Sebastian: The Complete Series (50 page)

Hovering above his head, I opened my mouth, blowing cool air over the sensitive heat of his bellend and waiting to hear that hiss come from his lips before I gave him a lick. It was short and over way too quickly, but it gave me a taste of his excitement leaking from him and I moaned with him. “Oh, Robert, baby, you need this so much.”

He clenched his fists in the bed sheets and threw back his head, his gaze finding the ceiling light above us. He wouldn’t hold out long.

Wrapping my mouth over the swollen head sliding against my lips, I held his pulsing, slick flesh, running my tongue over every curve and line before slipping it into his slit. The gasp I got and the stream of precum spilling over my tongue made me smile. “You're going to come so fast for me, aren’t you?”

Robert vibrated on the bed, digging his fingers into the mattress in a vain attempt to cling onto his self-control a little longer.

Not wanting to torture him, I took his cock into my mouth, sliding down half of his length then working up again, squeezing his base before I sunk down further. Between my hand and my mouth, he was soon lost beneath me. I kept up the pace, methodical and even, never going too fast, not allowing him to crest too soon, wanting to edge him further before I let him fall.

When I looked up and watched him crumple against the sheets, his big thighs trembling and his chest heaving, the pants and bursts of air coming between his moans, I sucked harder, letting him reach his peak. With a shout of my name, he came, lifting his hips from the bed, every muscle on his body going rigid as he exploded in my mouth. It had been so long since I’d tasted him, I hummed as he shot again, trying to remember if he usually came that much or if there were more due to the length of time.

“Sebastian, baby, stop.” He reached down lazily, stroking my hair with a sleepy, sated smile.

Reluctantly, I slipped my mouth from him and crawled up his body, spreading open-mouthed kisses on his damp flesh as I went. When I reached his neck, I sucked and nibbled it, straddling his hips so I could have a little friction on my own cock which was standing hard from my hips. “I missed the taste of you.”

Lying on top of him, he wrapped me up in his strong hold and kissed my cheek. With tender touches and barely there kisses, he rolled me alongside him on the bed, half covering me with his bigger frame and encasing me in his arms before dipping his head and capturing my mouth in an intense, demanding kiss which stole the breath from my chest and made my heart beat so hard it should have been a drum beating in the room. “Robert…”

He opened my legs, making sure his thigh kept in contact with my cock, giving me brief respites from the ache growing for more. Closing my eyes, I jerked upwards when his mouth covered my nipple, his finger now gently running down my length and over my balls, heading to my hole. I gripped his shoulder, breathing quickly.

It had been too long. The longest I’d ever gone without sex, and I wondered if he’d be able to tell or if I’d be tighter than usual. I was calculating how long it had been and comparing it to other times I’d gone without sex, trying to recall what it had felt like and then trying to think who I’d been with, or where I was when it happened.

“Seb,” Robert whispered up to me and I looked down at him.

“Mmm.”

“You slipped away.”

“I was right here, I was just…” Okay, so I wasn’t there sort of. I’d become embroiled in shit which I shouldn’t have done. “I'm back.” With a grin, I reached behind me, opening the drawer and fumbling loudly for the lube. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Robert took it from me and moved beside me, raising my thigh onto his as he gazed into my eyes.

Is this what he meant? Had I been slipping into random memories and thoughts when he touched me before? I didn’t mean to do it. I wanted to be with him. I wanted it to happen.

“Touch me.” I gripped his hair, pulling his lips to mine. “Please.”

With a deep rumble of undistinguishable words, Robert moved his now slick digit back to my balls, tracing down them until he skimmed over my entrance. He kept his gaze stuck on me and I felt slightly judged or under a microscope. It made me feel a little uncomfortable and I closed my eyes again, waiting for his touch to become stronger, for him to slip inside me.

“You're so beautiful.” Robert kissed me, his finger now pressing inside me cautiously. “Look at me.”

I tried. Meeting his eyes just for a moment before throwing my head back and tilting my hips, meeting his finger and pushing down harder on it. The stretch of his second finger joining in the fun made me become still. It wasn’t painful. Two fingers didn’t hurt, not even with Robert’s thick ones, but I was overthinking the whole moment and forcing myself to be in the moment again. With a deep sigh, I folded an arm over my face and let it happen.

“Baby…”

“No, just do it.” I almost growled at him. I wanted this over with. I wanted to just do it to end all the nerves and apprehension.

“Seb!”

“Look, I'm okay. I just want this moment to be done with.”

He quickly moved my arm from my face and glowered down at me. “Just get this moment over with?”

“Oh, God. Okay, bad choice of words, but I'm sick of all this big drama about having sex. It’s fine.”

“Okay.” He opened my thighs, positioning his cock at my hole, watching my wide eyes open further. With a slow push, his head breached me, slipping past my first muscle and seeking to enter through the next tighter ring.

“Robert!” I clasped both of his shoulders and stared into his eyes. He felt bigger, thicker. Or… yeah, that could have been the death-like grip I had on his body and how tense every muscle had just gone. I was covered in sweat, it was running down my forehead, and I was clammy, cold and hot at the same time.

He’d stopped moving, his understanding gaze on me as he slipped from my tight insides. “Baby, I’m sorry, but you needed to see why we’re not having sex.”

I shuddered as he moved off me, my thighs slamming shut and a hand covering my mouth, my eyes now firmly open as I studied the ceiling. After letting me have a few moments, he stroked my damp hair and kissed my forehead.

I shivered as I looked into his eyes. “It’s not always like this.”

“No, that's the first time I've gone that far though. The tenseness, the need to hide and not see what's going on, how you slip away and disappear from the room. I can feel you need to get this out of the way and just do it. I could be anyone, anyone except him.”

I sat up, throwing my legs off the bed and holding my head in my hands while I considered his words. “I just…” My voice shook and I took a deep breath. “I want this to be done. I can't…” I stopped talking, wiping the cold sweat from my brow. “I can't stand it.” He stayed quiet, letting us both sit in silence. “I mean, I can't stand
this
—” I waved a hand up and down my body. “I can't stand he was the last…” Bile reached my throat, but I forced it back down, coughing slightly with the acidic taste it left behind. “I can't stand him being the last person to… I just need you to take that away. I need it to be you.”

“I get it.” He moved behind me, holding my shuddering body to his. “But, Seb, I can't
take
it from you. I just can't, baby. You have to
give
it to me or I'm just as bad as he is.” I nodded, lying back on him and releasing a deep breath. “There are other things we can do. We can have sex. I enjoy having you inside me.”

I chuckled through my shakes. “I love being inside you, it’s just… I wanted it to be this way. I feel like I'm… It’s my fault.” I paused, frustrated, angry tears prickling my eyes. “It was easier to blame you, blame your overcautious nature, rather than seeing what was really happening.”

“It will happen, baby. It won't be like this forever, but until you're ready, until you really want it to happen, I won't fuck you just to wipe his touch from you.”

That's all I wanted. All I thought of. I needed Robert to fuck me so I could wipe Leo from my insides—from my mind.

I couldn't stand the thought of that pyscho being the last person who I had inside me. It was all wrong and I wanted it to go away, thinking once Robert and I had done it, everything would seem better. If I’d not been with Robert, if he hadn't read me so well, then I would have laid there and been fucked when it wasn’t what I wanted. It would have been just another thing to warp my mind and hurt me.

“I love you,” I whispered as I kissed his knuckles. “And I'm sorry. Thank you.”

“We’ll move on together when the time is right, but not before. In the meantime, there are plenty of other things we can do together if you let it happen and not be pissy about me not getting my cock inside you. When I suggest something, just go with it and enjoy it.”

“I will.” I reached back, holding his neck with a sigh as I relaxed against his body.

Surely now I knew what I was doing, things would go better for us?

They had to at some point. I was too impatient for my own good, but then, was a month really a long time to get over a rape?

Who knew if I would ever get over it.

S
lamming closed the book my head had been buried in for the last three hours, I finally packed my stuff up from the library and pulled out my mobile. I wasn’t one for sitting in quiet places often, not even when revising, but London was full of historic buildings which called to me, and I’d found I liked nosying around them in between researching. Also, it was closer to the hospital where Robert worked and I’d taken to turning up there when he had time for lunch.

I’d been in the place all day. I’d like to say I’d been working hard, but… Well, I’d been
reading
, and I’d been reading about the Norse gods as I should have been, it was just that when I opened up my laptop to Google a few bits of information, I came across something else which caught my attention.

Who knew there was a call for erotic fiction about Thor and Loki!

Well, I spent a good hour—okay—
three
hours reading it. Not knowing if the pseudo-incenstuous sexual encounters should be a turn on or not, I carefully closed down the site and took a deep breath.

I would never look at those two in the same way again, and I also ordered copies of both Thor films and the Avengers from Amazon and paid extra for next day delivery… Totally in an unrelated matter, of course.

Being out on my own a lot more helped build up my confidence, and it also gave me time to assess my life in neutral places—and read pornographic material in a public library, but enough about that.

I found it helped writing stuff down and I’d accidentally started a journal of random thoughts and experiences. It was a suggestion by Gabriel and one I’d pooh-poohed at first thought, but when I put pen to paper, it centered my thoughts and I found I liked reminiscing the fun times.

That’s what this is by the way. My journal.

The crazy expedition I found myself on and needed to get out of my head. If you're reading this, I apologise in advance because publishing it came as much of a shock to me as it did to my friends.

When I stepped outside, the cold air hit me and I looked up at the clouds, yet again hoping it would snow and I could fulfil my romantic fantasy of me and Robert sitting beside the fire, the Christmas tree lights twinkling beside us, some dodgy old black and white film on the TV as we sipped mulled wine.

Which reminded me…

Calling Robert, I began walking to the carpark, dodging the huge amount of people walking the opposite way and sidestepping them and their shopping bags.

No matter which way I walked, it always seemed I was going against the traffic, walking into a crowd of people coming toward me. I just couldn't get it right and I tried hard, even crossing the street.

I wondered if London had some sort of pedestrian law which I didn’t know about, but it turns out it’s just the way my life goes. I'm always fighting against the current, going in the direction most people are running from.

“Hey, baby. You ready to go home?” Robert smiled down the phone at me and I grinned back. We still hated the hours we spent apart, but at least they flew past now rather than dragging.

“Yeah, I got tons done.”
I also discovered Thorki and intend to watch all three movies in bed with you tomorrow then finish off the evening by jumping you
. “I finished my paper on the Norse gods.” I chuckled to myself, wishing like hell I could include some of my recent ‘research’ just to see the look of horror on my professor’s face as he read it. “I can type it up tonight and email it off. I was thinking… we need a tree.”

“I have one in the loft.”

“Nope, I want a real one.”

“Ugh, really? But think of the mess, the spiky stuff which falls off them and gets everywhere.”

“Yeah, so.. we need a real tree. A big one. And I want to go get tons of balls to put on it.”

I wasn’t totally into the whole Christmas spirit yet, but it was the first of December and I was determined to make this year a good one. Besides, it was our first Christmas together, so it had to be special.

“Okay. How about you pick me up and we go order one? We can have dinner out then go shopping for decorations.”

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll be there in…” I paused, trying to think about traffic and how bad it would be, but London always seemed to be packed solid with cars. “Oh, I dunno. I’ll just set off now and be there when I can.”

“I’ll be in my office catching up on some paperwork, so just take it easy.”

Climbing in my tiny Fiat Panda, I smiled thinking how funny it was to see Robert sitting in it. It suited me fine, and it was so small I got away with no road tax. It was cheap and
almost
new, and the first car I’d ever bought myself.

Traffic was a bitch and I passed the time singing along to Adele and talking to my mum. She wanted us to come over for Christmas, spend the week with them and have dinner, but I wanted to be at home with Robert. I had plans for us, but considering Robert’s parents had invited us over for some sort of posh do on Christmas Eve, I knew I wouldn’t be able to not go home at all, so we planned to go over on the twenty seventh. There would no doubt be another huge meal and tons of dodgy gifts to open, but it would be nice going back there.

We’d been invited out by almost everyone we knew, and it felt like a push fitting everyone in. There weren’t just our parents to consider, but we had friends like Harry and Leigh, oh, and Harry’s grandmother who you just couldn't say no to apparently and we were roped into going to her Christmas party too.

There was Jacob and Dominque who were holding a cocktail party at their apartment, yes, I'm sniggering because it had cock in the title, and there was also some work party which was a massive deal for Robert. I wasn’t given the option of
not
going, so I now had a tux to buy and I had to prepare myself to meet all his co-workers who knew from the newspapers how we’d met and what was going on.

It was different with friends, but meeting strangers, or who would be strangers to me, and knowing they’d read such private things about your life, it threw me a lot. I just had to hold my head up high and deal with it like a big boy.

The good thing about being so busy was that it helped take our minds off everything else. Which could be the reason behind all the invites actually, and I sort of hoped it was because it meant next year wouldn’t be so jam packed with invites. Well, when I say that, there would be one big party which I was looking forward to.

Harry and Leigh’s wedding was going to be on the twenty third of December. It had been booked and we were all now counting down the days to the big event. I
may
have been more excited than they were, but all I was thinking about was the fun stuff and not all the boring details which went into a wedding—details I zoned out of when they came up.

As soon as I’d parked up at the hospital, I made my way into the building, flicking through my texts, answering a few from the new friends I'd made in my classes. I made my way to Robert’s office with barely a glance from the phone, lifting my head only when I entered the administration department and throwing a nice smile at Robert’s friendly secretary as I opened the door to his private office. “Hey, I got here in—” The sight of Jacob reclining somewhat regally in one of the chairs stopped me in my tracks, but I quickly pulled my act together and gave him the brightest, fakest smile I could achieve. “Hey, PETal. Fancy seeing you here. Missed me? Oh, don’t bother answering, I know you have.”

Jacob gave me a patronising look which quickly turned into a scowl. It was worthy of Medusa, and I'm pretty sure it would have turned me to stone if I gave a shit. I’d learned from Dominque the terms Pet and Boy were commonly used for submissives, and in true
me
style, I'd decided it would irritate Jay incredibly to be referred to in that way. So,
petal
was his new name. I just over emphasized the pet part.

Robert was busy chuckling into his papers and trying to hide it. He failed badly, but it amused me. “Hey, baby.”

“Hi.” I leaned down, kissing him for the first time since he left that morning. “I missed you.”

He pulled me onto his knee and wrapped me up in a tight hold. “I miss you every moment I'm not with you.”

“You always have to go one better, don’t you?” I grinned down at him before flicking my gaze to Jacob again. “So,” I dragged the word out nice and slow, then smiled. “How’s things?”

“
Things
are perfectly fine.” Jacob stood, placing both hands in his pockets as he held my gaze.

“You do realise me and your beloved talk, don’t you?” I let that hang in the air while Jacob considered the statement.

He turned his nose up and looked away. “That’s Dominque’s decision, not mine. However, if I ever feel the need to open up,
you'll
be the first person I call upon.”

Clapping my hands excitedly made him focus that stern glare on me even more. “Awesome! I’ll look forward to it. Maybe you could sleep over. We could braid each other’s hair, have cupcakes, talk about boys…” I raised a brow mockingly.

Robert snorted at the look of disdain Jacob threw my way.

“I honestly don’t know what to do with you.” Jacob tapped his feet on the floor with a frown. “It’s like aliens abandoned you in a basket on your mother’s doorstep and left no instructions on how to accommodate your needs.”

“I’m taking that as a positive thing. I like you not knowing what to do with me.” I threw off his groove in a big way, I could tell, and so could others who knew him. He was slightly unconfident around me, and I knew from my gossips with Dominque why. Not that I'd tell Jacob exactly what we talked about because it was way too much fun letting him guess what I knew and what I didn’t.

“One day…” Robert kissed my neck. “You two will be best friends.”

I laughed so hard it hurt and so did Jacob. It was one moment where we connected and knew with absolute certainty it would never happen.

After I’d wiped the tears from my eyes, I stood from Robert’s lap. “We’re getting our tree today, Jay.”

His green eyes flashed brightly between me and Robert, finally settling on me. “It’s early, isn't it? Isn't there some sort of rule about putting it up on a certain date?”

I gave a nonchalant wave of my hand in his direction in between brushing down my jacket. “Yeah, maybe, but me not being big on rules changes that
slightly
. You and Dom getting a real tree?”

“No.” Jacob was one hundred percent sure about that.

I was already texting Dom and asking him the same thing. Of course, he wanted a real one, so I invited him along. It would mean Jacob also being there, but him being surrounded by Christmas trees and decorations and lots of happy people… Well, I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to see that. Maybe I could buy him an elf hat or something and really laugh my tits off. “Oh hey, we should go because we need to meet Dominque.”

Jacob paused for a loooong moment, then he looked slowly into my eyes.

I continued without pause. “Yeah, he wants a real tree, so we can double date. Yay! Fun, huh?”

Robert was dragging on his coat with a big smile. “We can eat together afterwards.”

Jacob rolled his eyes so hard even I was impressed. “I'm not big on this holiday.”

Slipping my hand in Robert’s, I gave him a kiss as I spoke to Jacob. “Yeah, well relationships are all about compromise, PETal. So grab your shit and let’s get going.”

Jacob growled a little and it made me smile so big I thought my face would crack in half. Good job I was hiding it in Robert’s coat. “I truly detest that term.”

“Ahh, and I thought you were big on PET names.” I snorted as Robert edged me out of the room.

We both stood in the reception area and glanced back at Jacob standing in the middle of the office, taking deep breaths.

Robert chuckled as he took my hand again. “You know you want to make Dominque happy by getting this tree, so put on a smile and get the hell out here with us.”

Jacob gave a world weary sigh, grabbing his coat from the back of a chair and stomping to us. “I hate Christmas. I knew we should have booked to go away like last year. That was so simple. This year I have to consider trees and other mind-numbingly boring things, oh, and my ma’s coming over.” He looked down at me like it was my fault his mum had been invited over.