girls throwing themselves at him. Just walking with Wes got me weird stares and gaping looks from the entire female population.

“Okay,” I said in a small voice. “But only as friends.” I held out my hand to shake his.

He nodded and took my small hand captive in his. “At least you shake my hand now. A few days ago I was convinced I’d have to show you how like John Smith did to Pocahontas.”

“Funny.”

“Aren’t I?” He chuckled and pulled my hand so that we were almost chest to chest.

“I’m sweaty.”

“Yup.”

“And I — I smell.” Wow, way to scare him off.

Wes leaned in and sniffed the side of my head.

“Are you sniffing my skin?”

He shrugged. “You said you smelled. Just trying to prove you wrong.”

“So I don’t smell?”

“No…” He still hadn’t moved his face. My breath quickened when I felt his intake of breath across my neck. “You smell, but it’s a sweaty smell. I happen to like sweat.”

“Charmer.” My voice sounded airy and foreign.

And then a wet tongue touched just below my ear as his lips grazed the side of my face. “Absolutely.”

Before I could slap him or push him away or roll my eyes, a ringing sounded. He stepped back and pulled out a sleek new iPhone. “What?”

I waited awkwardly while the smile fell from his face.

“No, its fine. Not a problem. Yeah, I’ll… I’ll be there.” He put the phone back in his pocket and zipped it up, then like a switch he was happy again.

“You okay?” I crossed my arms.

“Fine, why?” He started walking back up the path toward the school.

“Phone call, sad face. You know, tension in your voice. That sort of thing.”

“Oh. That.” Wes didn’t meet my gaze as we made our way through the last part of the trail and back onto school property. “No big deal, just drama with my dad, you know how parents can be. Sometimes they just annoy the hell out of you because they can.”

I froze.

“Kiersten?” Wes touched my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

I opened my mouth but all that came out was a gasp, and then I started running all over again.

Because the last time I’d talked to both my parents we’d gotten into a fight, an epic fight, about me wanting to go to my first party as a sophomore in high school.

“Kiersten!” Wes called after me, but I kept running focusing on the slap of my shoes against the cement. Left, right, left, right. I needed to get away.

I ran all the way up the huge concrete stairway that led to the dorms until finally I collapsed onto the ground scraping my knee in the process.

“Crap!” Blood trickled down my leg and pooled in my shoe. Tears burned at the back of my throat as I tried to keep myself from hyperventilating.

“Kiersten!” Wes was immediately by my side, must have paced along behind me. He ripped part of my shirt and blotted the scrape alternating between blowing on it and trying to stop the bleeding. “What the hell was that? You scared the shit out of me. In fact, you’re still scaring the shit out of me. What’s wrong?”

I tried to jerk free from his grip, but he was too dang strong. I refused to meet his gaze.

“Talk to me.” Wes’s voice was gentle and coaxing. “I know it was something I said.”

I nodded.

“About parents?”

I nodded again.

“What happened?”

“They’re dead.”