Safe and Sound (29 page)

 
“
Social Services
keep
s
in contact with her per her request and they relay the information on to me.”

 
“You could have told me.”

 
“It was Lana’s wish that I not tell you. I don’t know why. But…I wasn’t going to lie to you if you asked me outright. I’m sorry, Lola.”

 
Her mother loved her. She hadn’t abandoned her.

 
Lola started to cry and then the tears turned into laughter.
“I thought she stopped loving me. I thought she didn’t want me anymore.”
She wiped her eyes. “I feel…relief, maybe? I don’t know what I feel. Better somehow. Isn’t that crazy?”

 
Blair kissed her forehead. “It would be crazy if you didn’t. Come
on,
let’s get some warm clothes on you and some hot chocolate into you.”

***

 
She had gained some weight back. Lola’s cheeks weren’t so hollowed
out;
her ribs didn’t stick out quite so far. Blair tried and tried, but the woman just couldn’t cook to save her soul. Lola had slowly taken that over. Both
of them were
okay with it.
Blair’s
food
ex
periments still continued
;
and
continued to fail as well
,
but
it
was
fun to have something to do together.

 
Lola’s mom couldn’t be replaced, flaws and all, but it was starting to not hurt quite so much. Blair had made a home for her, was her family, and took wonderful care of her.
She was such a loving, sweet person.

 
Piper and Larry had even adopted her and slept with her every night. Her two security blankets against the night and all the scary things it held for Lola. The fur balls eased her anxiety, made her feel a little safer.
Maybe it was dumb, but it worked.

 
School was over in two weeks. Things were still unsteady
and at times awkward
with Sebastian and Rachel, who were
dating
, but getting better
. Apparently they’d started to talk
more
over the past year, both commiserating over Lola shutting them out, and had formed a bond.

 
After Sebastian wizened up and dumped Roxanne, Rachel took on a whole new meaning for him. He saw the light and the light was Rachel.

 
Lola was happy for them.
             

 
She
dressed in jean shorts and a hot pink tank top, pulling her hair into a high ponytail. Wavy auburn wisps fell out and framed her face.
Lola’s face finally had no stitches to mar it, no bruises to discolor it. She smiled at her reflection in the bathroom
and twirled out of the
cerulean blue
room.

 
It was Saturday. Lola had the day off from work and she had plans to do nothing but relax, maybe write.
Lola grabbed the folder from the coffee table.
             

 
She walked into the kitchen, inhaling coffee and
something banana-y
. Blair was at the stove, flipping pancakes. Some were black, others runny.
Not a single golden brown one
to
be found.

 
“Banana pumpkin pancakes. Want to try one?” Lola didn’t have a chance to answer when Blair said, “Yeah. Me either.” She turned the burner off. “How about some toast with peanut butter and honey?”

 
“Sounds great, Blair.”

 
“At least I can make coffee,” she mumbled to herself, scratching the butt of her purple pajama pants with a spatula
caked in pancake batter
.

 
Lola held in a smile, but it was hard. She poured herself a cup of coffee,
carefully sipping it as she eyed
her aunt’s latest creation.
Or
mis
creation.

 
“What’s on the agenda for today?”

 
“I thought I’d
sit out back
and write.”

 
“
Good
idea!
Mind if I join you? I seriously need to get some writing down before I get fired.” They both knew she was indispensable to W
, the woman’s magazine Blair wrote for,
and the
thought of her being terminated would never, ever
cross her boss’s mind
.

 
“
Not at all.
What’s the topic
this month
?”

 
“Boxers or briefs for men. I mean, really? You’d think there
’d
be something more w
orthwhile to interest women than
what kind of underwear their men wear.
Apparently not.”
  

 
Blair
handed Lola a plate with toast on it. She looked down and
noticed she was covered in pancake batter
and
sighed.
“I’ll take a shower and meet you out back.”

 
She juggled her coffee, plate, and folder in her arms and went to the backyard.
The sun was hot and Lola was glad she’d thought to put on sunscreen and sunglasses. Her pale skin had a slight glow to it from the fire in the sky and that was
all the
luminosity
she wanted.

 
Any quiet time turned her thoughts to Jack and today was no exception. Lola set her stuff down
on the bench
and took a cleansing breath of air.
A week had passed and t
hings
continued to be
stilted between them and she
still
had no idea why. It was like they were stuck in limbo, never retreating
n
or
advancing
.

 
There were brief moments w
hen
everything was in sync and perfect
between
them
and it was
wonderful
. T
he next moment they were clashing, misunderstanding each other
, turning away from one another
.

 
She hated it. Lola didn’t know how to change it.
So many times she opened her mouth to tell him how she felt about him, b
ut he was so distant
and almost unapproachable
, and she was so scared he didn’t feel the same
as she did
. From how he was acting, he
couldn’t
.
Lola was afraid to take a chance on him, especially when he didn’t seem willing to take one on her.

 
Better knowing than
always wondering
.

 
Lola opened the folder and stared at the depressing words that used to make up her life. She didn’t want to write about that anymore.
Lola wanted to write about hope, about happiness.
 

 
She wanted to write about Jack. A smile on her lips, she brought the pen to the paper.
If she couldn’t tell him what he meant to her
,
maybe
she could show him
.

Safe And Sound

             
When I’m lost and can’t find my way,

When the monsters are too close and I can’t breathe,

When hope is gone and desolation threatens to drown me,

When I can’t go on,

             
When I need someone to be there for me,

When I smile,

When I cry,

When I laugh,

When I’m consumed by emotions I don’t understand,

When I love,

You’re there; you’re my safe a
nd sound,

You’re my safe and sound.

*
**

 
Lola turned to close the door, excited and nervous at the same time.
She was going to tell Jack how she felt about him, finally.
Doubts pulled her toward the
safety of the
house, but she pushed them away.

 
Now or never, Lola.

 
She
looked up and
reared back, instantly wary.
It was another scorcher of a day, but just the sight that greeted Lola was enough to make her
go
cold.

 
“Hi.” Roxanne
said, trying to smile and
grimacing instead
.

 
She stood on the last step to the porch, posed as though about to flee, but stiff and unmoving, like she was forcing herself not to.
Her
fiery
red hair was braided; she had on minimal makeup, and wore a plain white tee shirt and khaki shorts.
To put it plainly, she looked nothing like herself.

 
Lola brushed hair damp with perspiration from her brow, hand crumpling the sheet of paper within it.
She shoved it into her back pocket and met Roxanne’s somber gaze.

 
“
You should go.
I don’t need any more stitches.
”

 
Roxanne looked away, throat convulsing as she swallowed. “I’m really sorry about that,” she said quietly. She hugged herself as she looked at Lola, as though gathering strength from her own embrace.

 
“You must hate me.”

 
Lola studied her pale, forlorn features.
She felt many things, but none of them were hate.
Roxanne’s treatment of her had been so insignificant compared to
everything else
going on in her life
.

 
“No. I feel bad for you.”

 
Roxanne snorted.
“That’s so like you.
You’ve always been a good person, even to those who don’t deserve it. Like me.
It’s annoying
,
really.
” Roxanne wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.

 
“I’m sorry about the way I treated you. I had no idea what you were going through at home.
Not that that matters. I shouldn’t have been mean to you no matter what.

 
“
Most of all, I’m sorry I lost someone I love…” Roxanne’s lower lip trembled and she bit it, blinking her eyes.
“
Because
of my actions
…because I
was
jealous of you and hurtful
and unlovable.
Now I have to live with that.
Live without Sebastian.”

 
She took a staggering breath.
Tears trailed down her face, Roxanne uncaring of them as she kept eye contact with Lola. “
I’m not worthy of
it,
not yet,
but c
an you…forgive me? Please?”

 
Lola’s heart twisted as she stared at the broken girl standing before her; strong enough to admit she’d wronged Lola and asking to be forgiven.

 
She
had just evolved in so many ways, so many wonderful, wonderful ways.
Respect for her budded inside Lola.

 
Roxanne was going to be okay.

 
She moved for her and Roxanne flinched. Lola
lightly hugged
her
, Roxanna’s perfume enveloping her back
.

 
“I forgive you.
” Lola paused.
“
But I do need to even the score.”

 
Roxanne pulled back, face drawn in fright.
“What?”

 
“Just kidding.”

 
“Oh.” The relief on her face was comical. “Would you…like to hang out sometime
or something
?”

 
“Now you’re pushing
it
,” Lola said with a smile.

 
“Yeah.
I suppose
I am
. So…I guess I’ll see you.” Roxanne turned and headed down the street.

 
Lola
watched her go
, marveling at the way people could change. She was an expert on that.
If she’d never met Jack, she wouldn’t be the way she was. If events hadn’t taken her in the direction they had, she never would have met him.
It was strange how things worked out.