Scandal (Tainted #1) (20 page)

He still had the ability to steal her breath.

Mai realised she’d stopped walking, stopped breathing, and forced herself to resume both. It was ridiculous that she still felt this way around him. She thought lust was a feeling that fizzled out over time. More than likely it was this place, what she was remembering of the past, and not the man waiting for her on the bench.

Well, she wouldn’t be ruled by it anymore. She had an argument to win – she just hoped the journalist from
Taylor Made
arrived soon enough to hear it.

‘Sebastian,’ she said as she approached him. ‘If you think I'm going to apologise for yesterday –’

‘That's not why I'm here, Mai. Take a seat.’ He gestured to the spot next to him.

She hesitated, but they were out in broad daylight with people walking by. He wouldn't try anything awful, would he? Mai sat at the edge of the bench and waited for him to say something. When he didn’t, she wondered for a moment if this was his way of trying to bully her into admitting to the world she’d played with the truth when it came to her stories.

But that didn’t make sense, especially when he just stared out over the lake. She glanced around, looking for signs the journalist had arrived. There was a blond-haired man a few benches down and he held a paper, but didn’t look like he was paying much attention. He had more focus than the other people about, turning pages in a timely, methodical way. Maybe he was a guy from
Taylor Made
.

Deciding to get the show going, she asked, ‘Then why did you insist on meeting?’

He turned to face her. Even with his eyes cast in the shadow thrown by his cap, they still snagged her attention like nothing else in the world could. They were wary now and full of something she'd never seen on him. Was it remorse?

No. Sebastian never had any regrets.

He sighed deep, then said, ‘I don't know how to start other than to say I’m sorry. For the way things turned out, hell, for everything, really.’

Her suspicious nature at least made sure she wasn’t a complete idiot, even though part of her wanted to believe he did feel shitty – he deserved to. ‘I suppose this is the part where you tell me how hurt you are, that I’ve had enough payback, and I should retract all my statements?’ She laughed a little. Like that would
ever
happen.

‘No, I'm not going to ask for anything from you. I just want you to know that even though you don't believe me, I never cheated on you. I’m guilty of a lot of things – especially treating you like you weren’t important to me, but I never betrayed you.’

Either he was the most talented liar in the world, or he really meant it. If it was the latter, then everything she’d done after that day at Wimbledon had hurt him just as much as she thought he hurt her.

Which meant, since she jumped straight into their bed with her ex-boyfriend, that
she
was the one who betrayed
him
. God, no wonder Sebastian had broken Jack’s nose.

‘She was all over you,’ Mai said, refusing to believe it. There was too much evidence and stories about what happened.

Sebastian sighed. ‘We’d just won the mixed doubles and it was her first big win. Mai, she was excited and took it too far. Her career began and ended that day. She was a winner, but also the woman who was supposedly having an affair with an engaged man. No one would sponsor her after that. She had to quit.’

Mai dipped her head, unable to look at him for a second longer. If he really was telling her the truth – and she couldn’t find a sign he was lying – she’d overreacted to the extremes. Hell, she’d caused such a fuss that the woman lost her career.

But she couldn’t believe it yet. There were too many things that didn’t fit. ‘You were so distant. After we got engaged I barely saw you. I didn’t know what to think.’

Moisture pooled in her eyes and a tear slipped free, trailing down her cheek. She wiped it away, hoping the journalist was too far away to hear their hushed conversation or she’d be in serious trouble with the magazine – the whole world, if
this
story broke.

Sebastian took her hand and squeezed it. The tingles that danced through her veins at the connection iced her stomach with guilt. She’d had so much with him, but it always seemed too good to be true. When she thought he’d cheated, it made more sense than him wanting to be with her forever. She was an orphan who grew up passed from foster carer to foster carer, a burden to everyone who’d briefly taken her in.

Was it so wrong to want someone’s undivided attention, to be adored for once?

Sebastian hadn’t given her that. No one had, but she knew in her heart that Jack loved her and she was trying to accept the way he showed her love. But as Sebastian rubbed his thumb over her palm, her insides melted like they never had with Jack.

‘I mean it, Mai. I want to make things right between us, and the only way I can think to do that is by apologising.’

She tugged her hand back, feeling like she was betraying her lover by touching him. ‘I don’t see the point of this conversation. Nothing’s changed.’

He looked out across the lake again. ‘I read the article in
Taylor Made
.’

There was no anger in his voice and he seemed relaxed, lounging back against the bench. She always assumed if they ever met in the future, when she’d got her revenge and he’d lost everything, that he’d hate her.

She’d been prepared for that. She even had a speech prepared that would rub his nose in it over and over.

To see that he wasn’t upset or angry threw her off-kilter.

He took his cap off, then ran a hand through his hair. It had grown out and looked just as silky as she remembered. Mai folded her arms in case she had another moment of weakness and reached out to him.

Sebastian met her eyes when he said, ‘I had no idea you felt the way you did. All I’ve thought about since I read the piece is how I could have done things differently. I just can’t think of anything except maybe retiring, but I wasn’t ready to back then.’

Her heart took off on a canter as hope and attraction pulsed through her. Not only was he thinking about her, regretting how he treated her, but he was willing to retire soon? That would mean he’d be free to give her everything she’d wanted from him last year – everything she’d ever wanted from anyone.

Mai shifted so her thigh was touching his. The sparks that sizzled in what little air was between them clouded her mind. When she placed her hand against his cheek, he didn't flinch away.

His brows pulled together, but she didn't want him thinking about all the reasons why this was a bad idea –
she
didn't want to think of all the reasons either. So she closed the distance and kissed him with everything she had.

He took hold of her shoulders and pushed her back. Her heart was going so fast she swayed a little and he pulled her closer until she could see properly. Mai cupped his face with both hands this time, but Sebastian pulled them away, then scooted over until he was at the edge of the bench.

She looked at him then, saw the shock in his widened eyes, the irritation in his clenched jaw, and the lust for him sizzled into anger until she was too livid to speak.

‘Jesus, Mai. What the hell was that about?’ He glanced around, then cursed when someone caught his eye. ‘Did you have someone follow us?’

She looked across the grass to see a dark-haired man with a camera. He gave Mai the thumbs up. Sebastian stood and the man bolted in the opposite direction, scoring another few curses from Sebastian.

Mai smiled despite the fact he’d made her so angry by reeling her in only to reject her again. How silly she’d been to believe a bastard like him could change, could care. But she’d have her revenge for this. And it would be sweeter than an argument caught on camera.

This would be the beginning of his end.

‘Mai!’ Sebastian grabbed her shoulder and shook. ‘Where’s he from?’

She flashed her teeth and poured all her hatred for him into her scowl. ‘You’ll find out soon enough, you bastard. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.’ She got up, shoved out of his hold but he followed her. ‘I swear to God, Sebastian. You touch me again and I’ll scream bloody murder.’

Chapter Fifteen

Efficient was her middle name today.

Alicia gathered the last of the papers scattered across the floor of her sitting room and shoved them into the file she had for the charity. Everything was set up and ready to go. She’d planned fundraising events for the next few years and set them in motion: she’d contacted all of the people Sebastian said may be interested, and even managed to get a few of the top names in sports out of them who’d also agreed.

Several teenage hostels and youth centres in London had promised to send kids their way once the centre opened, and she’d sorted out the lease for the building, a few volunteers to run the show, and the equipment was scheduled to arrive any day.

And to top it all off, she’d prepared a meal suited to his strict diet but would taste amazing.

All in all, she’d totally kicked the day’s arse.

By the time the knock at the door came a little after seven, she’d even had a chance to run the vacuum around her flat. Skipping to the door, anticipation curled in her stomach and she wondered if he’d be too hungry to squeeze in some fun before dinner.

Alicia pulled the door open and was about to pounce on him, but Sebastian’s jaw was taut and his stance was so rigid he might as well have worn a sign round his neck saying ‘Stay away’.

‘Are you alright?’ she asked, opening the door wider and standing to the side to let him in.

He didn’t get far before he pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her neck. Alicia wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. The fact that he was looking for comfort frightened her.

He was strong, he was self-assured, and a little egotistic. Whatever happened today must be bad.

She tried again. ‘Sebastian, what happened?’

Still no answer, but after a second of holding her so hard she couldn’t breathe, he pulled back, threw off his cap, then his mouth was on hers.

This wasn’t the kind of kiss that made her want to put off dinner until, say, five in the morning – though the way her body reacted to him wasn’t far off.

Sebastian kissed her with a tenderness laced with desperation, like he had something to prove. Or something to make up for?

Oh God, what had he done? Her blood ran cold as her mind pictured him with someone else. She pulled away. ‘I need to know what happened.’

His chest rose and fell in quick succession and she waited for what felt like forever, dreading what he would say. Would he lie to her, make her feel like everything was fine, or would he tell her something she didn’t want to hear?

Her stomach felt heavy as his silence stretched on. Alicia closed the door and locked it, though he might not be staying for long if he was going to admit what she dreaded the most.

He walked away from her and into the sitting room but she didn’t follow. Her legs felt weak, just like her heart. Hadn’t she known they were just working out the chemistry until he left for the French Opens? She did, and she believed it, so she had no idea why her heart stuttered like it was breaking.

‘I fucked up,’ he said.

Alicia squeezed her eyes shut to stop them from watering. This was ridiculous. She shouldn’t be so upset, not when they’d never made any promises to each other. She had her rules, but she’d broken the first.

She told herself the reason her heart had splintered was because whatever he did would drag her into a shameful media frenzy that would bring scandal to her family. She almost believed it too.

‘Don’t freak out on me,’ he said.

If anyone was freaking out it was him. He was raking his hands through his hair, taking out the kink left by his cap.

Alicia decided she had to treat the situation with professional calm – it was either that or she was going to freak out and then who knew? She made her way to the living room, grateful her legs were steady and didn’t give away her anxiety.

She sat down on the end of the sofa and gave him the choice. He took the chair, which was when she knew this was going to be bad – he’d never allowed much space between them before.

‘Do you want a coffee?’ she asked, but what she really wanted to do was pick up the charity file and beat him over the head with it until he told her what was happening.

Sebastian frowned at her. ‘Don’t use that prim voice. We’re not strangers.’

Right now it felt like they were, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. Not if she wanted honesty. ‘I’m sorry. What happened?’

He scrubbed a hand down his face. ‘I went to see Mai.’

Relief crashed through her. She’d thought he’d been with someone else, to hear he hadn’t made her want to laugh. But then he was going crazy on the chair and she knew there was more to this. So she waited.

Sebastian studied her expression for a long moment. ‘When I read the latest article I was pissed off at her. But then I read it back and saw more than her trashing me. I’d hurt her, really hurt her, and I thought it was long past time I apologised.’

Alicia blinked, but was too shocked to say anything. She’d known when she started this he wasn’t happy with the part of her plan to show the world he’d made a mistake. Let alone his ex.

‘We met in Hyde Park, next to the boating place. I told her the truth – that I’d never cheated on her and I think she believed me.’

‘That’s good, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘Maybe now she’ll stop …’

But Sebastian was shaking his head.

‘She kissed me.’

The words had her heart racing again, worse than before. Panic and pain interlaced until her lungs cramped with the effort it took to breathe. She knew what was coming next – it was written all over his expression.

‘Mai called the press.’

He nodded.

Alicia bit her tongue against other questions – more pressing ones. Did he kiss her back? Was there still attraction there beneath the bitterness? But his publicist didn’t need to know those things.

She tried to think through the pain, the hurt, and focus on the most important part – his reputation as a renowned cheat. And stopping this article from going to print and her father finding out.