Seasons of Sugarcreek 03. Autumn's Promise (6 page)

“It’s nothing personal.”

“Then I won’t take it personally. I’ll smile and say hi. And nothing else.”

To her surprise, he chuckled. “Again, it’s not your behavior I’m worried about.”

Together, they joined the throng of people, and as they walked from booth to booth, looking at Amish-made baskets and crafts, stacks of homegrown fruits and vegetables, and rows and rows of canned jams and jellies, they wandered slowly and pointed out little details. Lilly spied a puppy. Robert grinned at an old man enjoying a bright red licorice whip.

As the minutes passed, Lilly became less aware of how the pair of them must look to others and more focused on the man at her side.

Robert was a thoughtful man—seemed to have a kind word for most people—but he was also kind of standoff-ish. She knew instinctively that his behavior wasn’t just because she was by his side. It was his nature to be a bit removed from the others.

They’d just purchased cups of freshly squeezed lemonade when he stiffened by her side. “Oh. Hello, Abe. Mary.”

A group of five people, three men and two women, stopped right in front of them. “Robert,” one said, completely ignoring Lilly. “So you decided to come after all?”

“I told you I would be here. It’s no surprise.”

“Robert, would you like to join us for dinner?”

“I already have plans.” When he looked toward her, his gaze softened. “As you can see.”

Though Lilly had just promised that no one’s rude behavior would bother her, she slowly felt her nerves start to fray. It was awkward, standing there, half smiling. Waiting for someone to introduce her. Or, for them at least to acknowledge that she was standing there. But not a one of them did. Actually, all five of them seemed to be staring straight through her. As if she didn’t exist.

Beside her, Robert looked uneasy. It was obvious he was embarrassed about their rudeness. “This is Lilly Allen,” he blurted.

She raised a hand. “Hi.”

Slowly, they all turned her way. One of the women nodded in her direction. Then, practically in unison, they looked away again. It would have been comical if she hadn’t felt so bad for Robert.

A man about Robert’s age spoke up. “So, Robert, will we see you at church tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

“It’s at the Grabers’, you know.”

“I haven’t forgotten.”

“We could pick you up.”

“There’s no reason to do that,” Robert replied, his voice turning sharp. “I know my way to the Grabers’. I’ve never been late for services.” Abruptly, he turned to her. “Lilly, there’s some kittens down the way. Would you care to see them?” The look he gave her was almost pleading.

“Of course.” She tried to smile at his friends again, but her lips froze as she caught their cool glares.

Continuing to look irritated, Robert led her down a row of booths. When they’d walked a good twenty steps, he stopped. “I know they were discourteous. However, I cannot apologize for them. I’m embarrassed, too. And, I promise, I had no part in their actions.”

His honesty made her insides melt a bit. “I didn’t mind. Well, not too much.”

“Not too much?”

There was so much hope in his voice, so much doubt. So much of the same confusion she was feeling, Lilly knew she’d say anything to help ease the situation. “Actually, I think…I think I kind of understood.” When he gazed at her in confusion, she attempted to explain.

“The Grabers hadn’t liked my friendship with Joshua at first. They were sure he was going to leave them all to be with me. But once they understood I wasn’t a threat, they settled down. I, um, bet your friends will come to the same conclusions. Once they realize we’re just friends. Now, are there really kittens over here?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Then let’s go see them. I have to tell you, I’m a sucker for kittens and puppies.”

“What girl isn’t?” He grinned, then pulled her toward the end of the row, pausing finally as he greeted an elderly man sitting next to a crate of eight kittens. “Eli, hello.”

“Robert. Good day. And to you too, miss.”

“Hi. May I step in and pet the kittens?”

“That’s what they’re here for.” He waved a hand. “Come on in. They are desperate for a little bit of affection.”

Lilly didn’t need another bit of coaxing. She crouched down and gently petted a tiger-striped ball of fur.

Interested, the tiny cat turned and pounced toward her hand. Before long, the others had decided to play, too. Next thing she knew, she was sitting on the ground holding three cats. Another two were playing with the laces on her boots. “I love them,” she murmured. “Thank you for taking me here.”

As Robert watched Lilly, her expression turning soft and sweet, he was struck by the rush of tender feelings that were pooling inside of him. She was lovely, sitting there, holding two kittens up to her face.

She looked so happy.

“Would you like one?” he asked impulsively.

She blinked. “I couldn’t—”

“Why not? Cats are not much trouble.”

“My parents would probably get mad…”

“You sure? A kitten seems like a small enough thing.” He smiled at his quip. The tiny kittens were definitely small.

Lilly looked at him for a moment, then, to his surprise, tears formed in her eyes. “You’re right.” Looking to Eli, she smiled. “Actually, I think I would like one. How much are they?”

“Not much. I only want reimbursement for the shots they need.” He shrugged. “Twenty-five dollars?”

Robert pulled out his wallet. “Sold.”

Lilly scrambled to her feet. “Wait! This is too much. I can’t let you buy a cat for me—”

“I think he already is, English,” Eli said.

Robert laughed. “Her name’s Lilly.”

“It’s a fine name.” Holding out his hand, he took the money and promptly put it in a wooden box by his side.

“Get you a cat, Lilly.”

Around her, the kittens were meowing and each looking at her with wide eyes. One tried to climb her boot. With a laugh, she pulled it off her laces, then held it up to her face. “Are you my cat?” She picked up another one, this one almost all black. “Or are you?”

Its four legs hung limply as it looked at her pleadingly. “Oh, Robert, they’re all so cute! I can’t decide.” As a curl fell across her brow, she tried to blow it away. “I’m sorry. I bet you’re ready to go…”

He was enjoying himself more than he could remember in years. It was a pleasure to watch someone be so happy over something so little. Leaning back against the fence, he grinned. “We’re in no hurry. Take all the time you want, English.”

Lilly wrinkled her nose. “You know, I should be upset with you for calling me that.”

“Are you upset?”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure why, though.”

He had a feeling he knew. There was a spark between them that pressed the bounds of the usual budding relationship. There was a connection between them that was tenuous.

No, what was forming between them wasn’t all tender and sweet. Instead, there was a healthy dose of nervousness and ambiguity. Just standing next to her made his skin feel extra sensitive. Made all his senses a little bit heightened.

He was finding, with Lilly, even the smallest thing made him happy. Even talking with her. Or sitting by her side.

Luckily, Lilly seemed to be oblivious to all of that. No, he seemed to have slipped her mind as she sank back to her knees and gave each tiny fur ball her attention. “I just can’t decide.”

Eli laughed. “She might be needin’ two, Robert.”

“Maybe so.” He’d buy her all the kittens, if that was what it took to keep that expression of pure bliss on her face.

“I heard that. I definitely won’t need two cats.” She worried her bottom lip as both kittens purred and played. “Robert, I promise, I’m almost ready. I just need a few more minutes, that’s all.”

“Take your time.”

“They’ll probably decide for you,
jah
?” Eli said. “That’s what usually happens, I think. The right things find us instead of the other way around.”

“I have a feeling that is true,” Robert said.

Around the corner, four children scampered close.

“Kittens!” Without waiting to ask permission, they barreled in.

The look of panic in Lilly’s eyes was priceless as the eager balls of fur rushed to the children in excitement. All except for the little black kitten. It stayed by her side. After pawing at her jeans, it hopped on her lap. Seconds later, Lilly was cuddling it close to her chest.

“Ah. She’s found you, Lilly,” Eli said with an especially pleased smile. To Robert, he winked. “Told you it would happen.”

As two children looked about to reach for it, Lilly placed one arm over the cat protectively. Slowly, she stood up. “Robert, this is the one. If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure. It’s bought and paid for.”

“She’s going to be well loved.”

He grinned at that.

After another moment, they walked away, much slower now that Lilly was cradling the tiny cat. “Oh, Robert. Look how she’s just sitting here. I think she’s about to fall asleep!”

Making a sudden decision, Robert led her to another booth, where baby blankets had been hand-tied in a fuzzy flannel. “We’ll need one of these, Gwen,” he said, and handed over a ten-dollar bill. Then, he led Lilly to a spot away from everyone.

As she watched, he carefully stuffed the blanket into the basket he’d been carrying, and put the sleeping kitten inside. “Now she’s snug.”

Lilly’s eyes glowed. “You’re doing too much for me.”

“Not so much.” Robert paused as he caught a whiff of Lilly’s cool, clean scent. His pulse beat a little bit faster as it surrounded him.

Ach, but she was getting it all wrong. In truth, he was the one who was getting so much out of their time together. For the last few years, he’d felt hollow inside. So empty of emotions that he’d sometimes wondered if he was never going to feel again.

But Lilly’s appearance in his life had changed that. Now, when he looked at her, he felt a longing that was so strong, it took his breath away. A part of him wanted to hold her close, protectively, so she never would feel pain or hurt again.

But yet another part of him wanted to do far different things than simply hold her close. He wanted her in his arms. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to run his hands through her curls. He wanted to press his lips to the pulse point on her neck. To wrap his arms around her…

He wanted to feel love. But of course, he could never say such things. Certainly, he could never act on them.

“Buying you the cat makes me happy,” he said simply.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it. This is the best day ever.”

He agreed. He was glad he’d ignored Abe’s warnings and had followed his instincts. “There’s popcorn over there. Maybe caramel apples, too. What say you we get some?”

“I’d like that very much.”

Lifting the basket, he handed it to her. “You carry the cat. I’ll lead the way.”

For a moment, their eyes met. Her usual laughing brown eyes clouded for a moment. Filled with something more…something full of promise. Her lips parted slightly.

He couldn’t look away. It had been too long since he’d kissed a woman.

It had been so very long since he’d kissed Grace. Then she swallowed and hugged the basket. “That’s a great idea,” she murmured. “You lead and I’ll follow.”

Robert turned away and walked ahead. Perhaps if he did that, he wouldn’t catch her scent again.

Or dwell on his sudden urge to hold her hand. On his sudden urge to taste her lips.

Used to be, she would have called home to ask for permission to have a cat. And, if her parents had told her no, Lilly would’ve listened and told Robert that she couldn’t accept his gift, no matter how badly she wanted to cuddle a tiny six-week-old kitten.

But that was not the case anymore. She’d grown up. And though she’d only recently turned nineteen, and though she was still living with her parents, Lilly felt as mature as any other woman in Sugarcreek.

Having a miscarriage did that to a person.

After sharing a bag of piping hot popcorn, but skipping the caramel apples, they wandered down another aisle of the market. Every so often, they stopped and inspected a homemade craft or a farmer’s fall bounty.

As she cuddled the tiny ball of fur close, Lilly knew she needed that cat more than she’d needed just about anything else in her life. And as it looked at her with its sweet black-as-midnight face, her heart melted. In mere seconds, she’d fallen in love.

Beside her, Robert fidgeted. “What would you care to do now?” he asked.

“Anything. I’m happy doing whatever you want to do now.”

“Now? What do you mean?”

Finally depositing the kitten into the basket, she shrugged. “Oh, you know. First, you bought me a kitten, and then you bought us popcorn. Just a few minutes ago, you stood there patiently while I looked at quilting material. I’m sure there’s other things you’d like to do.”

When he still looked confused, Lilly explained, though she was starting to feel pretty silly. “I just don’t want you to be bored.” But even as she said that, she knew she meant something far more personal. What she really meant was that she didn’t want him to regret taking her out.

His blue eyes gleamed. “This trip to the market is my gift to you. I am happy just being by your side.”

His words were so earnest, her mouth went dry. “I see.”

“
Gut
. Now, where would you care to go next?”

His complete attention on her needs made her flustered. Never before had she been with a man who was so focused on her happiness. “So it’s all about me?” she joked.

“Of course.”

If she was more comfortable with him, Lilly would have grabbed his hand and dragged him to the stall selling handmade Amish dolls, just to watch him attempt to look interested.

If things between them were different, she would have told him that she wanted to look at the home remedies for colds—and the newest home cleaners, too.

She would have laughed and teased him, and done her best to make him laugh, too.

But that wasn’t who they were. And because he was Amish and older and widowed…because she was just nineteen and English and had become pregnant out of wedlock…things between them could never be much more than what they were. She didn’t want to indulge fantasies that could never come true.

A keen sense of loss rushed over her until she shook it off. Really, it didn’t matter what they were to each other. She didn’t need another boyfriend. And Robert could sure do better than her.

Finally Robert made a suggestion. “Perhaps you’d like hot chocolate?”

She wasn’t really in the mood for a hot drink. But perhaps he was? “OK. I mean, thanks, that sounds great.” After checking that the kitten was still happily asleep, Lilly walked by his side down the crowded, busy paths of the market.

“Do you ever sell things here, Robert?”

“I used to.”

“What did you sell? Your furniture?”

“Oh, no. Nothing that big,” he replied with a wry smile. “Those chairs would have been hard for me to cart back and forth. No, when I was younger, I used to carve smaller, less practical items for places like this.”

As they passed a booth selling wooden trains, she grabbed hold of the idea. “Toy trains?” she prodded. She really was interested. She wanted to know everything she could about him. The way he rarely spoke about himself intrigued her. The way he never bragged or sought to be the focus of conversation made her want to know every little thing about him that she possibly could.

He chuckled. “No trains. I leaned more toward coat hooks and bread boxes.” He shrugged. “I did fairly well with that.”

“But…not anymore?”

“No. When Grace and I got married, she encouraged me to follow my dreams.”

“Which was furniture making.”

His voice warmed. “Yes. Grace, she was right beside me when I made my first table and chairs. She led me to believe that they were good enough to show off and sell, too.” He paused for a moment, looking far off, into his memories.

When Robert looked at Lilly again, there was a hint of sadness in his gaze. “Grace was so happy when I sold that set, she spun in a circle with her arms stretched out. It was…it was a sight to see.”

“I bet she was really proud of you,” Lilly murmured.

“Perhaps she was.”

Without her hardly realizing it, they’d stopped and were standing at a booth in front of a pair of teenage girls. “Two hot chocolates, Katie,” Robert said, pulling out a pair of dollars.

One of the girls carefully poured their drinks into Styrofoam cups, the other took the money, then squirted whipped cream on top.

After exchanging a few words with them in Pennsylvania Dutch, Robert handed a cup to her. “Thanks.” She took an experimental sip. The drink was piping hot and creamy and smooth. She was glad she’d gotten some after all. “Oh, wow. It’s been ages since I’ve had homemade hot chocolate.”

“You should make some, then,
jah
?”

“I guess you’re right.” She was just about to add something more when she spied Josh and Gretta. “Hey, Josh is my neighbor,” she said when their eyes met. “Robert, do you mind if we go say hi to them?”

“Of course not.”

But Lilly noticed that he didn’t rush to see Gretta and Josh the way she did. Was it because he had no need to hurry? Or because he was worried about what they would think about them being out together?

“What brings you here?” Josh asked when she and Robert made their way over to them.

“Robert asked me if I wanted to come and I said yes. It sounded like fun.”

Josh blinked. “I didn’t realize you two knew each other.”

“Oh, we do. You come to the restaurant all the time, don’t you, Robert?”

“Only sometimes…”

Before he could stumble out more words, Gretta spoke again, smiling at Lilly and Robert. “And are you two having fun?”

“Yes,” Lilly replied. “Very much so.” When Joshua simply stared, she looked from one man to the other. “You do all know each other, right?”

“Jah.”

“We do,” Robert said.

Again, it was Gretta who seemed intent on smoothing things between them. “We all know each other, of course, Lilly. Now, what is that in Robert’s basket?”

“He bought me a kitten.”

Gretta’s face softened as she reached out a finger and gently rubbed the kitten’s fur. “She’s a sweetheart, for sure. And look how glossy and shiny her black fur is! Why, I don’t see a speck of white.”

“Jah,”
Joshua agreed. “It’s a right, fine cat.” But Lilly noticed his voice was strained…and that there was a thick coat of tension between him and Robert. Josh kept looking at Robert in a funny way, and seemed almost tentative toward her.

“Josh, is everything all right?” she asked.

“I’m not sure.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing that can be said here.”

Gretta’s chin lifted. “Everything is
perfectly
fine. Joshua is being silly.”

“Perhaps,” her husband murmured.

When Robert said nothing, only continued to look pained, Lilly stepped toward Josh. She knew what was wrong—he didn’t like her with Robert. He didn’t like the two of them as a pair.

But he wasn’t her father, and she sure didn’t need his permission or acceptance to go to the farmer’s market with a friend. “Stop acting like this,” she chided. “I’m not doing anything wrong, you know.”

“Perhaps not.”

“Perhaps?” She placed her hand on his arm. “Josh, I can’t believe you’re acting like this. I’ve done my best to be supportive of you, you know. I thought that’s what friends did.”

“Friends do…but there’s other things to think about, too.”

“Such as?” But instead of replying, he turned away. With the movement, her hand fell. “Josh. Gretta. You’ve got to tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing at all,” Gretta said. “Joshua is just being silly. Don’t mind him, Lilly. Please, don’t.”

Gretta sounded too reassuring, making Lilly feel completely off balance. Just earlier that year, it had been Joshua who had been struggling with his relationships. He’d leaned on Lilly for support, and she’d been happy to be there for him. But now it felt like he was completely abandoning her.

Just as Lilly was struggling with what else to say, Josh spoke again. “Gretta, we must get going. Margaret is with her friends at the other side of the market, isn’t she? We best go check on her, especially since we said she could stay with us tonight.”

After giving an apologetic glance toward both Robert and Lilly, Gretta nodded. “Yes, I suppose we should go check on Margaret. I’ll see you all later.” She treated them to another apologetic smile, then followed her husband back down the row of shops.

Robert handed Lilly the basket. “Perhaps we should leave now, too.”

He looked distressed, and Lilly knew it was because of Josh’s reaction. Josh could hardly have been ruder, and she knew Robert was perfectly aware of how he’d sounded.

Josh’s attitude irritated her to no end. She really thought they were better friends than that. In addition, she was sick and tired of everyone casting judgments on everything she was doing. Life was too hard to constantly monitor what everyone was saying about her. Especially when she hadn’t been doing anything wrong.

Determined to salvage the afternoon as best she could, she nudged Robert’s shoulder. “Hey, I thought this little outing was all about me.”

“You’re not worried about what Joshua and Gretta are thinking?”

“No. At least not right now. Robert, I was having fun with you. Can’t we just try to go back to having fun? I haven’t had a whole lot of fun doing anything lately.”

At first Robert looked flabbergasted. But then seconds later, humor filled his gaze again. “Of course, you’re right. What do you want to do?”

She’d had enough shopping. What she really wanted was to erase the lines of worry and stress that had popped up on his brow. “Perhaps we could go to the corn maze?”

“You still want to go?”

“Of course. Let’s go before it gets dark.”

“All right, then.” Robert led the way, but she couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t seem especially enthusiastic.

After his relatives’ cold looks, and now Josh and Gretta’s strange reaction, Lilly had a feeling he would have felt relieved if they’d just left. But she was determined to lighten his mood. At least for a little while.

Robert paid the farmer the three dollars each to enter the maze and, with a basketful of kitten, walked in. Almost immediately, they had to choose between going right or left. “Which way should we go?” he asked.

“I don’t care.”

Already, the noise surrounding them became muted. The high rows of corn prevented them from seeing anyone else. For the first time ever, it felt like they were the only two people in the world.

Lilly’s pulse raced as a new kind of friction fluttered between them. This one had nothing to do with awareness of their differences.

Or of how their relationship was viewed by others. No, this time, it had everything to do with a surprising feeling of promise that rose between them. A hint of suspicion that something more was destined to take place…that like a runaway train, it was going to happen, no matter what.

“Left,” she finally said.

“Then left we shall go.”

Beneath their feet, the hard-packed dirt was strewn with hay and corn husks. The dusty smell mingled in the air. Soon, they came to another fork in the path. This time it was Robert who made the choice. “Left again.”

Their pace slowed as over and over again they made decisions about turning left or right. Laughter from other maze adventurers floated up toward them. Once, they almost crashed into a cornstalk when two boys raced around a curve and nearly knocked them over.

The vivid blue sky overhead gently faded into a lapis hue; and the moon appeared in the distance, bright and orange. A true harvest moon.

Soon it became obvious that they were nowhere near the exit. “I fear we’re lost,” Robert murmured when they took a break on a pair of upturned barrels in order to try to get their bearings.

“Hopelessly,” she agreed.

“Should we try to go back to where we came from?” She laughed. “Do you even know any longer? I feel like we’ve been everywhere in this maze except the right direction.”

His lips curved upward. With a shrug, he said, “Let’s continue, then. Sooner or later, we’ll get out.”

“I’m okay with it being later…I’m not in any hurry.” And she wasn’t. This was the first time all afternoon that they’d actually relaxed. It was the first time she felt like they could do what they wanted, say what they wanted…without a dozen pairs of eyes and ears taking notice.

“You know what? I’m not, either.”

They got up from the barrels and walked farther, this time worrying less about the right ways and caring more about companionship. As the sky darkened and almost all traces of other voices disappeared, Robert reached out for her hand.

She took his immediately. “You lead the way.”

His hand tightened on hers as they wandered some more. “Would you think it strange if I said I was having a good time? We’re lost and confused and carrying around a cat.” He shook his head. “By all accounts, I should be feeling completely at a loss. Irritated,” he murmured after they made another two right turns.

As they stood in front of a row of corn and looked at the tiny opening, Lilly grinned. “I feel the same way. I’ve never really enjoyed corn mazes. I always thought they were too tame.”

“And I found them frustrating. I’ve been the kind of man who likes a straight path to where I’m going.”