Scandal (Tainted #1) (26 page)

‘You’ve done this before?’ He didn’t know whether to be shocked or impressed.

Her grin made his heart beat a little easier. He hugged her closer, more than glad she was here, regardless of the stupid way came.

‘Once. Maybe twice.’ At his frown she hurried on to explain. ‘Well, a lot. We had an eight o’clock curfew, even at the weekend when our parents would entertain. Daria, Sylvia, and I all used to sneak into each other’s rooms.’

‘Why not use the hall?’ he asked, baffled they’d go to such extremes.

Alicia wrinkled her nose. ‘Henry snoops around at night and he’d tell our father.’

Spiderman moves to scale the wall, a strict curfew, and a nosy butler. What else was he going to find out about this crazy family? ‘How old were you?’

‘Fourteen.’ She kissed him, but his mind was reeling.

Sebastian pulled away while he tried to get his head around it. ‘And your older sister would be, what, sixteen? Shouldn’t you have been sneaking out instead? To meet boyfriends or something?’

It seemed like a lot of hassle just to see each other. He couldn’t imagine ever being given a curfew. His parents took him to events and hadn’t put much limitations on him at all. Alicia paled and pulled out of his hold.

‘We weren’t allowed boyfriends.’

He sat on the edge of the bed while she paced in front of him. ‘Ever?’

She shook her head. ‘Mother told us early on we had to save ourselves for a suitable husband, and that Father would be cross if we didn’t. She was wrong. He didn’t get cross, he was …’

Her eyes widened as she stared at him and he figured she was thinking to the time her dad had told her to ignore her misbehaving libido. His hands curled into fists. He’d have liked Mr Simpson to be right there so he could plant one in his face for making her ashamed for being passionate. He couldn’t call himself a father.

‘You can tell me. I won’t judge you.’ She should know that.

She settled into one of the antique armchairs in the room and stared out at the sprawling gardens. He’d been surprised to see not only a tennis court, but also a cricket field and a small lake in the distance that seemed to be part of the manor grounds.

‘I met a boy when I was fifteen. His father was a carpenter and they lived outside town in a small cottage. Nothing like here. I snuck out a lot, to go and see him because I couldn’t tell my father I was dating him – we were supposed to save ourselves for someone he deemed suitable. I thought he was. I thought I was in love.’

His lungs cramped at her admission of loving someone else, but she was talking and that’s what he should focus on. Not the fact Alicia had been with other men. Hell, he knew she wasn’t a virgin but she’d only been fifteen. The thought turned his stomach as his mind jumped to all kinds of conclusions.

He forced himself to concentrate and settled on the footstool next to her, taking her hands in his. ‘He found out, your father?’

He’d found out alright, about everything. For a while, Alicia wished her father had discovered her relationship earlier and put an end to it before anything worse happened. She had been naïve, uninformed. The mess that followed giving into her hormones was ugly. A time in her life she didn’t particularly want to relive or share. Especially with Sebastian.

Instead she nodded, letting him think that was the worst part.

‘He was mad?’

His dark, melting eyes were focused on her and filled with sympathy. She knew he wouldn’t judge her, wouldn’t think she was a trollop. People made mistakes and he’d made his fair share. Why not let him know? She opened her mouth, but couldn’t force the words out.

‘There was more?’

She pressed her lips together hard, nodding again.

A knock sounded at the door and Henry’s voice rang through. ‘Dinner will be served at seven, Mr Collins.’

‘Fine,’ he called loud enough to be heard, his eyes never leaving hers. Quietly, he said, ‘Tell me.’

‘Master Simpson asks that you join him for drinks at six thirty,’ the butler continued.

‘Not a problem,’ he said, though his shoulders stiffened.

Alicia knew then she couldn’t tell him what her father did when he found out, or about the private investigator he’d hired. Not now, when Sebastian was going to spend alone time with him. It was already clear he didn’t like her father, and she couldn’t blame him. The man wasn’t the most welcoming, and worse, he’d had Sebastian followed for weeks!

When the sound of footsteps in the hall trailed away, she smiled. ‘None of that matters anymore. I’ve spent every day since trying to make him proud of me again, thinking it will make him love me like he does Daria and Sylvia. Now I’m not so sure I want that.’

‘What do you mean?’ His thumbs trailed gentle, soothing circles across the veins at her wrists.

‘Daria’s marrying a man who she never sees, because she believes he’s perfect for her. He’s perfect in our father’s eyes and Daria thinks that’s enough.’

His incredulous expression was more proof that her one-eighty was the right decision. Normal people married for love, for passion, because they wanted to be with that person for the rest of their lives and grow old together – as friends and lovers. Not because their parents deemed the man suitable, which her father had made perfectly clear that Sebastian probably would never be.

His warning about last chances rang in her head again, but she didn’t dwell on it. She’d known what could happen when all this started, what she hadn’t expected was how much she would want Sebastian after she had him. It made thinking of their time being over too painful to worry about.

‘Your family are crazy.’ He shook his head. ‘It must have been like living with emotionless humanoids.’

She forced out a laugh. ‘You’re not far wrong.’

But she didn’t want to talk more about her family, or worry about the time when they were over for good. Instead, she scooted closer so she could kiss him. How he pulled her into his arms made her feel cherished and the way she fit against him was easy and right, heating her all over and making her tingle. As Sebastian slid his hands up her spine, taking her shirt with them, she thought this was exactly how relationships were supposed to be.

Warm, exciting, and fuelled by passion.

Dinner was stuffy, refined, and over the top. The brandy shared with Mr Simpson before hadn’t been much better. The conversation painted a colourful picture of why Alicia had been so worried to have him there. As far as the old earl was concerned, Sebastian wasn’t a suitable addition to his precious family.

Alicia’s sister arrived, and the greeting was less formal. Daria hugged her and had even thrown a smirk his way with a wink that reassured him the Simpsons weren’t all soulless creatures.

Still, the respectable distance between the happy couple made him wonder if Alicia’s sister had stuck with her mother’s advice. He doubted the guy would be scaling a wall on questionable ladders to have some time with his girl – like Sebastian was doing now.

Alicia opened her bedroom window and he climbed in, praying the rickety wooden steps would stay in place or he’d be forced to go back via the hall and risk getting busted by the nosy butler.

‘I was about to send out a search party,’ she teased.

He was about to quip back but her room caught him off-guard. It was all pinks and silvers with an antique dressing table, mirror, and those fancy things he’d expect the queen to have. Her bed was a mountain of pillows and quilts, looking like something fresh out of a fairy tale. Not that different from her smaller, less fussy bed at her flat.

‘This is enough to emasculate any man,’ he muttered as he looked around.

‘I’m sure you’re more than masculine enough to deal with it.’ In one swift move, she pulled the black dinner dress over her head, revealing lacy red underwear that left nothing to his imagination.

Instantly, his focus was glued on her, the girlie room forgotten. He also remembered what he’d brought with him, though after last night he wasn’t sure it was a good move to bring it here. Still, if Alicia was serious about this new outlook of hers, she’d enjoy it. He knew he would.

‘Tonight, I’m in charge,’ he said, raking his gaze over her bare curves. ‘Strip.’

Her eyes flared and her skin took on a pink glow, a sure sign she liked where this was going. Slowly, she unclipped her bra and let it slide off her arms. A flare of heat arrowed south and his hands itched to touch her, but he couldn’t yet.

She hooked her thumbs under the material at her sides, then wiggled her hips as she pushed, letting her knickers fall to the floor. Her arms hung limp at her sides and she looked at him, half curious, half nervous for what came next.

Sebastian stepped closer and it took everything he had to not touch her. Instead, he dug his hands into his pocket, one fisting around the little metal bullet he’d bought. He cleared his throat. ‘Get comfy on the bed, any way you like.’

She moved backward until her thighs hit the edge. Crawling in reverse, she gave him a mouth-wateringly intimate view. He hardened, his arousal digging painfully into his trousers and his heart beating too fast. Sweat slicked his brow with the effort it took to hold back.

‘This is the hottest thing you’ve done and you haven’t even touched me.’

Her voice was ragged and dripped with the same need he felt. A need he worried would never go away. She’d move on and after tonight, be able to enjoy all the things she’d been too afraid to do before. Back where it all started for her, he’d free her completely from the stuffy, reserved life she’d been brought up to believe she should have. It was the only way he could think to repay her for everything she’d done for him.

‘I’m not going to touch you, but you’re going to enjoy it. Then I’ll give you what you really want.’

Her brows furrowed in confusion as she settled against the jumble of pillows, her blonde hair splayed out around her shoulders, making her look like an angel. ‘I don’t get what you … oh.’ Her eyes widened. ‘Sebastian, I can’t.’

‘You can, Alicia. You can do anything you want. This might help.’ He tossed her the vibrator and she caught it, the shock parting her lips a sign this wouldn’t be as easy as he’d hoped. ‘Do you know how hot it will make me?’

Her gaze dipped down his body and her cheeks flushed. ‘You too. I’m not doing this solo.’

He grinned, more than on board with that plan. He undid his button, pulled down the zip, and freed himself. ‘You’re on.’

Alicia twisted the device and the buzz hummed through the room. Her cheeks turned a deep pink, betraying her bravado. As she trailed the little silver bullet over her nipples, he had to clamp down on the pressure building in him and slowed his strokes.

Then she went south and circled her clit with the vibrator. She moaned, her head falling back and her eyes closing as she worked it around herself. His erection thickened in his hand and he had to let go or he was going to fall over the edge with her like he hadn’t had an orgasm for a week, not a few bloody hours.

She undiluted on the sheets and her hips jerked as she worked her arm. Cold, irrational jealousy of the device cut through the desire, but that was ridiculous. It was a machine, and she did the same beneath him when she was close. Still, his gut clenched hard as she moaned and her thigh muscles tightened.

Unable to stick to his own plan, he stripped down, stalked to the bed, and tugged her to the edge by the ankles. Ignoring her gasp, he took the vibrator from her and tossed it across the room, not giving a damn where it landed.

‘I thought you said I had to do it before I got what I wanted,’ she protested, but wrapped her legs around his waist anyway.

‘I changed my mind. From now on, when I’m around it’s only me who gets to make you come.’ He entered her in one long, slow thrust.

She clung to his wrists, pulling him down so she could take his mouth. He let her, tangling his fingers through her hair as he made love to her with everything he had, not caring that this time it wasn’t just about the need and desire. This time it was about so much more. Right now, she was his and worse, he was hers.

A tight hold on her arm was all that kept her legs moving, one in front of the other, until they reached the steps to the clinic. Alicia was numb, inside and out. This was the right thing, her father had told her so. The proper thing.

Doing this would mean she’d no longer be tainted. A few hours and it would all be over, he’d said.

Sweat beaded on her brow and she started to shake. A nurse appeared with a smile for her father, but her expression morphed to disdain when she looked at Alicia. Dirty, that’s how she felt. Dirty and alone.

But she wasn’t, she reminded herself as she hugged the tiny bump at her waist. It was the reason she was there, to say goodbye to her child. The reminder had her breath coming too fast and shallow again. Her throat tightened and her eyes watered, but her heart hammered on, proving she was still alive, still a person.

‘I can’t, Father. Please don’t make me!’ The tears poured from her eyes now, never stopping.

‘You have to, Alicia. Do you want to be alone forever? A disgrace to your family? Because we’ll all suffer if you don’t do this.’

Sobs racked through her chest, making it hard to speak. She didn’t want to end up like Jonathan, but when the nurse led them into a room across the way, her feet dragged and she wanted nothing more than to run. ‘Please … no.’

‘Alicia, wake up.’

She was shaken out of the awful dream, still sobbing and clinging to her waist while reality bled away the past.

‘No,’ she said, rubbing her empty stomach. ‘No.’

The loss hit her as hard as it did the day she lost her child, and she couldn’t break free from it. Not that she deserved to. She should suffer for what she’d done.

‘Jesus, Alicia. Come here.’ He pulled her onto his lap and held her tight.

She let his warmth seep through her chilled skin, crying into his shoulder like a child and feeling even worse for allowing herself this shred of comfort. She didn’t do anything to deserve it. Suffering was the price she should pay.

‘Don’t …’ Her throat was too thick to tell him to leave her, so she tried to pull away.