Save Me (11 page)

              I hear a knock at the door, I jump up and put my robe on, this motion makes me nauseated, but I quickly push away the symptoms. I look out the window in the kitchen and notice that it is Maggie...

              “Hey Mags, I say as I open the door, what’s up?” “Grace, have you opened it yet?” she said. I smile at her, “No Maggie not yet. I am not ready. I have told you this over and over again,” I said annoyed.

              “Ugh, Grace James you are as stubborn as ever, “she said. I love hearing people call me by my new last name, it is my favorite and it reminds me that I no longer share a name with a man I hate…or a woman who not only resembled me but had my name as well. It helps me to feel more normal.

              “Maggie, I just want to put that part of my life behind me, I will open it because there is a check in there for Annabelle and she deserves it, but for now I just cannot do it, try to understand,” I said. She smiles with what I am sure is a fake smile, “Ok fine, so what is else is going on in this house besides for procrastination?” She said sticking out her tongue at me. Classy. But it made me laugh.

              “Well, can you keep a secret?” I ask playfully and Maggie’s eyes light up and I know she is excited. “Um of course, I can! What is it?” she squealed.

              “Well you know how I told you that Oliver and I are trying for a baby?” She jumps up and squeals loudly. “Uh yeah are you trying to tell me that you are pregnant, “Maggie said. She was grinning from ear to ear.

              “Well I don’t know, but I hope so, my period is late again this month and I am hoping that means I am finally knocked up, I mean I know we just started trying but it is something we both want so much,” I said.

              “Well what are you waiting for? Take a damn test already!” she shouts at me. “Maggie don’t you think I should wait for Oli to be here?” I said.  She looks at me confused “No you can do it while your best friend is here and then tell him the wonderful news when he gets home, “she said.

              “Maggie, I am not going to do this without him, besides it’s too early. There is no way it will come back positive yet, I want to wait and see,” I said. Her face fell and I do want to know too it is just that she is not the person that I want to do this with. Oli has been everything to me and I want to share this with him, like I share my life with him.               “Ok fine, but if I do not get a phone call seconds after that stick turns pink with two lines then you’re on my shit list for the month Grace,” She smiles as she says it but I know she is no force to reckon with.

              “Ok Mags, I promise, you will be the second person to know”, I looked down at my Belle who had quietly come into the living room and was sitting on the floor watching cartoons,” I said.  “Make that the third person,” I said looking back to Maggie grinning.

              Once Maggie had left I was straightening up the house and looking around in the kitchen for what to make for dinner, I loved making us dinners and sitting at our table together while the three of us ate together, it makes my night every single night. I was poking through the fridge looking for the garlic when a wave of uncontrollable nausea hit me…I ran to the bathroom and just barely made it without puking all over my bathroom floor. I was trying not to get too excited because maybe, just maybe I was throwing up from the excitement or stress of trying to conceive.

              I sat myself up right on the bathroom floor feeling its cool touch, I was feeling better. I looked at the vanity doors and opened them…there sitting next to my hair dryer was a box of ovulation tests and a box of pregnancy tests that Oli had bought for me last week. He was getting a head of himself with the pregnancy tests but I would be kidding myself if I said I was not either. I reached for the box on the left, the pregnancy tests and opened them up.

              Ok it says it only takes 3 minutes but it took about 30 seconds to show up negative last month. It is really a bummer, but maybe if I just took one out of the 3 in here it wouldn’t be a big deal, that way if it is negative at least I know that maybe it was too early and I will still have three more for a few days from now if my period doesn’t arrive.

              I reached into the box pulling one of the tests out, I quickly tore open the wrapper and used one of the tests, I know I said I would wait for Oliver but I just cannot wait and this way I won’t have to see his disappointment if it is negative. Once I was finished I sat the test on the counter and did up my pants, I swear I walked away for like 5 minutes afraid to see the outcome of my fears.

              I slowly walked back over to the counter, closed my eyes, and took one huge breath; when I looked down to open them I almost fell over with shock! There on that tiny little stick with my pee on it were two very pink lines! They were bright as can be and the most beautiful pink lines I had ever seen. I squealed with delight and jumped up and down, which then caused my stomach to get upset again, but just smiled and quietly walked over to the toilet, I will gladly take this to have my dream come true. We were going to be complete as a family and nothing could take away my joy at this moment.

CHAPTER 8

              I made Oli and me a very romantic dinner, knowing he would come home late and well after Belle was in bed; it was his favorite, steak and lobster. I wanted only the best for the man of my dreams because he has given Belle and me so many things that I never dreamed I could have wanted nor deserved. I heard his car pull up and I checked my reflection in the hallway mirror, I had gotten a new dress a few weeks ago and I haven’t worn it yet, it was black with little light blue polka dots on them and very form fitting, it was cut way above my knees and my cleavage was busting out of the top. I curled my hair and pinned it back to tame it slightly, I made sure my makeup was soft the way he liked it and I had on my new red lipstick. I felt pretty, which is what Oli makes me feel every single day.

              “Hey baby,” he said as he walked into the house. “Hey honey, how was your day?” I asked with a wink.

              “It was long, but better now that I am home. What is all of this,” he said as he walked into the kitchen. “I just wanted to make something special for you, and I made your favorite,” I said.

              He looked down at the steak and lobster on the table and grinned from ear to ear, “I do not deserve you at all, but I am the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet.” He grinned my favorite grin again. I threw the dishtowel at him, “Oli, don’t say stuff like that, I wanted to make your favorite dinner, what is the big deal?” I said.

              He sauntered over to me and planted a big wet I have missed you so much kind of kiss on my lips. “What, what was that for?” I said winded. “For driving me crazy in this dress, if I wasn’t so incredibly hungry from missing lunch today I would bend you over this table right here and make love to you until you screamed my name,” he said with a grin.

              “Jesus Oli, you sure do know how to make a girl blush, I would love to do that, but first let’s eat, I wouldn’t want you to waste away from not eating all day,” I giggled.

              We ate rather quickly, or Oliver ate quickly, I think he had a certain agenda he wanted to get to and I was not going to stop him, I just wanted to make sure that I told him our big news before we made love. “So Oli, there is something I actually wanted to tell you, something that I am dying to tell you,” I said with so much excitement.

              His face fell slightly, was he worried about my news. “You opened the envelope? Grace I’m so sorry, I should have told you the second I found out, but it was only yesterday and I was on call and I just didn’t know how to process any of it,” he said.

              “Wait, what? I am not sure I am following you Oli, I did not open the envelope,” I said confused. His eyes got wide and he looked like he was going to be sick. “Oliver James, tell me what you are talking about right now,” I demanded.

              “Grace, I am so sorry. Can you please open the envelope now? It explains everything; I honestly thought that is what you were going to tell me. Please I know you are scared of it, but it is time to open it,” he said.

              I was fuming right now, how could he keep something from me about the envelope and how in the hell would he even know what is in it. “Oliver I do not want to open it, I am so sick of everyone telling me to,” I shouted.

              “Grace, please I promise you it is not going to be something you expected, it wasn’t what I expected but it is time to face it,” Oliver said.

              I was mad as hell at him for making me do this but I stormed down the hall, shut the bedroom, and locked it. So much for my exciting news for our family. I looked over at the nightstand and at the envelope carefully sitting there where it has for weeks, taunting me and making me crazy and everyone around me.

              What could possibly be so bad about it? I walked over to it and picked up the stupid thing and before I knew it, I was tearing open the seams and what I saw and read next was something I never would have expected…

CHAPTER 9

I reached into the envelope and opened it up, folded inside the letter was a check for 8 million dollars, I almost fell over. However, it was what was written in the letter that was something I will forget.

Grace,

              I can never begin to express how sorry I am for what my son has done to you and Annabelle. I have spent many years trying to figure out what I could have done wrong to him to make him behave the way he did. As a mother, we try to give our children the world and I guess even then that is not always enough. I want you to know that I never knew about you or Annabelle, I did not even know about Max’s first wife Grace until before he disappeared. I will never really forgive him for keeping his family from me. I will forever be haunted by thoughts of what could have been, how maybe if I would have told Max he was adopted from day one he would not have been so filled with rage, or maybe just maybe if his father had tried to spend more time with him it would have made a difference. I cannot make myself crazy on the what if’s but just know that I wish with all of my heart that things could have been different. I recently reached out to Max’s birth mother, I wanted to know her and I wanted her to know what happened. I was very surprised when I found her to say the least. I showed up at her store and was surprised to find her not alone; she was there with a younger man who was dressed in a police’s uniform. When I told her who I was I introduced myself as Sheila Peterson, Max Peterson’s mother, which she seemed to know, but it was what I told her next that she did not know. She was very shocked and incredibly upset. I told her how sorry I was that I failed to protect her son from what he was. Grace what I am about to tell you is going to be hard…I did not know how hard until I found out who this woman really was. Her name was Gloria Sullivan and the man with her that day was your husband Oliver. He was helping her unload some boxes. Please do not be angry with them Grace, it is not their fault that I confronted them, I asked them to wait to tell you until you read the letter. I know how hard all of this sounds believe me. I hope that someday you can open your heart and forgive me or anyone who has harmed you in anyway. I know that I have not hurt you but I feel a sense of responsibility for what pain my son has caused you. I also hope that someday you can find it in your hear to let me meet Annabelle. I would love nothing more than to be in your lives but I will understand if that is not something that you can handle. I hope that you can move on with your life for your family’s sake and I again I am so very sorry.

              -Sheila Peterson

              I literally dropped the letter onto the ground and felt tears streaming down my face, how could they know about this and not tell me? How could Oliver keep this from me? How could Gloria be Max’s biological mother? I reached for the handle of the door to open it and I heard Oliver’s voice behind the door.

              “Grace, baby I am so sorry, we had just found out before the trial and with everything going on I couldn’t tell you not like that. I am so sorry; I will do anything to make this right. Please tell me how I can fix it?” he begged.

              “Oli I am so angry, why and how could you keep something like this from me? I do not deserve this. I am so completely full of rage right now. I had planned to tell you something so important tonight and now, it does not even matter. Please just leave me be, I want to be alone, and I think it is best if you let me sleep alone tonight,” I said.

              I heard him breathing heavily and then I heard him walk down the hall. I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, I needed to feel the hot water on my skin, maybe to numb all of the pain I was feeling now.

              Once I had spent what felt like forever in the shower I got out, put on my favorite t-shirt and shorts, and fell into bed. I cried for hours until the grief, exhaustion took over, and I fell asleep, a deep sleep that I did not know if I ever wanted to wake up from.