Savage Autumn (11 page)

Joanna was trying to find the tipi opening when she bumped into a wall of human flesh, and knew that Windhawk barred her way. She felt his hand on her shoulder and tried to back away. She wanted to cry out as he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the buffalo robe and laid her down. Joanna’s heart was pounding with fear as she tried to scramble to her feet, but Windhawk forced her back against the soft buffalo robe. She was making whimpering sounds as he lay down beside her and pulled her into his arms.

Windhawk wanted to tell Joanna that she had nothing to fear from him. Her slight body was trembling, so he ran a soothing hand down her back, while pulling her tighter against him.

For long moments he caressed her, until at last her trembling ceased. Suddenly the soft curves that were pressed against his body awoke the passion he had been trying so hard to control. Against his will, his hand slid up her back to her glorious hair.

Joanna could feel her fear being replaced by a feeling of contentment. For the first time in months she felt safe. This man who was not her kind and whom she had every reason to hate, had reached out to her and given her comfort as no one else ever had.

When he drew her head toward him, she did not resist, but rested her face against his smooth, bare chest. He was filling her whole being with his presence. She had always been led to believe that Indians were dirty, but that was not true of Windhawk. He smelled of leather and some unknown herb—manly, enticing.

Joanna could feel his breath stirring her hair, and suddenly she felt neither safe nor contented. She knew she must flee or she would be lost forever. She tried to remember all the reasons
she had for hating him, but could only think of the strong, sensitive hand that traced the outline of her face.

“Windhawk, please, I don’t want—”

His finger touched her mouth, silencing her plea. “Jo-anna,” he whispered in a pain-filled voice. “Jo-anna, you spoke my name.”

It was as if a thousand bright lights exploded in her head as his lips touched hers reverently.

Windhawk felt her lips tremble, and his body seemed to be on fire with yearning. He knew he would have to keep a tight control over his desire. Tonight Joanna would become his woman, but it would be because she wanted it as much as he did. He would show his love for her, and perhaps wipe away all her doubts and fears. Here was the woman who would walk beside him for the rest of his days. He would fill her body with sons, and perhaps a daughter with flaming hair.

Joanna felt a sensation like pain, and yet unlike pain, when his hand drifted down the front of her gown. Before she was aware of what he was doing, Windhawk had unfastened her gown. Slowly he pushed it off her shoulders, as his lips brushed the lobe of her ear, then moved down to nuzzle her neck.

“No, please, no,” she moaned.

Windhawk covered her lips with his, closing of her protest. He had known many women, but he knew that what he was about to experience with Joanna would forever wipe out any desire he would have for any other but her. He kissed and caressed her, all the while pushing her clothing downward. He felt momentary uncertainty, not wanting to think that another man had been within her body—she belonged to him.

Joanna had never known that such a strong man could be so gentle. Her virgin body was ready to obey his slightest command. She could feel her heart drumming in her head, and she was unaware of anything but Windhawk and his gentle stroking hands, which caused new and unexplored feelings of delight to course through her body. When his hand slid down her throat to rest against her breast, she wanted to protest, but her body betrayed her. Joanna felt momentary relief when
he withdrew his hand until she realized he was pushing her gown and undergarments downward.

It was totally dark inside the tipi, and the only sound that could be heard was Joanna’s and Windhawk’s heavy breathing.

Joanna gasped when she felt his lips on her stomach, tying her insides into tight knots.

“No,” she cried, pushing against him with all her strength. Tag’s face flashed through her mind, and she hit out at Windhawk, catching him with a loud slap across the face. She froze, thinking that he would strike her back. Seconds passed and she could feel his intense stare even through the darkened tipi.

“Jo-anna, do not fight me. You know you want to feel the oneness with me. It will do no good to fight those feelings. Would it not be better if you would…submit?” he asked in his halting English.

He took her hand and raised it to his lips. “These hands were not meant to bring pain to a man…only joy.” He then slid his body forward and drew her into his arms once more. She had not been aware that he had removed his breechcloth until he pressed his hot body against her.

Joanna closed her eyes at the unfamiliar feel of a man’s body—which was hard and firm in all the places where she was soft. Her breasts were flattened against the wide wall of his chest, and she wanted to deny the pleasure that coursed through her veins. He slid his body against hers, and Joanna didn’t even realize that she inched closer to him. She could feel his pulsing manhood pressed against her inner thigh and felt frightened again.

“Please, don’t hurt me,” she pleaded.

His lips nuzzled her ear. “I would sooner die than cause you pain, Jo-anna.” His hot breath fanned her cheek, and suddenly Joanna had no more desire to fight him. He would win in the end, she vaguely reasoned, knowing that she was beyond resisting. She had no idea what he would do to her body, but his mouth sought hers, forcing her lips apart to receive his kiss. Where his kiss had been gentle before, he now plundered
her mouth, and she groaned, surprised that Windhawk had so easily overcome her resistance. She might hate herself tomorrow, but tonight she would give him all he demanded of her.

Windhawk’s kisses were hot and fierce, robbing Joanna of every ounce of strength and every thought of resistance. She was gasping for air when he raised his head at last. He moved his hand downward across her stomach, then lower to her thigh. With gentle pressure he moved her legs apart and caressed her inner thigh.

Joanna was in torment as she tossed her head from side to side. She wondered if this was some form of torture or punishment? Her body was aching and throbbing. Windhawk knew that Joanna was ready to receive his manhood. He could tell that she was inexperienced. He felt excitement thinking he would be the first man to be with her. He would teach her all the things that would bind her to him forever.

He parted her legs farther and knelt over her. His hand drifted down to her inner thigh, where he felt moistness, and knew she was ready to receive him.

“Jo-anna,” he whispered in a passionate voice. “I want you to know before we can become as one, it must be because you want it as I do. If you do not want this, you must say so now.”

Joanna felt confusion. What was he asking of her? The empty ache within her body cried out to be filled. She had not considered that he would ask her permission. He loomed above her, and she could feel his tension. If she asked him to leave her alone, would he comply with her wishes? Her stomach became tied in knots as her body quaked uncontrollably. She couldn’t find her voice, so she reached out and laced her hands through his ebony hair, bringing his face down to hers.

She heard the primitive groan that issued from Windhawk’s mouth, just before it covered hers. Lowering his body, he sought and found the core of her womanhood, introducing himself inside her carefully at first. Slowly he moved forward, and then stopped when he felt the barrier that proved no man had been where he now was. He leaned down and recaptured her lips, knowing that he would soon be causing her pain.

Joanna held her breath, not knowing what to expect. She felt Windhawk slip inside her and then stop before the ache was satisfied. She twisted her body, trying to find an end to her torment, but her movement only intensified her longing.

Slowly Windhawk slipped farther inside her and she felt a stinging pain, but it was quickly over. She felt as though Windhawk had filled her body, and in that moment, she knew no other man could have made her feel as if she were a part of him. She was flooded with sensuous feelings when his mouth covered her breast, rolling the rosebud tip on his tongue. A sob broke from her throat, and she closed her eyes as pleasure seemed to seep into every pore of her body. She didn’t realize that there was a deeper pleasure yet to come.

Windhawk started moving slowly inside her, and Joanna turned her head from side to side, moaning. This was why man and woman were created, she thought. Her hands moved up the corded muscles of Windhawk’s arms to rest against his back.

“Jo-anna, I will give to you what I have never given another.” His voice came out in a raspy whisper.

“I don’t understand.” She answered him through a haze of passion.

He cupped her face between his hands. “I have not the words to tell you. I…give you…” He paused, trying to think of the right words. “I give you my heart.”

No, she thought, not wanting him to love her. She would have voiced her feelings, but suddenly she was incapable of speech when wave after wave of pleasure ran through her body like a wildfire out of control. When she felt at the brink of total exhaustion, Windhawk’s body trembled and he eased himself down beside her, pulling her tightly against him.

Windhawk felt the invisible tie that now bound them together for all time. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, but he knew she wasn’t ready to hear them. Now would be the time to tell her that he had not raided the wagon train, but her next words silenced him.

Now that her mind was not controlled by passion, Joanna was hit in the face with stark reality. No matter how she tried
to excuse her actions, she had allowed Tag’s murderer to take her body. No, she thought, being honest with herself, she had willingly given her body to Windhawk. She was overcome with grief and remorse, knowing that she couldn’t vindicate her actions, but she
would
voice her feelings.

“I detest you,” she said between clenched teeth. “You have taken from me more than any person should have to give another.”

“I do not know this word…detest. What does it mean?” he asked.

Joanna moved away from him and sat up. “It means that I hate you,” she said, knowing he had brought out many other feelings in her—the least of which was hate.

Windhawk rose to his feet and jerked her upward until her body rested against his. “One hates his enemy, Jo-anna. I am not your enemy!”

“You killed my brother!” she cried, pounding her fists against his chest. “If I had the weapon, I would kill you!”

He shoved her away, and she landed hard on the bed of robes. It was too dark to see what he was doing so she lay silently, wondering if he would again take her body. She felt him beside her, and he took her hand and placed something into it.

“You wish me dead, Jo-anna? I place in your hand the knife to do the deed with,” he told her.

Joanna’s hand trembled as it closed around the hilt of the knife. She drew back her arm with every intention of plunging the knife into his chest. She would now avenge Tag’s death!

“I wait, Jo-anna,” his voice came to her from out of the darkness.

Suddenly Joanna knew that she would never be able to harm him. She wasn’t a savage, she reasoned. Windhawk was the savage. She threw the weapon aside and fell on the robe. “Go away. I don’t want you to ever touch me again!”

Joanna couldn’t see the pain in his dark eyes. She was aware
that he had moved away, but didn’t realize he had dressed until he slipped silently out of the tipi.

When the tears dried on her face, she pulled on her discarded gown and curled up into a tight ball. Windhawk had not taken her by force, and that was almost worse than if he had ravished her against her will. I wish I had ended his life when I had the chance, she thought. Joanna knew she had been too much of a coward to carry out the deed. How could she take his life, when moments before he had held her in his arms and taken her to the heights of ecstasy. Joanna felt as if she had betrayed everyone who had ever loved her by allowing an Indian to make love to her.

Windhawk stood with his face turned up to the bright star-filled night. Joanna might as well have killed him; she had torn his heart into many pieces. How could she hate him when he loved her so much? How could she not know that what they had shared had been predestined. He knew he had given to her as much as he had taken away. She was too young and inexperienced to act a part. No, he had given her pleasure.

He made a decision; he would not take her again until she realized he had taken no part in the raid on the wagon train. Then, and only then, would he be able to stand before her and ask for her love. He knew the day would come when Joanna would realize that they were meant to be together.

The camp was quiet as Windhawk made his way down to the river bank. He stood silently, listening to the rushing river and the wind rustling the leaves in the branches. There were hundreds of stars twinkling in the ebony sky, and he felt as if he were a part of this land. Together he and Joanna would raise strong sons who would also belong to this land.

That night Windhawk didn’t return to the tipi and Joanna was unable to sleep. She tried to plan some way to escape. After what had occurred between her and Windhawk, she knew that she must get away.

What kind of a person was she? Joanna agonized. Shouldn’t she have fought Windhawk to the bitter end before allowing him to do as he wished with her body? There seemed to be no answer to her questions.

When the sunlight spread its rosy glow across the land, Joanna was still agonizing over her plight. How would she ever face Windhawk after last night? She didn’t have very long to wonder, because at that moment the tipi flap was pushed aside and he entered.

She scrambled to her feet and faced him rebelliously, ready to do battle. “Don’t you come near me,” she said, feeling her knees go weak. She was frightened but there was nowhere to run; no one to turn to. Joanna took several steps backward as he advanced toward her. When she looked into his dark eyes, her face reddened, remembering what had transpired between them. She half expected to see a satisfied gleam in his eyes.