Sebastian: The Complete Series (54 page)

“I'm sorry,” I mumbled out, brushing my hair from my face.

“Sorry?” he whispered, a small smile playing on his lips. “You don’t have anything to apologise for.”

“Well, I'm pretty sure sneaking around in your private shit should at least earn one. But that’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you mean, and I still stand by my statement that you have no reason to apologise. None of this is your fault. You're just an innocent person caught up in this whole mess, just as Dominque is.”

A rather large penny dropped on my head and I lifted my head, meeting his gaze. “This is about Dominque, not me. Leo hurt him a long time before he ever found me, and you… you helped him.”

“I brought him back into this world.” He waved around the…

“What do you call this place, this room?”

Jacob lifted a brow. “A playroom.”

“Right.” Nothing about it made the word
play
seem to fit somehow. “So now you're thinking maybe you shouldn’t have brought him back, that it was a mistake?”

Jacob shook his head slowly, but he obviously wasn’t so sure about that.

“I don’t think it was.”

Jacob met my gaze again.

“I don’t think you're the type of person to make mistakes, and one thing I'm super confident about is that you love Dominque and want the best for him. So why would he be willing do something he didn’t need or want? When you met him, you knew this was right for him, for you, for both of you. Hindsight can be a cruel bitch, but no amount of looking back can change what’s happened, and really, if you could, would you change a single thing and risk cocking up what you two have?”

He smiled slowly, back to playing with his tie again. “I couldn't be without him.” He sighed, lifting his gaze to mine. “But then there’s all this to consider. When we met, he was a submissive who couldn't submit, now…” He chuckled. “Now he’s stuck with me. A Dominant who can't be dominant.”

“I dunno. You seem pretty dominant to me.”

“There’s a huge difference from what you think of a dominant person to actually being a Dom.
Huge
. Leo never understood that. That’s why he… That’s part of why he became who he did.”

“But you do know all about those differences, that much is obvious. I don’t… I don’t think you're anything like Leo, you know. It’s just… all these things. They scare me, and the thought of you using them on Dominque like he did on me—”

“You think I would ever treat the man I love like Leo treated you?” Jacob threw his tie to the floor and stood up, pacing in front of me. “I would never hurt him. You see this—” He took hold of a flogger from the wall. It looked worse than anything Leo had used on me and I shied away from it instantly. “This looks frightening, doesn’t it? It looks painful. Like it would cut through your flesh and leave you screaming in agony, but that’s not all it can do.” Jacob knelt beside me, running the long strings of metal balls through his fingers. “It’s not about what you
hold
in your hands, it’s about how
you
use what you hold.
This
doesn’t have a life on its own. The person holding it brings it to life. How its wielded, how
I
wield it, that’s never with force. My aim is to never hurt anyone who offers me their submission.”

Reaching out, I took hold of a few of the threads in my fingers, running the beads through my fingertips before taking a handful of them and squeezing. They felt cool and shiny—heavy. I didn’t understand how anything which looked this vicious could ever be used in a tender way. “How?”

Jacob sighed but rolled back the sleeve of my sweater and held out his palm. “Place your wrist here.” He held the stony look I gave him. “I would never just take something from you, even this simple act. It has to be offered, to be given. You have to consent.”

“Fine.” I placed my wrist in his soft palm, feeling his fingers circle it gently.

He hovered the strands of the flogger above my arm then let the beads slowly connect to my skin, allowing me a moment to breathe and relax a little before he dragged those hundreds of beads slowly up my forearm. My breathing picked up as they tantalized my flesh, goosebumps appearing over every inch on my body. When he slid the final few from my arm, I glanced up at him, mouth hanging open and my eyes wide.

“Understand now?” Jacob placed it on the floor before looking back at me.

“I think… I think you should go over what just happened and stop worrying about what you and Dominque do.”

Jacob paused, his brows furrowing.

“If you can convince
me
this is okay, then you really have nothing to worry about, you know.” Moving my hand over his, I held it tightly. “You're not like him. I trust you. You need to trust yourself.”

Jacob sat back, splaying his legs out like mine, and laid his head back again, looking up to the ceiling. “Without trust, there’s nothing.”

I fell silent, knowing those words weren’t for me, but for him.

We both sat there for a while, both thinking, it would seem, and then a sound caught our attention from the gym behind us, and I turned to see Robert hovering there, pale and not knowing what to do next.

“Hey.” I paused for a millisecond. “Did you remember to bring me a change of clothes?”

Robert opened his mouth then shut it again, placing his hands in his pockets and nodding. “They’re in the guest room.”

“Cool.” I stood up, dusting down my jeans before offering Jacob a hand.

He paused for a moment, then took my hand in his and stood beside me, green eyes burning into mine. “Thank you.”

“No probs.” I smirked at him before turning to Robert and hugging him. “I'm off to get changed. Everything’s cool, okay?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Robert kissed my cheek, holding me tightly before he released a deep breath and stepped back. “You go. I’ll, erm, be here.” His brown eyes warmed as I smiled up at him.

I left them alone. Robert could continue the friendly chat in a way I couldn't, and I needed to get changed and… Oh shit!

The smell of burning reached me as I stepped back into the living area.

“Fuck!”

I forgot about the mini pizzas.

C
onfident I would never eat again after the huge Christmas dinner Robert’s mum cooked us, I flaked out on the sofa and undid my top button on the now extremely too tight for me jeans I’d chosen to wear that morning and groaned loudly, earning a chuckle from Robert beside me.

The meal had been a bigger deal than I was expecting with Robert’s step-brothers and their families in tow, and as I’d never met them before, I was expecting tons of questions, but in true British style, they kept a polite smile plastered on their faces and dealt with it like the toffs they were.

We arrived just after twelve, so we had all morning to laze around the house and open our own gifts in private. Robert woke me at seven, which after a night of drinking with Harry and his family didn’t really earn him any brownie points, but it was worth it to have more alone time with him.

“Your mum cooked tons.” I wasn’t too sure she actually cooked it all herself, and I liked to imagine she had staff hidden in the bowels of their mansion which prepared most of it for her, because to me, the meal was way above what I’d ever had in anyone’s home before.

“She always does.”

“Did she really cook all that herself? Even the…” I paused, trying to remember the name of the roast, but gave up. “You know, the bird in a bird in a bird thingy.” I rolled my eyes. Like one roast wasn’t enough, they had to have five. I’d never seen or heard of anything like it, but they all seemed to think it was normal to stuff one bird with another, and then continue until they had some sort of Russian doll style meat rainbow to devour.

“That’s my step-dad’s thing. And no, she had help with the food. All the prep would have been done yesterday.”

“I mean, how do you even stuff a bird with another bird? And how difficult is it to de-bone every one?” I’d wanted to ask these questions at the table, but seeing as how I was attempting to be more socially acceptable, I'd kept my mouth glued shut whenever I felt the urge to say something stupid. Or most of the time anyway. It is me after all.

“I’m sure it takes talent, but her butcher will have done all that.” He lay behind me, gaining a grumble of unintelligible words from me as he scooted me forwards. “I didn’t think you’d even try it.”

“I just picked at it really. I'm not a fan of goose or duck, and that last teeny tiny bird I just felt sorry for. Poor baby. He never had a chance to grown up.”

“That was a quail.”

“So? They still should be given a chance to reach adulthood.”

“No, Seb.” Robert chuckled. “They’re fully grown at that size. They don’t get big.”

“Wow. I have to Google them. I bet they’re cute.”

“But you had a good time, right? It wasn’t too horrible for a first big family meal, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t at all. I'm pretty sure you’ve gone through worse with my family, so I'm not complaining.” I took his hand and held it tightly. I felt bad for him remembering just how forward my Northern family had been with him after seeing how polite and reserved his were with me. “I'm sorry my family aren’t… well, they don’t have that filter yours has and they say things which I guess they shouldn’t.”

“You have that same quality and I love it. You were quiet this afternoon. Mum asked if you were okay. I said you were trying to be more… conservative in certain situations.” He kissed the back of my neck and I shifted against him, letting his body encase mine. “Just so you know, we all missed you being you.”

“I like being me. I just think I should be less me sometimes. You act more polite around my family. I guess I’ll relax a little in time. I mean, I love your mum, and your step-dad’s grown on me a lot too. It was just such a big deal having all your family there in one go and there was the food to consider.”

I was more than a little freaked to see so many things I'd never eaten before laid out for us on the table. There were tons of stuff I'd eaten before too, but there was so much it kind of stunted my appetite… not for long, but it added a delay to the whole stuffing my face thingy which took part soon after.

“I don’t think I'm going to eat again ever!” I really meant it too. Right then, I couldn't see a morsel of food passing my lips for the rest of eternity.

“Really? But we have cherries and ice cream for later… cherry-flavoured ice cream.” Robert tickled my ribs and got a nudge from my elbow.

“Honestly, I’ll be sick if you mess with me.” I paused for like a nanosecond. “Cherry ice cream?”

“Yep.”

“Mmm.”

Robert laughed as he pressed his nose against my neck. “I was thinking today where I was last year and how much my life has changed in that time. Although I still feel guilty for setting you on this path, selfishly I'm so glad we found each other.”

“Stop feeling guilty, and yes, I'm glad we met too. I wish you wouldn’t feel bad about this. I mean, you have to let it go or you'll end up carrying this around forever. Just be happy we met and we’re here, in love and happy… and extremely full.”

“What were you doing this time last year?” Robert nuzzled my throat with feather light kisses.

“I think I was doing this exact same thing.”

“Lying with some man all over your back while he tried to turn you on?”

“Ohhh, is that what you're trying to do?” I laughed as hard as my full stomach would allow, then I turned and kissed him lightly on those full lips. “There was no man, just me dying of a swollen stomach and swearing it would never happen again. We have all this to do again in a couple of days at my parents’. If we don’t eat until then, we may be able to fit more food in.”

“I'm looking forward to going.”

“Me too.”

After a long pause with his hands roaming everywhere on me and a small smile playing on the edges of my lips, he whispered against my throat, “So, this isn't turning you on at all.”

“Sort of.” I laughed again and he nibbled my neck. “I'm too full. I think I'd burst if we did any sudden movement or I tensed in some way. Give me an hour… or two.”

“Wow, you must be full to turn down sex.” Robert ran his fingers through my hair, but moved back, giving me some space and flicking the TV onto some dodgy Christmas movie which we must have seen at least three times since the beginning of December.

I wasn’t complaining though. Between Robert’s heat pressing up against me and the fire which he’d lit when we returned, I was already drifting off for a well-earned nap.

It was two hours later when I woke. Robert was asleep behind me and the room was only lit by the twinkling fairy lights on the
huge
tree. I stared at it while I came round, smiling at the happy memories which I'd somehow collected over the last month.

Feeling less full but desperate for a pee, I snuck out of Robert’s heavy arms and made my way upstairs where I had a quick pee and then changed into something looser. I felt much better, full, but not uncomfortable. I could still have fallen asleep on the bed in an instant, but I forced myself to go back downstairs and make some tea for us both.

Robert was half awake when I joined him, lounging on the sofa and looking sexy in his own scruffy style with a five o’clock shadow on his face and dreamy, unfocused eyes. The sight made me grin. I also felt a burst of pride knowing he was mine. So many people looked at him. He turned heads all the time no matter where we were, but it was only my gaze he craved.

Pressing him backwards so he was laid flat out on his back, I straddled his hips and gave him a sexy smirk. “So, you mentioned something about sex, huh?”

“It’s hazy, I can't really remember.” Robert was already running those big hands under my t-shirt, grazing my tender skin with the callouses on his palms.

That turned me on and he knew it. I arched into his touch, letting him smooth them upwards until he was gripping my ribcage and pulling me down so he could kiss me. It was deep and full of the need I could feel building up in me as I rocked on his cock.

As we kissed, he worked my t-shirt over my shoulders, breaking off from my lips only for a moment where he pulled it over my head, his other hand sliding down the back of my joggers and cupping my arse. “I love this arse.”

“I'm glad you do.” I pressed down harder onto his crotch and got a muffled moan from him, my lips already fighting with his and our tongues dancing around the other’s mouth.

Slipping my hand up his shirt, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to remove like my looser clothing, so I didn’t even attempt it. I simply grabbed hold of both sides and pulled, bursting several buttons and revealing his chest to me.

“Sebastian.” Robert captured my hips in his firm grip, holding me on his cock and rocking into me as I took one of his nipples into my mouth and began licking and sucking.

He liked to play on the fine edge between pain and pleasure and I soon had him grunting as I nipped the skin around his hard nub. I shared my mouth over both of them, constantly worming my body against his, becoming more turned on by the second as his gruff touch reached every available part of my body.

“I need these off.” He tugged at the waistband of my joggers and I lifted up, letting him slip them to my thighs, my overanxious cock standing erect against my stomach and his hand soon wrapping around it, teasing me with a few hard tugs.

“Robert!” I arched into his touch, demanding more only to get less.

He removed his hand and spun me underneath him, pulling my legs free from the remainder of my clothing and somehow undoing his jeans at the same time so they clung to his thick thighs. Magician!

When he laid over me, he made sure our hot lengths were rubbing against the other, his mouth on my neck, one of his hands holding my arse in a vise as I bucked underneath his large frame.

“Robert.” I bit back a loud moan as he rolled his hips, working his length up mine and pressing them together, our bodies sliding against the other and the wetness from our precum coating our skin. “Please…”

“I’ll never get bored of hearing you beg for me, baby.” Robert’s mouth was on mine, hard and fast, owning me and turning me into a mindless puddle again.

Now, if I could speak, I would have come back with something witty and snarky, maybe something laced with passion and desire, but as I was slipping into that gooey stage, I just lay silent. Well, not silent. I was panting like I was in heat, but that seemed to do the job, and Robert gave me the dirtiest smile I'd seen on his face for a couple of months.

“Oh, baby, you look good enough to eat.”

My mind screamed out, eat me!!! And he did, but not in the way I was thinking.

He started on my earlobe, sucking as he ground into me, turning me inside out and upside down before he moved onto my neck and sucked. I managed to move my arms and took hold of his hair in my fists, holding him there as I hit my cock against his. When he bit down, I cried out, my balls lifting and my cock now dripping wet against his searing length. He could tell I was close, and I expected him to grind those hips harder, but he didn’t, and with a yelp of surprise, he lifted from me.

It gave me a moment to take in just how sexy he looked as he stood beside the sofa, kicking off his jeans, his cock thick and long, his balls heavy and full. I was spreading my legs as he watched me, lifting up from the leather and demanding his touch with just my actions. I wanted this and he knew it.

It hadn't been like this for so long, but here I was begging for his cock inside me and he wasn’t going to say no to me this time, I wouldn’t let him. I was prepared to do pretty much anything to get what I wanted, but in the end, he knew.

He must have tasted my need in the air. It was thick and choking us both as he kneeled in between me, spreading my thighs wider before dipping his head to my balls and licking them in one long, slow motion right up to the tip of my cock, where he paused to look at me before covering me with his full lips and sucking me deep.

Clinging onto the sofa for dear life, I tried to hold off as he worked me expertly into his throat, but with the third perfectly aimed thrust, I came for him, shooting fast and hard, lifting my hips, my voice broken and husky as I shouted his name.

I was floppy when I felt his finger slip into my mouth and, on instinct, I sucked, wetting him before he pulled it from my mouth and grazed it over my entrance. I bucked under him, the action making him grunt out my name.

When I felt his body shift from mine, my thighs up against my ears, I picked up the moaning, holding the back of my knees and watching through hooded lids as he began kissing his way up my thighs.