Saving the Beast (3 page)

“Where is the confident woman I first met? The one I had to have because there was no one else in her league.”

“She learned what it means to really be afraid,” Diane answered.

“Everyone has fear. You can’t let it control you or make you think you’re incapable. You are more than capable. I believed in you when I came to you, and my faith in you has only grown.”

“I feel like I’m failing you. The tests on Finn, the anomalies Logan still has in his blood and a baby ready to make an appearance anytime now. You need someone better suited to handle all of this. A real doctor for God’s sake.”

“You’ve more than proven your worth to this pride,” the Professor argued.

“I’m not sure I am worthy anymore.”

“What are you saying?” the Professor demanded.

“I think you need to start searching for someone else. A doctor trained to deal with this.”

“No!” the Professor yelled. “You are the right person, the only person I ever considered. I would have promised anything to get you here, and do you know why?”

She gave a jerk of her head.

“Because there’s no one smarter than you. No one more capable than you. You came in here with a confidence that put everyone at ease. Everything that’s happened, you’ve met with no hesitation, just a confidence that you would find the answers. You’ve seen the truth of what I told you, men and women who can take the form of animals.”

“I have. They awe me. The last thing I want to do is hurt one of them,” Diane told him softly.

The Professor looked at her with frustration. “Don’t say it, Diane. Don’t think it,” he ordered.

She ignored him.

“I think it’s time I leave. As soon as the baby’s born,” she whispered.

“I need you. We all need you. I never once thought of you as a quitter.” He gave her a hard look and turned to head back to his office, slamming shut the door behind him.

Diane dropped onto a stool and lowered her head into her hands.

“You’re leaving?” Clara’s question startled Diane into looking up.

“How much did you hear?” she asked.

“That you plan on leaving after the baby’s born.”

Diane nodded.

Clara came closer and pulled out another stool. “The Professor is right. We do need you.”

“I…” Diane trailed off and lowered her head. She was no longer certain they did. “Without your care, Abby might have died before I arrived and thought to give you the information about transfusions. And don’t think I haven’t heard what you did for my mate. You’re the one who took a bullet out of Logan and saved his life.” Clara shuddered and took a deep breath. “I’ll always be grateful for that. Without you, I would have never met him. I wouldn’t be complete and whole like I am now. I owe that to you.”

“No, I—”

“Yes.” Clara cut her off. “We all have moments of doubt. It’s the very human part of us. But I have no doubt in you. Even Tah counts on you. To me that says everything about your place within this pride.”

“I’m not sure I have what it takes to do this anymore,” Diane admitted again. “I can’t concentrate. My focus, something I’ve always prided myself on, is completely gone. I’ve never lost control the way I did up there.” She laughed, then groaned and buried her head once more in her hands. “I’m so mortified,” she murmured into her palms.

Clara laughed. “I think you made a very valid point. You certainly had everyone listening. The Professor chewed Tah’s ass when you left. According to the Professor, he’s been telling them you two need help down here for quite a while.”

“Trust him to use my meltdown to get what he wants,” Diane said with a snort.

“The Professor cares about you. I saw it on his face. And he’s worried. Whether he admits it or not, it’s there…in the way he looks at you.”

Diane started to deny it but had to admit Clara was right. In his own way, the Professor did care. He wasn’t sleeping much and rarely ate unless Diane or one of the others reminded him. He was always running tests, reading data and working on some new idea he had. It was all taking its toll on him and leaving him snapping at those around him, which was usually her.

“I think I might be able to help you,” Clara spoke into the silence, and Diane glanced up at her.

“You know about medicine? Surgery? Lab tests?” She waved her hands around the lab. “You should have said so when you first arrived.”

Clara gave a snort of laughter. “No, my Uncle Thomas could help with all this. Griffin, one of the shifters who worked with my uncle, could help with this. But not me. I might be able to help you with your concentration issues, though.”

“If you can’t help with this, then I highly doubt it.”

“I’m guessing you’ve been feeling restless lately. Not sleeping, not eating and not able to lose yourself in your work like you normally do.”

Diane gaped at her. “How could you possibly know that?”

Clara shrugged. “Just a guess, actually. I think we both know what’s causing the problem…or who.”

Diane shook her head in denial.

“Zane,” Clara said with a nod.

Diane stood up and turned her back toward Clara. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I believe you,” Clara said, surprising Diane into spinning back around. “At least that you don’t know. You’re unsure. I’m not, and I need you to listen to me before we run out of time.”

Diane felt a chill race up her spine as if in warning that her life was about to change.

Clara met her gaze. “You’re his mate.”

“I’m not. I can’t be.”

“You are.”

“I’ve seen how this bonding works. I saw the deep love between Tah and Abby when I first came here. He went nuts when she wasn’t with him. He still does. He has to know where she is every moment of every day. It’s the same for Reno and Amia. Reno would move Heaven and Earth for his mate. They can’t be in the same vicinity of one another without touching. And you and Logan. I see the same thing with you. The way your eyes soften now at just the mention of your mate. Zane and I don’t have that, nothing even remotely like it. We’ve been thrown together several times, and he’s never once crossed the distance between us as if he couldn’t stop himself.” Didn’t she just have this discussion with Orsai? How could Clara be so certain of something Diane was so uncertain of?

“He stood in front of you when Reno shifted down here,” Clara said. “Zane put himself in front of you to protect you.”

“He would have done that for anyone,” Diane argued, remembering what Orsai had said about Zane’s need to protect.

“Maybe,” Clara said with a shrug. “But there were others in the room. Tah went to Abby. I went to Logan. And Zane went to you.”

“I…” Diane felt her heartbeat quicken in her chest. There had been others, and Zane had headed straight to her.

“It means something,” Clara assured her. “Listen to me, Diane. Really listen to me because we are running out of time. Zane was born knowing who he is and what it means to be different, to be a shifter. But I don’t think you understand what it means, at least not to the same extent. I do because I’m just like Zane in this. I was born knowing who and what I am. We know the good and bad of what we are. We’ve witnessed the joy of mating and the devastation of those who lose a mate. We are hunted and killed simply because we exist. To knowingly bring another into this life… It’s not an easy choice for any of us to make, especially when that mate is human.”

God, was this what Orsai had been trying to tell her? Was Zane trying to protect her by staying away from her?

“You made that choice with Logan,” Diane argued.

Tah and Reno had both mated humans, as well, but she recalled Orsai’s reminder that they were just learning who they were and what it meant to be a shifter.

Clara snorted. “Like he gave me a choice. You know Logan. He pursues what he wants with single-minded purpose. I never stood a chance against him.”

Exactly what Orsai said. How did Zane’s uncle know so much?

“Logan loves you.”

Clara nodded. “We love each other. We’re lucky.”

“If I’m Zane’s mate, he wouldn’t have been able to stay away,” Diane snapped, feeling very unlucky.

“You’re wrong. He would have done his all to stay away, no matter how much it killed him. I’m willing to bet he was trying to keep you safe.”

There it was again. Protection—by staying away. Was that really what had been going on between her and Zane?

“From a life I’m already involved in?” Diane argued. “I was already here, before him. What exactly did he think he was saving me from?”

“How long have you been questioning your roll here?” Diane asked softly.

“I… What do you mean?” That question threw her off-guard. She’d been questioning herself almost from the moment she’d arrived. She’d just hid it so much better in the beginning.

“There’s a connection between mates. We can sense what the other is feeling. Without marking you, Zane might not have known for sure. But he would have picked up on something. Maybe he thought it was him you wanted to leave, him you were afraid of. Maybe you are.”

“I’m uncertain, yes,” Diane admitted. “Scared of making deadly mistakes. But I was never afraid of Zane. Never.”

“Do you want to save him? If you had the ability to, would you use it?”

Diane took a deep breath, understanding what Clara was asking of her. Zane’s image filled her head. So strong, so brave and so compassionate. His golden gaze haunted her.

“This virus… If I’m not his mate, he could kill me,” Diane stated, daring Clara to deny it.

Clara looked at her for a long moment then slowly nodded. “Possibly. With his panther in control, we’d all be in danger around him. The only one guaranteed safety is his mate.”

“And you really believe I’m his mate?”

“I think you already know what I think,” Clara told her. “I’m more interested in what you think.”

“I don’t know,” Diane admitted. “I desire him. He’s a gorgeous man,” she admitted. “But for all I know, what I feel could be nothing more than lust.”

“I’m sure you’ve wanted men before,” Clara countered. “Did it feel like this?”

Diane shook her head, not needing to think about it. No man had consumed her thoughts and dreams the way Zane did. “No.”

Before, she’d always managed to walk away, to lose herself in her work. She was discovering she couldn’t with Zane. But was that due to the overabundance of stress she was under, or could it possibly be caused by something more?

“I want to tell you to go find Zane. I want to demand you try,” Clara said. “But I can’t. I won’t. This is a choice only you can make. But please think about it. Think long and hard, but think quickly. Everyday a little more of the man Zane is gets lost in the animal he’s become. This virus feeds the beast inside and breaks down the bond formed between the two halves. Soon, only the beast will remain, and Zane will be lost to us forever. I really pray that doesn’t happen.”

Diane didn’t want it to happen, either. “If I were to go after him, to try and find him, how would I do that?”

“One of us would have to go with you. It would take a shifter to be able to scent where he is. We’d be able to get you close enough for him to scent you out,” Clara said. “From that point, you’d be on your own.”

“To what? Wait and see if he shows up?”

“He’ll show up,” Clara said. “I wouldn’t have approached you if I didn’t believe that.”

Diane heaved a big sigh. “I feel like my life is unraveling.”

“Maybe it’s just beginning,” Clara countered. “There are so many of us who have felt the pain of losing someone we love. If even a part of you believes you might be Zane’s mate, don’t wait any longer. Don’t take the chance of losing him.”

“I know you’ve lost so many people. Your mom and dad. Your Uncle Thomas is missing.”

Clara nodded, and Diane felt so much sadness for what the other woman had faced.

“I’m sorry,” she told Clara. “About Lydia,” she clarified. “Nothing we try seems to be working.”

“I’m planning to go talk to Dillon, myself,” Clara said.

“I thought Logan asked you to stay away?”

“He did, and I have,” Clara stated. “I think that’s going to have to change.”

“I can’t see Logan agreeing to that.”

Clara grinned. “He won’t.”

“And that makes you happy?” Diane asked.

“We’ll argue. He’ll yell. I’ll yell back. He’ll threaten to spank me, and I’ll challenge him to try.”

“Spank you?” Diane squeaked out.

“Oh, yeah,” Clara breathed. “Then we’ll fuck. Next, we’ll make love. Finally, we’ll talk. He’ll reluctantly agree to let me talk to Dillon as long as he’s there, and I’ll follow his guidelines to ensure my safety.”

“He loves you,” Diane said again, this time with a sigh of envy.

“He does,” Clara agreed. “And I’ll agree and follow his wishes because I love him.”

“You’re very lucky,” Diane said.

“I am. You could be just as lucky.”

“I want that. I want a love like the one you and Logan share.”

Clara wrapped her hands around Diane’s and squeezed. “You could have it.”

“Am I interrupting?” Abby called from the hallway outside the lab.

Diane was immediately on her feet. “Not at all. Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

Abby smiled and waddled over to join them. Her stomach was huge, making her look as if she was nine months along instead of the thirteen weeks she actually was. Lion gestation. That’s what Abby was experiencing. And if it played out the way Diana thought it would, Abby should be going into labor within the next week to ten days.

“I’m fine,” Abby assured her and took a seat on the stool Diane had jumped off of. “My little guy gets more and more active every day. I think he’s excited to join us.”

Abby and Clara shared a look and the next thing Diane knew, Clara was moving.

“I’m going to leave you guys to chat. I’ve got a conversation of my own to have.” Clara wiggled her eyebrows and grinned.

Diane felt her face flush red. She knew exactly what talk Clara planned to have and the outcome the other woman anticipated. Damn it! Diane was a little jealous.

“Give Logan my best,” Abby called.

“I will,” Clara said and was gone, her footfalls echoing as she went up the staircase that led from the lab to the main floor.