Scandal (Tainted #1) (30 page)

Her legs gave out. As she hit the tiles, she dropped the note, not caring where it went. Her heart felt like it had been torn in two, and not the way someone ripping a bandage from a wound felt a quick jolt, but like it was happening slowly. Agonisingly.

Karma wasn’t something she’d believed in – not until this backlash happened to her.

Alicia woke alone, just as she’d guessed. Sebastian hadn’t called, despite her texts. He hadn’t stopped by, despite promising to before he found out about the private investigator.

What had she expected? A warm welcome even though she’d hid things from him?

Instead of showering, she pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt then jogged down the hall, all the way to his bedroom. Her heart was pounding from more than the exercise and she definitely couldn’t put the moisture beading on her forehead down to exertion. It was fear. Fear that she’d screwed up everything, that he’d left her there and she’d never see him again.

She pushed open the door, but froze when she saw him stuffing his clothes into a case.

Sebastian turned to her, his frown and the tension emanating from him a clear warning to stay away. ‘I can’t do this now, Alicia.’

She couldn’t either. In fact, she didn’t want to do it ever. ‘You’re leaving?’

‘I’ve got to get back into training, I’ve missed enough already.’ He turned, going back to stuffing things in his bag.

Alicia stepped into the room. She couldn’t help it. Her mind didn’t seem connected to her body. ‘You’re mad at me for not telling you when I found out. That’s why you’re leaving.’

He sighed but didn’t look at her. ‘I haven’t opened up about everything, not as much as you have. But I tell you things that matter
now
. I told you what happened at the park.’

‘Because you were caught. If there wasn’t a risk of it getting into the news, would you have told me?’ she asked, folding her arms more for warmth than because she was annoyed.

After all, she had no right to be. She’d hidden something from him.

He pivoted round to face her. ‘I should have told you first, I get that now. But yes, even if she hadn’t set me up I would have told you.’

‘And I should have told you straight away, but I didn’t because I knew you’d be pissed off at my father. I was going to tell you when we got back to London. I didn’t want to give you more reasons to hate my family.’ He had enough already.

He shook his head. ‘What I don’t get is why you don’t hate him. He’s done nothing but rule you since you were born. He threatened you when he found out about us, didn’t he?’

There was no point in lying, so she nodded. ‘He’s my father. I used to think that meant I had to be the kind of daughter he wanted, but now I’ve realised that it’s not me who can’t be proper and respectable, it’s him who can’t understand the way the world’s changed since he was young. I can’t hate him for it, no more than you can hate Mai.’

Sebastian sat down on the bed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. ‘I can’t help thinking that if I treated her differently that she wouldn’t have done any of this.’

Alicia crossed the room until she was in front of him. Kneeling on the floor, she took hold of his hands. ‘You might have hurt her, but that’s no excuse for what she’s doing to you now.’

He leaned forward until his forehead rested against hers. Squeezing her hands, he said, ‘I thought if I could just stay in one place long enough, make proper friends and have real connections with people, that I wouldn’t feel so empty inside. Mai was everything I’d ever dreamed of and she wanted the same things – a home, marriage, and babies. But I was too far into my career and was never around. She didn’t want the travel since she’d been passed around from foster home to foster home all her life, never knowing what love was. I couldn’t give her that. Shit, I can’t give anyone that.’

He looked at her then, with eyes as shiny as her own probably were. ‘That’s why I need to leave. Arthur’s right, you deserve better. What we have is going to end soon and it was selfish to insist we keep it up. You mean more to me than a casual fling and I don’t want to hurt you.’

She meant more to him. As much as he meant to her? Alicia swallowed against the lump in her throat. ‘Then don’t walk away. You’ll regret it.’

He cupped her face with his shaking hands. ‘I’ll regret it whenever I do, but now will be easier for us.’

She needed more time with him. The thought of him leaving now was almost as painful as the day she had walked into the clinic all those years ago. ‘For you, maybe. What happened to making the most of what time we have left?’

He sighed, squeezed his eyes closed like he was in pain.

‘Don’t,’ she said, then rose up on her knees and pressed her mouth to his.

Sebastian kissed her back warily, like he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by pulling away. The need to prove him wrong, to keep him with her, rose until she was threading her fingers through his hair and tugging him closer.

When his lips parted she took the lead, putting everything into the kiss, into their connection. With a groan he surrendered and dragged her onto his lap, trailing his lips down her throat and squeezing her to him.

‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he said against her collarbone.

Alicia wriggled closer, gasping when she came up against his erection. ‘Then don’t, just stay … for now.’

He stripped her sweater off over her head, then met her gaze with grave eyes. ‘I’ll stay for as long as I can. I promise.’

She nodded, accepting that though she had fallen he might not be there yet. But she’d try to convince him that he wasn’t the man he thought he was. She had to. Otherwise she’d live the rest of her life regretting this too.

It was long past time she started fighting for the things she loved.

‘Thank you,’ she said, then pulled his polo shirt over his head. ‘Kiss me.’

He did, and for a second she wondered if she asked him to stay forever, would he? But then he slid his hands under her bra and she was lost to the burning chemistry that had been there since she’d met him.

His promise would have to do, for now at least.

‘You were fantastic with those kids today,’ Alicia said, a grin spreading her lips wide.

He tugged her closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulder as he led her into a side street away from the main road. The days and nights since they returned to London had flown by with more of the same. Training and Alicia. Despite what he’d been planning to do at the manor, leave her while he still could, he wasn’t able to walk away after she’d asked him to stay. Enough people had broken promises to her, and hadn’t he promised he’d give her what she wanted when she asked?

Plus, he was glad he had this chance to give her one afternoon and night just the two of them, which was probably as much for his benefit but it was what she’d wanted. They’d spent the morning at the charity, working with local kids and she’d even helped out when he’d been training them.

Now it was time for some one-on-one fun – and not the bedroom kind.

‘Another one of your bright ideas. I should hire you full time.’ He was teasing, sort of.

She really was doing a great job with the charity, had lots of gyms on board and a few fundraising events in the works. And she did seem to love helping out. It was all she talked about most nights.

The idea to ask her to keep working for him was tempting and as the week had gone on, their end date seemed to make everything more urgent. There was so much he wanted to show her, so much he still wanted to see with her. Another few weeks weren’t going to be enough.

But if there was anyone he wouldn’t wish his hectic life on, it would be her. Arthur Simpson had been right, he couldn’t give her all the things the deserved. The time they’d spend apart would drive a wedge between them and long-distance relationships never worked. His failed engagement to Mai proved that.

‘The traveling is definitely a perk, but the price would have to be right.’ She raised an eyebrow at him, the twinkle in her eye saying she was hinting at more than monetary.

‘You’d take payment in sex?’ He tried to keep his tone light.

‘It’s certainly better than accepting money for sex.’

Laughing, he shook his head and led her past a few backstreet shops until the arcade came into view. Lasers was somewhere his mum had brought him as a kid when they were in London and his dad was focused on training.

‘Is this what I think it is?’ she asked.

Nodding, he stepped forward and opened the door for her. Alicia just stared at him. Hell, had he got it all wrong? Of course she wouldn’t be interested in this, it was a guy thing. ‘We can go somewhere else.’

‘No, I want to go in. I’ve never been to an arcade before.’ She skipped through the open door, stopping inside until he entered behind her. ‘This is so cool.’

Sebastian couldn’t believe how little had changed about the place, and even his favourite fighting game was still where it had been. The dark blue walls had seen a few coats of paint over the years. The Pacman transfers had been joined by more updated characters and the lighting was a bit brighter, but it was the same place he remembered.

‘I can’t believe you’ve never been to an arcade. Not even at carnivals?’

Alicia rolled her eyes, but still grinned as she took in the room. ‘You’ve met my parents. The only thing we got to visit were parades and snooty parties. I never even had a bouncy castle on any of my birthdays.’

He linked his fingers through hers, a bit shocked at her revelations – despite having met her rigid parents. Well, that hadn’t been entirely true. When her mother loosened up and got out from under Arthur’s thumb, she’d been a different woman than the cold one he’d met when he arrived. He reckoned it was Arthur who curbed their passion, and he was glad he’d at least got the chance to give the old goat a piece of his mind.

‘I bet Juliette would love it here, and your sisters,’ he said.

Alicia grinned. ‘Sylvia definitely would. She has a thing for geeks.’

‘So I’m a geek for enjoying a little time out?’ he asked.

She laughed a little. ‘Definitely. But you still bring the sexy.’

Pulling her close, he dropped a quick kiss on her mouth. ‘Glad you think so.’

Alicia glanced around the arcade again, her eyes bright with excitement, and he knew then that bringing her here was one of his better ideas.

‘When did you find this place?’ she asked, probably expecting him to have done a Google search.

Sebastian debated whether to tell her, but it wasn’t a government secret. After all, his parents had tried to make sure he got his share of kid stuff growing up. And Alicia had confessed more about herself than this.

‘My mother brought me here whenever we were in London.’ Her mouth dropped, like his admission was the last thing she expected. He shrugged. ‘We travelled a lot. While Dad was training, Mum always found places like this for me. She didn’t want me to miss out on fun.’

Alicia nodded her acknowledgement and turned quickly, but not before he caught the shimmer in her eyes that said she felt sorry for him. He didn’t want that, not from her or anyone. Time to take it back to the fun day he’d planned. No more confession time.

‘Since this is your first time, you can pick what game I beat you at.’

That earned a smile from her which made his heart skip a beat. She took his hand, then dragged him around the room, checking out every game the place had. Her smile grew wider until she stopped beside one of the newer seated racing games, pulled out her mobile, and with her back to the machine, snapped a picture with the front camera.

He lifted an eyebrow in question. Alicia wasn’t usually one for selfies.

‘Instagram, Collins. The game I’m going to whip you on.’ She fiddled about with the mobile for a second and he laughed.

‘Better hope you do or it’ll be embarrassing Tweeting the retraction. And, of course, the grovelling apology.’

She slid into one of the chairs. ‘I’m not worried, I’ve seen you drive.’

‘That’s it. I was going to go easy on you but you’ve ruined it by insulting my driving.’

‘My devious plan worked.’ She grabbed the steering wheel and frowned. ‘Do we need change or something?’

‘I’ll get it.’ He left to cash in a fifty, his smile still in place. Even when his mother had brought him here he couldn’t remember having a constant grin or this much fun.

When he got back to the game, Alicia was wrapping up a call. He slid into the chair next to her and put a few coins in the slot. ‘Good news?’ he asked, because her grin got wider.

‘The best. Don’t you have your mobile?’

He shook his head. ‘I wanted to spend time with you without work interruptions.’

Alicia turned to face him, her green eyes almost glowing with excitement and a jolt in his chest made his heart skip a beat again. Ever since they’d got back from her parents’, she’d been a different person – all light, smiles, and happiness. Just being near her was enough for her glow to rub off on him.

‘That was Mr Maine. Tony called to say you’ve been made three offers by different sports companies
and
Bentley are putting together a proposal package!’

It took a minute for the words to sink in, and her grin slipped. ‘Sebastian, I thought this was the end game. The companies see the effort and focus you’re putting in, your work with the charity and –’

He took her face and kissed her hard. Heat instantly zipped to his groin and before he could think about where they were, he hauled her onto his lap. Her lips were still at first, immovable against his, but then he forced them apart. Alicia melted against him, her mouth softening and her fingers threading into his hair.

She was the first to break the kiss, gasping for air and laughing. ‘That’s some thank you.’

‘You’re incredible,’ he said, then nuzzled her throat. ‘You’re gold. You’re my lucky charm.’

‘Um, there are kids here,’ she whispered, her voice thick with the same scalding lust burning him inside.

Sebastian sighed. ‘True. We should probably stop.’ Still, as she rose, he gave her backside a squeeze for good measure. ‘Later I’ll thank you properly.’

She hit a few buttons on the control pad, throwing him a quick grin. ‘When you get lapped by a girl and can’t take it, I’ll remind you of that.’