Safer Outside (A Mature YA Romance) (The Outside Series) (5 page)

I finally talked Kim out of a strapless tank dress and into a letting me wear black jeans and a sparkly top. It was still too dressy for Chili’s but at least it wasn’t a dress. I didn’t want anyone to think that I thought it was a date. It wasn’t even a group date. Logan didn’t know anything about it before hand so I had no reason to think he considered it as anything more than just dinner with a few friends. And he was arriving late so it really was just a casual thing.

“So what’s going on with you and Austi
n?” I had been completely neglecting my best friend and needed to be less self-absorbed.

Kim was wearing short shorts and a halter top. She borrowed a pair of her mom’s nude Louboutins and she looked amazing. As usual, I was the frumpy sidekick for the night.

“Nothing. I mean, I like him but he gives off an uninterested vibe. I think he’s gay.”

Kim has always been egotistical but I
was still shocked. I stared at her through the mirror and she had the decency to look ashamed.

“Okay, fine. He’s probably not gay but I don’t know if he’s interested. But, that doesn’t matter. This is all about you. If I left your love life up to you, you’d stay single until after college.”

“It’s not that I don’t want a boyfriend. It’s just too complicated right now. If Jesse found out, he’d freak. I can just imagine him showing up at school or something.” The thought made my stomach hurt. He would do that. He seemed to think his claim over me was just as strong as it was over my mom. I didn’t know exactly what he would do if I brought home a guy and I didn’t intend to find out.

“Complicated or not, you’re gonna have one. Logan totally wants you.” She was putting
on red lipstick that made her porcelain skin look like a china doll.

“I don’t think so. He’s probably just being nice. Or maybe h
e’s trying to get close to you—”

She actually snorted. “You’ve got to be kidding. He doesn’t even know I exist. The only reason he gives me the time of day is to get to you.” She walked to me and gave me
air kisses on both cheeks. “This one is all you, girl.”

~**~

Austin and Randy were seated across from each other in a booth when we arrived. Kim insisted we arrive at seven ten so we didn’t seem anxious and so we didn’t have to wait as long for Logan to show up. I felt a little guilty about being late but the guys didn’t seem bothered. They were watching a baseball game and barely looked up when we got to the table.

Kim waited for no man so she slid right in next
to Austin and grabbed a chip from the basket in front of him. I scooted into the seat next to Randy. It was a wide bench but I hugged the outer edge, not wanting to get too close to him. Just because I kinda looked like his ex, didn’t mean he wanted me cuddled up to him.

“Did you guys order yet?” Kim asked over the cheers that filled the restaurant
. Austin finally looked down at her and smiled.

“Hey.” His eyes wander
ed down to her prominent cleavage. “You look nice.” He let his arm drop from the back of the seat to her shoulder.  It was the first time he showed any interest in her. I couldn’t help being happy for her. Austin looked up to me and did a double take. I guess letting Kim do my makeup wasn’t such a waste of time. I didn’t usually put on more than gloss and mascara but she went a little overboard with smoky eyes and defined cheeks. Maybe I should have given in on the dress and not let her near my face. I’d probably look less obnoxious.

“Wow, Liz. You look....amazing.” I could see Kim deflate just a bit and I felt bad but it was her fault if I looked like a hooker. I would have been just as happy with some bubblegum gloss and moisturizer.

“Thanks,” I muttered, ducking behind my menu. I wasn’t used to compliments and it was more awkward than flattering. I felt eyes on me and glanced to my left. Randy was leaned back against the wall and openly staring at me. My insecurities were triggered again as he remained silent. After trying unsuccessfully to ignore him and study my menu, I looked back and said, “What?”

“You really do look amazing. Logan is gonna
lose his shit when he sees you.” Randy was six feet two with a baby face and big blue eyes that were in stark contrast to his big and tough appearance. His broad shoulders made him look like a linebacker but his easy smile and white-blond hair softened his appearance. He was like a big teddy bear.

“Is that a good thing?” I said it with a smile but wondered if maybe I really did look slutty.

“It’s good for him. Not so much for the rest of us.” He laughed and I glanced up at Kim. She still had a smile on her face but it seemed a little more forced than usual. I didn’t dwell on it. She was willing to put her ego aside to give me the spotlight. Although, I didn’t expect to get the same kind of makeover anytime soon.

We ordered drinks and flipped non-committally through the menu for a while. The guys were focused on the game and Kim was telling me about some earrings she wanted to look for before we left when I saw Logan enter the restaurant. His eyes found mine immediately and he took long steps to our table. I couldn’t look away as a sweet smile covered his face. When he got to the table, he slid right in and put his hand around my shoulder.

“Hi, gorgeous.” He pulled me in for a hug and held me tight for a moment. I was a little embarrassed by the PDA, especially since we weren’t together or anything, but I didn’t resist. I just met him the day before but it felt so nice to be wrapped in his arms. His cologne was just faint enough to make me want to burrow into the crook of his neck to get more of it. I could have stayed there forever. When he pulled away, he moved his hand to the seat behind me but let his fingers play with my hair. I loved it. I’m sure my eyes were rolling back in my head when he finally said hi to the other people at the table.

"So, you never did tell me why you changed your name," Logan said as heat radiated from his body.

"That's because I didn't change my name."

"Don't be a smartass," he said with a chuckle.
"Even though I like it."

"I was just ready for a change."

"So you want to be a different person?"

"I never said that."

Logan ran his hand down my arm. "I can understand that. I've wanted to change my past, who I am."

"Really?”
Logan didn't seem like he had any problems.

"Eh.” He grabbed a chip and popped it into his mouth.
“Enough about me. I want to know everything about you." His smoldering stare was focused on me again.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see." I grabbed a chip of my own.

He smiled. "You’re different than you seem. Once you break the surface, you’re funny. I like it."

I placed my finger over my lips. "Don't tell anyone," I whispered.

He grabbed my finger and kissed it. "Your secret is safe with me. All your secrets."

Kim and I shared a chicken salad and the guys all got burgers. We laughed and chatted for over an hour
while Logan twirled my hair. He seemed fascinated with curling it around his finger. Drawing lazy circles on my back, he made tremors run up and down my spine. Even when the food arrived, I expected him to pull away to eat with two hands but he didn’t. He didn’t even hesitate to pick up his burger with his right hand and dig in, wrapping his long fingers around foil that held it together.

“
So, you know we have an oral tomorrow in French, right?” Austin said to me between bites.

“Already?
It’s only been two days. What does she expect us to know?” I loved the romanticism of the French language but hated speaking it out loud. I was always so self-conscious of my accent, or lack thereof.

“It’s her thing. She always does an oral during the first week to assess her students. And, I think she likes to assert her dominance early on.
”

“Hot,” Randy said from my left. I almost forgot he was there. He didn’t talk much so he tended to blend into the background.

Austin and Logan both laughed.

“Well, you know what they say about French women?” Austin said.

When no one seemed to know what he meant, he explained, “They like to be dominated.”

“Dude, that doesn’t make any fucking sense.” Randy was on a roll.

“Oh, wait. Never mind.” Austin was still trying to figure out where his logic went wrong when the server dropped off the bill.

W
e all reached for our wallets but Logan put his hand over mine and held it. “I’ve got yours.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’ve got it.” He wasn’t my boyfriend or my dad so he had no obligation to pay for my dinner.

“I want to.” He spoke quietly and looked me right in the eye. I wanted to insist but it was only fifteen bucks and not worth the fight.

“Thank you,” I said, looking
at the napkin still on my lap.

“
You
are
gonna let me drive you home this time, right?” His hopeful expression reminded me that I had already declined his offer the day before. I felt bad doing it again.

“Thanks but I came with Kim. We’ve got a ride coming.” I expected Kim to say that it was okay for me to go with Logan but before she could offer an out, Austin spoke up.

“I can give you a ride home, Kim.” He was facing forward but I could see that he was tense as he waited for her response.

She looked at me and her usual smile was back.
“Sounds good to me. You good with that, Liz?”

I peeked at Logan and melted
when I saw those dimples. “Yeah. That’d be nice.”

~**~

It was only a ten minute drive back to Kim’s but I sat stiff as a board with my purse in my lap the whole time. Logan glanced at my hands like he wanted to reach out to me but they were tucked out of his reach and the nervous bounce in my leg kept him out of my personal space.

I glanced around the car just for something to do and noticed a sketch pad on the back seat.

“Oh, can I look at your drawings?” I reached back to grab it but Logan’s hand grabbed my wrist and held it still.

“Actually,” he pulled my wrist forward and wrapped his fingers around mine to soften the tense moment. “I don’t really show people my work. It’s not very good and my precious ego couldn’t handle the criticism.” He laughed to let me know he was joking about that last part.

“Seriously?” I quickly glanced down at our joined hands then focused on his eyes. “I won’t laugh. I promise.”

“Sorry, babe.”
He was still teasing but there was  no mistaking the truth in his words. “No one sees it.”

When he pulled up in front of Kim’s, I jumped out
of the car door before he even turned off the ignition.

“Thank you
for dinner and the ride. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Logan seemed a little disappointed that I was in such a rush but I didn’t know
how I felt about the way things were going. What if he wanted to kiss me? Or come in. I wouldn’t start something that I couldn’t finish. I wasn’t allowed to date and I didn’t want to drag him into my drama or lead him on. It wasn’t fair to him.

“Oh, yeah, you’re welcome. Do you want me to wait with you until Kim comes home?”

“Thanks but I’m fine. I’ve got to do some reading tonight. See ya.”

I shut the door and waved before jogging up the driveway.
I let myself in using the combination lock on Kim’s front door. After closing the door behind me, I looked out the peep hole and saw Logan was still there. Part of me wanted him to get out and follow me to the door. But most of me was terrified that he would. After another minute, he drove away.

I missed him immediately.

Chapter Six

Breathe

Friday is always one of the best days of the week because they generally mean the start of a weekend with Kim. We didn’t have plans but that never mattered. Just being in her quiet house was like having a vacation every week.

Unfortunately, that fantasy was crushed when I got a text from Mom at seven am.

Jesse will be gone for a few days. Please come home this weekend.

That usually meant he was in jail for a few days. Having him away for any period of time was good news but the reason he ended up in jail could have been very bad.

Are you and the kids okay?

We’re fine. Marilyn says he’ll be home by Monday night.

Of course he
would be. Jesse’s mom had friends that always managed to get his charges reduced to misdemeanors, if there were any charges pressed at all. I didn’t know what kind of pictures she had of those people but they had to be good because Jesse should have had about thirty strikes by now...

I’ll come home tomorrow.

Tonight would be better. I need to run some errands that I can’t take the kids on.

Dammit. She was determined to get herself killed or thrown in prison. While Marilyn would go to the ends of the earth to protect her baby boy, she would let my mom rot in prison for running his ‘business’ while he was locked up.

Fine.
See you tonight.

By spendi
ng Friday and Saturday with her, I would be off the hook for the first few days when he was home. Those were usually quiet days so maybe she and the kids would get some peace.

Kim walked into the room right as I was putting my phone down.

“What’s wrong?” She knows me too well.  She went into her closet and tossed her wet towel towards me while she selected her clothes for the day.

“Jesse’s gone for a few days so I’m going home after work today.” I
sat in front of her vanity and started brushing my hair. The soothing rhythm helped to release some of the tension I felt.

“If he’s not there, then you don’t need to worry about them. I wanted to go to the beach tomorrow.  You have to stay.” She walked out in her underwear with a pink tank in one hand and a turquoise sundress in the other. Since I was wearing a pink peasant top, I nodded toward the dress.

“Trust me...I want to. But I don’t know how bad things got before he was picked up so I need to check on things. And, if I’m there for the weekend, I can be here all next week—when he’s back. See if Allie and Jen want to go to the beach.”

When she was finally dressed, she squeezed onto the bench next to me and started working on her hair. She had that perfect hair that always looked good.
Thirty seconds with a curling iron and she had perfect ringlets. Five minutes with a blow dryer and she had shine and volume. Or, like at that moment, ten seconds with an elastic and she had an adorable ‘messy ponytail.’ “What if Logan asks you out tonight?”

“I’ll tell him the truth.” Well, the basic truth. “That I won’t be around so I’ll see him on Monday.”

“You do like him right?” She grabbed the mascara from her makeup case.

“Yeah, of course.
He seems nice.”

“Nice?” She snorted. “
That’s all you can say about him? Are you sure you’re not a lez?”

I bumped her shoulder with mine and made her smear it on her cheek.

“Oops, sorry!” I couldn’t help but laugh. “What do you want me to say? He’s hot and a senior and sweet and—”

“And interested...”

“Just because he’s being nice doesn’t mean he wants to be my boyfriend or anything. You’re reading way too much into this.” But, really, the signs did point to him being very interested.

“I never would have pegge
d you for the type to play hard-to-get over a gorgeous guy.” She cleaned up her cheek while giving me the eye.
Was I really playing games with Logan?
I didn’t mean to.

“Even if he wanted me and I wanted him, it just wouldn’t work. He’d never understand my crazy schedule and Jesse would kill him.”
Literally.

“Maybe he’ll stay in this time. You never know.” She always threatened to call the police when things go
t particularly bad but she knew I’d probably end up in some kind of foster care for at least a little while and she’d never do that to me or the kids. The known enemy was better than the unknown.

“Well, they’ve fucked up enough of your life already. Don’t let them take this from you too.”

~**~

Logan was at my locker when I walked up to it. My stomach fluttered a
little when I saw him and my face broke out into a grin. Damn his dimples. I was defenseless against them.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He gave me a hug when I stopped in front of him.

“Good morning.” As much as I couldn’t get used to it, the feeling of security I felt when he held me was too hard to resist. I leaned into his chest and took a deep breath. He smelled like sage and cedar. Warmth. That’s how I felt with him, like it just radiated from his whole being.

“Did you have a nice night?” He p
lucked a chunk of hair from behind my ear and started twirling it around his finger. Just like he did all through dinner. It was such an intimate gesture that I was flustered again.

“Yeah.
I’m just nervous about the oral in French. I sound so stupid when I speak it.”

Logan scooted out of my way so I could swap out my books.

“You couldn’t sound stupid. You’re too smart to not do well.”

“Not sure who’s been lying to you but thanks. So, how was your night? Did you do anything fun?”

“Not really. Started working on a sketch for a new project but nothing serious.”

“A s
ketch? You draw?” I slammed my locker shut and turned back to him, leaning against it.

“More like doodle. I’m sure you’ll see my work at some point.” The twinkle in his eye had me suspicious. It seemed like there was more to his
answer but the warning bell broke my train of thought.  When I pushed off the locker, he grabbed my bag off my shoulder.

“I’ll carry this for you. Where’s your first class?”

“Um, uh, geometry...with Mr. Ferry.” I was too stunned at the very boyfriendly thing he was doing to find the words to stop him. Or the will.  I just stumbled along beside him as he walked me to class with his big palm splayed across my lower back the whole way.

When we got to the door, the class was already full. Logan gently placed my backpack strap on one shoulder and leaned in to kiss the top of my head. “Have a good day,” he whispered into my hair.

I was stock-still until he gave me a little shove into the classroom. Looking over my shoulder, I saw him grinning as he backed away.

First period
was a blur. I took notes and went through the motions but didn’t absorb a word of what was said. I just kept thinking about Logan’s lips on my head. Even through the barrier of my hair, I knew how gentle they were. How gentle he always was with me.

When the bell rang, I walked to my next class on auto-pi
lot. I dropped into my seat next to Adam and gave him a quick smile.

“Cooper,
huh?” Adam toed the side of my foot to get my attention.

“What?” I looked up at him.

“You and Logan Cooper. That’s what everyone’s talking about.” He wore a smirk that told me he knew I was caught off guard.

“What are people saying? We’re just friends.” We can only be friends.

“You’re not into him?” He seemed genuinely surprised. As if it wasn’t possible for me to not fall over myself to be with Logan.  “Why not?”

I didn’t even know how to answer that. I was totally
into
Logan but attempting any kind of relationship was too risky. Jesse would never allow it and it would just cause more problems at home. I couldn’t do it.

“He’s really nice but he’s a senior and I’m not really looking for anything right now. He’s just a friend.” Even to my ears, the words sounded like a lie. When I imagined what my first boyfriend would be like, he didn’t even compare to Logan. Logan was so far out of my league that it was silly for me to even justify why nothing would ever happen. His ex was captain of the cheerleading squad. Guys like him did not get serious with girls like me.

“You just keep telling yourself that.” I knew Adam was just teasing me but his words were true. I wanted to believe there was nothing between us but all of his actions since he first saw me proved otherwise. And I couldn’t get him out of my head. I shifted my attention to the front of the room while his words bounced around in my mind.

~**~

“Ohmygod, tell me it’s true!” Kim barreled into me as soon as I rounded the corner to my locker.

“What?” I was digging in my bag for a Luna bar.

“Logan kissed you?” She was speaking much too loudly for such an obnoxious statement.

“Shh.” I grabbed her arm and pulled her closer
to the wall. “Why are you screaming? He didn’t kiss me. He just pecked my head. It’s not a big deal.” She gave me her signature “whatever” look then stepped back, pulling her arm free.

“Ouch.” I felt his heat against my back before I registered his words.
“I guess I’ll have to make it more exciting for you next time.”

Oh god. “I didn’t mean it like that.” I kept my back to him as I started walking again.

He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side, walking next to me. “What did you mean?”

“Just that—”
What did I mean?
I had no idea. “Just that she was making a scene and... Well, I didn’t think you’d want rumors spreading.”

“You’re wrong there. I do want that rumor to spread.” His voice was low and deep, the warmth against my ear made a shiver run down my spine.

“You do?”

When my eyes met his, there was an intensity that made me want to melt right on the spot. His
hunter green eyes were almost black as he slid his palm up to my neck and gently pulled me to him.

Logan leaned forward and placed
a feather-light kiss on my lips. He wasn’t aggressive or rough. He just held me for a few seconds before pulling back and placing another soft kiss on the tip of my nose. “I want everyone to know I’m interested.”

When I didn’t respond, he laughed
, tugging me into a tight embrace. “Breathe, Liz. I don’t want you passing out on me.”

I took in a deep, shuddering breath and nodded into his chest.
Logan Cooper just kissed me.

After stopping by
my locker, we met up with his friends at the front of the school.

Kim had a knowing grin on her face the entire time but didn’t ask me any more questions. We didn’t have any privacy and she
knew better than to get serious with other people around.

Logan stood behind me with his arms around my waist in a very possessive stance. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that he was claiming me. Well, no one
’s mind but mine.

“Can I take you out tonight?” Logan leaned
closer to my ear.

“
I would say yes but I have to go home for the weekend.” I didn’t want to go home ever again if I could spend time with Logan instead.

“That’s okay. I’ll drive you
home after.” He dragged both palms up my arms, leaving a trail of heat behind. Every time he touched me, I felt it in my belly. It was completely foreign but totally amazing.

“That’s okay. Thanks, though.” I wondered if he thought I was just super s
hy or a bitch. I felt like both but I usually wasn’t either.

“Are you seriously telling me you’d rather ride the bus home than get a ride with me?” He turned me around so I was facing him
. He wasn’t whispering anymore.

“It’s not that.” I didn’t want to lie to him or hurt his feelings but I couldn’t tell him the truth.

“Then what is it?” He did look hurt, like when he thought I lied about my name.
Damn
.

“My stepdad is really strict and I’m not allowed to have friends over. He wouldn’t like it if I got
a ride.” It sounded stupid but I couldn’t come up with anything better. And, it wasn’t a lie. It was just an understatement. A serious understatement.

“I won’t get you into trouble. I’ll drop you off down the street.”

As I desperately tried to think of a better excuse, the bell rang and Kim and Austin joined us.

“Ready for f
rançais, Liz?” I give Austin a grateful smile for changing the subject.

“No, but a few more minutes won’t help. Let’s go
,” I said dryly.

So much for an easy Friday.
I spent the rest of the day thinking of reasons to keep Logan away from my house. It all came to a head during lunch when he said he wasn’t taking no for an answer. I got up from the table we were eating at and walked away. He didn’t let me get far before grabbing me by the waist and pulling me into his chest. Once he realized I was serious, he promised to back off...
for now
.