SEAL Of My Heart (14 page)

Leaning her forehead against the top of the steering wheel, she let the tears finally come. She let her chest sob, her constricted throat gasp for air. She cried like a little girl, but with the depth and pain of a woman. Images flooded in, of walking hand in hand with Tyler in the rain, the way he’d sprawled at his mother’s art show with the bottle of champagne at his side. The way he looked that day when she opened Gretchen’s front door and found him standing there and her heart leapt out. How he looked in his running shorts, the flavor of the compass tat over his heart when he was arching his hips into her.

But the pain of the separation was way more significant than she’d thought it would be.

It took a couple of minutes for her sobs to subside. With her renewed composure, the sounds of the running engine made themselves known, and the reality of where she was seeped back into her being. She sat with her feelings as she drove out of the lot, paid her fee, headed to the freeway and back to Gretchen’s.

She guessed there’d be some messages there, too. There were about ten on her cell phone from her mother and a couple from Randy. She started playing them back.

“Okay, Kate. I’m not in the habit of chasing my grown daughter around, but in this case, I’d sure like some assistance. Just wish you were here to help me field some of the questions. Am I doing the right thing by telling people the wedding is on hold?”

Kate knew they all believed she’d change her mind. She also felt some shame and guilt over making her parents, especially her mother, battle the Hellers alone. She decided to call her mom first. Randy could wait.

“Tell me some good news, Kate.”

“Everything’s fine. I’m fine. Gretchen and the girls are fine.”

“Where are you?”

“Driving back from the airport.”

“You landed?”

“No. I’m in Portland still. Took a friend to the airport.”

The pause on the other end of the phone shouted volumes. “I see,” she said curtly. “This ‘friend’ have anything to do with calling the wedding off?”

“Indirectly.”

“Oh, right. How stupid of me. God forbid you’d fall in love with someone else while being engaged.” The acid of her tone did the job. Kate felt the hairs at the back of her neck stand on end. Her reaction was swift, but she worked to temper the bite she wanted to take out of the phone.

“It wasn’t like that, Mom. You know me.”

“Do I, Kate? I’m beginning to wonder.”

“Were you ever unsure, Mom, about marrying Dad?”

“You asked me that question already. What difference does it make, Kate? I’m not the one who said yes to Randy. You are. You’re the ones who told everyone you loved each other. It wasn’t my idea, and no one forced you to make that decision. I hope no one is forcing you now.” She sighed. “And for the record, no, I never doubted my decision to marry your dad. Not for a minute.”

Kate thought of the safety and power of Tyler’s arms. She missed him so much, and he’d been gone less than an hour. With each passing minute the distance between them grew, leaving her cold and sad. But the strength of the love she felt for him warmed her. Gave her courage.

“Kate?”

“Mother. I’m in love. Deeply, truly in love. A love like I’ve never known.”

“Oh. My. God.”

She laughed to herself. “You act like that’s a bad thing. I would think you’d be happy for me. To finally find the love of my life. It wasn’t Randy, Mom. I don’t want to miss that chance to grab the brass ring, the whole fairy tale. I want it all, Mom. Wouldn’t you want that for me, Mom?”

She could tell her mother was crying silently. The deep breathing she did to control herself was a dead giveaway. Then, in a soft voice, her mother surprised her, “Yes, Kate, I do want that for you. You have no idea how I want that for you. More than you’ll ever know.”

“Mom?”

“Come home, Kate. We have much to talk about.”

“I will. I’ve got reservations for tomorrow morning.”

“Text me the information and I’ll pick you up.”

Her mother hung up in an uncharacteristic non-sign-off, her voice subdued and, Kate would say, pensive. Hurt. Her usual, “Love you,” was conspicuously absent. Kate wondered what private spaces her mother had that she obviously had never shared with her. She hoped the breakup with Randy hadn’t triggered something painful from her mother’s past.

Or was it something about Tyler?

Are you happy, Mom?
As much as she could concentrate, the answer always came back, “Yes.” So what could it be?

Kate almost drove past Gretchen’s house. She braked quickly and turned carefully into the teensy driveway which was stuck between two older concrete walls and barely big enough for a compact to fit through. The car following behind her nearly rear-ended her and honked in irritation as he sped down the street toward the row of houses where Tyler’s parents lived.

She thought about Tyler’s mom, a handsome woman with the long, grey-streaked hair and exotic features enhanced by colorful makeup and big, bright jewelry. Just as Kate hadn’t considered checking in with Gretchen or her mother, Tyler hadn’t spent much time with his mother or father. Since he’d come to Portland to say goodbye to his family before his deployment, they’d probably feel as robbed as Kate’s. Maybe more so.

Gretchen wasn’t at home. Her car wasn’t in the driveway, either. The back door was locked, and Kate hadn’t thought to ask for a key. Of course Gretchen couldn’t be expected to wait on her, be at her beck and call. She and Tyler been so involved with themselves it hadn’t occurred to either of them. She got back in her car and waited.

Watching the hillside behind Gretchen’s house, she focused on the structures poking out from behind flowering rhododendrons, which easily stood ten feet tall. Roses and bright green new shoots waved to a rhythm of life she hadn’t noticed before. The calm green, rose and peach of the gardens soothed her, as if they were smiling down on her from an old friend’s face. She felt part of something growing, even as she experienced the pain of its absence.

No question about it. This was love.

Kate had drifted
off to sleep when she heard Gretchen’s car round the top of the driveway and park in front of her garage doors in the rear, her brakes squeaking. Like an exploding grenade, the doors opened and her three nieces came running toward her without closing their doors behind them.

Gretchen had a stern look about her as she picked up two packages in her trunk, carrying them with a ramrod straight back. She slowly made her way over to Kate, who was surrounded by her three exuberant daughters.

“Glad you managed to find your way home,” she said with a twist of sour in her voice. “And you can still walk.”

It could have been a funny comment, but it wasn’t delivered that way. Kate was reminded, again, of how her actions had caused others around her some inconvenience and worry about her safety.

“I’m sorry, Gretchen. I’m just—”

“Save it.” She showed Kate “the hand” briefly from under her packages. Kate took one of the bags from her sister’s arms and walked next to her, careful not to step on little feet as her nieces unwrapped themselves from her one by one.

“He’s off. I leave tomorrow morning.”

“Good,” Gretchen flatly.

Kate decided not to test the prickliness of her sister and to just get through the afternoon and evening without harsh words. Having her sister understand her was too much to hope for yet. But it was a possibility.

She had a few hours to figure out how to handle the Hellers, her job and Randy. Then she’d make her amends to her mother and find out what she was hiding.

‡

“Y
ou talk to
Mom yet?” Gretchen demanded. She was making a bunch of noise putting away the groceries, and then snatched the large brown package from Kate’s arms. They hadn’t made eye contact since the driveway.

“Yes, just about an hour ago.”

“How’s she taking it?”

What about me? Why don’t you ask me how I’m taking it all?

“She said we have to talk.”

“I’ll bet.”

“So is there some kind of deep dark secret here? Something she hasn’t told us? That’s what it feels like anyhow.”

“I’m not touching that, Kate,” Gretchen snapped. “On your own, kid. You made your bed. You get to lie in it.”

“Interesting choice of words.”

This irritated her sister, who turned and finally leveled one of her you’re-not-going-to-get-away-with-it glares at her. “You know what you’ve done, don’t you?”

“Sorry, Gretchen, I think I know exactly what I’ve done, but apparently I’m missing something.”

“He’s a total stranger, Kate. You’ve had monkey sex with a total stranger. And for him, you’ve given up a dream with Randy—not that he was the catch I would have chosen, but my ‘choosing antenna’ is bent, as we all know.”

“Gretchen, that’s not fair. You’ve done a wonderful job with the girls, with your life. You’re a great mom. Tony wasn’t a bad choice.”

“Just not husband material. But I digress. Kate, you went off with him and spent days doing the wild naked thing,” Gretchen leaned in closer and whispered, “And not a word of this around the girls either. I find out they know you shacked up with some guy for two days at a hotel in downtown Portland and I’ll disown you myself. Hear?”

“I get it. No worries there.”

“Well, you should be worried. You use protection?”

“Come on, Gretchen.”

“So the answer to that is a resounding ‘no’ then?”

“Not fair.”

“Not fair to your body. What the hell are you doing?”

“Falling in love.”

“How things change. Just a few years ago they would have called it falling in
lust.”

“Funny.”

“Honestly, Kate. Are you okay?”

The stinging sensation at the back of her eyes distracted her. Something in her chest felt like it was melting. She wanted to say something, but was worried it would just sound like a whine. She remembered what she’d texted him.

Is it possible to love someone too much?

Her phone pinged with a message. Glancing at the screen she saw the message at the top. He’d answered her question.

Not if it’s me you’re loving, Kate.

She’d closed her eyes and absorbed what he’d told her. The little text took away the hollowness in her chest. But only a little. When she opened her eyes, Gretchen was glaring at her.

“It was him,” she admitted.

“Well, I sure as hell knew it wasn’t Randy.” Gretchen’s demeanor was still prickly.

The phone pinged again.
Can I call you?

Sure
she texted back.

“I’m going upstairs to take this call,” she informed her sister.

The phone rang while she was near the top of the stairs. She ran down the hallway, entering Clover’s room. Her niece was sitting at her computer desk.

“Hello?” Kate heard the familiar husky voice of Tyler. “I’m here.”

“And I’m still in Portland,” she said as Clover rolled her eyes and unplugged her pink laptop. The lanky teen pushed past her.

“That’s good. Would have worried if you were headed for the airport. Except if you were coming here, of course.”

Clover slammed the door behind her.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“That was my niece, Clover. I’ve been staying in her room. I came here to talk in private, but she was on the computer. She’s gone now.”

“I can call back.”

“Don’t be silly. I need to talk to you, Tyler.”

He paused. “Not sure I like the sounds of that.”

“I just meant that I needed to hear your voice.”

“Me too.” He whispered.

What do you say to someone you barely know, but feel like you’ve known him your whole life?

Tyler filled the space between them. “So, what’s tomorrow look like for you?”

“I called my mom on the way back from the airport.”

“Oh? How did that go?”

“About what I expected. It was hard.”

“Yes, I imagine. I’m curious, Kate. What did she say?”

“Do I know what I’m doing? Why haven’t I been in communication, you know, all stuff I deserved hearing. You and I got so caught up…”

“Yes, we certainly did that.”

“Not complaining or anything.”

“Didn’t take it as such.” His breathing was heavy. “Now your real life is creeping back. Now you’ll have to deal with all those people. Wish I was there to help you.”

“Me too.”

“I could come up next weekend, if I can get away. Or, you could come down.”

“No. If I still have a job, I’ll have to work all weekend like I promised. Might not be able to spend a whole lot of time together.”

“I’ll take whatever I can get.” His sexy voice was getting raspier.

“I like being missed. I like having to urgently steal away minutes with you. You should capture me and whisk me away.” She was surprised at her own comment. So much had changed in the few little days since she’d met him.

“That sounds nice, baby. I promise to be gentle.”

She found herself laughing in spite of the heartache.

“That would be fun. I’d like to introduce you to Sonoma County. My parents. My friends.”