Save Me From Me (9 page)

“You’re walking on thin ice, Lady,” she says as she heads out the door.

“As long as I’m not skating,” I mumble.

“Have I mentioned how much I hate that woman?” I smile at Adyn. “Or should I do it one more time?”

“You are definitely on that woman’s shit list. I’m still trying to figure out why.” She jumps up on the counter and lets her legs dangle off the edge facing the customer area of the store while I’m stocking the candy aisle. “Sooooo…” She drags the word out. “How’d it go with Hottie last night? Did you let him get some, or more like give you some?” she asks as she hops off the counter and does her best impression of air humping while moaning.
Oh Dani. Oh Dani.

“Shut up, you sum bish!” I laugh. Yes, we say sum bish because we had to start making up our own words to keep from getting the fifth degree from Joy for cussing. “And no. The only thing he got was a kiss.”

“Shut the front door! Just one measly kiss? What the hell, Dani. You are wound tighter than a freakin’ yo-yo. Why didn’t you let him walk the freakin’ dog? Hell, it’s bad enough you didn’t let him take your ass around the world.”

“I know. I know. Believe me, I know. But I’m really confused when it comes to Gage, and I don’t want to let anything crazy happen until I know for sure what I want. I can’t risk hurting him again.”

“Sometimes, diving in head first is what’s needed to figure it out. Until you do that, you might stay confused about it all. And when I say dive in head first, I mean that literally. Take that hot meat stick deep.”

I haven’t heard from or seen
Gage since the night we went out. It’s been four days, and I’m starting to freak out a little. I’ve been trying not to think about him or the kiss, but it’s hard not to do. It plays on my mind more than it should. Pretty sure, it’s because I’m worried about what it might have done to him. Like give him hope.

Hope.
What a stupid, stupid word.

Going into work on Wednesday, the fifth day, I’m finally graced with his presence. He seems fidgety as he slowly maneuvers each aisle as if he’s unsure of what he needs. I don’t try to hide the fact that I’m staring, waiting for him to look at me. Every now and then, I catch him glance my way but quickly turn his head away.

‘
What the hell is his problem?’
is exactly what I asked when I decided to bypass the weirdness and directly ask him.

“Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout, Danielle? I don’t have a problem.”

I eye him curiously, watching each and every facial expression.

“Bull shit. Don’t lie to me, Gage. What the hell is up? I haven’t seen you since Friday night. You haven’t even called me.” I huff, almost sounding like a pouty girlfriend, which I am not. I guess I just expected to see him around more, and since I haven’t, it has me a bit worried. I mean, hell, no matter what, I want him as a friend. I don’t want one kiss that might have meant way more to him than me, pushing a wedge between what I’m trying to restore. Our friendship.

“Awe, and here I was worried about me, and trying not to get all clingy and bother you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” He smiles as pushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“You didn’t hurt my feelings,” I say as I cross my arms.

“Whatever you say.” He shrugs and then turns to walk to another aisle. And guys say we females are frustrating. Pfft.

“Look, I’m sorry I was MIA. Work got a bit crazy at the shop.” I’m thinking that’s a lie. Not that work isn’t busy, but even if it was, he’d make time to come see me if he had wanted to. “Plus, I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me right away.” He shrugs. “I thought I should give you some space.” Now that right there is more like the truth.

I cock my head to the side, thinking about what all he just said before replying. “I get it. But don’t just stay away for days at a time. No matter what, I want you in my life. I just don’t know if it’s to the extent that you want.”

He places his hand on my shoulder in a reassuring way. “I told ya. I’ll take what I can get.” He attempts to give me a genuine smile, but he totally failed it. “We should hang out again soon.”

I nod. “Yes, definitely.”

Gage and I have been hanging out a couple of days a week this past month. He hasn’t tried to kiss me again since the night we went dancing, and for that, I’m thankful. I’ve really been enjoying the sheer simplicity of having a life again. One where I’m not sitting in my room all night reading, watching a movie, or trying to avoid confrontation like I am tonight. I had plans to catch a movie with Gage, but last minute, he called to tell me that he couldn’t make it. I didn’t press him for details. I’m not really in the position to do so.

So, here I sit bundled up in my bed wearing my favorite pj’s with a bottle of Boones Farm watching
The Labyrinth
for like the millionth time I’m sure. I swear the caterpillar is my favorite part of the whole movie.

Caterpillar: “Alo.”

Girl: “Did you just say hello?”

Caterpillar: “No, but close enough.”

Makes me giggle every single time. Maybe it’s lame. Maybe it’s the Boones. I really don’t give a shit. It takes me to my happy place, the one where I can forget about the BS that’s also known as my life. That could very well be the Boones, too. That line gets a little fuzzy after a few cups.

Once my movie’s over and my bottle is empty, I slip on my fuzzy slippers. My plan is to go to the kitchen, throw the bottle away, and grab a slice of pizza from the fridge. Yes, in that exact order. I slowly turn my doorknob, listening to see if anyone is still up. To be honest, I’m not even sure who is here. Billy is here more than Brandy. Brandy goes back and forth with her baby daddy every other week, but doesn’t bother taking their kids with her, which we all know is for the best.

Billy and I don’t talk, which is also for the best. He’s always high anyway, and if he isn’t, he’s pissed that he’s not, and you don’t want to be around for that. He’s like a woman on a bad day of cramping. All whiney and shit. Ask him a question, and your head is gone. But on the bright side, he usually stays gone when he’s running dry.

I tiptoe my way out of my room and past my mom’s closed door. The TV in the living room is on, but everything else is dark. I round the corner, spot the boys asleep on the floor, and continue my journey to the kitchen. I turn on the light over the stove, then open the kitchen cupboard under the sink, and start to ease the bottle slowly down into the trashcan. I don’t want to wake anyone with the heavy clanking of glass in the middle of the night.

“Hey there, sis.” The voice from behind me causes me to jump and instantly release the neck of the bottle from my hand.

“Dammit, Brandy,” I rudely whisper. If a yell whisper is possible, then that’s exactly what I did.

“Did you get stood up and turn to drinking?” She laughs as if she made up the cleverest thing ever.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what happened.” I try to pass her to get to the fridge, but she moves in front of me to block the path. From what bit of light there is, I can tell she’s higher than a kite. Her pupils are huge, and she seems extra twitchy. Not sure why the hell she’d come home in the middle of the night if she can’t sleep or be still for that matter. “Brandy, get out of the way. I don’t want to fight with you tonight,” I say in my most annoyed voice.

“Who says I’m trying to fight with you? Because, I’m not. Actually, as much as I don’t like you, I’m in a good mood and figured I’d give you some words of advice. A lil, friendly sibling Intel.” She smirks.

“You mean because you’re high?” I retort as I rest my hands on my hips.

“Something like that,” she admits. “Watch who you hang with, Dani Girl. Not everyone is who they seem. At least with me, you get what you see.” She says this like it’s supposed to be a good thing. I guess not being fake takes precedent over being a deadbeat drug whore who doesn’t take care of her kids.

“Cool, thanks for the advice. Now move so I can get my pizza.” I push past her, rolling my eyes at her mumblings.

Just when I think it’s a typical, boring Monday at work, someone interrupts the never-ending thinking that never shuts off.

“Hey, Miss, can I get a can of that snuff?”

“Yah, sure. Which kind?” I ask, keeping my back to the male.

“Shit, I don’t know. Whichever kind is fine cut wintergreen.”

I find the can, turn to walk to the register, and finally make eye contact with the customer. I try really hard to hold back my grin, calm down my sudden racing heart, not stutter, and make a fool of myself.

“I didn’t peg you for a dipper, Blow Job Boy.”

“Well, hey!” he says, just as shocked to see me as I am him. “I didn’t peg a pretty girl like you being such a fighter either.” He slowly leans against the counter.

“That’s what happens when you have older siblings that pick on you growing up, and spending countless hours playing Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat as a kid,” I proudly reply, feeling my inner Wonder Woman trying to seep out.

“Is it bad that I still play those as an adult?” he asks, looking around making sure no one heard him.

“No way! What’s bad is that I bet I could whoop you,” I say with confidence.

“I’m gonna hold you to it,” he replies. The truck honks outside. “I’m paying for that gas out there, too. And the dip isn’t for me.” He gestures to the truck. “It’s for my buddy, Rusty. I like my smile too much to jack it up with this shit.”

“No sense in messing up the only good thing you got going,” I tease. He just shakes his head, fully aware that his smile is not the only thing he’s got going. “It’s gonna be $49.58.”

He hands me a fifty. “Keep the change.” I take the .42 and throw it in the change jar as he turns back before pushing out the door. “I hope to see you again soon.” He flashes his killer smile.

“You know where to find me,” I shyly reply. WTF! I am not a shy person. Why am I acting that way with him?

He nods and I watch as the glass door swings shut.

“Who was that and where can I get one?” Adyn says as she comes walking behind me to clock in.

“You’d die if I told you the story.” I turn around, leaning my backside against the counter as I face her.

“You have to tell me now, you little trick.” I look over towards the kitchen where ‘Joy to the World’ is openly glaring in our direction.

I let out a sigh. “When Queen B leaves, I’ll fill you in.”