Scurvy Goonda (28 page)

“Ya smell good,” said Scurvy to Czarina.

“Vatch it,” replied Czarina.

“Where to?” said the cabbie.

Ted leaned over to his father.

“Do you have any money?” he whispered.

“I was in jail,” said Declan. “Any money I had, I ate it a long time ago.”

“Do you take credit cards?” said Carolina.

“Yup,” said the cabbie.

Carolina pulled her wallet out of her pocket and removed a platinum American Express card. Ted raised his eyebrow.

“My mother gave it to me,” said Carolina. “My parents divorced and she feels guilty.”

“She really doesn’t care?” said Ted.

“She just pays the bill,” said Carolina.

Ted leaned forward and gave the taxi driver an address that made the driver’s eyes widen.

“The ultimate ride,” said the driver.

In the cab, Declan asked his son about the family, and about school, and about all the things from the past seven years that were important to him. Carolina listened to Ted and Declan talking and realized just how wrong she had been to ridicule Ted.

In the front seat, Scurvy, Czarina, and Eric tried to get comfortable, to no avail.

“Forget it!” yelled Scurvy. “I’ll make me own space!”

Scurvy climbed out the window and onto the roof of the taxi, where he had all the room he wanted. He loved the feeling of the wind whipping through his hair. It was even better than riding on Ted’s bike.

Five hours later, the cab pulled up in front of Ted’s house—the
first stop. The rate meter was flashing the fare: $3,740. Ted got out of the cab, followed by Declan and Scurvy, who filled his lungs with the good sea air, and then Eric, who stretched his legs and ate some leaves.

Ted looked at the meter, and then at Carolina.

“Trust me. I’ve got it covered,” she said.

“So, see you at school on Monday?” said Ted.

It sounded so bizarrely normal.

“Yeah,” said Carolina. “I’ll see you at school. And at home-coming.”

“Right,” said Ted. “Homecoming.”

“Hold on,” said Carolina. “I think you left this.”

When Ted poked his head through the window to see what he had left, Carolina kissed him.

“Atta boy, matey,” said Scurvy. “Atta boy indeed.”

“Monday?” said Carolina.

“Muh-muh, Mund—” said Ted, totally dazed.

The taxi pulled away down the street.

Ted looked at his father, who was staring at his decaying home.

“You’re still here,” said Declan.

“Mom never wanted to go anywhere else,” said Ted. “She’s been waiting.”

Declan took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s go inside.”

Ted walked up to the front door, his father behind him. He pushed the door open and looked into the house.

“Mom?” he said. “Anybody?”

Grandma Rose was sitting at the kitchen table, playing solitaire. A look of shock crossed her face when she saw Ted, and then she stood up when she realized who Declan was.

Ted had never seen her stand.

“YOU’RE BACK!” said Grandma Rose. “EVERYBODY COME QUICK! I’M STANDING! AND THEY’RE BOTH HOME!”

Ted stepped forward and hugged his grandmother.

“Hi, Grandma Rose,” he said.

Declan did the same.

“Long time, Rose,” he said.

“I MISSED YOU!” she yelled.

Adeline walked into the kitchen from her bedroom, holding a picture that she had been drawing. The picture was of her family all together, with Eric and Scurvy, but Ted didn’t notice this as he ran forward and lifted her up.

“Adeline!” said Ted.

“TED!” she yelled. “TED! YOU’RE BACK!”

Behind Ted, Eric the Planda waved to Adeline.

“ERIC!”
yelled Adeline, squirming out of Ted’s arms and running to Eric. The planda wrapped his arms around her, and the bonsai tree on his head turned bright green.

“Who’s that?” said Adeline, pointing at Declan.

Declan’s eyes were wet as he walked up to Adeline.

“Hello, Adeline,” he said.

“You know my name?” said Adeline.

“I’m your dad, Adeline,” said Declan.

Adeline didn’t know how to react, so Declan just wrapped his arms around her. The last time he’d seen her, she wasn’t even three months old. She was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“Declan,” said Debbie, standing at the bottom of the staircase, stunned. “Ted.”

Declan lifted his head and looked at his wife. He put down Adeline, walked toward Debbie, and lifted her up, kissing her.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” he said. “You are more perfect than I even remembered.”

“Oh, my Declan. My Declan my Declan my Declan.”

“I’m back,” said Declan. “For good. I’m back.”

“I can’t believe it,” said Debbie. Her eyes were wet.

Ted walked up and hugged his mother, and Adeline followed. Slowly, Grandma Rose shuffled over and joined the embrace.

It was the first full-family hug the Merritts had ever had.

Monday.

Ted nervously walked into school. His and Carolina’s return had been all over the local news, and since they’d come back together, it was just assumed they had run off with each other. Neither of them said anything to curb the rumors, because it was by far a more believable explanation than the truth.

Between classes, everybody looked at him like he had just returned from the moon. No one approached him, and in general, he was treated with awe. Many of the students in the school had younger siblings, and over the weekend, they had been listening to their siblings’ shrieks of happiness as their abstract companions returned.

In Mongolia, Oochkoo Bat awakened in her drafty room to discover that her miniature fire-eating yak, Mandoni, was once again sleeping in his normal spot on the floor of the closet.

In Iceland, Halldor Gundmondsson pulled open his window blinds and saw his rhinoceros friend, Bjarni, stomping around in his yellow raincoat and a new pair of galoshes.

In the African country of Eritrea, Natsinet Tenolde found her leaf-nosed bat, Gongab, sitting on top of her house.

Though none of Ted’s fellow students said anything, many of them simply had a feeling that Ted’s return and the arrival of thousands of imaginary friends were somehow related.

Halfway through the day, Ted took a deep breath.

“You ready, Scurvy?” said Ted.

“Aye,” said Scurvy. “Let’s go.”

Together, they walked into the cafeteria.

Ted stood in line to get his food—meat loaf with a side of macaroni and cheese, and an apple juice—and then took his tray and walked into the seating area, where
everybody
was staring at him. He looked around for a table and spotted one in the far corner where his exchange student friend Kettil was eating alone. As Ted walked over to Kettil, the cafeteria was so quiet that Ted could hear his own footsteps.

“Hi, Kettil,” said Ted.

“Hej,”
said Kettil. That meant “hello” in Swedish.

Ted sat down and started to eat, trying to ignore everybody’s eyes. And then …

“Hey, want some more company?”

It was Carolina, holding her own tray.

“Sure,” said Ted.

Carolina sat down next to him and the cafeteria gasped.

“May I sit?” said Czarina Tallow to Scurvy.

“Please do, m’lady,” said Scurvy.

“A YO YO AND A HO HO!” yelled a familiar voice. It was Duke, marching over from the popular table. “LOOK WHO HAS RETURNED FROM THE SEVEN SEAS.”

“Quit it, Duke!” said Carolina.

“You’ve had your fun, Carolina, but you’re at the wrong table,” said Duke. “Come on.”

“I’m sitting with my boyfriend,” said Carolina.

“YOUR BOYFRIEND?” said Duke.

“Really?” said Ted.

Carolina nodded.

“Don’t be stupid,” said Duke, grabbing Carolina’s arm. “Come on.”

“Don’t you touch her,” said Ted.

“Oh?” said Duke. “You’re telling me what to do?”

Ted thought about this.

“Yes I am,” he said.

Because Ted’s hands were under the table, Duke couldn’t see that his birthmark was rapidly changing color. Ted could feel the limb getting warmer, and then—
snap!

Ted willed his arm to stay underneath the table and not fly around freaking everybody out. Down by his knees, Ted could hear it rapidly building something, plucking atoms out of the air.

Then Duke realized that something was grabbing his shirt.

In its talons.

An enormous bald-headed condor stepped out from underneath the lunch table and spread its wings.

“Rrrack!” said the condor, tightening its claws around Duke. “Rrrack!”

Ted’s forearm quietly reattached itself to his elbow, its job done.

“What the—” said Duke.

Scurvy leaned close to Ted.

“I think tha condor wants tah go out,” said Scurvy.

Calmly, Ted walked over to the cafeteria’s outside exit and opened the door. With Duke firmly in its claws, the condor took a few hops out the door, stretched its wings, and soared off into the afternoon sky.

Ted closed the door and walked back to his table, where he took a bite of his meat loaf.

“Where’s it going?” whispered Carolina.

“I believe condors are native to California,” said Ted.

Everybody in the cafeteria was staring at Ted. The lunch ladies stood motionless, holding their spatulas. The popular kids were trembling. Ted needed to say something.

He stood up.

“Hi,” he said. “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Ted Merritt.”

Silence.

“It’s been a weird couple of months.”

End of Book One