Scarred Hearts (Blackrock) (2 page)
After the burial was over Roger asked me back to his house for a while but I said no that I just wanted to stay with her for a while longer. After about five minutes the place was deserted except for me, I lay down in the dirt beside my friend and cried so hard for the loss of a friendship, the loss of a beautiful soul and for the pain that my best friend was in before she decided to end it all.
I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes it was getting dark, I lifted myself up onto my elbows and looked around. When I turned to my right I saw the picture of my best friend Summer Anderson looking back at me, her parents chose her senior prom picture and I knew that one so well because I was in it too, I reached over and brushed my fingertips along her hair and whispered goodbye.
As I began walking out of the cemetery I saw Brad's truck at the gate and him resting against the hood, "Hi Bailey" he said "Hi, what are you doing here?" he stepped away from the truck and held out his arms, I didn't want to see him let alone hug him but something inside of me was missing, I was empty and maybe some physical contact would take it away I stepped toward him and sunk into his chest, he kissed the top of my head and held me without speaking.
I know I should just walk away but being held at that moment felt good, I am broken and don't know how to fix myself. Brad steered me to his truck and held open the door for me, after I climbed in he ran around and jumped into the drivers seat " I went by your house your mom said you never came home" he said, " Yeah I just wanted a little while longer with her" "Do you want to talk about it?" I could feel the anger begin again and I wanted to scream in his face but instead I just shook my head no and turned to look out the window.
It was now eight o'clock at night and Brad stopped outside my house, "Look Bailey, I know you are going through a hard time right now, but I love you and I'm sorry for the way I acted that night" I turned around to face him and shrugged my shoulders, I don't really care what he feels. " I know you think I took off on you but I got freaked out," now my anger had reached boiling point " You got freaked out!" I screamed " how the hell do think I feel, I was there and you just left me alone to deal with that shit" Brad was tall and strong physically but not very good with emotions, " Look Brad thanks for bringing me home but I have to go" I opened the door and slid out of the truck, I turned and took one last look remembering all the fun times we had together but now they were tainted with his betrayal.
"So that's it? Your just going to walk away from four years together" he questioned " do I not even mean anything to you?" He got out of the truck and followed me to the front door, " Yes Brad that's it, we had fun but now its over" I said. "Are you still friends With Ben?" he sighed and ran his fingers through his shiny auburn hair, " Yes Bailey I am, you know he is just as upset as you are". I turned on the step to face him and I had the advantage of looking down into his eyes " I don't think so". "Ben and his friends don't give a crap about Summer they never did, so don't you dare tell me they do". " I can't believe that you still want to be friends with them, you knew Summer like I did and yet you are on their side"
"Bailey it's not about sides, I love you I am on what ever side you are on".
"No Brad, No not anymore you left me, you fucking left me you asshole," I screamed at him. " My best friend was broken to pieces by them and you left me to pick up the bits all by myself but clearly I didn't do a good enough job because look where she is now". Brad huffed and put his hands on his hips, " Listen it is not your fault, you were not inside her head, how were you supposed to know what she would do?" " Bailey I don't know how to tell you that I am truly sorry and I love you, tell me how am I supposed to get that through to you?" he asked exasperated. "Your not Brad, I can't deal with you or them anymore, maybe we stayed together out of habit, who knows but right now I don't want to be around you or them ever again". I turned and walked into the house without a backward glance. I heard him slam the truck door and pull off like a bat out of hell from the driveway.
As I walked towards the stairs my mother came out of the lounge with a disapproving glare, "You are very selfish Bailey, that boy loves you and he comes from a good home" she said. I looked at her and snapped, that did it right there, that was all it took for me to unleash all my fury on her. I told her just what I thought of Brad and his new "friends" how if she thought he was perfect then she should be with him, I picked up the vase of flowers on the hall table and threw them at her. I couldn't take this anymore I have to get out of here.
I ran up to my room and began pacing up and down like a caged animal, running my fingers through my hair over and over. My clothes still had dirt on them but I didn't care, what was the point this whole situation is a fucking mess. I flopped onto my bed and my cell phone bounced up and hit me in the face. I left it behind when I went to the funeral service today, I pressed the home button and swiped the screen. I saw that I had ten missed calls, nine from Brad and one form Mortenson engineering. I frowned and looked at the time, it's just after eight maybe he will still be there.
I pressed the call back button and waited, it rang four times before he picked up, "Mortenson Engenineering Frank speaking," Tears welled up in my eyes again "dad, its me" I said. "Oh Bailey, sweetheart I tried to call earlier, how are you?" I took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay "I'm not good dad, I can't be here anymore everything is gone to pot". "I am sorry Bailey, I was out of the country until yesterday, I called mom to see if you were in and she told me about Summer" I heard him sigh and he waited for me to talk. "Dad I know she doesn't tell you anything about me anymore, it's not your fault you didn't know" I could tell he was just as heartbroken as me, Summer was his unofficial adopted daughter, we spent so much time together over the last eighteen years that she became family. "Listen Bailey I am in town until September I wanted to make sure I was around for your birthday this year and I was actually calling yesterday to see if you and Summer wanted to come spend summer vacation with me?" he said.
I gave a half smile thinking about how Summer would have reacted, she would be all up on that invitation I can see her now shouting from beside me "yes dad #2 we are there, stock up on chocolate and popcorn". She called my dad, dad number two, at first he thought she was a little strange but it grew on him over the years. "You know dad I think I will take you up on that offer, I can't be in this town any longer" I say. "Ok that's great Bailey, I will email you the ticket for the flight, when do you want to come?" I looked around my room noticing how much I had already packed for college the only things left were clothes and toiletries and some of my books. "How about the day after tomorrow?" I say. "Sounds like a plan, just let mom know before you hop a plane, I don't want to get accused of kidnapping my own daughter" he gave a half laugh half snort through the phone because we both know she would do just that. "Dad you do know I am eighteen right?" I can hop a plane anytime.
"I know, ok I will email you the ticket and see in you in two days, love you Bailey" "Love you too dad, see you soon" I say and end the call.
After I hung up the phone I jumped into the shower to wash away the second worst day of my life. I stood under the scorching water until my skin turned pink then I towel dried my hair and found my favorite pair of Pajamas.
They are white with little purple hearts on them and the softest cotton you can feel. Summer bought them for me on her Christmas trip to Aspen last year, she said I couldn't sleep in her company in my ratty shorts and tank top anymore that I am an adult now so I needed to dress like one. She always did things like that and played it off as no big deal. I climbed into bed and prayed that I would sleep through the night without the blackness swallowing me whole.
I woke at nine am the next morning, I could smell burnt toast coming from the kitchen so I got out of bed and made my way towards the stench. As I walked into the kitchen I saw my mother sitting at the table with coffee and burnt toast. I looked her and asked "did they not teach you how to make toast at the sorority" I shook my head and threw her toast in the trash. "I spoke to your father last night" I put more bread into the toaster without turning to face her, bracing myself for a battle that I knew was sure to come. "Really and what did you talk about?" I asked as I buttered the toast. "You know very well Bailey, what we discussed".
Here we go the snooty tone of voice was out so this was sure to be an epic battle. "He told me you were planning to spend the summer with him at his house. Were you planning on talking to me about this?". "Yes mother I was but you obviously beat me to it so now you know the whole secret plan" I said sarcastically while dropping her plate of toast down in front of her. "Well you know I think that would be a good idea for you to take time away from here for the summer and then you can come back to start college in September and if you go to Brad I am sure he will wait for you to get yourself together". Did she seriously just tell me to go to Brad and ask him to wait for me. "Mom I know you like Brad but I am done with him and his crap, he is not good for me anymore" I explained. We sat there in silence eating our non-burnt toast, when I finished my coffee I got up from the chair and looked at her, she actually looked sad.
"I am going to start packing I will talk to you later" I turned and walked out of the kitchen heading up the stairs. When I got back to my room I grabbed my cell phone and texted my dad,
Me: Hi dad thanks for breaking the ice with mom, see you tomorrow.
Dad: That's ok honey I am sure it went well.
Me: as well as could be expected
Dad: ok see you soon.
I grabbed my suitcases from the closet and began packing all my worldly possessions into them. It was harder than I thought it was going to be, every time I took out a piece of clothing I remembered a time I wore it when Summer was around, everything in my life involved her and now she is gone. I picked up my phone to check the time, it was already one pm time flies I guess. At least I am half way there so I decided to take a break. I head down stairs and walk into the kitchen, I see a note on the table, Bailey I am gone out to Zara's, we have a lunch date and meeting about the senior formal I will be home late tonight, I have left you $20 dollars to order pizza, love mom.
I threw the note in the trash and grabbed my cell and headphones. I put the twenty into my back pocket and decided to head into downtown. I needed a break from packing and a good cup of coffee. I put my headphones in and started to walk to Cafe Rouge, listening to Nickelback as I walked. I had it up so loud that it drowned out all my emotions and I just let the songs take me away.
I reached Cafe Rouge about fifteen minutes later, I was blissfully numb when I walked into the cafe and up to the counter. "Hi Bailey, what can I get you today?" "Hi Meg, I think today I will have a white chocolate mocha with extra caramel". Meg laugh's "So it's the usual then?" I give her a half smile and take my usual seat by the window.
Meg brings over my coffee and places a slice of raspberry swirl cake down as well I look up at her with a question in my eyes. "I just thought you would like it, I know you and Summer would always share one" she said with a sadness I never expected. "I'm sorry to hear what happened to her, I used to look forward to you guys coming in, she was always telling funny stories" she smiled and began to walk away.
I could only stare at the cake I couldn't thank her for the lump in my throat choking me. I put my headphones back in and let the music take me away to happier times. I was zoning out just looking out the window at the street but not really seeing it when I felt a tap on my shoulder and someone slide into the seat beside me. I turned around and saw Roger, pulling my headphones out I gave him a hug. "Hi Bails, why are you here alone when you could have called me" he asked. "Hi Roger, it was only a last minute thing I was taking a break from packing" I say.
"What?" he snapped his head around to within inches of mine, if he weren't one of my BFF's we would be within kissing distance. "Yeah I was actually going to call you tonight to let you know" he cut me off "to let me know what exactly" "Oh Roger where to start" I sighed.
I began from last night when Brad came to the cemetery and told him about the phone call from my dad and my decision to go stay with him for the summer.
"But you are coming back for college right" he asked. I couldn't answer him because I wasn't sure of the answer I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders "I don't know". Roger looks like he is about to burst into tears, he lost one sister and now I am abandoning him I feel like such a bad friend but that feeling has been with me for the last two weeks.
"Hey can I bum a ride to the airport from you in the morning" I ask. He looks pissed off but says yes anyway "what time?"
"About eight am" I say "can you drag yourself away from your bedmate" I ask nudging him with my elbow. He gives me a smirk and informs me that he has not had a "bedmate" for about a month. I look over at him and laugh "now that I do not believe, you are worse than a teenage boy hitting puberty" he pulls an offended face and then breaks into a smile, "well bestie considering this is your last night in Grove we are going out to get drunk and kiss goodbye" he says.
I look over at him and start to shake my head, "No I don't think that's a good idea, I don't want to see anyone". "Well I don't care you are not leaving here without a farewell and I can't do more sadness at the minute either" I sigh and agree to out for one drink.
Roger picks me up at seven and we head into downtown Grove for my last night in town. We go to Tony's for dinner, it's our favorite Italian and even though we are talking there is still and undercurrent of sadness about us.
I remember the last time I was in here it was just about two months ago. I was with Summer and she was going on about how much she was in love with Ben Miler. She told me that the Saturday before her nineteenth birthday her and Ben were getting a hotel room and she was going to finally loose her virginity. I remember asking her if she was sure and was Ben really the right one considering they were only together for seven months, she told me that she did not want to be a virgin starting college in the fall. Laughing at her I told her he better make it special or I would kick his ass.