Sapphic Embrace: The Housewife (4 page)

CHAPTER SIX

Epilogue

Endings are hard. That's what the counselor told Amy in their last session. No matter what people say about an ending being nothing more than a beginning, there was a strange sort of mourning at even the happiest of conclusions, never mind the saddest. Change begets grieving, she said. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad you will always mourn what might have been. As a writer, Amy understood the explanation. Mourning the ending to something--even a good ending--was why young writers often started their literary journey writing with the stories and characters of others. The ending you're dealt is never quite as satisfying as one you can create yourself.

Strange how quickly--and painfully--things could end though. And how much could irrevocably change because of a single instant. One brief, life-altering moment. Like a missed breath, or a skipped heartbeat, or a missed street sign.

Or a phone call. A final phone call.

Hand shaking, Amy put down her hair brush and glanced at the clock on the wall. She had time, the ceremony wouldn't start for another hour. Still time to put on a brave face for the crowd and pretend she was coping. She hated the worrying. People had been pestering her for over a week. Her friends, her professors, even her Mom called in a panic after reading the news. So she forced a smile and took it with good grace because, after all, there was reason to be concerned. But they didn't need to know. No one needed to know.

Amy's hand drifted to the picture on her desk. Two large smiles, wild messes of hair and a lot of colorful paint. A good memory. The therapist said focusing on the good things helped. That life was all one big fork in the road and how you navigated depended on what direction you looked.The writer in her thought the idea poetic; the jaded side wondered if the woman had ever actually felt anything like this in her life.

Still, couldn't hurt. What else did she have to lose? Tracing her fingers over the photo in the frame and glancing once more at the clock, Amy allowed herself to remember.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Starting Over

Jesus, if her mama called her one more time she was going to turn the damn phone off. It was just college, it wasn't like she'd driven to another planet. But the way Mama June went off about it, crying and hugging her so hard her dad had to pry her off, you'd think Amy was leaving forever or something. Her father acted far more reasonably, thank God. An awkward one armed hug, a $50 bill and a warning to 'actually learn something at that damn school' and she was free to go.

And freedom felt fucking amazing. Freedom felt like a breath of sanity she'd sorely needed. No loopy mother suckering her into sampling foods that tasted like they'd been made from grass clippings. No more father griping about the socialist-loving liberals while he poured over revenue reports. No more! For the first time in her life she could make real choices without someone constantly peering over her shoulder to check the answers. Amy loved her parents, god knows she did, but a girl needs breathing room now and then.

Closing the trunk on her beat up old blue Volkswagen, the girl shouldered her backpack and began to wheel her suit case across the parking lot to her dorm. Goldendale Hills University, it said, a crudely painted raven in the window hiding the stressed out parents and aggravated students. Unsurprising as it was nearly a hundred degrees outside, there were hundreds of students moving in and one of the elevators had broken down. Tempers were on a hair trigger as fretful mothers double checked lists and overheated fathers mopped at their brows. Everywhere she looked it was basically the same scene. The only bright spot was the entertainment. Outside in a grassy area, the schools' 200 member marching band regaled passerby's with trumpet heavy versions of classic rock songs. It echoed all over the dorm circle and seemed to bring at least a little relief to the stifling heat.

Excited, Amy carefully clunked her suitcase up the concrete stairs and filed inside behind a group of girls in painfully bright pink tee-shirts. Sorority girls most likely. Amy quickly passed them and waited in line to sign in. When it was her turn, she quickly and efficiently filled out her paperwork. Forms about fire safety, forms about immunizations, forms to check out keys. If she hadn't already sold her soul to the school for the sake of an education, she might have been worried.

"Do I really need to be told not to drop things out of the windows?" she asked the RA signing her in. He just chuckled at her.

"Wait 'til Halloween," he replied, his Kentucky twang shining through. "You ain't seen nothing 'til you've seen a drunk dude in a toga trying to impress his buddies. Last year we had to evacuate the entire dorm at 2am because some wasted freshmen hung her $300 sweater on the emergency sprinkler. Set them all off. Ruined fifteen computers and flooded two floors."

Thunderstruck, Amy just stared at him with her pen hovering over her paper. "Does that happen often?"

"Nah. Usually it's just a grease fire in the kitchen or burnt popcorn. If you've got a computer, I wouldn't worry." Though he looked unconcerned, Amy glanced around wondering if one of these people was going to be that person. Being a decently well behaved kid herself, she couldn't imagine doing something so stupid. Weren't these people supposed to be college students?

"Looks like your roommate is already checked in," the RA said as he handed her yet another form. "So I don't have to go with you to inspect for damages myself. Just fill this out and return it whenever you come back down and I'll give you your key."

"Thanks."

He waved her off before gesturing to the next person. "No problem, welcome to GHU!"

Giving him a parting smile, Amy grabbed her suitcase and peered into the hallway with the elevators. The line stretched out the side door and some of the furniture being brought in was pretty big. Didn't look like the other elevator was working either. Well, she was in decent shape and it was only the fifth floor. She could take the stairs and get at least her clothes and sundries unpacked. She'd get the rest after the rush.

While she climbed, dodging people as they stamped their way down for another load, Amy thought about her roommate. She'd grown up in a big house with a room of her own her entire life. Her mother thought sharing a room was a brilliant idea, of course. Something about chi energy and the chakra; but her father was a little more skeptical. He even offered to pay for a single room but she'd instantly refused.

'You've never shared a room before,' he'd argued. 'The dorm's smaller than your bedroom and it's for two people!'

Part of college was new experiences, she'd argued back. Maybe she didn't know this girl but she could get to know her. They might end up hating each other and she might end up miserable but they also might end up best friends. Though he still seemed dubious he'd relented and bought her a new bedspread instead.

Now it was time to meet her new roommate and Amy felt a little flutter of nervousness in her stomach. What if the girl didn't like her? Fumbling with her bag as it clacked up the last step, she pushed into the hallway and tried to figure out where her room was.  She went down the wrong hallway twice before figuring out how they were numbered.

Hopefully the girl didn't judge on physical appearance, Amy thought as she finally turned down the right hall. Already she'd gotten a few turned up noses from girls in other rooms. They were perfectly dressed, not a hair out of place or smear of make up. How they'd managed it in this heat, Amy had no idea. With her dark hair plastered to her sweaty face in a undeniably unflattering manner and her lack of make up, she didn't exactly look her best.

Finally she found her room. 516. Amy pushed the door to open, excited to meet the girl she'd be living with for the next 5 months, and immediately froze mid-step.

"Hey, close the door will you?" her roommate said. "Someone might walk by. I"m guessing you're my roommate. Amy right? Nice to meet you, I'm Jen."

But Amy  could only stare, mouth ajar. Jen was putting sheets on her bed with her ass in the air, completely naked. Not even a bra and underwear to cover up the private areas. When she told her dad she could handle anything her roommate threw at her, she didn't think nudity would be one of those things.  Though, she didn't honestly know why it was affecting her so much. It wasn't as though she was a naturally body-shy person. Her mother would never allow that. A slightly hysterical thought occurred to her though: at least she knew her roommate's hair was her natural color.

Thankfully, Jen seemed to recognize her discomfort.

"Fuck, sorry!" she cursed, hurriedly tossing on a long tee shirt. "The air conditioning is broke and it hot as balls in here, especially since I spent the whole morning moving in. Taking a shower sort of helped but I couldn't stand the thought of getting dressed again and...yea... I kind of forgot you'd be moving in today. Thank god it was just you and not your parents too."

Still a bit  flummoxed by the rather unorthodox first meeting (and confused by her reaction to it), Amy finally stepped into the room and dropped her bags on the floor.As soon as the door shut, she felt the heat that Jen mentioned and could understand the desire to walk around naked.

Still.

"I promise I won't do it again if it makes you uncomfortable," Jen added, studying her expression intently. Instantly, Amy shook her head.

"No...no it's...I'm fine. Sorry. My mama she...she's not exactly shy about that sort of thing, neither am I. Just surprised me I guess."

"Uh huh." Wanting to diffuse the awkward situation Amy went about checking things off the list, trying to ignore how Jen's honey eyes seemed to follow her around the room. The weight of her gaze was uncomfortable but the girl tried very hard not to show it, not wanting to seem like what she'd walked in on made her uncomfortable. Not that there should be anything to be uncomfortable about, she reminded herself. It was just the human form. It was a beautiful thing, not something to be embarrassed about. "So where are you from?"

"What?" Nearly smacking her head on the book case, Amy turned her gaze towards Jen. The girl smirked a bit.

"Where. Are. You. From?"

"Oh...uh...Maryland. Just outside DC. You?"

Jen collapsed back against her pillows and began to pick idly at her nails. "Cadiz, Kentucky, 'bout an hour away from here."

"That's interesting." Book case was mounted correctly and the desk was stable, but how in the hell did you turn on the study light? "So, what are you majoring in?"

"Journalism. You?"

"English education I think. I wanted to do creative writing but my Dad said I had a better shot at a job with a degree in underwater basket weaving."

"Probably right." There was a rustling from Jen's bed and a second later a tanned hand appeared in front of her, twisting in a round metal piece before reaching behind to flick the switch. The proximity gave Amy's goosebumps and she swallowed hard when the other girl pulled away. "Crappy wiring. You have to tinker with it some to get it to work."

"T-Thanks. I'd never have gotten that working." Jen gave her a self-satisfied grin and plopped down on Amy's bed.

"What do you say we forget about what happened before?" the girl suggested. "Start over. I'll get dressed, then we go downstairs, you can turn in that form and then we can hit the bookstore. Most people are still moving in, gives us a head start."

Finding that her new roommates smile was infectious, Amy smiled back and checked her last box off. Starting over was a fantastic idea. "Sounds great," she agreed. "Let's go."

CHAPTER EIGHT

Done Talking

The next couple of months were a series of ups and downs. August rolled through quickly and the steamy heat gave way to the far more inviting warmth of September. Amy found that her classes were less advanced than she'd been led to believe at orientation. In fact, given that she'd pushed herself hard in school thus far, they were often just review of things most kids were suppose to have learned in high school. The fact that two-thirds of her English 101 class failed the first test (which was nothing more than a three page paper) made her question whether she was highly intelligent or they were ridiculously stupid. Jen seemed sure it was the latter.

Classes aside, she found herself enjoying college. A definite 'up' in her life was the presence of her roommate Jen. After their rather uncomfortable first meeting, and subsequent erasure of said event, the girls became more or less inseparable. They were pretty much opposite in every aspect of their personality. Where Amy was far more reserved and cautious her spitfire of a roommate jumped into everything head first. Without fear, Jen seemed to navigate the college campus and its' pitfalls with a chaotic sort of grace. After her Communications 101 professor failed her for giving a pro-choice speech (because it was "inappropriate") she'd gone to the Dean of the college and demanded her freedom of speech be recognized. In only a months she'd already turned the oral communications department upside down and made the school newspaper twice. Amy had no idea how she did it but it was rather impressive. It was something she'd never have summoned the gumption to do.

While it seemed impossible they could get along they made it work. The girls spent many a night bonding over junk food and Simpsons marathons while they avoided homework. Amy finally had someone she could nerd out with about her favorite television shows. And having a friend like Jen had social benefits too. Since Jen despised constant work, and since she rarely excluded Amy in her escapades, it was impossible for the noirette to hole up in her room studying all the time. Rather than spending her freshman year nervously edging around the social aspect of college, trying to find her way in, she just held onto Jen's coattails and let the wild girl delve in for her. Like one week at the end of August when they'd ended up mudding in backwoods Kentucky at 3am. Or later that same night when they got lost in the woods running from the police. Life with Jen was certainly never dull.

In going along with her roommate's insanity, however, Amy met several good friends. There was Damien--a quiet art student with a dark sense of humor that appealed to her inner Poe--and Jody--a flamboyant question-mark of a man who wore more pink and sequins than she did. Occasionally Jen's friend Shamika tagged along as well but from time to time. Amy wasn't a fan of Shamika, but even when she came along their times together were full of laughter, dirty jokes and wild adventures.

For all it's pleasant warmth, September came like a dark cloud. Not just over her life and her campus but over the entire globe. It was another time in her life when a single moment altered everything. She was sitting in a sinfully early trigonometry class when the math department head rushed in and had a hurried conversation with their professor. The TV in the room was on just in time to see the second plane, Flight 175, crash into the South Tower of the World Trade Center. The entire class huddled around the TV in hushed terror as the horror played out in front of them. People cried, others hugged each other for comfort as the world seemed to crumble with the falling buildings.

Returning to her room (as classes had been cancelled indefinitely) offered no reprieve. Jen sat on her bed, eyes fixed to the TV, on which scenes of terror followed one another while the story developed. People talked about terrorism and the Middle East but the two girls could only cling to each other like so many others. They both fielded panicked parental phone calls. Though they were nowhere near the Pentagon or New York City it was undeniably a time of comfort. People's children, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, parents were dead. Reconnecting with those you still had only made sense.

The weeks after September 11th 2001 saw a flurry of patriotism and humanity. Jen and Jody donated their time to making care packages for the firefighters and volunteers digging diligently through the rubble. Damien painted several stunning paintings that he sold for money to give to the Red Cross. Amy wrote a variety of articles for the newspaper reminding people to give and help. Despite the sadness it still proved a time of great benevolence. But, as all things do, it began to peter as the painful sting of the event faded. People forgot about the firefighters and the dead. Their new focus became vengeance. And so life began again.

It was now the last week in October. Cool breezes, pumpkins and a Wal-Mart full of cheap costumes. The school Speech team (in which Amy was participating) had traveled to Bowling Green for a tournament but an unexpected power outage in the school everyone sent home early. And Amy couldn't say she was disappointed; she had an essay due the following Thursday that still had three pages left before it even met the basic criteria. Never mind the lab she had in physics (for her general science requirement) and the 30 pages of reading for her education class. The closer they got to midterms the more the professors piled on the work and Amy just wanted one day to sleep.

Lugging her duffelbag and her suit behind her, Amy stepped off the elevator onto her floor. Jen would be excited to see her, she was sure. A major leadership event stole the girl away for a week and they'd barely had time to catch up now that she'd returned. So having an unexpected weekend to relax and catch up on TV and homework would surely be perfect. Maybe they'd stop by Winslow for dinner first before they settled down for anothe
r
Smallvill
e
episode and some gossip.

With that relaxing plan formed in her mind, she pushed the door open without knocking. "Jen, I'm-" She froze, bag falling from her hands. The couple on the bed froze and Amy and her roommates eyes met in a moment of disbelief.

"Amy!"

"Shit! Damnit Jen, you said she'd be gone this weekend!" Shamika toppled over the side of the bed with the blanket leaving her wild-haired lover naked on the sheets. Without saying anything, Amy whirled around and slammed the door shut with an audible 'snap'.

Jen. Shamika. Naked. Amy's heart pounded and she struggled to catch her breath as her mind struggled to process the sight. A dull ache in the center of her chest and a flare of sudden anger brought up even more questions than the image itself. For example, why was it so painful seeing them together? Her mother hadn't raised her to judge others and her open-mindedness was one of her most coveted core values. So why did seeing Jen with that...that girl make her feel so furious? The idea of lesbians never bothered her before. Hell, with her crew cut and extra piercings (never mind the long shorts and polos) Amy already guessed that Shamika was some sort of gay. And Jody was definitely not looking on her side of the fence. But Jen? That caught her completely off guard.

Was Jen a lesbian? And if so, why did that knowledge feel like a punch to the stomach? And why did seeing her with Shamika just...make her feel like she was going to be sick? Amy wanted her mother, wanted someone that she could talk to about this because her head was spinning. So she propelled herself away from the doors and towards the elevator. Just as the buzzer dinged and the door slid opened a still half naked Jen barreled out.

"Amy... damnit Amy, wait!" The request made the dark haired girl put her hand on the elevator door to stall it, back tense. "Look... look I know I should have asked and... and I should have told you about...but it's not serious. Really. Just a... a one night fuck. I swear."

"Why should I care who you... fuck?" Amy asked tersely, still trying to figure out why thinking about it pissed her off so much. Jen's brow furrowed and she stepped closer. The worn edges of her oversized AC/DC shirt hung to her knees and the noirette was certain that there were no shorts on under it. Shaking herself mentally, Amy forced her eyes back to her roommate's cautious face.

"You look upset." Jen said in a diffident voice that was very unlike her. "Look if it's about me being gay-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Amy blurted out.

Jen looked pained. "Amy..."

"Never mind just... just forget it." Amy stepped into the elevator and pushed the first button. But Jen put her hand up.

"Amy, listen to me."

"No I don't want to talk to you."

"I didn't tell because I-"

Angry, Amy glared at her light-haired friend. "I don't care Jen. You didn't tell me, so it doesn't matter. Now I'm done talking. Just leave me-"

Lips, moist and tasting of peppermint gloss, met her own and hands pressed her shoulders against the door jam. It took a moment longer for the reality of it to sink in. Jen was kissing her. Kissing her. Expertly, in fact. And the feelings tearing through Amy's abdomen were unlike anything she'd ever felt. Flying and falling all at once with a tinge of nausea that might have been nervousness nibbling at her stomach. No one kiss had ever made her feel so nervous and so wonderful, not even her first kiss with Danny Ligers after school behind the bleachers in ninth grade.

But the fact that she was enjoying it scared her, as did the fact that this was her best friend doing it. With one swift motion she shoved Jen away and pushed the 'door close' button rapidly until the door shut and she descended, lips still tingling and mind buzzing like a nest of angry hornets. Sliding to the floor, she sat there with her head in her hands until the elevator hit ground

What was she going to do?