Running on Empty (13 page)

“Really? You want to talk about mature right now? After last night? You want to go there?”

I have no witty retort, so I just look at him.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he says, holding out his hand. His voice softens. “Just let me look at them, Alex.”

I timidly hold my hand out for his inspection. He’s surprisingly gentle as he takes my hand and holds it in front of his face, looking closely at my fingers. I can feel his warm breath hitting the palm of my hand. I let out a small breath of air and briefly let myself look at his eyes while he examines my fingers. I forgot how beautiful they were. A cross between very light brown and olive green. As I stand, staring at him…he looks up, catches my gaze and holds it. Determined not to lose this
battle, I continue to look at him until he breaks away.

“You need to get some ice on them. Come on. I’ll get you something,” he says, stepping aside so I can enter his house, still holding my hand.

“It’s fine, Blake. I’m just going to go. I think enough damage has been done,” I say, knowing I mean this in a way that doesn’t pertain to my fingers. I extract my hand from his and turn to walk to my car, lump forming in my throat. I don’t know what I was thinking coming here. Some things just can’t be repaired. I know this better than anyone…I should be the poster girl for irreparable damage.

I take a step to leave when I feel Blake’s hand hook my good hand. “Alex, don’t. Let me get you some ice.” I feel an electrical pulse pass through my body as his fingers slide up to wrap around my wrist, pulling me into his house. I follow him as he leads me into the kitchen. He pulls out a bar stool from under the counter and motions with his hand for me to sit down. Not until I’m seated does he let go of my wrist to walk into the kitchen. He grabs a plastic bag out of a drawer and starts to fill it with ice from the freezer. I can’t help but watch the muscles in his back working as he deposits the ice into the bag. He turns, disrupting my insane thoughts, and brings the ice back to where I’m sitting. He takes my hurt hand, tenderly placing it in his own, and sets the bag on top of my fingers.

We sit in silence, probably because we’re both too stubborn to be the first to break. But, knowing I came here to make amends for some things, I willingly,
for the record,
break first.

“Listen, I just wanted to come by to say I’m really sorry about last night, Blake. Things have been a little stressful over the last couple of days and I’m dealing with a lot right now. And seeing you the other day…well, it just threw me. Then you helped me and… honestly, it’s been a long time since someone has helped me like that. Except Harlow of course, but that’s kind of her main job right now.” I laugh softly at my joke. Blake does not. So I keep going.

“Blake, you have to understand that it’s hard for me to accept help sometimes. It isn’t easy for me to admit that I need help, but I
needed
help that day. So, not only were you incredibly blessed with having the opportunity to help me that morning, I’m sure ruining whatever plans you had for the day, but you were also the victim of my misdirected anger last night simply because of the help you provided.”

How many times did I just say help? One hundred?

“I guess you can say that I have issues with help in general,” I joke to him. I decide to just stop talking. I know I’m completely rambling; I do that when I’m nervous.

I make sure I look him directly in the eyes during my explanation. Unfortunately, there is absolutely, positively, no response that I can read on his face.

Um, I guess my apologies need upgrading too?
I decide to give it one more try.

“I’m sorry Blake. Do you think we can just start over? Forget the last couple of days?”

I continue to watch his expression. He lets out a deep sigh.

“Listen, Alex. You need to know something. I didn’t come here for
you
. I didn’t come back to
help
you, or
save
you, or
take care
of you. I feel that I need to say that. I didn’t come here to be your hero or to carry you away on a white horse. I came here solely to help my family.”

Sarcasm duly noted.

“My father’s retiring and I need to decide what I’m going to do with his business. I might take it over, I might sell it, I haven’t decided yet. Regardless, my coming back had
nothing
to do with you. ”

Jeez– Alright already.

“Okay, Blake, I get it!”

Using the only working hand I’ve got left, I immediately push myself up to get off the stool, because for some reason, those words take all of the air out of my lungs. When I start to stand, he holds me in place and forces me to look at him. His face softens.

“No, you
don’t
get it, Alex. I need you to know that so you can get over whatever dumb ass, anger projecting issues you have going on regarding being
helped, saved,
or
taken care
of
in any way. I don’t plan on doing any of that for you.” He smiles and continues. “So that means we should be able to be friends, right? If I promise
not
to help you?”

Choking back a laugh he adds, “But you do realize how backwards that actually is, don’t you?”

It’s impossible to describe, but the relief I feel at that moment is like one thousand pounds have been removed from my shoulders. I don’t know if it has to do with no longer feeling the pressure of any possible expectations from Blake, or if it’s the fact that I know that with that one smile, he’s forgiving me for my treatment of him all these years. But whatever the reason, I can physically feel the release of pressure from my body.

Friends. Yeah, I can do friends I think.

Friends would be really nice actually.

Giving him a gigantic smile, I reach out and hug him, throwing my good hand behind his neck. “I would really like that, Blake.”

He grins back at me while releasing me from our embrace. Then he looks directly at my hand.

“Yeah, well, don’t come running to me when you figure out your fingers won’t be working right for the next couple of weeks.” He chuckles underneath his breath before continuing. “Oh, and by the way…It’s gonna be a bitch driving yourself to the emergency room to see if they’re broken. I would help you but…”

Blake shrugs his shoulder and throws a piece of ice in his mouth as he saunters out of the kitchen.

Well…

Shit.

“Stop laughing, Blake. It’s not funny,” I whine. “My hand hurts and your gloating is
not
helping.”

I glance over at Blake. I can tell he’s trying to keep from smiling and can’t seem to control it any longer. He starts laughing…
again
.

“Blake, seriously. Stop it. You’re starting to make me really mad. I’m in a lot of pain.” I huff and roll my eyes. “God, you’re ridiculous.”

Blake starts gasping for air.
Ridiculous.

“I can’t help it Alex. That was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time,” he says, wiping the tears from his eyes. “You’re so stubborn. You should’ve seen your face…it was hilarious.” He stops to catch his breath. “It was all scrunched up in determination, like the little engine that could.” The mental picture must have sealed the deal because now he’s practically doubled over, grabbing his stomach and trying to catch his breath through the laughter.

“Oh my God, did you just snort? How freakin’ old are you?”

I did attempt to drive, but it was pretty much impossible. I didn’t feel that shifting with my wrist was in the best interests of the driving community…I
have
to be the only person in the world who has a Suburban with a manual transmission. (Great idea, Derek) So, I had to break down and ask Blake to drive me. In
my
car. After my
huge
anti-help speech.
Typical.

Now, as I watch Blake in his fit of laughter, I’m seriously regretting my decision. I should have just walked my ass to the hospital.

“I’m glad that you find it so hilarious that your overreaction to me, wanting to have a simple conversation with you, ended up with my broken fingers. I find nothing funny about it; my hand is throbbing right now!” I reposition the ice pack on my hand.

I guess my comment strikes a nerve, because his outburst comes to an abrupt halt.

He looks at me with apologetic eyes. “Alex, I said I was sorry. I feel really bad. I would never hurt you on purpose; I hope that you know that.”

Damn those eyes.

“Yeah, well stop laughing or I’ll get out and walk. Seriously.” He once again focuses on the road.

I eye him for a couple of seconds. Once I’m sure he’s finished his juvenile antics, I pull out my phone to make the necessary calls. First, I call Nancy to let her know that I hurt my hand and that I’m currently on my way to the ER, with one Blake Morgan. She wisely chooses to make no comment.

She’s due to go out of town with John to a realty conference, so my next call is to Harlow. I ask if she can pick up the girls from Nancy’s for me since they need to get on the road. I have a feeling I’ll get an earful later. I think the possibility of having a broken hand trumps her sarcasm at the moment.

She in turn lets me know that she’s going to have to bring the girls to the hospital because she’s going out of town with Trace to help him move some more of his stuff back to Waco. At this point, I choose to leave any of my sarcastic commentary out of the conversation as well, knowing that she will
definitely
be getting an earful later.

So no Harlow or Nancy to help this weekend. Great, of all the weekends…

We finally get to the hospital, the rest of the trip laughter free. After getting all the paperwork from the registration desk, I quickly find out that writing with my left hand is almost as impossible as trying to drive my car. I scowl at Blake. He’s still trying not to laugh, but this time it’s at my illegible handwriting.

“Alex, give me the paperwork. I can fill it out for you. Just tell me what to write.”

I don’t even bother to look at him because I know his face looks just like it did the majority of the car ride here. “No, it’s fine. I can do it. I have to do it. It’s not like you’re going to be around all hours of the day to write for me whenever I need you to. I might as well start working on it now,” I say with a sigh.

After about five minutes, the only thing I have managed to write is my name and half of my address. I blow out an exaggerated deep breath. Blake reaches over and grabs the clipboard from off my lap.

“What the–?”

“Seriously, Alex. I get it. You can do it. But honestly, at this rate, your hand will be completely healed by the time you’re finished. Just let me write the information for you. It’ll be a lot faster and we can get you home sooner. I’m sure your girls don’t want to spend the next week in this hospital because their mother is too stubborn to let a friend write some information for her on a piece of paper.”

Okay, first of all – using the kids is really low. Second of all, how does he know I have “girls”? First he knows where I work, now this? I find this
very, very
interesting.

“Fine. But only because I want to get out of here. I hate hospitals.” I say the last part without even meaning to. It just slips out, and when I turn to look at Blake to see if he caught it, he’s looking right back at me with heavyhearted eyes.

Don’t do it…Don’t say it…

“I was sorry to hear about Derek, Alex. I can’t even begin to imagine a loss like that. You had been together for–”

“Seventeen years,” I finish for him. “Yeah, it definitely wasn’t easy.” I let out a deep breath and slap my good hand down on my leg. “But life goes on, right? Can we just get back to the paperwork?” I’m in enough pain right now without even approaching that discussion.

“Of course.” Blake obviously understands and doesn’t say anymore.

Fifteen minutes later the paperwork is done and turned in to the check-in desk.
Okay – so maybe he had a point.
Thirty minutes after that, we’re in the exam room waiting for the doctor. Blake hasn’t really said much since I shut down the attempt to have the “Derek’s Untimely Death” discussion. I think he’s worried about upsetting me, so I decide to make an effort and engage him in conversation.