SEAL Of My Heart (9 page)

“Randy, don’t go into that right now. I appreciate everything you and your family are doing—”

“And your family, Kate. Your mom has been spending money she frankly doesn’t have on this wedding. Kind of inconsiderate of you, if you ask me. Of course, you haven’t—”

“Randy, I’m calling it off.”

There. She’d said it. That got him to stop talking as he sputtered on the other end of the phone, backpedaled, and then got syrupy sweet. Kate could feel the icy steel of his anger brewing. She realized then that he’d always had an edge to him that forced her to be and act and do certain things the way he wanted her to do them, that he liked to exert some subtle control over her, like he was the teacher and she was the student. But she didn’t want to be a student. She wanted to be an equal partner. She now knew Randy would never allow her that.

“If you could just give me a day or two to think things over, perhaps you’re right, Randy. I just need some time.”

“No.” It was his turn to say it. “No, absolutely not. You have to decide today, right now, what it is you want. You have to make a choice, Kate. A lot is riding on this.”

Like what? What is more important than doing the right thing for my soul?
It was becoming very clear that Randy’s vision of their relationship and her own were totally opposite. He was demonstrating he didn’t care a bit for hers. And she knew as sure as she was alive that she didn’t want to have anything to do with his.

The silence on the phone didn’t bother her, because she knew what she was going to say.

“Then it’s no, Randy. Today, I am not ready to marry you. And I certainly understand that if I change my mind, you might not be there for me any longer. I say it with a full heart. I love you. I really do. But I can’t marry you.”

She should have felt horrible, but she didn’t. Kate felt the blood pulsing in her veins, greeting a life of her own choosing. She’d just dashed her future for something she had faith would be out there some day. And
that
wedding day would be totally different.

‡

T
yler was used
to the early morning fog. He ran down the hill, across the neighborhood strip mall that housed a coffee shop, past the florist and dry cleaners and a women’s gym. Then as he came up the other side, he wound around back to the frontage road overlooking the river. He had worked up a good sweat nearly two miles into his run, especially with the dips and hills, until he came to Kate’s sister’s house.

Tyler ran past the bungalow, taking a quick peek to see the upper windows were all open but empty. Downstairs, the same assortment of bikes, plastic buckets and a pink and green dollhouse littered the front yard as it had yesterday. The chalk drawings on the concrete steps had been nearly washed away by rain the night before.

Coming back, he ran up the steps onto the wooden porch and stood for a second, catching his breathe, before he rang the doorbell. At first nothing happened, but then he heard the tap-tap-tap of small feet. A short shadow appeared at the glass window and he heard the large knob being turned with difficulty. As the heavy door creaked open, he was faced with a little princess who had remnants of face paint and freshly applied red lipstick creeping all the way up to her nose.

“Yes?” she asked, in a proper tone for a four-year-old.

“I’d like to see Kate, if she’s here.”

The door slammed shut. He heard an adult woman’s voice on the other side of the glass, and the woman wasn’t happy. Then he heard Kate’s name being shouted. Tyler let his breathing settle down his anxiousness. The anticipation was killing him. Just before the door opened again, he realized he was practically naked. All he wore was a thin pair of bright blue running shorts and a yellow reflective tank top. And he was soaked with sweat.

Kate’s fresh face was a welcome sight. That and the fact that she was surprised but not displeased to see him.

Thank God.

The silence between them was a bit awkward, however.

“Wow, Tyler. You’re the last person I expected to see this morning.” She leaned forward to look down the street, perhaps looking for a car. “You ran here from your mom’s?” Her smile warmed his heart in some of those cold reaches where he’d never felt heat before.

“It really isn’t that far. See that bright pink house over there?” He didn’t step back, letting her lean very close to him so she could see the row of houses at a distance. He smelled soap and light cologne and probably the smell of shampoo in her hair. One long lock fell forward and brushed his forearm.

“Not exactly hard to miss,” she said as she swept her eyes up and came to stand within inches of his lips, her eyelashes fluttering, her cheeks flushed slightly as she licked her lips and didn’t retreat to the safety of the doorway. They were both leaning toward each other in what would have been a kiss when he heard what must have been her sister’s voice.

“Kate? Is everything—
Oh
!”

Her sister was a blonde version of Kate, a little taller and thinner but with the same unmistakable eyes that held a reserve identical to Kate’s.

Kate stepped back and introduced them.

“Well, come on in. I feed stray cats. I guess a stray runner or two won’t do us any harm, right girls?”

There were cheers happening at his feet, and all five females ushered him in. The house had the same high ceilings and bright spaces as Tyler’s mother’s house, but wasn’t full of colorful paintings. But Kate’s sister had a collection of Inuit art, including a large totem. Masks with feathers and brightly-colored, sleek designs in green, red and black hung all over the walls. The collection was substantial.

“You want some coffee, or do you not partake?” Gretchen asked him. She was trying to be matter-of-fact but she was working hard to hide a smile that threatened to break out at any moment. “You want something to cover up?” she added without looking over his bare legs and chest.

“Would you like me to cover up?” He didn’t know why he asked that, and worried it would offend.

“Not on my behalf.” She cleared her throat. “Girls, let’s let Aunt Kate speak with her friend here in private, okay? Let’s get him some coffee.”

The youngest daughter brought Tyler a beach towel. “Mother doesn’t like sweaty men to sit on our couch.” It was delivered with stern reprimand just as the towel was shoved into his groin.

“Thanks,” Tyler said. “So noted.”

He followed Kate to the living room until she whirled around abruptly. Good thing he’d maintained a two-foot distance in case he’d misread her earlier body language. She was about to say something when he reached into his pocket and produced the letter he’d written last night.

“I thought I’d deliver this in person, since I was in the area.” She took the note and their fingers touched but didn’t move away. He hooked his forefinger over hers and pulled her hand to his chest, crinkling the letter between them. “And the truth is, I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

Her glance down to his hungry mouth was all the encouragement he needed. He closed the gap between them quickly and pressed his lips to hers, drawing in her sweet softness. He involuntarily moaned when he felt her open to him. His next move was going to be to reach around her waist and pull her against him, but a voice to the side called a halt.

“Okay, I didn’t see that. If Mom asks, I’m going to say I didn’t see that.
Thank you, Gretchen. You’re welcome, Kate.
And here is your coffee, sir.”

Tyler loved Gretchen already. She reminded him of some of his Team buds. He secretly loved women with big mouths who were not afraid to dish out their opinions, sometimes inappropriately. He liked them fearless. Gretchen was all that and more.

He held his hot mug in both hands and for a second felt a little self-conscious as Kate examined the coffee like it was entrails that revealed her fate. He set the mug down.

“Where were we?” he whispered to the side of Kate’s face.

“You were going to kiss me again,” she said as she kissed his neck, ran her tongue under his chin, no doubt tasting the salty sweat that had collected there. He wished he’d had a shower, but it didn’t seem to matter to Kate. He placed his palms on her cheeks, eased her back a bit so he could examine her face.

“Kate. Kate. Kate. What are we going to do with you?”

She stood there with her blue eyes searching his and said not a word.

“I have to ask. What are we doing here?”

“You came to deliver a letter to me,” she said again in a throaty voice. “I didn’t expect the kiss, but now that I’ve had one, I want another. Would you mind?”

“Not at all.”

He wasn’t going to let any heat escape between them. He drank from her lips and, even as he wondered how she could be the kind of woman who was engaged to another man and be answering his kisses with her own, he pushed his worries aside.

But then he just couldn’t ignore that dull thud in the pit of his stomach. He dropped his hands and stepped back.

“I’d like to talk a little, Kate, if you don’t mind?”

“Sure. No problem.” She brought the towel over and spread it on the couch for him, gave him his mug of coffee and took a seat perpendicular to him.

Tyler took a sip of the delicious home-brewed elixir and studied her again. “So, I have to ask you. You said yesterday you were engaged.” He studied his coffee. “You know, where I come from that means something. And it means I have no business being here, and probably shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

“But you don’t understand.”

“Okay, then help me understand, Kate.”

“I’ve been plagued with second thoughts for a month now. When we talked on the plane yesterday, the world somehow shifted for me. I mean, I realized I was just kind of going through the motions with this wedding.”

“Okay. That’s kind of hard to believe, but go on.”

“Gretchen and I talked until early this morning about it, Tyler. My fiancé called me last night, and we sort of had words. Well, he had words. I told him I wasn’t sure. He kind of went off on me. And, well, the bottom line is that we broke it off. I’m not sure…”

He could see it was painful to talk about, which was a good sign, Tyler thought. God knew he didn’t want to fall for a girl who slipped in and out of fiancés the way some slipped in and out of beds. He knew that wasn’t the way she was, so was glad for the confirmation. But it still niggled at his insides.

“Then he just wouldn’t give you the time to think things out? That what you’re saying?”

Kate nodded, looking down at her lap.

“He’s a fuckin’ idiot.” Tyler winced at his language. “Pardon me, I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”

Kate remained silent. Nodding, she said to her hands, “I think I know what you meant.” Then she lifted her eyes, smiled, and said, “No, Tyler. I’ve been the one who’s been the idiot. And now I’ve hurt a lot of people.”

“Hurt?”

“My mom, his mom—everyone’s been making plans for months. Paying for things. No one realized—heck, I didn’t realize—I was so ambivalent.” She started nodding again. “I’m noticing things now I didn’t see before.”

Tyler found some discomfort in her words. He wasn’t sure he liked being even part of the reason for her broken engagement. He started regretting he’d allowed himself to get entangled. And now he was beginning to feel like he’d been partially responsible for hurting all those people, people he didn’t even know. What fuckin’ right did he have to go jumping in, causing chaos? Maybe coming over to the house this morning hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

Gretchen poked her head in. “You want to stay for breakfast, Tyler?”

“No, thanks, ma’am,” Tyler said as he stood. He was getting stiff from the lack of a good stretch. He shook out his legs, picked up his coffee and took it to the kitchen. “Thanks so much for the coffee. I’m going to head out now.”

“Stay,” Kate said to his back.

“No, Kate. I’m going to go finish my run, get clean, and then I’ve got things to do with Mom.”

It was feeling hard to say goodbye, but that was what he was going to do. He had to do it, even though he was tempted to continue with the lovely Kate. He just couldn’t step on the other man’s toes. And yes, even if the fuckin’ guy was a complete idiot.

At the doorway he said the words he knew he had to say. “I think we got a little ahead of ourselves, Kate. You’re in some confusion, and hell, I’m just a dog, a military guy getting ready to leave. I think I jumped the gun a bit and I’m sorry that I—You know, things are simple for me. Pretty girl wants to kiss me. But marriage, all this stuff you’ve got to decide, I don’t want any part of that, Kate. That’s not my place.”

He could see her lower lip tremble.

“Look,” he said as he held her upper arms, keeping her a good distance from his chest. “I’m sure if you call the guy, he’ll have thought things over and, well, you know how it goes. In a day or two, you’ll be so happy to be together, you won’t know what hit you.”

“No. You’re wrong.” She wouldn’t look up at him, and she was stammering a bit. It nearly broke his heart. Like a brother, he drew her to him, held her secure but didn’t rub or initiate anything.