Sacred Influence (3 page)
Why the discrepancy? In some cases, it may indeed be that women are more spiritually and emotionally mature, willing to forgive for the sake of the family and larger considerations. But in other cases, it might be less noble than that. Some women never rise above a sinful propensity to define themselves according to their likabil-ity — or acceptance — by men. Unfortunately, some men seem to have an ultrasensitive spiritual radar that picks up on this. They somehow intuit a woman’s spiritual neediness and will exploit it for their own ends.
Because of Christ’s work and the conquering power of the Holy Spirit, however, Christian women can be set free from such psychological dependency and destruction. Listen to a passage from 1 Co-rin thians 7, as rendered by Eugene Peterson in
The Message
: “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life” (verse 17).
Did you catch that last line?
God
,
not your marital status
,
defines
your life
.
Is this true of you? The more it is, the more success you will have in moving your man, because weak women usually forfeit their influence.
Look at this from a very practical perspective: do you care much about what a person for whom you have little respect thinks of you? Probably not. So then, how is such a person going to influence you? When their opinion doesn’t matter, they may communicate clearly, honestly, and practically — but you’re still not going to listen to them. In the same way, if your husband doesn’t respect you, if you have sinfully put his acceptance of you over your identity as a daughter of God, then how will you ever influence him for the better?
Now let’s put a positive spin on this. If someone you really respect, greatly admire, and enjoy spending time with comes to you with a concern, aren’t you going to give their words extra thought? Aren’t you at least going to consider that they may have a point, and that you need to pay attention?
Of course you are.
This explains why the type of woman who moves her man is a woman who also
impresses
her man. I heard one husband gush about his wife’s business acumen, while another raved about his wife’s intelligence. Yet a third man went on and on about his wife’s spiritual maturity and her ability to understand the Bible. A reserved, introverted husband spoke with great admiration about his wife’s ability to make friends, while another man described in detail his wife’s most recent athletic accomplishment.
You may not have realized this, but husbands
like
to brag about their wives. They may not say it to you, but they notice your strengths and take pride in them. But far more important than your business savvy or social skills is your spiritual core. This is what will give you the strength and respect that are so necessary for being a godly change agent in your marriage. And it will bless your husband immensely. According to 1 Timothy 3:11, a man’s qualification for spiritual office includes being married to a woman “worthy of respect.”
The first step toward influencing your man is becoming such a woman — the unique person God created you to be, in all your glory.
Truly understanding the radical and liberating nature of Jesus’ message concerning women will help you become such a person. In this next section, I’d like to move those of you who define yourself based on the fall (“I’m worthy because men like me”) to defining yourself based on your relationship to God (“I matter because I’m made in the image of God, am loved by God, and am regularly empowered by God to make a difference in this world”).
World Shapers
The Bible affirms women in a way that was quite radical for the time in which it was written. The Old Testament stepped outside its cultural milieu to insist that women mirror God’s own character and image just as fully as do their male counterparts: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). Right from the start, we learn that women and men
together
mirror the image of God. Males, by themselves, are not up to the task; since God is above gender, males alone (or females alone) fail to adequately represent his character and image.
While the apostle Paul does ascribe a certain significance to the man’s being created first, if you look at the line of creation, females are the culmination! Everything keeps getting more sophisticated, more intricate, until finally a woman appears — and only then does God rest.
Just as tellingly, the admonition to act on this world, shape this world, and even to rule over this world is given to women just as much as it is to men: “God blessed
them
[the man
and
the woman] and said to
them
, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground’ ” (Genesis 1:28, emphasis added).
Women are not told to sit passively on the sidelines and cheer for their husbands as the men run the show. On the contrary, from the very beginning women share God’s command for humans to rule, subdue, and manage this earth. They are co-regents.
Some ancient theologians tried to amend this somewhat by blaming Eve for the fall, thus implying that women are spiritually weaker; but the Bible itself is far fairer to women. While it acknowledges Eve’s complicity in the fall, it also trumpets Eve’s redemptive role in the future. The Genesis account doesn’t end with Eve (and Adam) eating the fruit. God prophesies that though the serpent “won” this round, his certain and annihilating defeat would come
through the
woman
. Keil and Delitzsch put it this way:
If then, the promise [to crush the head of the serpent] culminates in Christ, the fact that the victory over the serpent is promised to the posterity of the woman, not of the man, acquires this deeper significance, that as it was through the woman that the craft of the devil brought sin and death into the world, so it is also through the woman that the grace of God will give to the fallen human race the conqueror of sin, of death, and of the devil.
2
Jesus, Friend of Women
This strong, affirming view of women continues into the very first book of the New Testament, with the inclusion of women in the genealogy of the Messiah (a literary act that breaks with the tradition of the first century). Yes, there is Abraham and David and Joseph — but there is also Rahab, Ruth, Mary, and even a reference to Bathsheba. Who would expect such a thing from a very patriarchal and even misogynistic culture? It took
both
men and women to set up the human events that led to the birth of the Messiah. God chose women of diverse personality and status — including some women with less than pristine purity — to build the human line that ushered in the Savior of the world.
Just as significantly, Jesus came into this world through a woman. Not a single male had anything to do with the conception or birth of our Lord. Instead, God chose a woman to accomplish the miracle of the incarnation.
While the notion that we have to tear down men to lift up women is destructive and unhelpful, it is nevertheless amazing to realize how often the men who surrounded Jesus simply didn’t get it, while the women did. One time, a Pharisee was having dinner with Jesus when a prostitute came in and washed our Lord’s feet with her tears, drying them with her hair (Luke 7:36 – 50). This act appalled the Pharisee, but Jesus said (I’m paraphrasing and amplifying here), “You just don’t get it! She understands who I am, while you, even with all your learning, remain blinded to my place and glory.”
In addition to the clueless Pharisees, the male disciples of Jesus also occasionally revealed thick skulls. One time a woman poured costly perfume all over Jesus’ head (Mark 14:3 – 9). Some of the disciples said to themselves, “What a waste!” while Jesus thought, “Finally, here’s someone who really gets who I am.” In fact, Jesus declared that this woman’s action would be remembered wherever his gospel would be preached. Not one person out of a hundred can name all twelve disciples, but most people have heard of this bold woman.
Jesus also elevated women in his teaching. In Mark 10:11, Jesus astonishes his disciples when he tells them, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.” Why was this astonishing? According to rabbinic law, a man could commit adultery against another married
man
by sleeping with that man’s wife, and a wife could commit adultery against
her husband
by sleeping with another man; but no provision stipulated how a husband could commit adultery against his wife.
3
According to one commentator, Jesus “is expressing a reaction against the frequently low esteem of women, even in Judaism. . . . This sharp intensifying of the concept of adultery had the effect of elevating the status of the wife to the same dignity as her husband.”
4
Jesus was telling those first-century men, “Your wife has equal value in God’s sight. It is possible for you to sin against her every bit as much as it is possible for her to sin against you.”
And let’s look at Jesus’ death. While one male disciple betrayed our Lord and ten others cowered behind locked doors, some very courageous women (and just one male disciple) dared to watch Jesus’ final minutes on this earth. Mark goes out of his way to emphasize the scene at the foot of the cross: “Some women were watching from a distance. Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the younger and of Joses, and Salome. In Galilee these women had followed him and cared for his needs.
Many other
women who had come up with him to Jerusalem were also there
” (Mark 15:40 – 41, emphasis added). In Jesus’ most trying moments, he was supported by many women and one man. Modern readers might read right over this narrative fact — but in the early history of the church, this was a startling truth and a challenge to any false view of male superiority.
But perhaps the boldest statement came after Jesus died and was raised from the dead. According to ancient Pharisaic law, a woman’s testimony was inadmissible in a tribunal as too untrustworthy. Only men could give witness. So when Jesus rose from the dead — the most important event that has ever occurred or ever will occur — who was present to give witness and testimony? Women! Jesus pointedly uses women, whose testimony could not be heard in contemporary courts of law, to proclaim his glorious resurrection.
This elevation of women at all points — in theological pronouncements, historical accounts, and practical teaching — should really astonish us, given the male-oriented culture in which the Bible took shape. Thousands of years before
feminism
had become a word, God repeatedly stood up for women, giving them a prominent place in the story of all stories.
Let the words of the Bible wash away any mistaken cultural notions you may hold that inaccurately depict God’s view of women. The Bible presents a woman as a strong image bearer of God, able to stand against the world, powerfully influencing men and culture (witness the case of Deborah in the Bible or Teresa of Avila in his-tory) as she lives the life God created her to live. Despite the negative messages you may have received — whether from your family, church, or culture — you need to
understand the glory of being a woman made in God’s image;