Scattered Colors (33 page)

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I knew I shouldn’t let myself get excited about one simple conversation, but I just couldn’t stop myself.

“Someone looks like they just got the world’s best blow job,” Caleb said as soon as I walked through the front door of the apartment.

“Huh?”

“I just mean that you’re in a surprisingly good mood,” he answered.

“So you assumed I had my dick sucked?”

“It’s just an expression, man.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not.” I laughed as I plopped down on the couch and kicked my feet up on the coffee table.

“Well, it should be,” he answered, knocking my feet off the table. I’d only been living with him for a day and it was already obvious Caleb was a serious clean freak. Thank God he was a cool guy or I would have worried about how our living situation was going to work.

“I talked to Freya tonight,” I admitted, unable to wipe the grin from my face.

“Yeah? And you’re still alive? That has to be a good thing, right?”

“Fingers crossed.” I sighed. “I’m not fooling myself into thinking this is going to be easy, but I have to admit, not having her kick me in the balls was kind of a confidence boost.”

Caleb’s head fell back on a laugh. “So I have to ask, what
exactly
are you here for? A guy doesn’t just move all the way across the country simply for forgiveness.”

Leaning my head back against the couch, I let out a deep breath and scrubbed my hands over my face. “If I tell you the truth, you going to try and kick my ass?”

“Depends,” he answered with a small shrug. “You tell me you’re here to get in her pants, then yeah, probably.”

“It’s not that, man. Hand to God.” When I looked over at Caleb, one of his brows was quirked up skeptically. “Okay, it’s not
just
that,” I conceded. “I’m not going to lie to you, I’d give my right arm to get her underneath me again, but it’s so much more than that. I need her. I need
all
of her. When she left, she took a major part of me with her. I don’t think I’ll ever get that part back if she doesn’t come back to me, you know?”

I had Caleb’s full attention after that. He muted the TV and turned to face me. “Then why’d you do it? That girl was wrecked when she got here. Hell, she’s
still
putting herself back together.”

Hearing how bad off she was killed me. I physically ached when I thought of her being so sad. “I had my reasons,” was all I offered. It wasn’t that I had a problem telling Caleb the truth, but I owed it to Freya to give that truth to her first.

“Must have been damn good reasons if you care for her as much as you claim to.”

“I love that girl with everything in me. Don’t doubt that for a second. If I thought I had any other choice back then, I would have jumped at it. But I did what I had to do. It was the only way.”

“Well,” he started, relaxing back into the couch. “You don’t know me well enough to have figured this out yet, but I’m actually a pretty damn good judge of character.”

“Uh…okay?” I wasn’t quite sure where he was going with that.

“I’m just saying, I get the feeling you’re being real with me. I also think you’re a pretty decent dude. But if you tell Piper I said that, I’ll deny it ‘til the day I die.”

I laughed. Talking to Caleb just proved I was right about my initial judgment. He was a really cool guy. If things worked out like I hoped, hopefully we’d be able to stay friends. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Good. Now, I’ll help you out the best I can to get your girl back, but only to a certain extent. I can’t let it come between me and Pipe. You understand, right?”

“Yeah, I understand. I wouldn’t ask for any more than that. I’m just thankful you’re willing to help at all.”

Caleb stretched his arm out so I could bump his fist with my own. “Here’s to getting your girl back.”

It was right then that I thanked God for meeting Caleb.

I sat curled up in one of the small patio chairs Piper and I had bought for our small balcony when we first moved in, staring out at the sky. Since moving to Florida I’d made the effort to watch the sunset as often as I could, but while I still took the time to stop and appreciate it each and every day, I no longer felt the need to sit and watch from start to finish unless time allowed. They were still important to me because they meant something to my mom, but the need to grasp on to anything that made me feel close to her wasn’t weighing me down the way it had in the past. I could look at the sunset and smile, knowing I still carried my mother in my heart with me everywhere I went.

But for the past week, I found myself curling up on our balcony in the evenings I was home, in need of the sunsets to clear my head ever since Parker’s arrival. He’d been true to his word and given me space to think for the past five days, but as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, letting the warm breeze kiss my face and play with the ends of my hair, I was still uncertain. I had no clue what he wanted to tell me, and more than that, I didn’t know if it was something I wanted to hear.

Minutes ticked by as I enjoyed the tranquility around me. It wasn’t often that I had the apartment to myself, and I basked in the silence that surrounded me like a warm blanket. I was so relaxed that I began to doze off in the wicker chair when a deep voice spoke, shaking off the comforting sleepiness.

“Freya?”

My eyes popped open and darted around my small surroundings. I was still alone. “Parker?” I asked.

“Yeah.” I could hear the smile in his voice and realized it was coming from the balcony below me. “Are you, uh… Are you watching the sunset?”

“Yeah,” I answered just above a whisper, not certain if he’d been able to hear me.

“I’ve watched almost every single sunset since you left,” he said, pulling at my heart, making that dull ache more prominent. “I thought if I was sitting on that beach watching, maybe you were somewhere doing the same thing.”

“Parker,” I tried to make his name on my lips sound like a warning, but it just came off sounding as defeated as it felt. “Not now…please.”

“Then when, Freya?” I could hear his agitation and it fueled my own.

“I never asked you to come here,” I stated sternly. “I never wanted anything from you after I left, and I sure as hell didn’t promise you I was going to hear whatever excuses you have to throw at me. I told you I’d think about it, that’s it. I’m still
thinking
.”

His heavy sigh was loud enough to carry up to where I sat. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just…I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

He remained silent for several beats before finally answering. “Be so close to you and not touch you or talk to you whenever I want.” My eyes squeezed shut as he spoke against the familiar flood of emotion I used to feel whenever he was around. “It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, gorgeous.”

“Please stop calling me that,” I spoke in a soft, broken voice as the sound of my nickname rang in my ears.

“I never stopped loving you, Freya. Not even for a second.”

“Stop,” I pleaded desperately. He didn’t listen. I should have gotten up and gone inside, cutting off his speech, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave that chair.

“I know what I did hurt you, and I’ll spend however long I have making it up to you, but I need you to know I’ve loved you every single day that’s passed. I don’t blame you for hating me. I hate myself most of the time. But I’m not leaving. I’m not giving up.” With every sentence his tone grew more confident, more determined. “I’m going to earn your trust back.”

I couldn’t speak past the lump of tears that had formed in my throat. It felt like an eternity before I was able to get a hold of myself. I couldn’t respond to his impassioned declaration. I didn’t have one. My head screamed at me to tell him there was no chance of that ever happening, that it was too late, but my heart wouldn’t let me. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions and couldn’t handle it.

So I did the only thing I could. I stood and walked inside, closing the door on Parker and the words I’d been desperate to hear two years before.

She walked away.

The sound of her door closing quietly above me echoed like a harsh slam, discouragement weighing heavily on my shoulders as I slunk back into my own apartment. I was running out of ideas and growing more and more disheartened with each passing day. The idea of a future without Freya was unimaginable, but as the days passed, I began to worry. I couldn’t go back to that empty shell of a life I’d been living in for the past two years. As I fell back onto my bed with an aggravated sigh, fear clutched at my chest that she might not be able to forgive me.

“No,” I spoke out loud, shaking my head to clear it of those dismal thoughts. As I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, the sight of my partially open closet door caught my eye and I was suddenly hit with an idea. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it already. As I rushed to the closet and threw the door open the rest of the way, I was reinvigorated.

I might have been down, but I wasn’t out.

At least not yet.