Safeword: Storm Clouds (13 page)

"You don't think a relationship can work between us? What's changed? You said we'd make it work if we both wanted it to, and I want to."

"Oh, a relationship could work just fine if you'd get out of the way and let it. Right now I'm just waiting on the next thing to come along and freak you out and make you take another six days to decide whether or not you can live with it."

"Kendra, that's not really fair. You hit me with a lot that night. I didn't even know.. you know, existed. And to be told they do, and you are, and then you bit me, and then the scene we had was pretty intense, and... I just needed to process all of it. Are you going to hit me with that much all in one night again? I really hope not."

And then she suddenly realized why she was so emotional about this man. She lowered her voice, the vampires were back in the vampire room and there were several loud rooms between that room and this one, but still, she didn't want anyone to overhear this. "Did it occur to you that I haven't submitted to anyone in over a thousand years, and that I made myself pretty emotionally vulnerable to you when I submitted to you? If the tables had been turned and you submitted to me and then the next night as soon as you saw me I freaked and said I needed time to think and it was almost a week before you heard from me again, how the hell would
you
handle that? I just realized it, but I've distanced myself emotionally from you. I've been avoiding anything that might close up that distance, because I'm pretty sure you are going to freak again and then I'll just have to do it all over again. Look, I can't do this here, not in front of people." She turned to face the bar, looking down into her drink, "Please leave. Now."

"I will leave because I've caused you pain and I don't want to cause you any more, and because there is nothing I can do to fix this right this minute. It is not because I'm avoiding having to talk about this, though. I can't believe I didn't consider how you would feel with me pulling away like that after... after... I'm sorry Kendra. I'll go, but know that I don't want to. I want to take away the hurt I've caused, but I can't do that right now. Not here. God, I'm sorry."

And he got up and walked out.

Chapter Eight

When Kendra got home she could tell something was up. Abbot was there and he said, "There is something you need to see."

He took her downstairs to the playroom door and pulled his key out to unlock it. It was only locked if someone were inside playing, and only five people had a key to the room. And you just didn't use your key unless you thought there was an emergency of some sort. He opened the door and motioned for her to go in and then closed the door without following her in.

Eric was naked, kneeling on the floor, head up, eyes lowered, with his hands behind his head.

Abbot, what the hell? Why is Eric in here naked?

Eric contacted me, told me of your fight and asked me to do this. Said he didn't know how to make it right. He begged me to let him in so he could submit to you. I've got everyone upstairs right now, no one is on the basement level but the two of you. I've got radios on in several rooms downstairs, plus one at the bottom of the steps. That room is partially soundproof to muffle loud screams anyway, so the two of you should be able to talk quietly without being overheard. Give him a chance Kendra, I think he really cares for you.

Fucking stupid mortal man. And fucking stupid vampire, too.

Talk to him Kendra.

Dammit, what the hell was she supposed to do with this?

"Eric, what are you doing?" Her voice came out sharper than she'd intended.

"I don't know any other way to... fix things. I screwed up Kendra. I got all wrapped up in myself, in what you being a vampire meant to our relationship. What I did was unforgivable and I won't blame you for never submitting to me again. You offered me something so... so.. special, and I blew it. The only thing I can think of is to make myself vulnerable to you, too. Not because I want you to submit to me again, but because I want you in my life and I need to do something to try to make things right. Not that this will do it, but maybe it will be a start. Please, Kendra, just saying I'm sorry isn't good enough. I need to do something to show you."

She made an attempt to soften her voice, he was trying, and even though she couldn't do this now, she had to give him credit for offering. "You can't submit to me like this. If you ever submit to me then it will be under different circumstances, but...", she sighed and looked away from him a few seconds before looking back, "I appreciate the sentiment."

"You're turning me down?"

"Please get up and put your clothes on Eric. Yes, I'm turning you down, but I will talk to you. Like I said, I appreciate the sentiment."

The playroom had a little seating area with a loveseat and a few chairs. Kendra walked over to one of the chairs and sat down. "You know, we've only spent two nights together. The first night we rappelled, and the second night I told you about me and then we went on the boat ride and then.. well.. you know. But still, two nights, Eric. It is ridiculous that things are this heavy already."

"When we first met, you told me that you were an adrenaline junkie and that you scared girls off when they got to know you. It seems to me that the kind of girl you would want to marry is always going to run from you. A girl who wants to do nothing but party and play would be fine with your dangerous adventures. But you aren't looking for a party girl, you want substance. You want a family. But, a girl who wants to settle down, have a mortgage, get pregnant and have those two point three kids, that kind of woman wants someone who is stable, safe. Not someone who jumps off the side of mountains and out of perfectly good airplanes. If she wants the family and kids thing, she'll want a husband who doesn't engage in death-defying stunts on a regular basis."

He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. "I know."

"But jumping off mountains and out of perfectly good airplanes is part of what defines you, it's who you are. If you cut back on your adventures to make a wife more secure someday, you'll still be compromising part of yourself in order to have your wife and kids' life."

"I know, Kendra. I know."

She was quiet a moment, and he didn't offer anything else. She realized that she didn't have anything else to add to the conversation without his input. "Okay. I'll walk you upstairs so you can get home now. You should put your shirt and shoes on."

She threw her hands out in exasperation, "How can it be? You are still conflicted, Eric. I get that you have feelings for me, and that you are sorry you made me regret submitting to you. But, you still have conflicted feelings. I can smell them on you, and I can hear them in your voice. We'll go out on some dates, take it slow, see where that takes us. Your conflicted feelings aren't just about me, you've had to face the fact that it's going to be very hard to find a woman who can deal with your adrenaline stuff, and then to find one that is also submissive... the odds aren't in your favor. You've realized you may have to change part of who you are in order to get that ideal, and now there is a different possibility in front of you. One that you think could make you happy, and one that would allow you to continue your adventures and continue being who you are. You know that I'd never ask you not to do something just because it was dangerous. But, this other possible life means you give up on some of those ideals you thought you wanted in a marriage. I get that the decision isn't so much about me, it's that no matter which path you decide you want, you have to give something up. But I think that you are over-analyzing things right now given that we've had two nights and a few conversations together. I've called Abbot and he is walking down the stairs now, I'm going to ask him to walk you upstairs and to your car. I will see you Saturday night at sundown. Assuming you still want to take me out on a date."

Kendra walked to the door and opened it as Abbot walked up. She asked Abbot if he would see Eric to his car and when she saw his nod she walked down the hallway to her own suite of rooms.

Chapter Nine

Saturday morning Kendra showered and then pulled out the clothes she would wear on her date with Eric so all she had to do was arise and dress. One of the benefits of dying instead of sleeping was that she didn't move around, so her hair wouldn't need much touching up.

Kendra still wasn't really sure what she was doing. Common sense told her to just write Eric off and go find someone who would make a good human companion. However, she'd lived a long time and learned that people who are truly special don't come around very often, and Eric seemed to be one of those people. She had also been around long enough to know that just because someone was special, it didn't mean a relationship would work. If all parties weren't ready for a relationship, if they didn't have their shit together, it still wouldn't work out. Finding someone special was not a guarantee it would work out. Was she willing to risk a broken heart on the chance he might figure things out? Not really, but the reverse was true as well, she wasn't willing to walk away, because she thought there was still a chance he might figure it out. Which meant she was kind of stuck with giving him a chance. She was having a hard time investing her heart back into the possibilities, though.

* * * *

As always, it seemed she had closed her eyes as the sun came up and then opened them as it was preparing to hide for the night. She never had a sense of any time lost during the day. Pulling open the mini-fridge by her bed, she reached for a bag of blood and poured it into a glass. Drinking it down quickly, she then walked into the bathroom to wash her glass out in the bathroom sink, brush her hair and touch it up, brush her teeth, and then apply her makeup. She put on the clothes she'd put out the night before, and then waited until she felt the sun go completely down before slipping her heels on and climbing the steps. The doorbell rang as she was walking towards the front of the house, she opened the door and stepped out. "Hello, Eric. Perfect timing. How did you manage that?"

He grinned at her. "I know how to use the internet, and there are sites out there that let you put in longitude and latitude to find out exactly when the sun goes below the horizon for any particular date. And my watch automatically resets itself four times a day to the U.S. Atomic Clock in Colorado, so it's pretty close to accurate. I know how long it should take to walk from downstairs to upstairs so I wai..."

She interrupted him. "You know, to be such an adrenaline junkie, you may be even more of a geek. I don't think I've ever seen both in the same package before. Not to the two extremes that you take them to, anyway."

He laughed and turned to step off the porch, offering his hand to her as he did, "Flattery will get you everywhere tonight, Kendra."

She took his hand and went down the steps with him. "I'm not sure that was meant to be flattery, just an observation."

As they walked to his Range Rover she noted there were two bicycles on top, without the front wheels, "What's with the bicycles?"

"Oh, they're just still up there from a ride earlier. Do you know how to ride a bike?"

Hmm, she sensed partial truth, interesting. But she went ahead and answered his question without calling him on it. "In the 1860's or maybe 1870's I was living in England and was friends with a gentleman named William. William and his friend John owned a bicycle company. John actually invented what is now the modern bicycle, with the chain. Or, if he didn't actually come up with the idea, he finally made it work, anyway. Before John's invention, which he called the 'safety bicycle' we had those bicycles with the huge wheels which were anything but safe. Anyway, back then only men rode bicycles, there were these adult sized tricycles that women were expected to ride. I, of course, got my friend William to teach me to ride a bicycle. But I haven't ridden one in, oh, I don't know, maybe eighty or ninety years?"

They were pulling out into the street by this time and Eric said, "You knew the person who invented the modern bicycle? Kendra, that just... I don't know. Blows me away, I guess. You weren't friends with Alexander Graham Bell by chance, were you?"

Kendra laughed. "No, I wasn't. Never met him, in fact."

"Did the bicycle inventor know you were a vampire?"

"No, he did not. Neither did William. He liked to work at night and he would ride outside of town on occasion as he tested his friend's latest inventions. I was curious so I went outside to watch. As far as he knew I was a widow and my husband had left me a house and enough money that I didn't need to work. He knew others lived there and I told him that I had allowed some family members to come live with me as well. Anyway, he never asked too many questions, and he was more than happy to teach me to ride a bicycle as it helped him to test the new designs. He marveled that I dared to wear pants, he thought I was quite daring. I told him they had belonged to my ex-husband and they were much more practical for learning to ride a bicycle. In reality I borrowed them from some of the male vampires who lived in the coterie at the time. I'm tall so it worked out okay as long as I belted them tight enough that they didn't fall off. Anyway, it was night and no one saw me but the vampires and William, so society didn't have a conniption over it. And I had fun."